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: [From the trailer
] Can I have that Milky Way? James Franco
: You can't have the Milky Way. It's my special food, I like it. Seth Rogen
: I want some of the Milky Way! Craig Robinson
: I'd be pretty bummed if I don't get at least a bite of the Milky Way.
: The power of Christ compels you! Jonah Hill
: [in demonic voice
] Guess what? It's not that compelling.
: This is no dream! This is really happening!
: Dear God, it's me, Jonah Hill... from Moneyball.
] The Apocalypse is NIGH!
: A huge earthquake happens, who do they rescue first? Actors. They'll rescue Clooney, Sandra Bullock, me. If there's room, you guys will come.
: So what have you guys been doing? Seth Rogen
: Oh we just hung out all day. Jay Baruchel
: Ate a bunch of dirty burgers, smoked about a fucking pound of weed, and played a bunch of video games. Jonah Hill
: Weed is tight, weed is tight. That's awesome. Jay Baruchel
: It's like the golfing sequence in Navy Seals. Jonah Hill
: Sick reference though bro. Jay Baruchel
: Oh thanks bud. Jonah Hill
: Dude, your references are out of control, everyone knows that.
: [trying to comprehend the previous night
] Something, um, not-that-chill happened last night.
[the guys are debating whether or not to let a stranger into the house
] James Franco
] I know it sounds really weird, but... I don't think we should let him in. Jay Baruchel
: Why not? Headless Man
: Yeah, why not? I can hear you, by the way. James Franco
: I'm sorry, we just don't know you, man. You could be, like, a looter or a, a rapist or a tittyfucker, like...
[Seth grabs his chest protectively
] James Franco
: ... I'm sorry. Look, guys, we just boarded up this whole house to keep everyone out, and the first guy who comes to the door, we're gonna let him in? I mean, how do we know we can trust this guy? Headless Man
: I want to live! Things have gone crazy out here! Danny McBride
: "Agagaga-fuckin'-crazy-out-here!" This guy fuckin' sucks. James Franco
: What if he's the rapist? Jonah Hill
: Man, even if he is a rapist, he can't rape all of us. Headless Man
] Yeah, no, I'm not a rapist! Seth Rogen
: You gonna tittyfuck us? Headless Man
: [almost in tears
] If you want me to tittyfuck you, I will, so good, oh, you'll love it! Jay Baruchel
: Seth, back me up, please, we can't just leave him out there to die, are you crazy? James Franco
: [to Seth
] What do you wanna do? I'll do whatever you wanna do. Seth Rogen
: Uh, let's vote on it! Headless Man
: Yeah, I fuckin' vote you let me in! Danny McBride
: Here's my vote: fuck all of you, I'm letting him in. This is boring.
[the guys all shout and rush to stop him; something growls outside
] Headless Man
: There's something out here!
[the thing outside suddenly chops the man's head off, and the severed head bounces into the room, coming to a stop at Danny's feet
] Danny McBride
: [in shock
] This is real! This is fucking real!
[he kicks the head at James, who kicks it away from him immediately. The guys all start screaming and kicking the head around the room to get away from it
] Jonah Hill
: You guys! This man was alive a few seconds ago, we can't play soccer with his head! James Franco
: Pick it up, Jonah.
[Jonah picks up the head and immediately drops it again as blood gushes out of it
] Danny McBride
: What the fuck is going on? Jonah Hill
: He blinked at me! He blinked at me! James Franco
: Put it over there!
[quivering in fear, Craig throws a blanket over the head
: [as Woody Harrelson
] I have to do what's right, weed is for the people, it's the peoples weed.