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Quotes for
Ask That Guy (Character)
from "Ask That Guy with the Glasses" (2008)

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"Bum Reviews: Monsters vs. Aliens (#2.4)" (2009)
Ask That Guy with the Glasses: So, they all lived happily ever after. I stole my 3D glasses because I am thoroughly a horrible person, and then I came home and masturbated. Would you like a reenactment of that?

Ask That Guy with the Glasses: This is That Guy with the Glasses saying, change. Change is upon us.
[director whispers to him; holds up styrofoam cup]
Ask That Guy with the Glasses: Change. Change is upon us.
[director whispers again]
Ask That Guy with the Glasses: Oh, uh... change? Do you have change? Someone must have change... well I can't just flat-out do an impression of him. I'm no good at impressions.
[director whispers to him]
Ask That Guy with the Glasses: What, you want something like...
[does perfect impression of Chester A. Bum]
Ask That Guy with the Glasses: CHANGE? You got change? Ah, come on, help a guy out, will ya? Come on, change!
[in normal voice]
Ask That Guy with the Glasses: Is that what you would like? Well forget it, I'm not going to do it. Piss off. I'm going to go masturbate.
[walks out of frame]
Ask That Guy with the Glasses: And I won't be thinking of you... for long.

Ask That Guy with the Glasses: I mean, zowie!


"The Nostalgia Critic: TGWTG Team Brawl, 1st Anniversary Video (#2.20)" (2009)
Ask That Guy with the Glasses: You two, do you even remember what you were fighting about all this time?
The Angry Video Game Nerd, Nostalgia Critic: No.
Ask That Guy with the Glasses: Then why are we all fighting? This isn't a time for comic book violence, this is a time for unity. For everyone to bring their creativity together to create something new and better.
Nostalgia Critic: You know, he's right. We shouldn't hate each other. We should join forces to hate other things.

Ask That Guy with the Glasses: In fact, I'm sure there are alot of you who want to do crossovers, aren't there? Because everyone really eats that shit up.

Ask That Guy with the Glasses: Come on, people, let's all join together and take a picture to show everybody how truly united we are. Oh, not you, Ma-Ti.


"Ask That Guy with the Glasses: Ask That Guy #44 (#2.16)" (2009)
Bennett the Sage: [coming in] Holy shit, this is a nice house.
Ask That Guy With the Glasses: Why Sage... I thought I killed you.
Bennett the Sage: I got better.
Ask That Guy With the Glasses: Oh. How did you get in here?
Bennett the Sage: Broke in. By the way, you need a new window.

Narrator: [reading question] Why is it that on Christmas we put up trees in the living room? Aren't trees for outside?
Ask That Guy With the Glasses: Yes they are, and you know what else is good for outside? Illegal immigrants. Now I know what you're thinking: you're a horrible person. Yes. And I know what else you're thinking: what does that have to do with Christmas trees? Well while you keep the trees outside, you can also use illegal immigrants to trim them and keep them nice. Unlike them.

Narrator: [reading question] Was Jesus Christ circumcized?
Ask That Guy With the Glasses: Well, the answer to that is...
Bennett the Sage: No, he didn't have a penis.
Ask That Guy With the Glasses: He didn't?
Bennett the Sage: No, of course not. Would God have a penis? He wouldn't have a vagina either. You know what He has? Something called a brenno. It's a type of genitalia that is neither penis nor vagina. You ever get your penis inside of it, you can neither go to Heaven nor Hell.


"Ask That Guy with the Glasses: Ask That Guy #15 (#1.15)" (2008)
Narrator: Are you gay?
Ask That Guy With the Glasses: No, I'm German.


"Ask That Guy with the Glasses: Ask That Guy #45 (#2.17)" (2009)
Ask That Guy With The Glasses: [is asked "what will you be getting me for Christmas?"] How about a Hummel?
Hummel Figurine: My Babushka is made out of your childhood hero!
Ask That Guy With The Glasses: That or a gift card.


"Ask That Guy with the Glasses: Ask That Guy #39 (#2.11)" (2009)
Narrator: [reading question] I suffer from a great depression, and I don't want to live anymore. But I don't have the courage to commit suicide. Will you please kill me by shooting me in the head with a hand gun?
Ask That Guy with the Glasses: Certainly.
[grabs gun; walks out of house, down the street, enters another house where he shoots a man then comes back to his own house and back to the set]
Ask That Guy with the Glasses: By the way, where do you live?


"The Nostalgia Critic: Kickassia Part 6: All the Really Bad Shit Happens (#3.26)" (2010)
Ask That Guy With the Glasses: [enters] Hold it!
MarzGurl: What do you want?
Ask That Guy With the Glasses: Oh nothing, just wanted to make my cameo. Bye.
[leaves]


"Ask That Guy with the Glasses: Ask That Guy #25 (#1.25)" (2008)
Narrator: Why is lemon juice artificially flavored, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Ask That Guy With the Glasses: Because I'm Batman.


Kickassia (2010) (V)
Ask That Guy With the Glasses: Hold it!
MarzGurl: What do you want?
Ask That Guy With the Glasses: Oh nothing, just wanted to make my cameo. Bye.


"Ask That Guy with the Glasses: Ask That Guy #50 (#3.4)" (2010)
Narrator: Are you pondering what I'm pondering?
Ask That Guy With the Glasses: Well, I think so, Brain, but where are we going to find rubber pants our size?


"The Nostalgia Critic: TMNT (#2.18)" (2009)
Ask That Guy With The Glasses: Hello, I'm That Guy With The Glasses, and there are many questions I'm sure you want to ask me, like what am I doing at the end of this video? Are you actually that handsome in real life? And why did the Nostalgia Critic wear mascara in his last video, anyway? Well, none of those questions are important next to the greatest question of them all: How do I get Geek Fight cards? That's right, it's a fucking commercial. I bet you thought I was gonna say something meaningful like I usually do. But it turns out I'm an unbelievable whore. And how can you not be when you are actually featured on the cards? Look at that. Ask That Guy With The Glasses has his very own card. Isn't it beautiful? Yes. There are also other characters you can get, though, like the Nostalgia Critic, Chester A. Bum, and even Hamster Jelly has a card. How did Hamster Jelly get a card? You don't want to know. They are only $7. Isn't that fantastic? Now that we have that out of the way, we can get back to answering the important questions, like why did the Nostalgia Critic wear eyeliner in his last review, anyway?
Nostalgia Critic: It was from a Melvin sketch, alright? I don't wear eyeliner!
Ask That Guy With The Glasses: He's lying, of course. It's because he's an emo.
Nostalgia Critic: No, I'm not!
Ask That Guy With The Glasses: Yes, he is. This is That Guy With The Glasses saying, "Buy these cards today, or I'll come to your house, sodomize and kill you."
[the caption "He will, too." appears below him as he nods his head while still smiling]