Vanessa Baxter
Top Links
main detailsbiographyby votesphoto galleryquotes
by yearby typeby ratingsby votesby TV seriesby genreby keyword
Did You Know?
photo galleryquotes

Quotes for
Vanessa Baxter (Character)
from "Last Man Standing" (2011)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
"Last Man Standing: All About Eve (#3.12)" (2014)
[first lines]
Eve Baxter: Morning, Baxters.
Mike Baxter: Morning.
Vanessa Baxter: Hey, honey, how'd you sleep?
Eve Baxter: Sleep? Who could sleep with this crushing national debt hanging over our heads?
Vanessa Baxter: Wow! It's so you're just becoming the same person.
Mike Baxter: Great, isn't it?

Vanessa Baxter: You know what, honey, Hillary Clinton was a Goldwater girl in 1964.
Mike Baxter: So. Satan used to work for God. What's your point?

Mike Baxter: Of all the ways the government dips into our pocket and steals our money, my least favorite is when the police gives us bogus tickets just to fill up their quotas.
Kristin Baxter: Oh, oh, but I thought you were Mr. Law and Order.
Mike Baxter: Look, I love the police, but they go to the academy to catch criminals, not to collect taxes. These guys have turned the Denver PD into the freakin' IRS.
Kristin Baxter: Hey. Low speed limits and stop signs make streets safer.
Mike Baxter: I know. If we all went zero miles per hour, there'd be zero accidents. GDP would be zero, but we'd have zero accidents.
Vanessa Baxter: So the DPD is hurting the GDP? Try saying *that* ten times fast.

Vanessa Baxter: Uh, Eve, what happened to your lip?
Eve Baxter: Oh, uh, I got into a little scrap with Richie Hayden.
Vanessa Baxter: What?
Eve Baxter: Yeah, um, I know as a joke people like to say how you should see the other guy, but seriously, you should see the other guy.

Vanessa Baxter: That cop pulled me over today and gave me a ticket.
Mike Baxter: I told ya to stay off Cedar, babe.
Vanessa Baxter: No, he's movin' around. He was on Hudson, today.
Mike Baxter: Hudson? That's under construction. Double the fine. Smart cop.
Vanessa Baxter: Oh, I don't care about the fine...
Mike Baxter: *I* care about the fine.
Vanessa Baxter: It's just... I've always been able to... you know...
[tosses her hair]
Mike Baxter: Come on, honey, with your knockers, you go with the *hair*?

Mike Baxter: [noticing Mandy coming down the stairs in a bright red clingy dress and high-heels] Wow! Whoa!
Vanessa Baxter: Hey, hey. Where are you goin' dressed like that?
Mandy Baxter: Oh, I have a paper due and I didn't quite write it.
Mike Baxter: So why... why are you dressed like *that*?
Mandy Baxter: I need the professor to give me an extension or, if he *really* likes the dress, an A.

[last lines]
Mike Baxter: [Vanessa walks in the front door] Hey babe. How was *your* day?
Vanessa Baxter: A-mazing.
Mike Baxter: Well, tell me, what's an amazing day in the world of a geologist? Did you find the rock that killed Goliath?
Vanessa Baxter: No, no, work was actually pretty dull, but something exciting did happen on the way home. I got pulled over again.
Mike Baxter: I'm sorry about that.
Vanessa Baxter: No, no, it's okay. Jay just gave me a warning. I'm just sayin', "Still got it."
Mike Baxter: Yeah, you still got it.
Vanessa Baxter: Yes, I do.

