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: What's your stripper's stage name? Adult bookstore clerk
: Do I look like a stripper? Billy
: I'll just call you Cinnamon.
: [to moving truck crew after they helped load his grandmother's corpse into his grandpa's trunk
] Thanks for the crime!
: [after Irving defecates on the restaurant wall
] EW, GRANDPA, YOU *SHARTED*!
: [to the grocery store employee
] Sometimes he shits himself. Irving Zisman
: [turns to Billy
] I don't shit myself, you little prick!
: [about a girl Billy knew
] Was she your girlfriend? Billy
: Yeah... Irving Zisman
: How long did you go out with her? Billy
: A day. Irving Zisman
: [bursts out laughing
] A day? Reminds me of most of my relationships!
: [at the law office
] You know what I wanna be when I grow up? Lady
: What? Billy
: A fisherman. I want to go fishing everyday 'till I'm rich so I can move right next to the jailhouse so I can be close to my mommy. She got arrested for drugs again, so she has to go back. Lady
: I'm sorry to hear that.
[gives Billy an awkward look
: [while pushing his drunken grandpa in a shopping cart down the street
] You shouldn't drink so much. Irving Zisman
: Pipe down!
] Irving Zisman
: Oh, God... Billy
: [keeps pushing the cart
] Do you have any idea how heavy you are? Irving Zisman
] Do you have any idea how I don't give a shit?
: [about his grandma
] She passed away. Woman
] Oh dear, that's very sad. Irving Zisman
: Well, it's not so sad. She was kind of a bitch, but yeah. Woman
] Jeez. My goodness! Irving Zisman
: Well, gotta call a spade a spade.
: [to a random man on the street
] You're my dad. High five, Dad!