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: There's a hole in the side of your boat, he says. That hole is never going to be fixed, it's never going away, and you can't get a new boat. What you have to do is bail water out faster than it's coming in.
: Charlie Skinner was crazy. He identified with Don Quixote - an old man with dementia who thought he could save the world from an epidemic of incivility simply by acting like a knight. His religion was decency. He spent a lifetime fighting it's enemies. I wish he could be here to learn the name of his successor like I just did - our new boss, the new president of ACN is MacKenzie McKay. So this fight is just getting started because he taught the rest of us to be crazy too... You were a man, Charlie... A great big man.
: [after Will correctly stated the name of a song that was playing
] You *do* play a little guitar on the side. Will McAvoy
: I do a little news anchoring on the side.
: Have you ever thought about having kids? Will McAvoy
: You mean adopting? Charlie Skinner
: Adopting. Abducting. Meeting somebody. Getting married. Whatever it takes.
: Okay, please help me. I need to fully understand what's happening here. MacKenzie McHale
: I'm seven weeks pregnant, and there's like a 5 in 9 chance that it's yours.
: Are you feeling alright? Should you be standing up? Is it alright for you to be outdoors?
: Do we know if it's a boy or a girl? MacKenzie McHale
: Yeah, there's a good chance it's going to be one of those two.
: I think maybe we should just put you in a hospital bed right now and hook you up to an epidural. Would that be premature? MacKenzie McHale
: Yes. Will McAvoy
: [to a bartender
] I thought I saw someone I knew in the audience. And she was prompting me. I was asked a question from the audience, and she wrote an answer down on a pad and pointed to it the way a producer would. But, it was a hallucination. Which I didn't think those really happened, but they do. Never doubt them again.
[the bartender simply nods as if in understanding, but is otherwise silent
] Will McAvoy
: You're not as helpful as your movie counterparts.
: You've made a career out of being likable. Will McAvoy
: I'd like to make a career out of doing the news.
: [Motioning to a guitar
] You mind? Bo
: No. That's right. You play guitar on the side. Will McAvoy
: I'm a news anchor on the side.
: Will. By any chance, did you tell anyone about the pregnancy? Will McAvoy
: No. Absolutely not. You're not supposed to do that until after the first semester. MacKenzie McHale
: Trimester. Will McAvoy
: Tess, Kendra, Tamara and Martin tricked me into telling them. Gary Cooper
: Congratulations to you guys. That's going to be one good looking kid. Will McAvoy
: And then they might have told some people.
: It's not the greatest country in the world, professor, that's my answer. Moderator
: You're saying... Will McAvoy
: Yes. Moderator
: Let's talk about... Will McAvoy
: Fine. Sharon, the NEA is a loser. Yeah, it accounts for a penny out of our paychecks, but he gets to hit you with it anytime he wants. It doesn't cost money, it costs votes. It costs airtime and column inches. You know why people don't like liberals? Because they lose. If liberals are so fuckin' smart, how come they lose so GODDAM ALWAYS! Sharon
: Hey... Will McAvoy
: [turns to Lewis
] And with a straight face, you're going to tell students that America is so starspangled awesome that we're the only ones in the world who have freedom? Canada has freedom, Japan has freedom, the UK, France, Italy, Germany, Spain, Australia, BELGIUM has freedom! Two hundred and seven sovereign states in the world, like 180 of them have freedom. Moderator
: All right... Will McAvoy
: And yeah, you... sorority girl. Just in case you accidentally wander into a voting booth one day, there are some things you should know, and one of them is: There is absolutely no evidence to support the statement that we're the greatest country in the world. We're seventh in literacy, twenty-seventh in math, twenty-second in science, forty-ninth in life expectancy, 178th in infant mortality, third in median household income, number four in labor force, and number four in exports. We lead the world in only three categories: number of incarcerated citizens per capita, number of adults who believe angels are real, and defense spending, where we spend more than the next twenty-six countries combined, twenty-five of whom are allies. None of this is the fault of a 20-year-old college student, but you, nonetheless, are without a doubt a member of the WORST-period-GENERATION-period-EVER-period, so when you ask what makes us the greatest country in the world, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about! Yosemite? Will McAvoy
] We sure used to be. We stood up for what was right. We fought for moral reasons, we passed laws, struck down laws for moral reasons. We waged wars on poverty, not poor people. We sacrificed, we cared about our neighbors, we put our money where our mouths were, and we never beat our chest. We built great big things, made ungodly technological advances, explored the universe, cured diseases, and we cultivated the world's greatest artists and the world's greatest economy. We reached for the stars, acted like men. We aspired to intelligence; we didn't belittle it; it didn't make us feel inferior. We didn't identify ourselves by who we voted for in the last election, and we didn't scare so easy. We were able to be all these things and do all these things because we were informed. By great men, men who were revered. The first step in solving any problem is recognizing there is one. America is not the greatest country in the world anymore. Will McAvoy
: [to moderator
: There was a short piece on Vanity Fair's website by Marshall Westbrook, you probably saw it, where he calls you the Jay Leno of news anchors. You're popular because you don't bother anyone. Will McAvoy
: Yeah. Moderator
: How do you feel about that?
