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: Could you just close the door on your way out? Mullins
: I'll shut the door on you. You lay down here and put your head in the door and I'll slam it about 157,000 fucking times. Rojas
: Aw, shit, girl You'd better run. Run like you're on fire!
: This job is destroying me... you know how old I am? Ashburn
: Um... um... 58. Captain Woods
: I'm 43 years old. Ashburn
: Uh-huh... see I always round up. Captain Woods
: I have a five year-old son who calls me Grampa.
: You want something to eat? I didn't finish my submarine sandwich from the other day. Ashburn
: Oh god, no thank you. Mullins
: Sorry I don't have poached eggs and rubies for ya. Ashburn
: No, I... I don't mean to be rude but one could catch a MRSA infection in here, that's all. Mullins
: Yeah, what part of that wasn't rude?
: [in bathroom
] Jesus, what are those? Ashburn
: Stop it, they're my Spanx. They hold everything together. Mullins
: Why, what's gonna come popping out? Ashburn
: Nothing, it just keeps everything where it's supposed to be. Like... Mullins
: Shit, like medically?
: I was actually married for six-some years. Mullins
: Was he a hearing man?
: I'm gonna say this one more time. Stand down, Officer. Mullins
: Fuck off, Officer. Ashburn
: Oh, okay. Guess what? Now you've really done it. I'm going to call my boss. Mullins
: You do that, tattle-tits! Fuckin' narc!
: Alright, ladies, here's the DNA results from the book of matches and the cigarette butt you got from Tatiana's. We pulled two sets of prints. First one's a real nut job. Look at this: reckless driving, assault, arson...
[pulls up Mullins' photo on the screen
: [clears throat
: Oh, God. Ashburn
: Really? Mullins
: Who the fuck is this guy? Ashburn
: He's my assistant. What...? Levy
: Uh, you know I'm an agent, right? Ashburn
: Arson? Mullins
: It was a drug house! Levy
: [Ignored as he holds up his ID badge, whistles, and taps on it
: I really feel the need to finish reading your files because this is just... Mullins
: I really feel the need for you to stay out of my business so I don't punch you in the teeth.
: [Walking toward a man on the street
] Oh, shit. Ashburn
: What's wrong? Mullins
: Just... just don't look. Don't look! Don't look! Just act like we're talking. Robin
: Hey, Shannon. Mullins
: Hi, Robin. Robin
: I really enjoyed our night together, Shannon. You just disappeared on me. Mullins
: Yeah, I know. I was there. Robin
: Well, can I take you to dinner? A movie or something? Mullins
: God, buddy, do you not hear how pathetic everything out of your mouth sounds? I mean, there's a girl out there for you, but it's not... it's not me. Maybe it's her.
: Her lady business is like an old dirty attic. Full of broken Christmas lights and like doll shoes and shit. Why don't you clean THAT out for her? Ashburn
: Uh, that's a... that's a misrepresentation of my vagina.
: [Horn blows twice. A mini-van slowly drives up to Ashburn and Mullins as they are walking on the street. The van's windows are down, and the radio is blasting Boston's "More Than a Feeling" as the driver flips off Mullins
] Who is... who is that? Mullins
: My mom.
: Okay, here we go.
[Ashburn goes to pull the fire alarm in the club, and the face plate comes off in her hand
: My God, there are absolutely no wires attached to this thing! And what is that?
[poking at object in recessed fire alarm box
: What is that? Gum? Or is that... Silly Putty? Mullins
: [Slaps Ashburn's hand
] Don't touch that! That's a condom. Ashburn
: [Ashburn dry heaves
: [Leans in close to talk to Mullins after waking up in a bar
] Hey, how ya doin'? Mullins
: Jesus, you've gotta get a mint in that dumpster. Ashburn
: Oh, God, was I smoking cigarettes last night? Mullins
: Yeah, you kept takin' 'em out of people's mouths and smoking them. Ashburn
: God, that's so nasty. Mullins
: It *was* pretty gross.
: [Ashburn's cell phone rings
[Hands phone to Mullins
: Why don't you have your own phone? Mullins
: What am I, the Queen of England? Ashburn
: I don't know. Does the Queen of England only wear sweatpants? Mullins
: Fuck you. Ashburn
: You... 'F' you.
: Tatiana, you ready to get real? Tatiana
: Let's get real. Mullins
: We both know you've been blowing shit up your nose all day. Man, there's nothing I'd love more to do than slip into my camisole, put my feet up, have a little smack, Real good time, maybe a couple of cold ones, a little chip and dip, watch some cartoons. I'd get a big bowl of fucking coke, I'd put my face in it, cut it with a little Ritalin, heaven on fucking Earth, right? I'll camp out all week for tickets to that show. Ashburn
: What is this, Training Day?
: Two against two. I like those odds. Ashburn
: I'm gonna call for backup. LeSoire
] It's already here. Ashburn
: Hey, I was looking for you. I forgot to get your number. LeSoire
: Cool. It's 1-800-GiveMeYourFuckingGuns. Ashburn
: That's too many numbers.
: Get on the ground! You are under arrest. Put your hands up where I can see them and tell me where the fuck Larkin is! Dealer
: [Cocks gun and points it at Mullins
] Hey, I think It'd be much more better if you put your hands up. Ashburn
: [Cocks gun and points it at dealer
] Much more better? Drop the gun and take a grammar course, you idiot. Dealer
: Who the fuck are you? Ashburn
: Me and her? We're the fucking heat!
: [after drunkenly breaking a glass and cutting her hand
] Ah. Ah. I don't - I don't feel it. I don't feel it. Mullins
: [laughs hysterically while raising Ashburn's arm
] Keep it up!
: [referring to Mullins
] That officer right there is a better law enforcement officer than *anybody* in this room. Myself included.
: [getting angrier
] God, you guys are just - what is the matter with you? You're such... you're just such jerks! You're just such... shit jerk! You're just a shit jerk dick... fucker! You're a shit jerk dick fucker assholer. And you can all just go fuck yourselves!