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: You're human, with the flesh, and the hair, and the navel lint. We're just part of the architecture. Right, Victor? Victor
: Yet, if you kick us, do we not flake? If you moisten us, do we not grow moss?
: If I got caught. Victor
: Better to beg forgiveness than ask permission.
: Maybe Frollo's wrong about the both of us.
[the gargoyles are eavesdropping
: What did she say? Laverne
: Frollo's nose is long, and he wears a truss. Hugo
: Ha! Told ya. Pay up. Victor
: Oh, dear...
[hands him a coin
: [takes the coin
: Hey, Quasi, what's goin' on out there? A fight? A flogging? Victor
: A festival. Hugo
: You mean the Feast of Fools? Quasimodo
: Uh-huh. Hugo
: All right, all right! Pour the wine and cut the cheese. Victor
: It is a treat to watch the colorful pageantry of the simple peasant folk. Hugo
: [shoving Quasi aside
] Boy, nothin' like balcony seats for watching the ol' F.O.F. Quasimodo
: Yeah, watching.
[he leaves, downcast
: Oh, look, a mime.
[Hugo prepares to spit on the mime, Victor stops him
[after the pigeon fledgling leaves the nest, Hugo comes alive and spits out the nest in his mouth
: Man! I thought he'd never leave. I'll be spitting feathers for a week. Victor
: Well, that's what you get for sleeping with your mouth open. Hugo
: Ha-ha-ha. Go scare a nun.
: Oh, but that poor Gypsy girl. I'm beginning to feel the worst. Laverne
: I know, but now don't you say anything to upset Quasimodo. He's worried enough already. Hugo
: Yeah, you're right. We'd better lighten up. Victor
: [as Quasi climbs down after ringing the bells
] Sh-sh-sh! Here he comes. Laverne
: Now just stay calm. Victor
: Not a word. Hugo
: Easy does it. Victor
: Look stone-faced. Quasimodo
: [approaching the window
] Any sign of her? Victor
: [Breaks down and weeps
] Doh, it's a lost cause! She could be anywhere: in the stocks, in the dungeon, or on the rack! Oh God... Laverne
: [giving an A-OK sign
] Nice work, Victor. Quasimodo
: No, he's right. What're we gonna do?
[Quasimodo is chained down, the gargoyles are encouraging him to free free himself
: Come on, Quasi, snap out of it! Victor
: Your friends are down there! Quasimodo
: [despondently and weakly
] It's all my fault. Laverne
: [as she, Hugo, and Victor try tugging the chains
] You gotta break these chains! Quasimodo
] I can't. I tried. What difference would it make? Victor
: But you can't let Frollo *win*! Quasimodo
: [despondently again
] He already has. Hugo
: [dropping the chains
] Say, you're giving up? That's it? Laverne
: These chains aren't what's holding you back, Quasimodo. Quasimodo
: [snapping firmly
] Leave me alone! Hugo
] Okay. Okay, Quasi. We'll leave you alone. Victor
: After all, we're only made out of stone.
[he and Hugo turn to stone
: We just thought maybe you were made of somethin' stronger.
[turns to stone
: [pause; Frollo's voice drifts up from below
: For justice, for Paris, and for her own salvation, it is my sacred duty to send this unholy demon... back where she belongs!
[he fires the kindling while the crowd indistinctly shouts in protest
[the chains snap taut, the bells resonate as the pillars Quasimodo is chained to break and fall
: Look, he's got a friend with him! Hugo
: Yeah, maybe today wasn't a total loss, after all. Victor
: A vision of loveliness. Hugo
: The one in the dress ain't bad, either.
[the gargoyles have made a catapult
: Ready, aim, fire!
[they throw the whole catapult at the guards; it misses them, falling face down
: Are you *sure* that's how it works?
[the catapult deploys, flipping over and hitting the guards
: Works for me!
: Perhaps he's sick. Laverne
: Impossible. If twenty years of listening to you two hasn't made him sick by now, nothing will.
: Hey hey! There he is!
