Jessa Johansson
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Quotes for
Jessa Johansson (Character)
from "Girls" (2012)

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"Girls: Vagina Panic (#1.2)" (2012)
Jessa Johansson: It's pot, do you want some?
Shoshanna Shapiro: Oh no, I'm hyper enough already.

Jessa Johansson: I'm offended by all of the supposed to's. I don't like women telling other women what to do or how to do it or when to do it.


"Girls: Beach House (#3.7)" (2014)
Marnie Michaels: Dinner was supposed to be our time for honesty. And I'm really sorry you guys. This is not about you. This is between us. This was supposed to be a girls only night, but you invited the cast of Magic Mike!
Hannah Horvath: Marnie, I don't feel like being honest.
Shoshanna Shapiro: [drunk] Why not? Being honest is fun.
Hannah Horvath: What are you talking about, Shosh?
Shoshanna Shapiro: I'm talking about the fact that you're a fucking narcissist! You don't want to be honest and open so that no one will see that you are such an entitled narcissist! Seriously, I have never met anyone else who thinks their own life is so fucking fascinating! I wanted to fall asleep in my own vomit all day listening to you talk about how you bruise more easily than other people.
Hannah Horvath: Are you serious? Okay, well... people have been calling me a narcissist since I was three, so it doesn't really upset me anymore. You've gotta choose something more creative then that.
Marnie Michaels: Yeah, it really has no effect on you.
Hannah Horvath: Now you? So we're untabling our issues then?
Marnie Michaels: I wanted to do this at dinner.
Shoshanna Shapiro: Oh my God! Can you chill the fuck out about dinner? Seriously, that duck tasted like a used condom and I want to forget about it!
Marnie Michaels: Shosh has gone totally insane!
Jessa Johansson: I don't know. Maybe she has gone sane from being drunk.
Shoshanna Shapiro: You guys never listen to me. You treat me like I'm a fucking cab driver. Seriously, you have entire conversations in front of me like I'm invisible. And sometimes I wonder if my social anxiety is holding me back from meeting the people who would actually be right for me instead of a bunch of fucking whiny nothings as friends!
Hannah Horvath: Well, maybe Shosh has a point. I mean, it's not like the four of us have had any real fun for the past two years.
Marnie Michaels: That is not true.
Hannah Horvath: Name one fun thing.
Marnie Michaels: This trip, if we had done everything like I planned.
Hannah Horvath: Oh my God!
Jessa Johansson: Hey, wait! Marnie, I think you should process what you just said because, you know, happiness is about appreciating what you have.
Hannah Horvath: Yes!
Shoshanna Shapiro: What is that? Like some AA bullshit? Seriously, Jessa goes to rehab for five fucking seconds and we have to listen to everything she comes up with?
Jessa Johansson: Shosh, you are a cruel drunk.
Marnie Michaels: It's crazy!
Hannah Horvath: She's a cruel drunk, and she's also not an intellectual.


"Girls: Welcome to Bushwick a.k.a. The Crackcident (#1.7)" (2012)
Jessa Johansson: Look at me. You smoked crack. You smoked crack.
Shoshanna Shapiro: Oh my god, don't tell my mom. Don't even tell me.


"Girls: Leave Me Alone (#1.9)" (2012)
Jessa Johansson: Your boyfriend should kill himself. You deserve it.
Hannah Horvath: Well, thank you. But you're just saying that because you love me.


"Girls: Hannah's Diary (#1.4)" (2012)
Jessa Johansson: You know what the weirdest part about having a job is? You have to be there everyday, even on the days you don't feel like it.


"Girls: Weirdos Need Girlfriends Too (#1.8)" (2012)
Jessa Johansson: You look... really gorgeous. I love you all stripped down.
Marnie Michaels: I've never been as miserable in my life.
Jessa Johansson: It's totally working.