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Quotes for
Teddy (Character)
from "Bob's Burgers" (2011)

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"Bob's Burgers: Uncle Teddy (#4.14)" (2014)
Teddy: Tina, come on, you're putting me in a tough spot. I'm sure you're not allowed to have friends down here this late at night.
Jonas: Dude, with that kind of attitude, you're only going to raise your blood pressure to unsafe levels.
Teddy: Don't lecture me about my blood pressure! I'm predisposed to like salty foods. Out! Everybody out of my friend's restaurant!

Teddy: Tina, I have no idea what's gotten into you.
Tina Belcher: You can't stop what's happening. Jonas likes me and he invited me out with his friends and I want to go!
Teddy: Sorry, Tina. You're 13 years old, it's 9:00. You're in for the night. My temporary house, my temporary rules. You don't like it? There's the door that you can't go out!

Teddy: [when he answers his phone] Belcher residence.
Bob Belcher: Teddy, it's Bob. Wait, I called your cell phone. Why'd you say, "Belcher residence"?
Teddy: Just to be respectful. How's the conference going?
Bob Belcher: Uh, it's complicated. How's it going over there?
Teddy: It's complicated.
Bob Belcher: What? Teddy, I can say it's complicated. You can't say it's complicated. You're watching my kids.

Teddy: [to Jonas] Whoa, whoa, whoa. You didn't come back for Tina. You came back for your moped. You used Tina for free burgers, then you hung her out to dry when Ranger Matthew Dainko came.
Tina Belcher: Oh, God, you did, didn't you?
Gene Belcher: She's too good for you, but good enough for a lot of guys!
Louise Belcher: Which makes you the worst, Jone-ass!

"Bob's Burgers: The Belchies (#2.1)" (2012)
Teddy: Are you coming to my party tonight? I'm making a three-bean salad, but it's bring your own bean. Can I put you down for garbanzo?

Gene: China. Stick to noodles, am I right? Was that racist?
Bob: Yes.
Teddy: Little bit.
Gene: Nah!

"Bob's Burgers: Sea Me Now (#7.2)" (2016)
Teddy: We can go anywhere. Where do you want to go?
Gene Belcher: Mars?
Tina Belcher: Sacramento?
Louise Belcher: Wherever Captain Philips happened?

Teddy: Just wait here.
Gene Belcher: I was born to be on Team Wait Here.

"Bob's Burgers: Food Truckin' (#2.5)" (2012)
Teddy: Bob, you're not gonna close the restaurant, are you? Now that you're a hotshot food truck guy?
Bob: I'm not a food truck guy, Teddy. Besides, I can't afford to close the restaurant. I'm just stealing my customers back.
Teddy: You don't have to steal me back. I never buy anything off a truck except stereos and stamps.

"Bob's Burgers: I Get Psychic Out of You (#4.16)" (2014)
Teddy: In this case, they are safely with me at the track.

"Bob's Burgers: The Kids Run Away (#4.19)" (2014)
Teddy: Why are any of us here? Think about that.

"Bob's Burgers: Spaghetti Western and Meatballs (#1.9)" (2011)
Teddy: I used to beat up kids like Gene in school. Not that I was a bully or anything. It's just that kids like Gene, they get beat up, you know.

"Bob's Burgers: Aquaticism (#7.14)" (2017)
Teddy: I think you're charming, Bob.
Bob Belcher: Thank you, Teddy.
Teddy: ...that one time.

"Bob's Burgers: Turkey in a Can (#4.5)" (2013)
Teddy: My dad toilet trained me. It was the worst seven years of my life. Seven to fourteen.

"Bob's Burgers: Bob and Deliver (#4.7)" (2013)
Linda Belcher: Part of dancing is finding a partner, mkay. So go ask that guy to dance
Teddy: Oh. What if he says no?
Linda Belcher: Make him say yes with your body.

"Bob's Burgers: Bad Tina (#2.8)" (2012)
Teddy: It's just grown men playing pat-a-cake. I don't get it.
Bob: Then you don't get me, Teddy. You don't get me.

"Bob's Burgers: Bob Actually (#7.9)" (2017)
Teddy: One lesson and you'll be like Gene Kelly, if Gene Kelly only had one dance lesson.

"Bob's Burgers: Dawn of the Peck (#5.4)" (2014)
Teddy: This is bad. Their pecking order is all messed up.
Linda Belcher: What? Pecking order? What are you talking about?
Teddy: Every turkey group has one guy who can peck everyone, then the guy below him who can peck everyone except for the top guy, and so on, until the sad sack who can't peck anyone.
Linda Belcher: Oh that's terrible! It's like the ladies on The View.

"Bob's Burgers: Lobsterfest (#1.12)" (2011)
Louise: Our family doesn't celebrate Lobsterfest.
Gene: What?
Louise: We're like Jews on Christmas.
Gene: Or Jews for Jesus on Hannukah.
Teddy: Or me at a lesbian bar. I went to a lesbian bar last night, Bob. It was like I was invisible.

"Bob's Burgers: Crawl Space (#1.2)" (2011)
Teddy: You want to stay inside the wall, Bob?
Bob: Don't judge me, Teddy. Don't judge me. Sometimes a man just needs to be alone with his crawlspace.

"Bob's Burgers: The Quirkducers (#7.6)" (2016)
Linda Belcher: Teddy, keep an eye on Grandpa potato. Don't let Bob put him in the fryer.
Bob Belcher: I'm not going to fry your grandpa.
Linda Belcher: You threw away that piece of toast that looked like it was saying "Wow".
Teddy: That was a dark day.

"Bob's Burgers: Sacred Couch (#6.9)" (2016)
Teddy: Good news! Someone took the couch!
Bob Belcher, Tina Belcher, Gene Belcher, Linda Belcher, Louise Belcher: Noo!
Teddy: You guys react weird to good news.
Gene Belcher: Yeees!

"Bob's Burgers: Moody Foodie (#2.7)" (2012)
Bob: [to Teddy] Something wrong with the burger?
Teddy: No, uh, it's fine. It's just maybe you missed the mark with this one, is all, you know?
Bob: What? What do you mean, Teddy?
Teddy: I don't know, Bobby. Just tastes a little overdone and dry or something.
Bob: Overdone and dry, Teddy? You're just quoting the review.
Teddy: No, I know. It's just, now I have words to put to my tastes.
Bob: Will you get a mind of your own, Teddy? I mean, seriously with your dead eyes!
Teddy: What? My eyes aren't dead.

"Bob's Burgers: The Deepening (#3.6)" (2012)
Teddy: Look, there's me again! In the red and blue shorts.
[everyone stares at Teddy]
Teddy: What's everyone staring at?
Gene Belcher: Nothing.
Louise Belcher: Nothing.
Tina Belcher: Your body.

"Bob's Burgers: Ex Mach Tina (#7.8)" (2017)
Teddy: You look good with a banjo, Bob. You're like an ethnic Steve Martin.