: You're the spokesperson for Halliburton. Nick Warren
: And I came on this program voluntarily. Will McAvoy
: I don't have subpoena power, everyone comes on this program voluntarily.
[Mac has changed the title display from "News Night with Will McAvoy" to "Vertigo Medicine with Will McAvoy"
] Will McAvoy
: I'm at least glad nobody's invented a way to digitally store images and upload them to a free website where anyone can see them. Mackenzie MacHale
: *Has* someone invented a way to digitally store images... Will McAvoy
] YouTube! YouTube! Take it down! Mackenzie MacHale
: Well, now you're just a crazy guy shouting "YouTube"!
: What does winning look like to you? Mackenzie MacHale
: Reclaiming the fourth estate. Reclaiming journalism as an honorable profession. A nightly newscast that informs a debate worthy of a great nation. Civility, respect and a return to what's important; the death of bitchiness; the death of gossip and voyeurism; speaking truth to stupid. No demographic sweet spot; a place where we can all come together.
: Can you say why America is the greatest country in the world? Sharon
: Diversity and opportunity. Moderator
: Lewis? Lewis
: Freedom and freedom... so let's keep it that way. Moderator
: Will? Will McAvoy
: The New York Jets. Moderator
: No, I'm going to hold you to an answer on that. What makes America the greatest country in the world? Will McAvoy
: Well, Lewis and Sharon said it. Diversity and opportunity and freedom and freedom. Moderator
: I'm not letting you go back to the airport without answering the question. Will McAvoy
: Well, our Constitution is a masterpiece. James Madison was a genius. The Declaration of Independence is, for me, the single greatest piece of American writing...
[Professor keeps staring
] Will McAvoy
: You don't look satisfied. Moderator
: One's a set of laws and the other's a declaration of war. I want a human moment from you... what about the people? Why is America... Will McAvoy
: It's not the greatest country in the world, professor. That's my answer. Moderator
: You're saying... Will McAvoy
: Yes. Moderator
: Let's talk about... Will McAvoy
[Turns to Sharon
] Will McAvoy
: Sharon, the NEA is a loser. Yeah, it accounts for a penny out of our paycheck, but he
[gestures to Lewis
] Will McAvoy
: gets to hit you with it anytime he wants. It doesn't cost money, it costs votes. It costs airtime and column inches. You know why people don't like liberals? Cause they lose. If liberals are so fucking smart, how come they lose so god damn always? Sharon
: Hey! Will McAvoy
: [Turns to Louis
] And with a straight face, you're gonna tell students that America is so star-spangled awesome that we're the only ones in the world who have freedom? Canada has freedom. Japan has freedom. The UK. France. Italy. Germany. Spain. Australia... Belgium! has freedom... 207 sovereign states in the world, like 180 of 'em have freedom. Moderator
: Alright... Will McAvoy
: [Looks at Jenny
] And, yeah, you... sorority girl. Just in case you accidentally wander into a voting booth one day, there are some things you should know. One of them is: There is absolutely no evidence to support the statement that we're the greatest country in the world. We're 7th in literacy, 27th in math, 22nd in science, 49th in life expectancy, 178th in infant mortality, 3rd in median household income, number 4 in labor force and number 4 in exports. We lead the world in only three categories: number of incarcerated citizens per capita, number of adults who believe angels are real and defense spending - where we spend more than the next 26 countries combined, 25 of whom are allies. Now, none of this is the fault of a 20-year-old college student, but you, nonetheless, are without a doubt a member of the worst period generation period ever period, so when you ask what makes us the greatest country in the world, I don't know what the FUCK you're talking about!... Yosemite?
