Thomas Barrow
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Quotes for
Thomas Barrow (Character)
from "Downton Abbey" (2010)

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"Downton Abbey: Episode #1.2" (2010)
[the servants are discussing Matthew Crawley, Lord Robert's heir, and his mother Isobel]
Thomas: So what d'you think we'll make of them?
Sarah O'Brien: I shouldn't think much. *She* hasn't even got a lady's maid.
Anna: It's not a capital offence.
John Bates: She's got a maid - her name's Ellen. She came a day early.
Sarah O'Brien: She's not a lady's maid. She's just a housemaid that fastens hooks and buttons when she has to. There's more to it than that, you know.
Anna: We want some *very* precise reporting when dinner's over.
Thomas: Are we to treat him as the heir?
Sarah O'Brien: Are we heck as like! A doctor's son from Manchester? He'll be lucky if he gets a civil word out of me.
Anna: [drily] We're *all* lucky if we get a civil word out of you.

[Sarah O'Brien is talking about Matthew and Isobel Crawley]
Sarah O'Brien: I'm sorry but *I* have standards. And if anyone thinks I'm going to pull my forelock and curtsey to this Mister Nobody from Nowhere...
[Lady Cora comes into the Servants' Hall. All the servants stand up]
Cora, Countess of Grantham: O'Brien! Were you discussing Mr Crawley?
Sarah O'Brien: Yes, My Lady.
Cora, Countess of Grantham: Is it your place to do so?
Sarah O'Brien: I've got my opinions, My Lady, same as anybody.
[Mrs Hughes comes in]
Mrs. Hughes: Can I help Your Ladyship?
Cora, Countess of Grantham: [to Mrs Hughes] This is the button that's missing from my new evening coat. I found it lying on the gravel. But I was shocked at the talk I heard as I came in.
[to O'Brien]
Cora, Countess of Grantham: Mr Crawley is His Lordship's cousin and heir. You *will*, therefore, please accord him the respect that he is entitled to.
Sarah O'Brien: But you don't like him yourself, milady. You never wanted him to come...
Cora, Countess of Grantham: You're sailing *perilously* close to the wind, O'Brien. If we're to be friends, you will *not* speak in that way again about the Crawleys, or *any* member of Lord Grantham's family. Now I'm going up to rest. Wake me at the dressing gong.
[Lady Cora walks out of the room]
Thomas: I don't think that's fair - not here in the Servants' Hall.
Sarah O'Brien: I agree. If she was a *real* lady, she wouldn't have come down here. She'd have rung for me and given me the button, that's all.
Thomas: This isn't her territory. We can say what we like down here.
Mrs. Hughes: Who says?
Thomas: The Law - and Parliament. There *is* such a thing as free speech.
Mrs. Hughes: Not when *I'm* in charge! Don't push your luck, Thomas. Now, tea's over. Back to work!
[Mrs Hughes leaves]
Sarah O'Brien: Friends! Who does she think she's fooling. *We're* not friends.
Anna: No?
Sarah O'Brien: No. And you're not friends with the girls, neither. We're servants, you and me, and they pay us to do as we're told. That's all.

John Bates: Even Mr. Carson wasn't born standing to attention.
Thomas: I hope not, for his mother sake.

"Downton Abbey: Episode #6.2" (2015)
Baxter: Good luck.
Thomas Barrow: If I was lucky, I wouldn't be leaving.

Thomas Barrow: What's an assistant butler when it's at home anyway? That's what I'd like to know.

"The Colbert Report: Simone Campbell (#9.38)" (2012)
Mr. Carson: It's a shame that, in order to save Downton Abbey, Lord Grantham has sunk to brewing the Black Chamomile crank.
Thomas Barrow: Oh, stop acting so high and mighty, Mr. Carson. The tea tweakers can't get enough of His Lordship's Earl Blue. Apparently, they think it's "the shizzle-nizzle."

Mr. Spider: Yo, pendejo, you got something of mine.
Earl of Grantham: Carson, is someone addressing me?
[Carson presents a calling card tray to Spider]
Mr. Spider: Oh, sorry.
[places a calling card in the tray, which Carson reads]
Mr. Carson: My Lord, a Mr. Spider to see you.
Earl of Grantham: Ah yes. What can I do for you, my good man?
Mr. Spider: Listen, English Muffin, where's my motherfucking tea?
Earl of Grantham: Thomas.
[Thomas presents a brick of tea to Spider, who cuts it open, takes a sample on his pinkie finger, stirs it into a tea cup his sicario hands him, and drinks it]
Mr. Spider: Ahhh! I'll take that shit with some milk!
Earl of Grantham: Naturally... once we have been reimbursed for our efforts.
Mr. Spider: And why should I pay you, Mary Poppins, when I already got the recipe.
Mr. Carson: Who gave you the recipe?
Thomas Barrow: Uh, he, he must have gotten it from Mr. Bates. I told you he was unreliable.
Earl of Grantham: But I never gave Bates the recipe.
[he and Carson reach into their jackets for guns]
Thomas Barrow: No, wait!
[gunfire ensues]

"Downton Abbey: Episode #1.7" (2010)
John Bates: [to the dining collective] War is on the way.
William Mason: Then we'll have to face it, as bravely as we can.
Thomas Barrow: Thank you, Mr. Cannon Fodder.

