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Billy
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Quotes for
Billy (Character)
from Bad Grandpa (2013)

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Bad Grandpa (2013)
[from trailer]
Billy: What's your stripper's stage name?
Adult bookstore clerk: Do I look like a stripper?
Billy: I'll just call you Cinnamon.

Billy: [to moving truck crew after they helped load his grandmother's corpse into his grandpa's trunk] Thanks for the crime!

Billy: [after Irving defecates on the restaurant wall] EW, GRANDPA, YOU *SHARTED*!

Billy: [to the grocery store employee] Sometimes he shits himself.
Irving Zisman: [turns to Billy] I don't shit myself, you little prick!

Irving Zisman: [about a girl Billy knew] Was she your girlfriend?
Billy: Yeah...
Irving Zisman: How long did you go out with her?
Billy: A day.
Irving Zisman: [bursts out laughing] A day? Reminds me of most of my relationships!

[first lines]
Billy: [at the law office] You know what I wanna be when I grow up?
Lady: What?
Billy: A fisherman. I want to go fishing everyday 'till I'm rich so I can move right next to the jailhouse so I can be close to my mommy. She got arrested for drugs again, so she has to go back.
Lady: I'm sorry to hear that.
[gives Billy an awkward look]

Billy: [while pushing his drunken grandpa in a shopping cart down the street] You shouldn't drink so much.
Irving Zisman: Pipe down!
[moans]
Irving Zisman: Oh, God...
Billy: [keeps pushing the cart] Do you have any idea how heavy you are?
Irving Zisman: [mumbling] Do you have any idea how I don't give a shit?

Billy: [about his grandma] She passed away.
Woman: [gently] Oh dear, that's very sad.
Irving Zisman: Well, it's not so sad. She was kind of a bitch, but yeah.
Woman: [gasps] Jeez. My goodness!
Irving Zisman: Well, gotta call a spade a spade.

Billy: [to a random man on the street] You're my dad. High five, Dad!