] Will McAvoy
: ... It sure used to be. We stood up for what was right. We fought for moral reasons. We passed laws, struck down laws - for moral reasons. We waged wars on poverty, not on poor people. We sacrificed, we cared about our neighbors, we put our money where our mouths were and we never beat our chest. We built great, big things, made ungodly technological advanced, explored the universe, cured diseases and we cultivated the world's greatest artists AND the world's greatest economy. We reached for the stars, acted like men. We aspired to intelligence, we didn't belittle it. It didn't make us feel inferior. We didn't identify ourselves by who we voted for in the last election and we didn't scare so easy. We were able to be all these things and do all these things because we were informed... by great men, men who were revered. First step in solving any problem is recognizing there is one. America is not the greatest country in the world anymore.
: Oh, blow me. Will McAvoy
: I want you to not use that language in front of women and forever not suggest that image to me.
: I was in a bar in Da Nang... Will McAvoy
: Just now? Charlie Skinner
: 1969. I was embedded with the 144th Artillery for UPI, and I was sitting there with a warm Coke watching a beautiful Vietnamese woman doing an exotic dance right in the middle of everybody. A beautiful, beautiful woman, and I thought to myself "I will never know what it is to be with a woman like that." And at that exact moment, the woman spun twice, teetered over, and fell right into my lap. That was a story about how sometimes some things just fall into your lap.
: Sharon, the NEA is a loser. Yeah, it accounts for a penny out of our paychecks, but he
[gesturing to the conservative panelist
] Will McAvoy
: gets to hit you with it anytime he wants. It doesn't cost money, it costs votes. It costs airtime and column inches. You know why people don't like liberals? Because they lose. If liberals are so fuckin' smart, how come they lose so GODDAMN ALWAYS! And
[to the conservative panelist
] Will McAvoy
: with a straight face, you're going to tell students that America's so star-spangled awesome that we're the only ones in the world who have freedom? Canada has freedom, Japan has freedom, the UK, France, Italy, Germany, Spain, Australia, Belgium has freedom. Two hundred seven sovereign states in the world, like 180 of them have freedom. And you-sorority girl-yeah-just in case you accidentally wander into a voting booth one day, there are some things you should know, and one of them is that there is absolutely no evidence to support the statement that we're the greatest country in the world. We're seventh in literacy, twenty-seventh in math, twenty-second in science, forty-ninth in life expectancy, 178th in infant mortality, third in median household income, number four in labor force, and number four in exports. We lead the world in only three categories: number of incarcerated citizens per capita, number of adults who believe angels are real, and defense spending, where we spend more than the next twenty-six countries combined, twenty-five of whom are allies. None of this is the fault of a 20-year-old college student, but you, nonetheless, are without a doubt, a member of the WORST-period-GENERATION-period-EVER-period, so when you ask what makes us the greatest country in the world, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about? Yosemite?
