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: What did you do? Amy Brookheimer
: You know what I did? I went to bed at 7:00 p.m Gary Walsh
: Ooh. Amy Brookheimer
: 7:00 p.m. on a Saturday night. Even people who are dying of malaria stay up later than that. Gary Walsh
: Well, they can't sleep because they're coughing.
: [Jonah enters the VP's staff area in his usual rambunctious manner, announcing himself
] Look who it is, everybody! It's your favorite Jonah! Amy Brookheimer
: You're not even your mom's favorite Jonah, Jonah!
: [Selina and Jonah are walking down the aisle in the Eisenhower Building, with Selina's staff right behind them. Jonah is conveying to Selina what the talking points should be for her appearance in Meet the Press
] So, ma'am, POTUS would like your new chosen subject to be immigration reform. Uhhh, Americans losing jobs to illegals, etcetera. Selina Meyer
: I spoke in favor of immigration amnesty all during my primary campaign. Jonah Ryan
: [Jonah chuckles
] Well, with respect, ma'am, do you think anybody's is going to remember your primary campaign? Gary Walsh
: Ooohhh! Selina Meyer
: [Selina stops, then takes a step towards Jonah, who takes a step back and is now against the wall. Selina's staff looks on, wildly amused
] In spite of your preface, I did not detect a whole lot of respect in that question. Jonah Ryan
: You know, I meant that more as a slight against the power of recollection of the electorate, and not as an attack on the potency of your campaign. Amy Brookheimer
: Well, why didn't you say that, then? Oh, because you have the social skills of someone who was raised by wolves.
: Which way are you going to vote? Selina Meyer
: The way my principles and conscience tell me to go. Amy Brookheimer
: ...Ok... Selina Meyer
: Which way do you think that should be?
: You know, democracy is fantastic but it is also fucking dull.
: Oh, my God. Is she falling asleep? Amy Brookheimer
: No, she cannot fall asleep on live TV. Not on C-Span. The irony would be too huge.
: Well, the latest poll numbers are in and you've fallen 20 points behind the Widow Sherman. Amy Brookheimer
: We have to keep you away from people! Dan Egan
: Yeah, surround you with some trees. Make you look human-sized. Jeff Kane
: Yeah, back to the natural habitat your nitwit mother found you in, you fucking shaved Sasquatch. Richard Splett
: But the good news is that you're only three points behind Jon H Ryan, whoever that is.
: You got to see this. Dan Egan
: Jesus, those are your pajamas? It's the outfit I picture when I'm trying not to come.
: Sue! I need to see the President right away! Sue Wilson
: Sure, Amy, I'll just tell the Israelis to move on. 'Cause they lo-o-o-o-ove that!
: [Entering the room
] Sue, Sue, Sue, Sue, Sue! Sue Wilson
: Yeah? Gary Walsh
: I need your help. Sue Wilson
: What is it? Amy Brookheimer
: [Entering the room
] Sue, I need a window for the -
] Amy Brookheimer
: Whoa. Gary, you look whiter than a Georgia country club.
] Sue Wilson
: What the hell is wrong, Gary? I mean currently, we don't have time for the whole tapestry.
: If Thornhill strayed once, there may be others. Maybe a crack whore if we're lucky. Catherine Meyer
: Call me naive, but isn't that unethical? Amy Brookheimer
: You're naive. Welcome to politics.
: If there is any dirty trick I cannot stand, it is honesty.
: God, my phone is blowing up with these TV offers. Think I might need an agent. You know, someone who can take the Dan Egan brand to the next level. Amy Brookheimer
: Too bad Goebbels killed himself.
: You know, they say all babies are cute, but whoever "they" are, should be stuck in a stroller and pushed into traffic.
: [Ballot papers are being rechecked and Roger Furlong has joined the team
] That is not an overvote, the voter crossed out O'Brien's name and voter for Meyer! That is a vote for Meyer! Tracy
: Move to rule it an overvote. Roger Furlong
: [to Tracy
] Hey, Grimace. What are you -
[She looks behind her
] Roger Furlong
: No, no, no, not you, the other person in the room who looks exactly like Grimace. That is not an overvote! You need to trust me on this, because I've been doing this since before your mother was throwing herself down the stairs belly-first. You want me to get you some glasses? Maybe I'll call in Mayor McCheese, he can come in here and explain election procedures to you?