[He, Laverne, and Victor rush to cheer and applaud Quasi, who's walking back to the bell tower, glad to be rid of Pheobus
: Gizmo! You ejected that tin-plated baboon with great panache! Hugo
: The *nerve* of him, snooping around here trying to steal your girl. Quasimodo
: My girl? Laverne
: Esmeralda. Dark hair, works with a goat. Remember? Hugo
: Boy, I do! Way to go, lover boy! Quasimodo
: "Lover boy"? Oh, no, no, no, no. Laverne
: Aw, don't be so modest. Quasimodo
: Look, I appreciate what you're all trying to do, but let's not fool ourselves. "Ugliest face in all of Paris", remember? I don't think I'm her type.
: You could wear a disguise, just this once. What Frollo doesn't know can't hurt ya. Victor
: Ignorance is bliss. Hugo
: [to the side
] Look who's talkin'.
] Call me a hopeless romantic but Quasi, I feel it. Victor
] She wants you so / Any moment she'll walk through that door. Hugo
] For... Hugo
] A guy so swell. Hugo
] A guy like you. Hugo
] With all you bring her. Victor
] I tell you Quasi. Hugo
] A fool could tell. Victor
] There never was. Hugo
] It's why she fell. Victor
] Another, was he? Hugo
] For you-know-who. Victor
] From king to serf to the bourgeoisie. Hugo
] You ring the bell. Victor
] They're all a second-stringer. Hugo
] You're the bell ringer! / When she wants ooh-la-la / And she wants you la-la / She will discover, guy / You're one heck of a guy / Who wouldn't love a guy like you? Hugo
] You got a lot / The rest have not / So she's gotta love a guy like you!
] A guy like you she's never known, kid. / A guy like you a girl does not meet every day. / You've got a look that's all your own, kid. / Could there be two? Hugo
] Like you? No way! Hugo
] Those other guys that she could dangle all look the same from every boring point of view. / You're a surprise from every angle. / Mon Dieu above, she's gotta love a guy like you. Victor
] A guy like you gets extra credit / Because it's true you've got a certain some thing more. Hugo
] You're aces, kid! Laverne
] You see that face / You don't forget it. Victor
] Want something new? Hugo
] That's you. Hugo
] For sure! Laverne
] We all have gaped at some Adonis. Victor
] But then we crave a meal more nourishing to chew. Hugo
] And since you're shaped like a croissant is... Hugo
] No question of, she's gotta love a guy like you!
: Take it from us, Quasi. You've got nothing to worry about. Hugo
: Yeah, you're irresistible! Victor
] Knights-in-shining-armor certainly aren't her type. Hugo
: And those guys are a dime a dozen, but you - you're one of a kind.
: [as she, Hugo, and Victor try to encourage Quasi to see Madellaine
] Get out there, sweetie! Quasimodo
: [whispering sqeakily
] I-I-I can't! What might I say? Victor
: Open your mouth! Something will come out!
[Quasi stutters squeakily
: Nothing came out.
: Go to the circus, make a good impression! Hm, what does one wear to a carnival event? Quasimodo
: Nothing. Hugo
: Daring, ha-ho! Maybe a bit pushy for a first date. Laverne
: Quasi, you can stay in here and hope for a miracle, or you can get out there and make a mircale of your own. Quasimodo
: [looking at his wooden figures he just carved, Quasi thinks to himself, then smiles excitedly
] You're right! I'm off to the circus! Oh, but what am I gonna wear? Hugo
: I've got the perfect thing, kid!
: [Hands a rope to Hugo
] Hold this. Victor
: [Hugo drops it and a bell falls on the gargoyles, trapping them
] What part of "hold this" was too complex?
: Yuck! Quasimodo
: Yeah, yuck! Victor
: I'm so happy I could just mildew.
] Oh, how the stars will sparkle on the water while the troubadours sing tales of true romance... Victor
: [both singing
] The spirits may rise... with fire in their eyes... Laverne
: While gypsy girls enchant you with a dance! Hoo-hoo-hoo!
: And what's the festival - ? Victor
: Without the bell? Hugo
: Or the bell *ringer*?