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: Marriage is like dandruff - it falls heavily upon your shoulders - you get a lot of free advice about it - but up to date nothing has been found to cure it.
: [gets hit with a spit wad
] Bobby's here, isn't he?
[sees smoke coming from his chair
: And Charley's here too, isn't he?
[sees his pipe in the trash
: And Mother is here too, isn't she?
: [thinking he overdosed his mother-in-law on chloroform
] Mother, please don't die! Don't-don't make me a murderer!