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Quotes for
Joan (Character)
from About Last Night... (1986)

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About Last Night... (1986)
[about a workshop on relationships]
Joan: Men and women - sharing, working out their hate.
Debbie: I'm sick of hating. I mean, God, Joan. I don't think I have any hate left.
Joan: Yes you do - you just don't know it.

[Danny makes fun of Joan when she comes in with a cake]
Danny: Joanie! God, she looks grea... Oh, and she baked us a pie!
Joan: Your vulgarian friend is downstairs, denting innocent people's fenders.
Danny: [shouts down the stair hallway] Yoooo, Litko!

Bernie: What do you do?
Joan: Me?
Bernie: Well, yeah for a living?
Joan: I'm a neurosurgeon, you?
Bernie: I'm a prizefighter. Do you know much about boxing?
Joan: No...
Bernie: I'm the heavyweight champion of the world.

Joan: So, did you have a nice evening?
Debbie: Yes. And I crawled away in shame.
Joan: Oh, aren't we a couple of sluts?
[Both giggle]
Debbie: I can't believe I slept with him on the first date!
Joan: It wasn't even a date, Deb.
Debbie: [rolls eyes] Thank you.
Debbie: I tell you, though. I couldn't help myself, because he is *so* gorgeous.
Joan: But can he type?

Danny: Oh, you're not leavin' are ya?
Joan: No, we're walking in backwards.

Joan: Look, if he forgets to call one day, no big deal; two days, it's an oversight. Honey, he hasn't called you in three days; he's sleeping with somebody else.

Joan: Tomorrow you know, they're going to come at me like marauding beasts bent on destruction.
Debbie: Stop it.
Joan: Deborah, you work in advertising... a civilized business. I on the other hand work with monsters.
Debbie: You're talking about 5 year olds!
Joan: Right! and my job is to break their spirit. That is what kindergarten is all about. The Germans invented it, think about it.

Joan: Oh god, Pat's going in for the kill. Oh my! That was a nice turn.
Debbie: With just a hint of giddiness.
Joan: Her big move should be coming up any moment. The combination hair flip with a giggle.
Debbie: There is a 3.2 level of difficulty here. Joan let's see if she can pull it off.
Joan: This is it... this is it... Oh Yes!
Debbie: Oh Yes! Yes! Oh Bravo! Bravo! 9.0!

Bernie: You know something Joan, if you didn't have a pussy there'd be a bounty on your head.
Joan: And you are a schizophrenic, psychopathic, maladjusted social misfit who is clearly in the middle of a very deep homosexual panic.
Bernie: So you want to dance or what?

Debbie: That 2nd baseman's got a really nice ass.
Joan: I refuse to go out with a man whose ass is smaller than mine.

[Joan reads a story at Kindergarten]
Joan: 'And the Virgin Mary descended upon... '
Kid #1: What's a virgin?
Joan: A virgin is someone who's never had sex.
Kid #2: What's sex?
Joan: Sex is something men and women do to make a baby.
Kid #3: Are you a virgin?
Joan: No.
Kid #3: Do you have a baby?
Joan: No. People who don't want babies also have sex.
Kid #3: What for?
Joan: For about 10 or 15 minutes.

Man in Joan's Apartment: [emerging from bedroom half-dressed] What's breakfast?
Joan: Egg McMuffin. Corner of Broadway and Belmont.

Joan: Give me a gin and tonic.
Mother Malone: Last call was ten minutes ago...
Joan: Give me a gin and tonic or I will kill you.
Mother Malone: Just one.

Joan: So, worried much about western civilization?
Danny: Not really. Not tonight.
Joan: It's collapsing, or hadn't you notice?
Danny: I live in a pretty good neighborhood.

Debbie: You know, they're gonna come at me tomorrow, like savages; marauding beasts, bent on destruction.
Debbie: You're talking about 5-year-olds.
Joan: Yes, and my job is to break their spirit. that's what kindergarten is all about. The Germans invented it Deborah, think about that.

Joan: Oh, God! Another smoker! Look, do you mind?
Danny: Oh, sorry, didn't know you were eating.
[Joan snuffs the cigarette in the sink]
Joan: There. I just added another seven minutes to your life... it's alright, I don't expect a thank you.
Danny: Thank you.

About Last Night (2014)
Joan: Hey, get on top.
Bernie: I'm not getting on top. You gotta get on top.
Joan: I got on top the last time.
Bernie: Rock, paper, scissors, loser get on top.
Joan: Okay
Bernie: All right, on three... That's a tie so we gotta go from the side.

Debbie: [at dinner with Joan and Bernie] Wow, this looks great. You guys really went all out.
Joan: Thank you!
Bernie: Well... uh, it's a very special evening.
Debbie: Are you pregnant?
Bernie: What- what? Hell no; don't you say no shit like that.

Bernie: Yo, you are sick. You're gone, Joan. If you didn't have a pussy, there would be a bounty out on your head!
Joan: You are a psychopathic social misfit who's clearly in the middle of a deep homosexual panic.
Bernie: Oh, if I'm gay, it's only because after fucking you for three months, that seemed like the next logical step to take! I would rather chase another man's ass than fuck you again, Joan!