] Will McAvoy
: We sure used to be. We stood up for what was right! We fought for moral reasons, we passed and struck down laws for moral reasons. We waged wars on poverty, not poor people. We sacrificed, we cared about our neighbors, we put our money where our mouths were, and we never beat our chest. We built great big things, made ungodly technological advances, explored the universe, cured diseases, and cultivated the world's greatest artists and the world's greatest economy. We reached for the stars, and we acted like men. We aspired to intelligence; we didn't belittle it; it didn't make us feel inferior. We didn't identify ourselves by who we voted for in the last election, and we didn't scare so easy. And we were able to be all these things and do all these things because we were informed. By great men, men who were revered. The first step in solving any problem is recognizing there is one-America is not the greatest country in the world anymore.
[to the moderator
] Will McAvoy
: How many? MacKenzie McHale
: Bridesmaids? Will McAvoy
: Yeah. MacKenzie McHale
: Nine. Will McAvoy
: Nine bridesmaids. MacKenzie McHale
: My sisters, your sisters, Sheila, Sloane, Maggie and Diane. Will McAvoy
: Who's Sheila? MacKenzie McHale
: Your brother's wife, Sheila. You've met her. Will McAvoy
: And who's Diane? MacKenzie McHale
: [to Mac
] I worked very hard at cultivating no friendships outside of work. And to be honest, I was doing fine cultivating no friendships inside of work until you came along.
: All in all, I think we're doing well. Will McAvoy
: I'm still trying to figure out exactly what doing well means.
: [to everyone in the newsroom, clapping because CNN had to retract a prior statement
] Hey! Will McAvoy
: Hey! Charlie Skinner
: What are you *doing*? *Worst* moment in this guy's life and you're cheering? Why? Will McAvoy
: Why? Charlie Skinner
: Because you think if someone gets in line in back of you it means the line moved? We still blew Genoa. Will McAvoy
: The line didn't move! Charlie Skinner
: And if there's anyone... Will McAvoy
: That's right. Charlie Skinner
: - in the world who should be able to empathize with CNN right now, you would *think*... Will McAvoy
: Wouldn't you? Charlie Skinner
: - that it would be the people in this room! Will McAvoy
: Empathy! Charlie Skinner
: He got knocked down! We didn't get taller.
: [Eating Chinese food with Mac
] The MSG is where the flavor comes from. The Chinese are a people who've been around for billions of years. MacKenzie McHale
: No people have been around for billions of years. Will McAvoy
: Okay. Well, some of us have read a book called the Bible - which is pretty clear about the Chinese and MSG.
: Let's do sports, Charlie. We love sports. Charlie Skinner
: You mean like try out for a team? Will McAvoy
: I do not mean try out for a team. No.
: I only seem liberal because I believe that hurricanes are caused by high barometric pressure and not gay marriage.
: Congresswoman Michele Bachmann, founder of the Tea Party Caucus, who herself has a difficult relationship with reality, ignores the statement from the White House.
: Mac, get in here with Charlie right now. Mackenzie MacHale
: Is everything... Will McAvoy
: Right now!
[points to Charlie as he enters the room
] Will McAvoy
: You tell Leona that if she wants me out of this chair, she better bring more than just a couple of guys. Charlie Skinner
: That's exactly what I'll fucking tell her! Will McAvoy
: I'm not fucking around, Charlie! Charlie Skinner
: Feet of fucking steel! Will McAvoy
: Mac Mackenzie MacHale
: I'm sorry. Will McAvoy
: It's not your fault Mackenzie MacHale
: I fucked everything up. Will McAvoy
: It's gonna be all right. Don Keefer
: [Entering the studio
] What the fuck is going on? Will McAvoy
: You're a fucking newsman, Don! I ever tell you otherwise, you punch me in the face! Don Keefer
: Okay, but you're back in 30.
[about Obama's visit to India and the absurdly exaggerated figure of the cost
] Will McAvoy
: In spite of there being no source for this information, to say nothing of the absurdity of the figure, Fox News grabs the baton. Glenn Beck
: So he's travelling with 34 warships, an entourage-
] Will McAvoy
: Oh yeah, and he added 34 warships. Or, 14% of the U.S. Navy.
: Because now - I can't believe how often this is happening.