Thomas Barrow: Ah, there'll be a war all right - it's time to prepare for it.
Anna Smith: The country, do you mean?
Thomas Barrow: No, me.
John Bates: [to Thomas] You never disappoint.

"Downton Abbey: Episode #2.2" (2011)
[Thomas is reading the blinded Lt. Courtenay's post aloud to him]
Thomas Barrow: "Things cannot be as they were and, whatever you might think, Jack has your best interests at heart."
Lieutenant Edward Courtenay: Stop.
Thomas Barrow: Who's Jack?
Lieutenant Edward Courtenay: My younger brother. He means to replace me.
[laughs quietly]
Lieutenant Edward Courtenay: It's what he's always wanted.
Thomas Barrow: [awkwardly] Yeah, well...
Lieutenant Edward Courtenay: I'm sorry. I mustn't bore you.
Thomas Barrow: [almost shyly] Don't let 'em walk all over you. You've got to fight your corner.
Lieutenant Edward Courtenay: What with?
Thomas Barrow: Your brain. You're not a victim, don't let them make you into one.
Lieutenant Edward Courtenay: [with a sad smile] You know, when you talk like that, I almost believe you.
Thomas Barrow: You should believe me. All my life they've... pushed me around... just 'cause I'm different.
Lieutenant Edward Courtenay: How? Why are you different?
Thomas Barrow: [glancing at him] Never mind. Look... look, I don't know if you're going to see again or not. But I do know you have to fight back.
[Edward places an affectionate hand on Thomas' knee, and Thomas covers his hand with his own]

Thomas Barrow: Imagine Carson without a footman. Like a ringmaster without a pony.

"Downton Abbey: Episode #6.1" (2015)
Thomas Barrow: If it's all right with you, Miss Denker, I'd rather talk to the organ grinder.

"Downton Abbey: Episode #4.4" (2013)
Thomas Barrow: What's the matter with everyone this merry morn?
Mr. Carson: I always think there's something rather foreign about high spirits at breakfast.

"Downton Abbey: Episode #1.1" (2010)
Thomas Barrow: [as both men re moving in different directions] Where have you been?
William Mason: I'm not late, am I?
Thomas Barrow: [condescendingly] You're late when I say you're late.

"Downton Abbey: Episode #6.5" (2015)
Charles Carson: They performed a gastrectomy.
Thomas Barrow: What's that?
Charles Carson: No business of ours.

"Downton Abbey: Episode #4.8" (2013)
Joseph Molesley: [referring to Thomas' New York trip] How was it?
Thomas Barrow: Interesting. Very modern and very interesting. How's it been here?
Jimmy Kent: Not very interesting and not very modern.

"Downton Abbey: Episode #1.4" (2010)
John Bates: [witnessing Thomas' callousness to William and Daisy, grabbing his collar, and pushing him against the wall in a threatening fashion] Now listen, you filthy little rat. If you don't lay off, I will punch your shining teeth through the back of your skull.
Thomas Barrow: [contemptuously] Is this supposed to frighten me, Mr. Bates? Because it is, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but it's just not working. It isn't working.
[He walks away from Bates]

"Downton Abbey: Episode #6.4" (2015)
Baxter: You are your own worst enemy.
Thomas Barrow: If I am, I've got competition.

"Downton Abbey: Episode #6.3" (2015)
Mr. Carson: You seem unusually disenchanted with life these days, Mr. Barrow.
Thomas Barrow: I can't see the future, Mr. Carson, but then I suppose none of us can.

"Downton Abbey: The London Season (#4.9)" (2013)
Thomas Barrow: [about the trip to London] Are you looking forward to it?
Daisy Mason: Why should I be? What difference does it make to peel onions in London or peel them in Yorkshire?

"Downton Abbey: Episode #3.8" (2012)
Thomas Barrow: [leaving the room] I am not foul, Mr. Carson. I am not the same as you, but I am not foul.
Charles Carson: Yes, very well... We've spoke enough on this subject.

"Downton Abbey: Episode #5.2" (2014)
Thomas Barrow: [to James, who is leaving Downton] We have been friends, and I'm sad to see the back of you.

"Downton Abbey: Christmas Special (#6.9)" (2015)
Thomas Barrow: [upon leaving Downton for new employment] I arrived here as a boy. I leave here as a man.