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Quotes for
Doris Schneider (Character)
from Türkisch für Anfänger (2012)

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"Turkish for Beginners: Die, in der ich meine Freiheit verliere (#1.1)" (2006)
Doris Schneider: Anybody want anything from the supermarket?
Lena Schneider: [voiceover] Me. My old life, please.

Doris Schneider: You are so kitschy!
Metin Öztürk: Yes, that's how I got you.
Lena Schneider: You only got her because she is in her midlife crisis. Don't hold it against me, Metin, but if my mother were a man, you'd only be a Porsche.

Metin Öztürk: [watching Lena through a window] You know, your daughter has something militant about her.
Doris Schneider: Really? No, that's her friendly face.

Doris Schneider: [is supported by Lena and Nils in an exercise meant to leave fears behind] I am afraid that I won't be able to make Metin happy. Sexually, too.
Lena Schneider: [her and Nils get up, disgusted, and go away]
Doris Schneider: This exercise simply doesn't work with teenagers.

Doris Schneider: Whatever she says, she doesn't mean it.
Lena Schneider: Mom. Father. Siblings. To us! To the Schneider and the...
Metin Öztürk: Öztürk. Metin.
Lena Schneider: To the Schneider and the Öz... nöks. Cheers.


"Turkish for Beginners: Die, in der Metin die Schnauze voll hat (#2.23)" (2007)
Doris Schneider: We have all been in love with a wild young man, once.

Metin Öztürk: You - Eco-polygamist!
Doris Schneider: Eco-polygamist?
Cem Öztürk: What does that mean?
Lena Schneider: Slut who only buys organic groceries.

Doris Schneider: What! About! The! Sentence! 'Get out of my life!' didn't you understand?

Yagmur Öztürk: Costa has to move away, to Bavaria, they're putting him into a boarding school!
Doris Schneider: Oh God, a boarding school!
Lena Schneider: Oh God, in Bavaria!

Doris Schneider: [after having hit Markus over the head] Now I finally know what a frying-pan is for.


"Turkish for Beginners: Die, in der alle K..K..Komplexe haben (#2.15)" (2007)
Doris Schneider: Gurke, shut up, or I'll make salad out of you.

Doris Schneider: Where do we start?
Gülcan Süleman: Flowers. Flower arrangements. Their colour will be the theme for the whole wedding.
Doris Schneider: Brown!
Diana Schneider: [at the same time] Pink!
Doris Schneider: Pink?
Diana Schneider: [at the same time] Brown?

Metin Öztürk: Doris will look so beautiful!
Doris Schneider: I will look so hilarious.


"Turkish for Beginners: Die, mit Grillen in Honig (#2.19)" (2007)
Doris Schneider: If you ever get near him again, I'll make you leave school.
Lena Schneider: Er, this is no threat.

Doris Schneider: Gurke, you want to talk?
Lena Schneider: No, I want to kill!

Doris Schneider: Aren't you jealous at all? I mean, I have two kids with this guy.
Metin Öztürk: You have four with me.


"Turkish for Beginners: Die, mit dem Abschiedskuss (#2.2)" (2007)
Cem Öztürk: He's supposed to move in with us, and in my room?
Doris Schneider: Little man, come on, Nille's room is too small. You and Axel are the same age, you have much more in common.
Lena Schneider: [voiceover] Yep. Me, for example.

Doris Schneider: I will NOT separate the laundry. It's 2006, I do have a driver's license and a doctor's degree, and I don't shave my legs in winter.


"Turkish for Beginners: Die, mit Sex und Pistols (#2.4)" (2007)
Doris Schneider: You really want to go to that boarding school in Switzerland?
Nils Schneider: I always wanted to meet other intelligent people.

Doris Schneider: There he goes, the only man that still estimates me in my mid- twenties.


"Turkish for Beginners: Die, in der ich ein Kranich bin (#2.10)" (2007)
Doris Schneider: Now we'll get to your power animal.
Lena Schneider: No, not the crane again!

Doris Schneider: I won't hold it against you, Cem, we have all been 17 at one time. If you don't leave her alone, be assured that you won't get much older than that.


"Turkish for Beginners: Die, in der alle hysterisch sind (#2.13)" (2007)
Diana Schneider: Where's the pendulum?
Doris Schneider: Ever since you didn't manage to reawaken Holger, we don't use the pendulum anymore.

Metin Öztürk: You mean, I have to oppress you more?
Doris Schneider: In a positive sense, yes.


"Turkish for Beginners: Die, nach der schon alles vorbei sein soll? (#2.24)" (2007)
Metin Öztürk: We're getting married tomorrow, and your daughter is crying!
Doris Schneider: [Yagmur walks by, in tears] Not just mine.


"Turkish for Beginners: Die, mit When a Metin loves a Woman (#2.14)" (2007)
Doris Schneider: I have a kitchen, and kids, and I cried at the proposal - I'm a real woman!


"Turkish for Beginners: Die, in der Frauen schwach werden (#2.1)" (2007)
Hans-Hermann Schneider: Those things are as hard as Kruppstahl!
Doris Schneider: These are muffins.
Hans-Hermann Schneider: That's munition!


"Turkish for Beginners: Die, in der es La Boumt! (#2.21)" (2007)
Doris Schneider: Clear the dancefloor, beginners!


"Turkish for Beginners: Die, in der Metin fremdgeht (#2.11)" (2007)
Doris Schneider: Women in uniform. One would rather not know what THEY have to compensate.


"Turkish for Beginners: Die, in der Cem keine Wurst sein will (#2.5)" (2007)
Doris Schneider: Toast Hawaii.
Metin Öztürk: Yes, now I see it, too.
Doris Schneider: We were out of pineapple, so I used apples. I guess it's more 'Toast Altes Land'.


"Turkish for Beginners: Die, in der ich mich für meine Familie schäme (#2.17)" (2007)
Doris Schneider: When I met Metin, Markus was completely forgotten.
Diana Schneider: Get the popcorn, Eve is telling tales from the paradise again.


"Turkish for Beginners: Die, in der Costa den Lukas haut (#2.20)" (2007)
Diana Schneider: What is Markus doing at the compost?
Doris Schneider: Searching snails for his dinner.