: You're going on a date with a cheerleader? Will McAvoy
: Not a high school cheerleader, a professional cheerleader. Mackenzie MacHale
: That doesn't make it better! Will McAvoy
: Can I help you? Mackenzie MacHale
: She's a student! Will McAvoy
: A graduate student. Mackenzie MacHale
: In philosophy? Will McAvoy
: Physical therapy. Mackenzie MacHale
: There are better ways to get back at me. Will McAvoy
: I'll put up a suggestion box. Mackenzie MacHale
: Can I warn you about something? You're a rich and famous person, and for that reason only, she may want to sleep with you. Will McAvoy
: That didn't sound like something that should come with a warning, that sounded like something that should come with balloons. Mackenzie MacHale
: I loathe you right now. Will McAvoy
: You have ink on your face. Mackenzie MacHale
: I WORK WITH PENS! Will McAvoy
: Get a grip. Mackenzie MacHale
: Yeah! I know!
: This is News Night and that was a clip of Richard Clarke, former counterterrorism chief to President George W. Bush, testifying before Congress on March 24, 2004. Americans liked that moment. I liked that moment. Adults should hold themselves accountable for failure. And so tonight I'm beginning this newscast by joining Mr. Clarke in apologizing to the American people for our failure. The failure of this program during the time I've been in charge of it to successfully inform and educate the American electorate. Let me be clear that I don't apologize on behalf of all broadcast journalists, nor do all broadcast journalists owe an apology. I speak for myself. I was an accomplice to a slow and repeated and unacknowledged and unamended train wreck of failures that have brought us to now. I'm a leader in an industry that miscalled election results, hyped up terror scares, ginned up controversy, and failed to report on tectonic shifts in our country. From the collapse of the financial system to the truths about how strong we are to the dangers we actually face. I'm a leader in an industry that misdirected your attention with the dexterity of Harry Houdini while sending hundreds of thousands of our bravest young men and women off to war without due diligence. The reason we failed isn't a mystery. We took a dive for the ratings. In the infancy of mass communications, the Columbus and Magellan of broadcast journalism, William Paley and David Sarnoff, went down to Washington to cut a deal with Congress. Congress would allow the fledgling networks free use of taxpayer-owned airwaves in exchange for one public service. That public service would be one hour of air time set aside every night for informational broadcasting, or what we now call the evening news. Congress, unable to anticipate the enormous capacity television would have to deliver consumers to advertisers, failed to include in its deal the one requirement that would have changed our national discourse immeasurably for the better. Congress forgot to add that under no circumstances could there be paid advertising during informational broadcasting. They forgot to say that taxpayers will give you the airwaves for free and for 23 hours a day you should make a profit, but for one hour a night you work for us. And now those network newscasts, anchored through history by honest-to-God newsmen with names like Murrow and Reasoner and Huntley and Brinkley and Buckley and Cronkite and Rather and Russert - Now they have to compete with the likes of me. A cable anchor who's in the exact same business as the producers of Jersey Shore. And that business was good to us, News Night is quitting that business right now. It might come as a surprise to you that some of history's greatest American journalists are working right now, exceptional minds with years of experience and an unshakeable devotion to reporting the news. But these voices are a small minority now and they don't stand a chance against the circus when the circus comes to town. They're overmatched. I'm quitting the circus and switching teams. I'm going with the guys who are getting creamed. I'm moved that they still think they can win and I hope they can teach me a thing or two. From this moment on, we'll be deciding what goes on our air and how it's presented to you based on the simple truth that nothing is more important to a democracy than a well-informed electorate. We'll endeavor to put information in a broader context because we know that very little news is born at the moment it comes across our wire. We'll be the champion of facts and the mortal enemy of innuendo, speculation, hyperbole, and nonsense. We're not waiters in a restaurant serving you the stories you asked for just the way you like them prepared. Nor are we computers dispensing only the facts because news is only useful in the context of humanity. I'll make no effort to subdue my personal opinions. I will make every effort to expose you to informed opinions that are different from my own. You may ask who are we to make these decisions. We are Mackenzie McHale and myself. Miss McHale is our executive producer. She marshals the resources of over 100 reporters, producers, analysts, technicians, and her credentials are readily available. I'm News Night's managing editor and make the final decision on everything seen and heard on this program. Who are we to make these decisions? We're the media elite.
