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: You can't have my Teddy bear!
[Charges John and Lori at full speed. John punches him in the nose, knocking him unconscious to the ground
: Jesus! John
: I'm sorry, but somebody had to go all Joan Crawford on his ass!
: I have to say, I've been following you ever since I was a young boy and, uh... I remember seeing you on the Carson Show and... you were just wonderful. Ted
: Oh, yeah that was uh... that was weird ineterview: Ed thought I was ALF and he kept muttering anti semitic comments... he thought ALF was Jewish for some reason... Donny
: Hey-hey um... Have you ever considered selling the bear? John
: What? Ted
: Excuse me? Robert
: I want it. Ted
] Hey, I'm not an it, pal! I'm a he, alright? John
: [Stammers and stands up; he speaks in a calm tone
] I'm sorry little guy, but my bear isn't for sale. See, I've had him since I was about your age. He's very, very special to me. Robert
: Stand up straight when you're talking to me! John
] Why the fuck would he say that?
: Stand up straight when you're talking to me. John
: Why the fuck would he say that? Donny
: Sorry, you really shouldn't swear in front of children.
: Me and Ted are going to be best friends, Daddy. Donny
: Yes, you are, my little chipmunk. Happy playtime. Ted
: Jesus fucking Christ! Robert
: I said a bad word one time. Daddy punished me for it. Ted
: That's a great story. I felt like I was there. Robert
: Daddy gave me an ouch. Now, I have to give you an ouch.
[tears Ted's ear off
: All right, kid, you win. We'll do it your way. What do you want to do? You want to play a game? It's playtime, right? We'll play a game. Robert
: Yeah, I want to play a game. Ted
: Good, good. Uh, all right. Let's see. How about... How about we play a little game of hide and seek? Robert
: I love hide and seek. I'll hide. Ted
: Wait now, hang on a sec, there. Your dad likes you to show good manners. Right, Tubby McFat-Fuck? Robert
: Okay, you hide first. Ted
: Great. Fantastic. Okay, now you count to a hundred, and then you try to find me, okay? Robert
: Okay. Uh, do I need to wash my hands before I play this game? Ted
: No. That's a weird fucking question. No, just start counting.