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: Hipsters like karaoke. Max Black
: Replace the work 'like' with the word 'Hitler' and you have the 3 worst things in history.
: And the technical term for you is "overly-dramatic". Yesterday you freaked out because we were out of toilet paper. Just hold it 'til you get to work like everybody else. Han Lee
: Now maybe I sing while others wait. Max Black
: Uh-oh. We got real problems now. Han Lee
: I choose Susan Boyle popular song from all clips on internet. It's called I Dream...
[Max unplugs microphone while Han is talking
] Max Black
: Keep dreaming.
: Ok, next person is going to sing teenage dream by Katy Perry who is pretty now but used to have very horrible acne. Earl
: This is the third teenage dream in forty-five minutes. Why don't I just close my nuts in the cashier's drawer?
: Tomorrow is Caroline's birthday. Max Black
: Why don't I know that about her? She tells me everything. I know so much about her cycle I feel pressure to impregnate her. Oleg
: I can do that for you.
: Congratulations. It's official. Our website is now live. Max Black
: Congratulations. It's official, you're a whore. I hear you got your Kinko's card punched. Caroline Channing
: What, heh? Max Black
: Don't "what" me. I know you hooked up with the webmaster. Oleg
: [Oleg rings the bell
] Pick up. Caroline Channing
: Oleg, you told Max? Oleg
: What's happening? Caroline Channing
: Our deal's off. Oleg had sex with Sophie last night.
] Sophie Kachinsky
: No. No. It wasn't sex. Just hand stuff. Yeah. And nothing above the waist. I'm a lady. Yeah. I got all hot and bothered watching Caroline and big Han. Edwin
: You know, I really think this is between Caroline and me. Han Lee
: You mean between Caroline, you and your strippers. Caroline Channing
: Strippers? Han Lee
: I have seen this man in a strip club. Max Black
: Han, you were in a strip club? Han Lee
: [Han points to Earl
] Earl took me.
[Earl stands there with his mouth wide open
: Damn it, Han! You gonna sell me out, after I spotted you a hundred dollars in ones. Oleg
: You went to Spreaders without me?
: That's a $450,000 sports car. Max Black
: I know. Add a stackable washer/dryer and a motor home, and it's like Caroline won the the Showcase Showdown.
: [Han Lee comes in with a CPR doll
] Okay, everybody, gather around. Max Black
: Who knew it was "bring your girlfriend to work" day? Han Lee
: She is not my girlfriend. Judy is a CPR doll and the hardest working girl in this diner. Caroline Channing
: [Caroline comes out from the diner work area
] Oh, Han you shouldn't bring your sex doll out in public. Han Lee
: This is not my girlfriend or a sex doll!
: [Han pulls out a hand gun and points it at the robber
] I don't think so, homeboy... You're in my house now, bitch!
: Look at that. Something ate right through the Swiffer. And I don't think it was the bleach. How will you ever live with the shame? Caroline Channing
: Can you believe that was the man that saved us? Max Black
: Yeah, I did not see a gun coming. I saw nun-chucks, ninja smoke, maybe some hair-pulling, but not a gun.
: OK, first comment. Dark haired waitress. Max Black
: [high pitched and happily
] Hey! Han Lee
: Was very rude! Max Black
: [high pitched and happily
: Over there they roll fast and loose. Han Lee
: Well, this is how I roll. Max Black
: Yeah, short and slow. Han Lee
: No, I roll Fast and Furious, Tokyo Drift style!
: Thank you, everyone, for staying late to learn our new iPad order system. Earl
: We had no choice. You locked the door from the outside. Han Lee
: Either way, we're learning. Caroline Channing
: Han, why would we update your order system when our uniforms are from the 1970's and our paychecks are from the 1800s? Han Lee
: Let's get to the tutorial. Max, you and I are going to role-play. Max Black
: All right, you can be the little bitch and I'll be me. Oleg
: I don't need this lesson. I'm very familiar with the touch screen. Let's just say I put the "goo" in Google. Han Lee
: I'm going to pretend I'm a customer and order a hamburger. Hello, Miss. I'll have a hamburger. Max Black
: Certainly, Miss. Would you like that with or without Salmonella?
: I'm in a casual flirtation with a woman in Australia. She's part Aboriginal but has a great personality.
: You think you're too good for the diner? Caroline Channing
: I think sour bread is too good for the diner.
: What other career options do you have Caroline? Hmm lets see cupcakes? No wait your shop didn't last six months! Caroline Channing
: Don't go there Han. Han Lee
: Oh I'm already there and now I'm back. Caroline Channing
: That shop was our dream Han, and this is just a dumb diner. Han Lee
: Your fired! Caroline Channing
: Oooo I'm fired? Max, Han just fired me. Max Black
: You lucky son of a whore. Han Lee
: I'm serious Caroline you just called my diner dumb. At least my diner is still open and successful where as your cupcake shop was so dumb it failed. Earl
: Oh, he did not just go there. Han Lee
: I went there and I came back and then I went there again!
: Caroline is late again. And she better not use your new cupcake shop as an excuse this time, 'cause sista, that crap ain't gonna fly. Max Black
: First of all, stop talking like you're in a Tyler Perry movie. And secondly,
[Caroline comes in without Han noticing
] Max Black
: Caroline's here, she's in the kitchen. Han Lee
: Oh, really? 'Cause when I was in there, you told me she was out here. You play me, fool. Max Black
: Stop talking like you're in a Tyler Perry sequel.
: Han, what are you thinking? How are you ever gonna pull this off? Han Lee
: With the help of my two best friends? Max Black
: Oh, good! Who are they?
: Oh P90X don't fail me now!
: Hey Han, do you want a cat? Max Black
: You can finally have a friend your own size. C'mon you can ride it to work. Han Lee
: No, I can't have a cat. They're lazy, moody and judgmental. I don't need another you. Plus they don't show affection. Max Black
: Sure they do, you just have to know how to get it out of them. Cats love to be lightly spanked on their bottom. Han Lee
: I don't understand why a cat would like that. So mysterious. Max Black
: [Max starts spanking Han
] Kitty, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty. Han Lee
: Hmm, well, I can't have a cat, I work all the time. Why did I like that so much? Max Black
: I dunno, something with boobs was touching you? Han Lee
: People with boobs touch me. Caroline Channing
: She means aside from your mom. Han Lee
: Then, no.
: We gotta figure out a way to get paid to sit around and eat food and do nothing more often. Han Lee
: Oh I think you cracked that code a long time ago.
: Max, I'm talking to you. Max Black
: Oh, I didn't hear you I have my earbuds in. Han Lee
: [Picks up earbuds from off the table
] What are these? Max Black
: Ok you had to bust a move and get all "the truth" on my ass fine let's go there. Han, I'm never gonna be your Facebook friend.
: [Caroline is talking about the new cappuccino machine
] Okay, good. Now we've got the power on, but how do we steam the milk? Maybe it's on this touchpad thing.
[Caroline pushes a button and a ton of hot steam comes out and Caroline screams
] Caroline Channing
: Oh, Holy Mother of God! I just steamed my vagina. Han Lee
: [Han comes into the back diner area
] Max, Caroline, your shift started three minutes ago. Caroline Channing
: Who cares about sidework? I probably can't have children. Han Lee
: What is wrong with her? Max Black
: She just had her carpet steamed-cleaned.