: Back in 1968, when Rennie Davis and Hayden and their guys organized the SDS, it was specifically to end the Vietnam War, but that movement got eaten by Abbie Hoffman and Jerry Rubin and he Yippies. Charlie Skinner
: Hoffman and Rubin were a lot more charismatic. Will McAvoy
: Yeah, but it was impossible to define what the Yippies were protesting! They were about giving the finger to anyone over 30, generically hating the American establishment, dropping out and getting high. Charlie Skinner
: And? Will McAvoy
: That's how the Progressive Movement would be painted for the next 40 years. People passing out daisies to soldiers and trying to levitate The Pentagon. Charlie Skinner
: I was there, that damn near worked! Will McAvoy
: No it didn't. The Pentagon is a really big building, you can't levitate it.
: Sharron Angle's angry because the press is reporting what she says to the press. The statement goes on; "We needed to have the press to be our friend. We wanted them to ask the questions we want to answer". Do not laugh, I felt the exact same way about the bar exam. Control Room
: Rounds of laughter from people inside the control room. MacKenzie McHale
: Whoa! Will just made a joke.
: We're a team here. We're a family. But, just to be clear, he's the one that did it.
: If you think being an ass is gonna make me less inclined to protect you, think again, mofo. I can out-ass anyone in the tri state area. Rebecca Halliday
: He's telling the truth, Neal. Will McAvoy
: You know, it feels like you're on my side, but just barely.
[shouts over his shoulder
] Will McAvoy
: Jenna! Rebecca Halliday
: You make that poor girl work on a Saturday? Will McAvoy
: She's a recent journalism school graduate. I'm just completing her education. What she's learning from me can't be found in books. Jenna Johnson
: [Pokes her head in the door
] Yes? Will McAvoy
: I'd like a Dr. Pepper, please.
: [to Neal who is about to leave the room
] You're hot headed right now. Leave the flash drive on the table. Neal Sampat
: [He removes a key from a key ring and tosses it to Will
] It's locked in a filing cabinet under my desk. Will McAvoy
: [to Mack
] Are you getting my point? MacKenzie McHale
: Yeah, you don't want Neal to go to jail for ten days. Neither do I. But, these are the rules of cribbage. Will McAvoy
: I could swallow this key, you know. Rebecca Halliday
: Yeah, cuz what criminal master mind could open an Office Depot filing cabinet without a key?
[Will glares at her
] Rebecca Halliday
: You're thinking of different ways to murder me right now.
: Ideological purity. Compromise as weakness. A fundamentalist belief in scriptural literalism. Denying science. Unmoved by facts. Undeterred by new information. A hostile fear of progress. A demonization of education. A need to control women's bodies. Severe xenophobia. Tribal mentality. Intolerance of dissent. Pathological hatred of the U.S. government. They can call themselves the Tea Party. They can call themselves conservatives. And they can even call themselves Republicans, though Republicans certainly shouldn't. But we should call them what they are - The American Taliban.
: Sorority girl! MacKenzie McHale
: [to Jennifer
] Don't be scared. Will McAvoy
: You're the girl, right? Jennifer Johnson
: I'm Jennifer Johnson. Will McAvoy
: Just graduated North Western? Jennifer Johnson
: A year early. Will McAvoy
: You asked me that moronic question... and then my world came apart, and she came here and I landed in the tabloids and then I got death threats and my job is constantly in jeopardy and you ruined my life! MacKenzie McHale
: [to Jennifer
] Again just stay calm. Jennifer Johnson
: Yes, that was me. Will McAvoy
: What the hell are you doing here? Jennifer Johnson
: I'm applying for an internship. Will McAvoy
: Why? Jennifer Johnson
: I watch the show. And I read the New York magazine article, and I know what a "greater fool" is. And I want to be one. Will McAvoy
: [to MacKenzie, smiling
] Camelot. She's the kid at the end of Camelot!
