Lenny Leonard
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Quotes for
Lenny Leonard (Character)
from The Simpsons: Tapped Out (2012) (VG)

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"The Simpsons: American History X-cellent (#21.17)" (2010)
Lenny Leonard: Things have changed in the outside while you were gone. Wealthy people can beat the system now.
Carl Carlson: They don't have parking meters anymore. Now there's a little thing you swipe your credit card into.
Homer Simpson: The war is over and the future won. Past never even had a chance, man.

Carl Carlson: Here's you spare ribs, Mr. Burns. Just like you ordered it.
Mr. Burns: Spare ribs, eh? I've played a round of tenpins in my day, and to me, spare reeks of second best. Get me ten frames of strike ribs at once! And you, call my doctor and ask him why I would ask for something so absurd as strike ribs.
Lenny Leonard: Yes, sir.

Carl Carlson: Say, Lenny. Care for some Chateau La Mondotte St. Emilion?
Lenny Leonard: That's a regular size bottle. I'm drinking Jeroboams.
Homer Simpson: I'm drinking Melchizedeks!
Lenny Leonard: Homer, that's a $60,000 bottle.
Homer Simpson: Woo-hoo! I'm drinking my salary!
Carl Carlson: Wait a minute. Doesn't some of that go to taxes?
Homer Simpson: Hey, you're right.
[Pours wine on floor]
Homer Simpson: Stupid government, taking my hard earned stolen wine and making me spill it on the floor.
Lenny Leonard: I hear that!


"The Simpsons: Homer's Enemy (#8.23)" (1997)
Frank Grimes: Man, he eats like a pig!
Lenny: I don't know. Pigs tend to chew, I say he eats more like a duck.
Frank Grimes: Well, some kind of farm animal anyway. And earlier today, I saw him asleep inside a radiation suit. Can you imagine? He was hanging from a coat hook!
Lenny: He had three beers at lunch, that would make anybody sleepy.
Frank Grimes: I haven't seen him do any work around here, what is his job, anyway?
Lenny: Safety inspector.
Frank Grimes: That irresponsible oaf? A man who of all rights... should have been killed dozens of times by now?
Lenny: Hmm... 316 times by my count.
Frank Grimes: That's the man who's in charge of our safety? It boggles the mind!
Carl: It's best not to think about it.

Carl: [after Homer wins a contest, much to Grimes' shock] Way to go, Homer!
Lenny: You're number one, Homer!
Frank Grimes: But this was a contest for CHILDREN!
Lenny: Yeah! And Homer beat their brains out!
Frank Grimes: [the audience applauds and he runs up in front of them] I can't stand it anymore, this whole plant is insane! INSANE I TELL YOU!
[Holds his head and screams a few times as he loses his mind, then runs out to a random coworker]
Frank Grimes: I can be lazy, too. Look at me! I am a worthless employee, just like Homer Simpson! Give me a promotion!
[Heads to a box of donuts]
Frank Grimes: Oh, I eat like a slob, but nobody minds...
[Loudly gobbles a bit of the donuts, then heads into the restroom]
Frank Grimes: I'm peeing on the seat, give me a raise! Now I'm returning to work without washing my hands, *but* it doesn't matter, because *I'm* Homer Simpson!
[Heads to Homer's workstation and sits down in his chair and spins around on it]
Frank Grimes: I don't need to do my work, cause someone else will do it for me! D'oh, D'oh, D'oh!
Homer: You okay, Grimey?
Frank Grimes: I'm better than okay, I'm Homer Simpson.
Homer: Ha! You wish!
Frank Grimes: [to Mr. Burns] Oh, hey, Mr. Burns. I'm the worst worker in the world. Time to go home to my mansion and eat my lobster!
[sees a pair of big electrical wires]
Frank Grimes: Oh what's this? "Extremely high voltage." Well, I don't need safety gloves, because I'm Homer Simp...
[Grabs the wires and gets severely electrocuted and dies as the others cringe upon seeing that]


"The Simpsons: The Last Temptation of Homer (#5.9)" (1993)
Lenny: With a woman working here, we won't be able to spit on the floor anymore.
Carl: And we won't be able to take our pants off when it gets really hot.
Homer: And we won't be able to pee in the drinking fountain...
[receives stares]


"The Simpsons: The Great Wife Hope (#21.3)" (2009)
Carl Carlson: Men fighting animals in an arena. Just like the ancient Romans.
Lenny Leonard: Yeah, except their empire collapsed.


"The Simpsons: Life on the Fast Lane (#1.9)" (1990)
Lenny: Hey, Homer? What do I tell the boss?
Homer: Tell him I'm going to the back seat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes.


The Simpsons: Tapped Out (2012) (VG)
Krusty the Clown: All right, I finished your dumb ride. Up you go.
Carl Carlson: Oh, I never ride Viking Boats. Not with my stomach. I just wanted to make you build one.
Krusty the Clown: I said, GET ON THE BOAT.
Lenny Leonard: Are you aiming a gun at us?
Krusty the Clown: I sure am. And I'm prepared to use it. Maybe even make jokes about it. Or the organization that lobbies on behalf of it.
Carl Carlson: Look, shoot us if you want. But don't make a joke at the NRA's expense. They can't take it, and I don't want to listen to their whining.
Krusty the Clown: Yeah, you'd think people with guns would have a thicker skin. But you're still getting on that boat.


"The Simpsons: Whiskey Business (#24.19)" (2013)
Carl: Capital City has a twin?
Lenny Leonard: It moved to California to become a star, but it just ended up turning into Glendale.


"The Simpsons: Boy Meets Curl (#21.12)" (2010)
Lenny Leonard: Date Night: It's the embalming fluid that keeps the mummy of a marriage fresh after the heart and brain have been pulled out through the nose.
Carl Carlson: I never should've given you that Egyptology book.


"The Simpsons: The Devil Wears Nada (#21.5)" (2009)
Lenny Leonard: So Ted, what are you gonna do now that you don't have to look after us idiots anymore?
Ted: I'm gonna fill the emptiness with gardening and Mandarin lessons.
[Speaks Mandarin]
Chinese Man: [to Homer] It's garbage. It's total garbage.


"The Simpsons: Once Upon a Time in Springfield (#21.10)" (2010)
Montgomery Burns: We have to cut costs.
Lenny Leonard: But we have way more expensive unnecessaries than donuts.
Carl Carlson: Yeah, like the ceiling furniture.
Lenny Leonard: And all the joke ID badges we ordered.
Montgomery Burns: No donuts!
Lenny Leonard: No!
Homer Simpson: D'oh!
Carl Carlson: Nuts!
Montgomery Burns: Exactly!


"The Simpsons: Million Dollar Maybe (#21.11)" (2010)
Lenny Leonard: Homer's got a girlfriend!
Homer Simpson: She's not my girlfriend. She's a girl I used to go out with and then married who used to be my friend.


"The Simpsons: Treehouse of Horror XXVII (#28.4)" (2016)
Lenny Leonard: [Talking to secret agent Carl] How did things go in Prague?
Carl Carlson: I cancelled a few czechs.


"The Simpsons: The Princess Guide (#26.15)" (2015)
Lenny Leonard: What about the presentation? The eyes taste first. Then lips, then palate, then the body's harshest critic, the colon.


"The Simpsons: Moe'N'A Lisa (#18.6)" (2006)
Lenny Leonard: Maybe you can interview me. I collect Absolute ads.
Lisa Simpson: Do you have any others?
Lenny Leonard: [shocked] There are others?