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: [the winning candidate for each state is gradually being announced
] Anything yet? Tom James
: Indiana and South Carolina just called for O'Brien. Kent Davison
: Yeah... Vermont and Connecticut, yup, they're for us. Gary Walsh
] Yeah, Vermont! Yeah, Connecticut! Selina Meyer
: Okay, settle down. A bowl of hair could win those states.
: Oh, Gary, I asked a friend to come and be with me tonight. Gary Walsh
: How nice! Selina Meyer
: Yeah: Karen. Ben Cafferty
: Fuck! Selina Meyer
: What? Ben Cafferty
: [Pretends to be in pain
: [Frustrated at the potential election result
] Jesus Christ, you know? You do your best, you try to serve the people, and then they just fuck you over. Gary Walsh
: Yep. Selina Meyer
: And you know why? Because they're ignorant, and they're dumb as shit. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is democracy.
: It's this election has just been brutal on me. My eyelids are seriously starting to look like Keith Richards' ball sack. Gary Walsh
: Oh, please. He wishes.
: No one should see you while your face is... marinating. Gary Walsh
: Okay, she just had 10 years taken off her eyes. Selina Meyer
: Yes. Ben Cafferty
: Well, I don't think they left yet.
: [Entering the room
] Sue, Sue, Sue, Sue, Sue! Sue Wilson
: Yeah? Gary Walsh
: I need your help. Sue Wilson
: What is it? Amy Brookheimer
: [Entering the room
] Sue, I need a window for the -
] Amy Brookheimer
: Whoa. Gary, you look whiter than a Georgia country club.
] Sue Wilson
: What the hell is wrong, Gary? I mean currently, we don't have time for the whole tapestry.
: I'm your calendar, I'm your Google, I'm your Wilson the volleyball! Selina Meyer
: No, you're not! Gary Walsh
: Yes, I am! Selina Meyer
: NO, YOU'RE NOT! Gary Walsh
: I have broken my body for you! Selina Meyer
: Oh, come on... Gary Walsh
: I've let myself be laughed at, I've let myself be humiliated, but I'm happy to do it! Most times, you don't even know that I exist, BUT I AM FUCKING EVERYTHING TO YOU! Selina Meyer
: Oh, I am *so* happy to find somebody *else* to get me my hand cream! Gary Walsh
: Okay, go! Selina Meyer
: Yeah! Gary Walsh
: Can you find somebody else who did what I did?
[long pause, Gary's face turns to horror as realizes what he just implied
] Selina Meyer
: You mean on Labor Day? Gary Walsh
: I didn't say that. Selina Meyer
: Yeah, you did, you ju- you just said 'Labor Day'. Gary Walsh
: I said I would never mention that *ever*.
: I hope Mee-Maw's okay. Selina Meyer
: She's been at death's door like five times, - but she always bounces back to life. Gary Walsh
: It's true. Selina Meyer
: She's like that guy that guy Gary Walsh
: Lazarus. Selina Meyer
: Lord God, please ease my mother's pain and suffering. Gary Walsh
] Yes, Lord. Yes, Lord. Selina Meyer
: Ease her passing. Ease it all. Gary Walsh
: Yes. Selina Meyer
: Ease it down the... the... Lord, let her daughter, Thy humble servant, be the first woman elected President of the United States. Please, this is so much to bear. Gary Walsh
: Oh, it is, Lord. It is. Selina Meyer
: Hear my prayer. Gary Walsh
: Hear her prayer. Selina Meyer
: Lift me up. Gary Walsh
: [raises left arm in prayer
] Lift her up, Lord. Selina Meyer
: No, I mean actually lift me up 'cause my heel is stuck in this thing.
: She's coming... she's coming... Mike McLintock
: I think *Gary's* about to come.
: What do you think of the new cut, huh? Do you like it? Mike McLintock
: Of course I don't fucking like it! It's the worst use of scissors since my failed vasectomy! Gary Walsh
: The elven look is in right now, I was reading about it. Mike McLintock
: People don't elect elves, okay. They put them to work in grottos or get them drunk at frat parties so they can toss them. Gary Walsh
: That's dwarves.
: Oh, my God. Is she falling asleep? Amy Brookheimer
: No, she cannot fall asleep on live TV. Not on C-Span. The irony would be too huge.
: Dan, did your boyfriend know anything about this? Dan Egan
: I was trying to use Jonah for intelligence. Selina Meyer
: That's like trying to use a croissant as a fuckin' dildo. Dan Egan
: I thought... Selina Meyer
] No no no, let me be more clear. It doesn't do the job, and it makes a fucking MESS! Get out of my office.
[trips on papers on the floor
] Selina Meyer
: GARY! Gary Walsh
: Yes ma'am, yes ma'am! Selina Meyer
: I need something! Gary Walsh
: Okay, is there something specific? Selina Meyer
: I don't fucking know, I just need something!
: What did you do? Amy Brookheimer
: You know what I did? I went to bed at 7:00 p.m Gary Walsh
: Ooh. Amy Brookheimer
: 7:00 p.m. on a Saturday night. Even people who are dying of malaria stay up later than that. Gary Walsh
: Well, they can't sleep because they're coughing.
: Amy is an eight. And if all the other eights that I do want to have sex with see that I am eight capable, then I am going to be having sex with an eight very soon. It is intern season Gary. Gary Walsh
: Do I look like a pimp to you? Jonah Ryan
: You look exactly like a pimp.
: So what, I had a horse as a kid, who didn't? Gary Walsh
: Hmmm... Selina Meyer
: I mean, have a pet, is what I meant.
: It's good we won Dixville Notch. Dan Egan
: It's got a population of 12, Mike. Mike McLintock
: I know, Dan, but it's famous. Gary Walsh
: Our Lord Jesus started with 12. Ben Cafferty
: Well, he didn't win New Hampshire either.