"Last Man Standing: Back to School (#3.1)" (2013)
[first lines]
Mike Baxter: Hey babe.
Vanessa Baxter: He-ey.
Mike Baxter: What's the matter?
Vanessa Baxter: Oh nothing. I'm just... I'm just right on that late afternoon fence where do I have another cup of coffee or just say screw it and pour my first glass of wine.
Mike Baxter: Tough one.
Vanessa Baxter: Well, which way do you love me more, a little jittery and chatty or passed out and drooling by eight-thirty?
Mike Baxter: I love you both ways.
[leans in for a kiss then slides a wine bottle toward Vanessa]

Vanessa Baxter: Boyd is learning Spanish at his new school.
Blanca: And I will say, with *that* they are doing a very good job.
Mike Baxter: Why are they teaching him Spanish in the first grade?
Vanessa Baxter: Well, honey, it's a bilingual school. The teacher says everything in English and then says it again in Spanish.
Mike Baxter: So you work twice as hard to learn half as much.
Vanessa Baxter: Or they are learning twice as much because they're learning another language.
Mike Baxter: How do they even understand "twice as much" if there's no time for math?

Mandy Baxter: Hey, you guys, check this out. Cogito ergo sum. I think therefor I am.
Mike Baxter: René Descartes.
Mandy Baxter: She was awesome. We learned about her in Philosophy, today. She was French so I don't really know why she was speaking Italian.
Mike Baxter: Uh, money well spent.
Vanessa Baxter: I think René Descartes was a monsieur.
Vanessa Baxter: Oh. Wow. Philosopher that gives massages. Cool, that's a real renaissance woman.

[last lines]
Mike Baxter: Listen up. Before we get started, I just want to say, whether you've been in America for hundreds of years like your families
[gestures toward Robertsons]
Mike Baxter: or an American for just two days,
[pats Blanca on the shoulder]
Mike Baxter: I feel blessed to be sharing this country will all of you. Want to do the honors?
[gestures to Brody]
Brody: Sure. Let's pray. Lord our God is one God. We pray that we love you with all our heart, soul, mind and strength, and we pray that we love our neighbor as ourself. There is no greater commandment than this. Amen.
Mike Baxter, Vanessa Baxter, Mandy Baxter, Eve Baxter, Kristin Baxter, Kyle Anderson, Boyd Baxter, Uncle Ray, Blanca: Amen.
Mike Baxter: All right.

"Last Man Standing: Pledging (#3.3)" (2013)
[last lines]
Vanessa Baxter: I worry about our daughters and the men they choose.
Mike Baxter: I know. They can't all win the lottery like you did.
Vanessa Baxter: [laughs] Just remember, a lot of people who win the lottery end up killing themselves.
Mike Baxter: And *you* remember they usually end up blowing their winnings.

Vanessa Baxter: Ed made up a whole fake backstory about himself just to trick people into trusting him?
Mike Baxter: Yep. Basically, he's Obama.

[first lines]
Eve Baxter: [bursting into the house in her ROTC uniform] Okay, so we just learned the coolest move in hand-to-hand combat training. Come on, Dad, take a swing at me.
Mike Baxter: Hmm. Ask your mom.
Vanessa Baxter: Mike, I'm not going to hit our daughter.
Mike Baxter: You're darn right you're not. You'd end up face down on the ground with a knee in your back.
Eve Baxter: Way to ruin the surprise, Dad.

"Last Man Standing: Big Shots (#4.7)" (2014)
Vanessa Baxter: [Ryan is standing outside so he doesn't catch chicken pox] Some selfish parent, all the other other kids had their shots, why should I?
Kristin Baxter: Or a thoughtful well informed parent who knows the vaccine can make their child sicker than the disease, I chose not to vaccinate Boyd.
Mike Baxter: You what!
Ryan: You what! Seriously I can't hear you, speak up!

Vanessa Baxter: Can you believe there's another Kardashian?
Mike Baxter: Like cars, comes out with a new model every year, got that new Kar-dashian smell.

Mike Baxter: Acne's not contagious.
Mandy Baxter: I don't know that, kids at school stayed away from them, treated them like leopards.
Vanessa Baxter: I think you mean leper.
Mandy Baxter: The D's silent, I didn't know that.

