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: All I ever wanted to do was spend my life loving you, you disgusting sack of shit. Seth
: If that's all you wanted, then why did you hire the sleaziest lawyer in town, you pathologically deluded, morally bankrupt, in-denial, self-esteem-deficient bitch on wheels? Chelsea
: I am NOT in denial.
: I really like this guy. I think that Seth could be the one. Holly
: Are you serious? Does he feel the same way? Chelsea
: Please, he's a man. He has no idea how he's feeling.
: We're going to go over strategy. Now, remember, Chelsea, it took me three breakups, seven ultimatums, and God knows how many not-so-thinly veiled threats before Larry coughed up this ring. Chelsea
: Oooh. Okay, whatever it takes, I'm gonna marry that man.
: But we agreed to $100,000. We shook on it. We had sex on it. Chelsea
: Hate sex.
: [in the shower
] Oh my God! My hair is falling out! Chelsea
: You know stress will do that to ya! Seth
: Holy shit! It's really falling out!
[hair begins to fall out rapidly
: Oh my God! AHHH! OH! OOOHH!
[steps out of shower and looks into mirror
: AHHHHHHHHHHH! What did you do to me? Chelsea
: I didn't do anything! You must have used my hair remover instead of your conditioner Seth
: Noo! YOU PUT SOME IN THERE TO FUCK WITH ME! Chelsea
: No, I didn't! I swear! Seth
: Ooooohhhhh you are the fuckin' devil! THE DEVIL!
: Can I make it up to you? Seth
: What did you have in mind? Chelsea
: Back rub, blow-job, breakfast in bed. Seth
: The three B's! It has a chance at working.
: [Sleeping in bed with Seth, he farts and the pets disperse
] Ugh, you are such a pig! Seth
: Oh... man, I am so sorry! You know I had beans and broccoli for dinner and I washed them down with some crab cakes...
: OH!... Chelsea
] EWWW! Ew! Ew! Seth
: Goodness! I am so sorry. Would you like to spoon me? Because, I feel like I'm past the worst of it, and I need some cuddle-time - Oh, wait, no, I was wrong. Incoming!
: OH!... Chelsea
] Ugh, you're sick! Ew! Seth
: My goodness! Keeping the neighbors up, huh? Feet are on fire. Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait!
[farts rapidly, four times
: Oh man! I've got skills! I've got game! Ah... mmmm - oh!