Han Lee
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Quotes for
Han Lee (Character)
from "2 Broke Girls" (2011)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
"2 Broke Girls: And the Rich People Problems (#1.4)" (2011)
Han Lee: Hipsters like karaoke.
Max Black: Replace the work 'like' with the word 'Hitler' and you have the 3 worst things in history.

Max Black: And the technical term for you is "overly-dramatic". Yesterday you freaked out because we were out of toilet paper. Just hold it 'til you get to work like everybody else.
Han Lee: Now maybe I sing while others wait.
Max Black: Uh-oh. We got real problems now.
Han Lee: I choose Susan Boyle popular song from all clips on internet. It's called I Dream...
[Max unplugs microphone while Han is talking]
Max Black: Keep dreaming.

Han Lee: Ok, next person is going to sing teenage dream by Katy Perry who is pretty now but used to have very horrible acne.
Earl: This is the third teenage dream in forty-five minutes. Why don't I just close my nuts in the cashier's drawer?


"2 Broke Girls: And the One-Night Stands (#1.18)" (2012)
Han Lee: Tomorrow is Caroline's birthday.
Max Black: Why don't I know that about her? She tells me everything. I know so much about her cycle I feel pressure to impregnate her.
Oleg: I can do that for you.

Caroline Channing: Congratulations. It's official. Our website is now live.
Max Black: Congratulations. It's official, you're a whore. I hear you got your Kinko's card punched.
Caroline Channing: What, heh?
Max Black: Don't "what" me. I know you hooked up with the webmaster.
Oleg: [Oleg rings the bell] Pick up.
Caroline Channing: Oleg, you told Max?
Oleg: What's happening?
Caroline Channing: Our deal's off. Oleg had sex with Sophie last night.
[Max gasps]
Sophie Kachinsky: No. No. It wasn't sex. Just hand stuff. Yeah. And nothing above the waist. I'm a lady. Yeah. I got all hot and bothered watching Caroline and big Han.
Edwin: Okay.
[Edwin chuckles]
Edwin: You know, I really think this is between Caroline and me.
Han Lee: You mean between Caroline, you and your strippers.
Caroline Channing: Strippers?
Han Lee: I have seen this man in a strip club.
Max Black: Han, you were in a strip club?
Han Lee: [Han points to Earl] Earl took me.
[Earl stands there with his mouth wide open]
Earl: Damn it, Han! You gonna sell me out, after I spotted you a hundred dollars in ones.
Oleg: You went to Spreaders without me?


"2 Broke Girls: And the Past and the Furious (#4.9)" (2015)
Han Lee: That's a $450,000 sports car.
Max Black: I know. Add a stackable washer/dryer and a motor home, and it's like Caroline won the the Showcase Showdown.

Han Lee: [Han Lee comes in with a CPR doll] Okay, everybody, gather around.
Max Black: Who knew it was "bring your girlfriend to work" day?
Han Lee: She is not my girlfriend. Judy is a CPR doll and the hardest working girl in this diner.
Caroline Channing: [Caroline comes out from the diner work area] Oh, Han you shouldn't bring your sex doll out in public.
Han Lee: This is not my girlfriend or a sex doll!


"2 Broke Girls: And the Hold-Up (#2.3)" (2012)
Han Lee: [Han pulls out a hand gun and points it at the robber] I don't think so, homeboy... You're in my house now, bitch!

Han Lee: Look at that. Something ate right through the Swiffer. And I don't think it was the bleach. How will you ever live with the shame?
Caroline Channing: Can you believe that was the man that saved us?
Max Black: Yeah, I did not see a gun coming. I saw nun-chucks, ninja smoke, maybe some hair-pulling, but not a gun.


"2 Broke Girls: And the Pop-Up Sale (#1.12)" (2011)
Han Lee: OK, first comment. Dark haired waitress.
Max Black: [high pitched and happily] Hey!
Han Lee: Was very rude!
Max Black: [high pitched and happily] Hey!

Oleg: Over there they roll fast and loose.
Han Lee: Well, this is how I roll.
Max Black: Yeah, short and slow.
Han Lee: No, I roll Fast and Furious, Tokyo Drift style!