[Turns to Jennifer
] Will McAvoy
: Ask me again. Jennifer Johnson
: I'm sorry? Will McAvoy
: Ask me your idiot question again. Jennifer Johnson
: What makes America the greatest country in the world? Will McAvoy
: You do.
] Will McAvoy
: Hire her.
: [while Will lies in a hospital bed, Jim reveals to them that Don is about to ask Maggie to move in with him. She scolds Jim for continuing to date Lisa rather than pursue a relationship with Maggie
] You've got to do something before he asks her. Jim Harper
: No! MacKenzie McHale
: Why not? Will McAvoy
: It doesn't seem like a very nice thing to do to Don or Maggie or Lisa. MacKenzie McHale
: So you're willing to end up like the two of us? A strong, beautiful, vital woman and a hallowed-out shell of a man. Will McAvoy
: [to MacKenzie
] You know I'm awake now? MacKenzie McHale
: [to Jim
] That's a dead person speaking, basically. And now I'm gonna have to spend the next God knows how many hours in mourning. Will McAvoy
: Please go back to work. MacKenzie McHale
: He will. Will McAvoy
: [to MacKenzie
] I'm talking to you.
: [to FBI agent
] We're gonna need your first name for the banner. Is it Kip? Rodger Hutchinson
: Your lack of cooperation will be noted for our report. Molly Levy
: Hope that doesn't leak to the press. MacKenzie McHale
: I'm gonna make sure it does. Will McAvoy
: I'm being cooperative. Can it be noted that some of us are being down right docile? Charlie Skinner
: So, it's Kip? Rodger Hutchinson
: Rodger. With a D. Charlie Skinner
: We're gonna misspell it.
: So, here's what I need you to do. Will McAvoy
: What *you* need us to do, or what the Lansings need us to do? Charlie Skinner
: At this moment, what the Lansings want is what I want. They spent the last year doing nothing but standing by us when it made a lot more sense to not- not to- not to stand by- to not stand by- I'm saying, it would have made more sense... MacKenzie McHale
: Find your way home. Charlie Skinner
: To dump us.
: [after being served a subpoena to appear for questioning
] You think it's possible I'm not as big a TV star as I thought?
: Miss Greer, you mentioned creeping Islam, are you concerned about creeping Christianity? Phylis Greer
: Only that it's not creeping fast enough. Will McAvoy
: Okay. Here are some things done on American soil in the name of Christianity. The Ku Klux Klan burned down black churches, raped women, murdered civil rights workers, murdered children and terrorized communities for over a century. The Neo Nazis all acted and continue to act in the name of white Christian supremacy. The Army of God fatally attacks abortion clinics and doctors across the country. The Covenant, the Sword and the Arm of the Lord targets local police and federal agents. The federal building in Oklahoma City. The attempted assassination of Ronald Reagan and the successful assassinations of Martin Luther King, John F. Kennedy, John Lennon, and Abraham Lincoln, all perpetrated by Christians. Miss Greer, we weren't attacked by Muslims, we were attacked by sociopaths, and I for one would join you in protesting a community center for the criminally insane, but no one is suggesting building one.
: Who else's body have you guarded. Lonny Church
: We don't talk about that. Will McAvoy
: Okay. Lonny Church
: Kanye. It was awesome.
: Sloan this is Lonny. You'll see him around. Lonny Church
: Good to meet you. Sloan Sabbith
: Wow. Can I tap your chest? Lonny Church
: Sure. Sloan Sabbith
] Holy cow.
[looking at Will
] Sloan Sabbith
: Have you felt his pecs? Will McAvoy
: No, I haven't yet.
: I find your Irish stoicism... Will McAvoy
: Sexy? MacKenzie McHale
: Did you see Charlie? Will McAvoy
: After the show. He was cleaning his 12 gauge with Maker's Mark and muttering 'Kill the wabbit.'
