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: I've only slept with like one girl my entire life. Rod
: You're a pansy. Henry
: Why? Well how have you slept with? Rod
: One. But I'm a fucking pimp. Henry
: That makes no sense. Rod
: YOU make no sense!
: This isn't a sex party. Rod
: Hey man, for me, every party is a sex party. I'm going to stand in the corner to send out some vibes.
[shot of Rod thrusting by himself
: I thought you moved out. Rod
: I never said that I was moving out. Tom
: You said "goodbye forever" Rod
: Yeah. "Forever". Tom
: Do you know what "forever means"? Rod
] Hey man, I'm bilingual.
: Notice all the witty responses? Well, we need a witty response. Rod
: "See you there". Henry
: That's not witty. Rod
: It's witty. Henry
: How is that witty? Rod
: I FEEL it's witty. Henry
] That's not even an argument...
: You're just pissed off because I'm better than you. Henry
: At what? Rod
: Everything. I am da bomb at everything. Henry
: Name some things that you're "da bomb" at then. Rod
: [counting them off on his fingers
] Uh video games. Jumping. Lego. Jenga. Henry
: I am better than you at Jenga! Rod
: No you're not... Henry
: -yes I am let's play Rod
: I don't have it! Henry
: Well neither do I! Rod
: Well then let's buy it! Henry
: Fine! Rod
: Fine, we'll split it! Henry
: Fine! Rod
: Good! Tom
] Please don't buy Jenga.
: Draino kills clogs, not people.
: How'd it go? Rod
: Lauren doesn't want me in Ben Affleck's life. Tom
: Ben Affleck? Rod
: Yeah, that's what I wouldn't name the kid. It works for a girl or a boy. Tom
: Well, are you okay with not being in Ben Affleck's life? Rod
: I thought I was, but now I feel this pain like... err... right... here... I feel like throwing up. Tom
: ...You mean you feel bad. Rod
: That's stupid! I've never been wrong about anything in my entire life!
: This isn't how I pictured my life turning out. Rod
: What do you mean? Lauren
: I mean, when I thought about having a child it wasn't supposed to be with someone like you. Rod
: You pictured someone less awesome. Lauren
: I pictured someone smarter! Rod
: You didn't answer the question. Lauren
: I don't love you... Rod
: I don't love you either. Lauren
: I actually think you might be the stupidest person I've ever met in my entire life. Rod
: I actually think that your boobs are hot! Lauren
: Could we ever make this work? Rod
: I think so. Lauren
: ...Why? Rod
: Again, your hot boobs.
: Spank bank!