"2 Broke Girls: And the Fun Factory (#4.8)" (2015)
Han Lee: Thank you, everyone, for staying late to learn our new iPad order system.
Earl: We had no choice. You locked the door from the outside.
Han Lee: Either way, we're learning.
Caroline Channing: Han, why would we update your order system when our uniforms are from the 1970's and our paychecks are from the 1800s?
Han Lee: Let's get to the tutorial. Max, you and I are going to role-play.
Max Black: All right, you can be the little bitch and I'll be me.
Oleg: I don't need this lesson. I'm very familiar with the touch screen. Let's just say I put the "goo" in Google.
Han Lee: I'm going to pretend I'm a customer and order a hamburger. Hello, Miss. I'll have a hamburger.
Max Black: Certainly, Miss. Would you like that with or without Salmonella?

Han Lee: I'm in a casual flirtation with a woman in Australia. She's part Aboriginal but has a great personality.


"2 Broke Girls: And the Big Hole (#2.20)" (2013)
Han Lee: You think you're too good for the diner?
Caroline Channing: I think sour bread is too good for the diner.

Han Lee: What other career options do you have Caroline? Hmm lets see cupcakes? No wait your shop didn't last six months!
Caroline Channing: Don't go there Han.
Han Lee: Oh I'm already there and now I'm back.
Caroline Channing: That shop was our dream Han, and this is just a dumb diner.
Han Lee: Your fired!
Caroline Channing: Oooo I'm fired? Max, Han just fired me.
Max Black: You lucky son of a whore.
Han Lee: I'm serious Caroline you just called my diner dumb. At least my diner is still open and successful where as your cupcake shop was so dumb it failed.
Earl: Oh, he did not just go there.
Han Lee: I went there and I came back and then I went there again!


"2 Broke Girls: And the New Boss (#2.9)" (2012)
Han Lee: Caroline is late again. And she better not use your new cupcake shop as an excuse this time, 'cause sista, that crap ain't gonna fly.
Max Black: First of all, stop talking like you're in a Tyler Perry movie. And secondly,
[Caroline comes in without Han noticing]
Max Black: Caroline's here, she's in the kitchen.
Han Lee: Oh, really? 'Cause when I was in there, you told me she was out here. You play me, fool.
Max Black: Stop talking like you're in a Tyler Perry sequel.


"2 Broke Girls: And the Girlfriend Experience (#3.7)" (2013)
Caroline Channing: Han, what are you thinking? How are you ever gonna pull this off?
Han Lee: With the help of my two best friends?
Max Black: Oh, good! Who are they?


"2 Broke Girls: And the Window of Opportunity (#2.24)" (2013)
Han Lee: Oh P90X don't fail me now!


"2 Broke Girls: And the Kitty Kitty Spank Spank (#3.3)" (2013)
Caroline Channing: Hey Han, do you want a cat?
Max Black: You can finally have a friend your own size. C'mon you can ride it to work.
Han Lee: No, I can't have a cat. They're lazy, moody and judgmental. I don't need another you. Plus they don't show affection.
Max Black: Sure they do, you just have to know how to get it out of them. Cats love to be lightly spanked on their bottom.
Han Lee: I don't understand why a cat would like that. So mysterious.
Max Black: [Max starts spanking Han] Kitty, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty.
Han Lee: Hmm, well, I can't have a cat, I work all the time. Why did I like that so much?
Max Black: I dunno, something with boobs was touching you?
Han Lee: People with boobs touch me.
Caroline Channing: She means aside from your mom.
Han Lee: Then, no.


"2 Broke Girls: And the Extra Work (#2.22)" (2013)
Caroline Channing: We gotta figure out a way to get paid to sit around and eat food and do nothing more often.
Han Lee: Oh I think you cracked that code a long time ago.


"2 Broke Girls: And Strokes of Goodwill (#1.3)" (2011)
Han Lee: Max, I'm talking to you.
Max Black: Oh, I didn't hear you I have my earbuds in.
Han Lee: [Picks up earbuds from off the table] What are these?
Max Black: Ok you had to bust a move and get all "the truth" on my ass fine let's go there. Han, I'm never gonna be your Facebook friend.


"2 Broke Girls: And the Group Head (#3.4)" (2013)
Caroline Channing: [Caroline is talking about the new cappuccino machine] Okay, good. Now we've got the power on, but how do we steam the milk? Maybe it's on this touchpad thing.
[Caroline pushes a button and a ton of hot steam comes out and Caroline screams]
Caroline Channing: Oh, Holy Mother of God! I just steamed my vagina.
Han Lee: [Han comes into the back diner area] Max, Caroline, your shift started three minutes ago.
Caroline Channing: Who cares about sidework? I probably can't have children.
Han Lee: What is wrong with her?
Max Black: She just had her carpet steamed-cleaned.