Boyd Baxter
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Quotes for
Boyd Baxter (Character)
from "Last Man Standing" (2011)

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"Last Man Standing: Sinkhole (#4.4)" (2014)
[first lines]
Mike Baxter: Okay, what Supreme Court justice do we *want* to retire?
Boyd Baxter: Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
Mike Baxter: Nice! And what are the five justices that we want to stay on forever?
Boyd Baxter: Don't tell me, I know this one...
Mike Baxter: I gave you a little hint, remember? The star method? S-T-A-R. Who are the *stars* of the Supreme Court?
Boyd Baxter: Scalia, Thomas, Alito, and Roberts.
Mike Baxter: Plus Kennedy, when he doesn't listen to the ladies. Which is a trick you'll learn when you get a little older.

Mike Baxter: [after almost driving into a sinkhole] Oh man! You good? It's all good. It's all good. Hold on a second.
[puts car in reverse and pushes Boyd back into his seat]
Mike Baxter: Get back in there. Sit back down.
[after backing away from the sinkhole]
Mike Baxter: Okay, listen, you sure you're alright?
Boyd Baxter: Yes, except for when you karate chopped me in the chest.
Mike Baxter: I had to keep your big nugget from leanin' forward. It might have tipped us right into that big hole, over there.
Boyd Baxter: That's a *really* big hole.
Mike Baxter: It sure is. We fall in there, we go right to China. I'd be a communist, you'd be makin' sneakers somewhere.


"Last Man Standing: Thanksgiving (#3.9)" (2013)
Boyd Baxter: I'm doing a class project on what we're thankful for.
Kristin Baxter: He want's to do a video like your vlogs for Outdoor Man.
Mike Baxter: Everybody's thankful for *those*.
Boyd Baxter: I like the one where the president needs to pull his head out of Putin's butt.

Boyd Baxter: Grandpa, this is due on Monday.
Mike Baxter: Alright, calm down. Let's do your little report. Um, what am I thankful for? I'm thankful for radio, specifically ham radio. Ham radio is heavily regulated by the FCC, the same people who censor network television, but not cable, so drug dealers and murderers become our heroes. They don't only censor, they regulate my ham radio. They require me to have a license, tests, and if they don't like what I have to say they can fine me or lock me up. What a great way to treat the last line of communication during the coming apocalypse. Why does the government choose to regulate free speech and ham radio, but anybody can operate, I don't know, a hemp outlet? So this Thanksgiving, while the rest of you are enjoying your turkey, I'm savoring my ham. Happy Thanksgiving FCC, cause I know you're listening.


"Last Man Standing: Back to School (#3.1)" (2013)
[last lines]
Mike Baxter: Listen up. Before we get started, I just want to say, whether you've been in America for hundreds of years like your families
[gestures toward Robertsons]
Mike Baxter: or an American for just two days,
[pats Blanca on the shoulder]
Mike Baxter: I feel blessed to be sharing this country will all of you. Want to do the honors?
[gestures to Brody]
Brody: Sure. Let's pray. Lord our God is one God. We pray that we love you with all our heart, soul, mind and strength, and we pray that we love our neighbor as ourself. There is no greater commandment than this. Amen.
Mike Baxter, Vanessa Baxter, Mandy Baxter, Eve Baxter, Kristin Baxter, Kyle Anderson, Boyd Baxter, Uncle Ray, Blanca: Amen.
Mike Baxter: All right.