[She starts to quietly sob
] Roger Furlong
: Oh, I'm not... Ballot Counter
: [Rubbing Tracy's shoulder
] Tracy... Roger Furlong
: Look, it's - You're wearing purple, all right, it's got nothing to do with your body shape or your... the way your head goes into your shoulders so smoothly... Will
] Hey, you know, we have... we have to get to your next meeting... at the, uh... we gotta get to the... Roger Furlong
: That's right. Good call.
[to the woman
] Roger Furlong
: God bless you. God bless America. Amy Brookheimer
: When you're ready, we would like to vigorously contest your ruling.
: [Preparing for the onslaught of election night
] So I assume you reached out to the O'Brien camp? Taking a meeting with Charlotte or with Kim? Amy Brookheimer
: No, I, I haven't contacted the O'Brien team. Dan Egan
: Amy, if he wins, our lobbying stock is gonna droop like a chimp's tits. We're not gonna be the golden kids anymore. We gotta stay on his radar. Amy Brookheimer
: But we need to be in with her, too, she might win. Dan Egan
: [Picking his teeth
] Yeah, well, on air, I'm gonna keep in with her. Off air, I'm telling the Nazis that she's hiding in the attic.
: Do you recall a document shared on the J-drive titled the Jonad Files? Dan Egan
: Uh, no. No, ma'am. Amy Brookheimer
: No. That doesn't ring a bell. Ms. Bennett
: So it's not a word combining Jonah and gonad? Dan Egan
: Not to my knowledge. Jonah Ryan
: I can confirm that that is exactly what it is and Mr. Egan knows that. Mr. Rakes
: In fact, Mr. Egan, I was told that you encouraged staffers to add to this glossary of abuse. Dan Egan
: I do not at this moment in time recall the action nor the document in question. Mr. Rakes
: Okay, maybe this will jog your memory. We have some extracts. J-Rock, Jizzy Gillespie, Jack and the Giant Jackoff, Gaylien, Tinkerballs, Wadzilla, One Erection... Jonah Ryan
: Do we have to go through all of these? Mr. Wallace
: I'm not sure that I see the relevance. Mr. Rakes
: The witnesses claim they held their former colleague in high regard and I am attempting to prove otherwise. Mr. Wallace
: Okay, yeah, sure. No, you can proceed. Mr. Rakes
: The Pointless Giant, The 60-Foot Virgin, Gimpanzee, Jonah Ono, Hagrid's Nutsack, Scrotum Pole, Transgenderformers, 12 Years a Slave to Jerking Off, Benedict Come In His Own Hand, Guyscraper, The Cloud Botherer, SupercalifragilisticexpialiDickCheese, Teenage Mutant Ninja Asshole, Spewbacca. Jonah Ryan
: My college friends called me Tall McCartney. I preferred that, that's a good nickname.
: I have bitten my tongue so long, it looks like a dog's cushion. But no more! You have made it impossible to do this job. You have two settings-no decision and bad decision. I wouldn't let you run a bath without having the Coast Guard and the fire department standing by, but yet here you are running America. You are the worst thing that has happened to this country since food in buckets and maybe slavery! I've had enough. I'm gone. Selina Meyer
: [as Amy walks to the door
] Well, I guess she's finished with her little...
[Amy walks back to her
] Selina Meyer
: oh, nope, look at that, there's more. Amy Brookheimer
: You have achieved nothing apart from one thing. The fact that you are a woman means we will have no more women presidents because we tried one and she *fucking sucked*. Goodbye, ma'am.
: [Reacting to Selina's speech
] I'm almost crying! I didn't know I could still almost do that.
: Hey, where is this photo op, Amy? Amy Brookheimer
: It's at a factory that makes protective gear for firefighters. Amy Brookheimer
: I think that's great, ma'am. Everybody loves firefighters. Everybody wants to keep them safe. Selina Meyer
: Yeah, everybody wants to fuck 'em, too. God, I would love to fuck a firefighter. Hey, I'm the president. I can fuck anybody I want now, right? Amy Brookheimer
: All the other ones have.
: [Increasingly harassed
] Sue, if anybody asks for me, I've gone outside to scream into the night. Sue Wilson
: Yeah, okay. Have one for me too!