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Quotes for
Guy (Character)
from Ted (2012)

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Ted 2 (2015)
[Ted enters the New York Comic-Con and bumps into Guy, who is dressed as The Tick]
Guy: Hey, Ted!
Ted: Guy?
Guy: I thought that was you. What's happening, man? Hey Rick! It is Ted.
[Rick appears, dressed as Lt. Worf]
Rick: Hey, how are you doin'?
Ted: Hey, what's going on?
Guy: What are you doing here?
Ted: [sighs] You know, I just feel at home among the outcasts. What are you guys doing here?
Guy: Well, you know, uh, Rick and I, we just come here as a gag.
Rick: Yeah. Dress up like we're into this shit and fuck with the nerds.
[Guy stops a guest passing by]
Ted: Hey, spaz. Uh, why don't you go get me some Big League Chew. How about that, huh?
[Guy gives the guest a wedgie. He and Rick laugh as the guest runs away]
Ted: Ha-ha. All right, well, good luck with your dick, there.
[noticing the bulge on Guy's costume before walking away]
Guy: Right on. You too, man.
[Guy looks at his hands]
Guy: Goddammit, that underwear had shit on it!

[Donny and Jessup leave the Hasbro panel with an unconscious Ted]
Donny: Come on, there's an empty supply room downstairs.
Tom Jessup: Is that him?
Donny: Uh, yeah, there was an issue, so he's unconscious now. This is him.
Tom Jessup: Jesus! Why did you bring him here?
Donny: Well, I've been following him around since yesterday. This was the only chance I could get him alone. I had to move fast.
[Guy and Rick appear behind them]
Guy: Hey, Ted!
[Donny and Jessup turn around]
Guy: Is that you?
Donny: Uh, yeah, he had a little too much to drink. He puked a pile of cotton all over this little girl in a, in a stroller, so we're gonna take him back and sober him up.
Guy: [pointing at them] Ah, rock on, Ted.
Donny: [pointing back] Eff yeah.
[Donny and Jessup proceed down the hallway]
Rick: Hey guys, be careful out there. Some nerd spilled his lunch.
[Guy trips a Starfleet Redshirt cosplayer]
Guy: Hey, watch that floor. Comes up fast, man.

[Guy throws his soda at a black guest wearing glasses]
Guy: Thirsty, Urkel?
[looks at Rick]
Guy: I fuckin' love this place.

Guy: Hey, check it out. Nerd fight.


Ted (2012)
Guy: He's been going out for four years. My longest relationship was, like, six months, and then she farted in her sleep. I'm like: I'm out of here, man, and I was gone before she woke up.

Ted: No, see trust me I can do this.
Guy #1: Shut up.
Guy #2: Let him try it, man.
Guy #1: All right. Okay.
[Puts his hand on the table with fingers spread out. Ted picks up a knife and starts stabbing the table between Guy #1's fingers as the crowd cheers. Ted stabs faster until he accidentally stabs Guy #1's hand. Crowd gasps as Guy #1 grabs his hand and crashes into the TV stand]
Ted: What?
Guy #1: [Holding his hand where blood is oozing out of the wound] Son of a bitch!
Ted: Well you never should have trusted me. I'm on drugs.