The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
[about a workshop on relationships
: Men and women - sharing, working out their hate. Debbie
: I'm sick of hating. I mean, God, Joan. I don't think I have any hate left. Joan
: Yes you do - you just don't know it.
[Danny makes fun of Joan when she comes in with a cake
: Joanie! God, she looks grea... Oh, and she baked us a pie! Joan
: Your vulgarian friend is downstairs, denting innocent people's fenders. Danny
: [shouts down the stair hallway
] Yoooo, Litko!
: What do you do? Joan
: Me? Bernie
: Well, yeah for a living? Joan
: I'm a neurosurgeon, you? Bernie
: I'm a prizefighter. Do you know much about boxing? Joan
: No... Bernie
: I'm the heavyweight champion of the world.
: So, did you have a nice evening? Debbie
: Yes. And I crawled away in shame. Joan
: Oh, aren't we a couple of sluts?
: I can't believe I slept with him on the first date! Joan
: It wasn't even a date, Deb. Debbie
: [rolls eyes
] Thank you.
: I tell you, though. I couldn't help myself, because he is *so* gorgeous. Joan
: But can he type?
: Oh, you're not leavin' are ya? Joan
: No, we're walking in backwards.
: Look, if he forgets to call one day, no big deal; two days, it's an oversight. Honey, he hasn't called you in three days; he's sleeping with somebody else.
: Tomorrow you know, they're going to come at me like marauding beasts bent on destruction. Debbie
: Stop it. Joan
: Deborah, you work in advertising... a civilized business. I on the other hand work with monsters. Debbie
: You're talking about 5 year olds! Joan
: Right! and my job is to break their spirit. That is what kindergarten is all about. The Germans invented it, think about it.
: Oh god, Pat's going in for the kill. Oh my! That was a nice turn. Debbie
: With just a hint of giddiness. Joan
: Her big move should be coming up any moment. The combination hair flip with a giggle. Debbie
: There is a 3.2 level of difficulty here. Joan let's see if she can pull it off. Joan
: This is it... this is it... Oh Yes! Debbie
: Oh Yes! Yes! Oh Bravo! Bravo! 9.0!
: You know something Joan, if you didn't have a pussy there'd be a bounty on your head. Joan
: And you are a schizophrenic, psychopathic, maladjusted social misfit who is clearly in the middle of a very deep homosexual panic. Bernie
: So you want to dance or what?
: That 2nd baseman's got a really nice ass. Joan
: I refuse to go out with a man whose ass is smaller than mine.
[Joan reads a story at Kindergarten
: 'And the Virgin Mary descended upon... ' Kid #1
: What's a virgin? Joan
: A virgin is someone who's never had sex. Kid #2
: What's sex? Joan
: Sex is something men and women do to make a baby. Kid #3
: Are you a virgin? Joan
: No. Kid #3
: Do you have a baby? Joan
: No. People who don't want babies also have sex. Kid #3
: What for? Joan
: For about 10 or 15 minutes.
Man in Joan's Apartment
: [emerging from bedroom half-dressed
] What's breakfast? Joan
: Egg McMuffin. Corner of Broadway and Belmont.
: Give me a gin and tonic. Mother Malone
: Last call was ten minutes ago... Joan
: Give me a gin and tonic or I will kill you. Mother Malone
: Just one.
: So, worried much about western civilization? Danny
: Not really. Not tonight. Joan
: It's collapsing, or hadn't you notice? Danny
: I live in a pretty good neighborhood.
: You know, they're gonna come at me tomorrow, like savages; marauding beasts, bent on destruction. Debbie
: You're talking about 5-year-olds. Joan
: Yes, and my job is to break their spirit. that's what kindergarten is all about. The Germans invented it Deborah, think about that.
: Oh, God! Another smoker! Look, do you mind? Danny
: Oh, sorry, didn't know you were eating.
[Joan snuffs the cigarette in the sink
: There. I just added another seven minutes to your life... it's alright, I don't expect a thank you. Danny
: Thank you.
: Hey, get on top. Bernie
: I'm not getting on top. You gotta get on top. Joan
: I got on top the last time. Bernie
: Rock, paper, scissors, loser get on top. Joan
: Okay Bernie
: All right, on three... That's a tie so we gotta go from the side.
: [at dinner with Joan and Bernie
] Wow, this looks great. You guys really went all out. Joan
: Thank you! Bernie
: Well... uh, it's a very special evening. Debbie
: Are you pregnant? Bernie
: What- what? Hell no; don't you say no shit like that.
: Yo, you are sick. You're gone, Joan. If you didn't have a pussy, there would be a bounty out on your head! Joan
: You are a psychopathic social misfit who's clearly in the middle of a deep homosexual panic. Bernie
: Oh, if I'm gay, it's only because after fucking you for three months, that seemed like the next logical step to take! I would rather chase another man's ass than fuck you again, Joan!