: Are we ready for the pre-tape? MacKenzie McHale
: Yeah. Will McAvoy
: Just count me down. MacKenzie McHale
: Will... Will McAvoy
: Yes, I'm sure I want to do this. MacKenzie McHale
: Oh God, please give me a sign that I'm not doing a big thing badly. Engineers
: [Lights go out
] We just lost power. The building just lost power. MacKenzie McHale
: I didn't know he had that kind of comic timing.
: Are you prepared to talk about your Republicanism? Will McAvoy
: You say that like I've got polio. Brian Brenner
: Are you prepared to talk about having polio? Will McAvoy
: I grew up in a town outside a town outside Lincoln, Nebraska. My home town was a road. I was a college freshman before I *met* a Democrat.
: I've got an idea tell me the name. I didn't take an oath or anything, I'll say I'll give them the name on the condition they let us both out. Will McAvoy
: That's a hell of an idea. Cellmate
: Or I could just shake the name out of you. Will McAvoy
: Stand up.
[Both men stand up
] Will McAvoy
: I want you to see that I've got four inches on you, and you're giving up thirty pounds. I'm not your wife, raise your hands above your hips and I will knock you the fuck into next week. Cellmate
: [will sits down
] Your father was a drunk wasn't he?
: Fourteen months ago, you went on the air and called the Tea Party 'the American Taliban'. Will McAvoy
: I did. Rebecca Halliday
: And? Will McAvoy
: The Taliban resented it.
[asking about people who used to work for ACN
] Will McAvoy
: Mohammed al Mohammed el Mohammed bin Bazir? Don Keefer
: Went to Fox. Will McAvoy
: Fox hired someone with three Mohammeds in their name?
: Hey Will... We're journalists. Will McAvoy
: I wish you hadn't said that. Nina Howard
: What? Will McAvoy
: Everything would've been cool if you hadn't said that. You just talk too much. Nina Howard
: You have a problem with me calling myself a journalist? Only the elite few who cover stories nobody cares about get to call themselves... Will McAvoy
: [Cutting her off
] I've got a guy on my staff who got hit in the head with a glass door Thursday. His forehead wouldn't stop bleeding, but he wouldn't go to a doctor 'cause I got another guy who got beat up covering Cairo. And the first guy wouldn't see a doctor until the second guy saw a doctor. I've got a producer who ran into a locked door 'cause he felt responsible for the second guy. I've got an 18-year-old kid risking his life halfway around the world and the AP who sent him there hasn't slept in three days. I've got 20-somethings who care about teachers in Wisconsin. I've got a grown woman who has to subtract with her fingers staying up all night trying to learn economics from a PhD who could be making 20 times the money three miles downtown. They're journalists.
: I'm not smug; I'm having a crisis of confidence.
: And he's going to cave on the debate too. MacKenzie McHale
: Are you sure about that? Brian Brenner
: I'm absolutely sure about that. MacKenzie McHale
: You know what I like about Will? He's not absolutely sure about anything. He struggles with things. He's never certain he's right, and sometimes he's not, but he tries hard to be. He struggles with things. Will McAvoy
: [Will hops past in the background, trying to put on his trousers. He falls
] God d... Crew member
: Will, are you all right? MacKenzie McHale
: Could somebody help Will put his pants on?
: Do you call yourself a Republican so you can make a claim to credibility when you attack the GOP? Will McAvoy
: No, I call myself a Republican 'cause I am one. I believe in market solutions, and I believe in common sense realities and the necessity to defend ourselves against a dangerous world and that's about it. Problem is now I have to be homophobic. I have to count the number of times people go to church. I have to deny facts and think scientific research is a long con. I have to think poor people are getting a sweet ride. And I have to have such a stunning inferiority complex that I fear education and intellect in the 21st century. But most of all, the biggest new requirement, really the only requirement, is that I have to hate Democrats. And I have to hate Chris Christie for not spitting on the President when he got off Air Force One. The two-party system is crucial to the whole operation. There is honor in being the loyal opposition. And I'm a Republican for the same reasons you are. So I hope your voice gets louder in the next four years.