"Last Man Standing: School Merger (#4.5)" (2014)
Mike Baxter: Whatever you do, I'll support you
Vanessa Baxter: Really?
Mike Baxter: Have to, only have one income

Eve Baxter: Wait, no more Art
Carol Larabee: I'm afraid so honey
Eve Baxter: Yes I suck at Art, killing my GPA
Vanessa Baxter: That's selfish, see the bigger picture
Eve Baxter: As long as I don't have to draw it

"Last Man Standing: Rediscover America (#4.3)" (2014)
[first lines]
Vanessa Baxter: Mike, I thought there was supposed to be an article about you in the Denver Business Weekly?
Mike Baxter: The guy needed more time. Apparently, five thousand words isn't enough to take in all of this.
Vanessa Baxter: Well, that's the price you pay for being *so* fascinating.
Mike Baxter: Thank goodness you're a geologist. You dodged *that* bullet.

Vanessa Baxter: Eve is opening doors for women.
Kristin Baxter: Hmm, just like Hillary Clinton.
Mike Baxter: Well, Hillary better knock... make sure Bill's got his pants on.

"Last Man Standing: Thanksgiving (#3.9)" (2013)
Vanessa Baxter: [being filmed by Boyd] What am I thankful for? Uh, I guess I'm thankful for science... specifically the fermentation process that helps me get through the holidays.
[raises wine glass to lips]
Mike Baxter: You know, his teacher's gonna see this. She'll probably send you a pamphlet.

Bud Baxter: Hey, hang on, I haven't said hello to your beautiful bride...
Vanessa Baxter: Hi.
Bud Baxter: [hugs Vanessa] and to my *smart* granddaughter
[hugs Eve]
Bud Baxter: and to my...
Mandy Baxter: Even smarter, more beautiful granddaughter?
Bud Baxter: Sure.
[hugs Mandy]

"Last Man Standing: Ryan vs. John Baker (#3.4)" (2013)
Vanessa Baxter: [walking out of the house] Mike, how long are you two going to play this stupid game?
Mike Baxter: It's not stupid.
Vanessa Baxter: I've got Fritos here that have turned into roof tiles.
Mike Baxter: These tactics could save our daughter's life in combat.
Vanessa Baxter: Great, another *bush* starting an unnecessary war.

[last lines]
Vanessa Baxter: [reading in bed] Honey, that was really nice of you to give Ryan a job.
Mike Baxter: [walking out of bathroom] Well, it's the night shift. I'm just doing my part to make sure the grandchild population stays at one.
Vanessa Baxter: Yep, good night.
[turns off lamp]
Mike Baxter: Whoa, whoa, whoa, we're not done here.
Vanessa Baxter: We're not?
Mike Baxter: Don't I get a reward for being such a nice guy?
[climbing into bed]
Vanessa Baxter: [smiling] Yeah, well, as long as nice guys don't finish first.
Mike Baxter: You can consider that a compliment.
Eve Baxter: [appearing from behind the window curtain] Oh god, I can't take it anymore.
[hurries towards door, stops to throw chip clips into wastebasket]
Eve Baxter: I quit. I quit, you win. Why did I think this was a safe place to hide?
[closes door behind her]
Mike Baxter: I *knew* that'd flush her out. Good night, Babe.
[turns off lamp]

"Last Man Standing: The Ring (#5.14)" (2016)
Eve Baxter: Later, 'rents.
Vanessa Baxter: Later, 'aughter.
Mike Baxter: Have fun at 'ool.

"Last Man Standing: The Spotlight (#1.23)" (2012)
Vanessa Baxter: [on Outdoor Man's Vlog] Come on down to Outdoor Man and get your husband off your back! And off your front.
Mike Baxter: [turning off web cam] Are you crazy? You know our minister watches this?
Vanessa Baxter: Oh please, he has eight kids, he knows what I'm talking about.

"Last Man Standing: Take Your Daughter to Work (#1.13)" (2012)
Mike Baxter: Many times, you got to stream line conversations to avoid the big arguments. We do it all the time.
Vanessa Baxter: What?
Mike Baxter: Honey, married 30 years, we're in the home stretch. You might as well know, I actually like chinese food. I just, you know, don't like watching you eat it.
Vanessa Baxter: Wow, I have been going without since '87.