James Franco
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Quotes for
James Franco (Character)
from This Is the End (2013)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
This Is the End (2013)
Jonah Hill: [From the trailer] Can I have that Milky Way?
James Franco: You can't have the Milky Way. It's my special food, I like it.
Seth Rogen: I want some of the Milky Way!
Craig Robinson: I'd be pretty bummed if I don't get at least a bite of the Milky Way.

James Franco: The fucker's got to go! GO! The fucker's gots to go!

James Franco: I will shoot off your dick!
Danny McBride: You don't have enough bullets, bitch.

Seth Rogen: Jesus isn't the name of the Lord. God is the name of the Lord.
Craig Robinson: Jesus and God. It's all the same.
Jay Baruchel: It's a trinity.
Craig Robinson: The Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost.
James Franco: It's like neapolitan ice cream.

Danny McBride: What the fuck is wrong with you, Franco? You have iPad's all over the goddamn walls in your house, but you jack off like a fuckin' pilgrim!
James Franco: That's right man, I like to read!

James Franco: We're actors! We bring joy to people's lives!
Jay Baruchel: Yeah but we don't do it for free. We get paid handsomely much higher than the average professional.

Jay Baruchel: Guys, listen listen. I think we need to address the elephant in the room
Seth Rogen: Whoa, Jay, don't talk about Craig like that.
Craig Robinson: That's fucked up. I'm right here man.
Jay Baruchel: I'm not calling Craig an elephant.
James Franco: That's racist.

James Franco: Your mama's pussy was the canvas. Your dad's dick was the paintbrush. Boom. You're the art.
Jay Baruchel: Thanks, James Franco.

James Franco: [while being robbed] I'm not gonna shoot Emma Watson!

James Franco: No more jerking off, no more water, just sit the fuck down!

James Franco: I fucked Lindsay Lohan at the Chateau Marmont. She kept knocking on my door, she was high. She kept calling me Jake Gyllenhaal. I said just call me your prince of Persia.

[Rogen and McBride are digging through the floor of Franco's house when Franco storms through the second floor hallway, carrying his prop gun and a porno magazine]
James Franco: Who did this?
Seth Rogen: Did what? What are you talking about?
James Franco: Jizzed all over the pages of this nice magazine I was nice enough to tell you about.
Danny McBride: [Raises hand] It was me, Franco. I fuckin' made jizz in your magazine.
James Franco: What?
Danny McBride: When I fuckin' jack off long enough, I end up jizzin', dude. I'm assuming, the same shit works for you?
James Franco: Real fuckin' smart answer! Why don't you fuckin' aim, huh?
Danny McBride: I have a particularly explosive ejaculate. It just goes everywhere. It's like a fuckin' wild fireman's hose - you just got to grab on and pray to God it doesn't get into your eyes or your mouth.
James Franco: What the fuck kind of jerking off is that? What, you never had any brothers? You never learned to jizz in a fuckin' sock or on a fuckin' tissue?
Danny McBride: You think that's the only thing I jerked off in here? I've been dropping loads around this fuckin' house like a goddamn dump truck.
James Franco: You don't cum on my stuff!
Danny McBride: I'll cum wherever the fuck I want, James! I'll fuckin' cum in your kitchen, I'll cum on your fuckin' art, I'll cum anywhere I want!
James Franco: I will fuckin' cum right on you! I will cum like a fuckin' madman all over you, McBride!
Danny McBride: Ooh! I fuckin' wish you'd cum on me right now! I fuckin' dare you to cum on me!
[Both men exchange masturbation gestures at each other]
Danny McBride: [Grabbing baseball bat between his legs] I'm gonna jack my dick so fuckin' hard in here...
James Franco: This, no more, man! All over your fuckin' face!
Danny McBride: ...All over the fuckin' floor, all over the fuckin' place! I'll cum everywhere!
James Franco: [Waving gun] No more fuckin' jerking off in my house, McBride!

Danny McBride: [Rapture light appears] What the fuck?
James Franco: Go to hell, McBride! Fuck you! Haha. Suck my dick!
[Rapture light disappears]

[Taking inventory of the food and supplies at James Franco's house]
Seth Rogen: We got 12 bottles of water, 56 beers, two vodkas, four whiskeys, six bottles of wine, tequila, Nutella, cheese, pizza, eggs, bananas, apples, bacon, steaks, pancake mix, C.T. Crunch, milk, ketchup, a Milky Way, half-ounce Sour Diesel, 3 1/2 grams Grand Master Kush, one ounce of 'shrooms, 15 pills of ecstasy, a porno mag, a baseball bat, and the video camera from the movie 27 Hours.
James Franco: [correcting Seth] '127 Hours'.
Seth Rogen: Uh, 127 Hours. And a functioning revolver from the movie 'Flyboys'.

[an armored RV crashes into James Franco's Toyota Prius, slightly injuring Franco, Seth Rogen, and Jay Baruchel. A bunch of cannibals from the RV pulls all three of them out from the totaled car and starts to attack them]
Santa Cannibal: [yells] Yo, cut his fuckin' head off!
[chainsaw revs up; James, Seth, and Jay screams]
Danny McBride: [on loudspeaker] STOP!
[Danny McBride, leader of the cannibals, steps out of his RV with a marijuana joint in one hand and a dog's leash in the other]
Jay Baruchel: Danny?
Danny McBride: [shocked] What the fuck? You guys are still alive?
Seth Rogen: Yeah!
Danny McBride: Holy shit, I didn't expect that.
[tugging on the leash, a gimp, who reveals to be Channing Tatum, jumps out from the RV]
Danny McBride: Get...
[Danny pulls Channing over to him]
Jay Baruchel: Oh, Jesus.
Danny McBride: Shit, I can't believe you guys are here. That's fucking crazy, and your timing couldn't be more perfect. It's been a long time since any of us have eaten, and you three gentlemen look delicious.
Jay Baruchel: [confused] What does that have to do with us?
James Franco: What the fuck are you talking about?
Danny McBride: [chuckles] I'm a cannibal, hombre. We're gonna fuckin' eat your ass.
Seth Rogen: Fuck you, you can't eat us. Fuck that, man!
Danny McBride: I do whatever the fuck I want, whenever I want. I butt-fucked this dude.
[Channing drops down doggy-style]
Danny McBride: See that? I fuckin' slide right in that shit. I do whatever I want. This is my gimp. Channing, introduce yourself.
Channing Tatum: [takes his mask off] Hey, what's up, guys? Y'all cool?
James Franco: That's Channing Tatum.
Seth Rogen: That's Channing Tatum, dude. What the fuck?
Danny McBride: Channing fucking Tatum. I found him wandering on the freeway. I collected him, made him my bitch
[Channing rubs Danny's crotch, but Danny shoves his hand away]
Danny McBride: Get off my dick. I call him Channing "Tate-yum".
James Franco: Hardcore, man.

[after James taunts Danny, the rapture beams disappears; James falls back down on the ground to the evil amazement of the cannibals and the disappointment of Seth and Jay]
Seth Rogen: Oh, shit.
Jay Baruchel: Shit!
James Franco: [horrified] What happened? What did I do? Take me back! What did I DO?
Danny McBride: I'll tell you what happened, Franco. You don't get to get sucked up into Heaven 'cause you were being petty. Tom Petty.
[the cannibals gang up on the now-doomed James]
Danny McBride: You may not have invited me to your party, but your the guest of honor at mine.
James Franco: [last word] What?
[Danny takes a huge bite into James' nose, with Channing joining in; James screams in horrible pain as Seth and Jay can do nothing but watch in sheer horror and disgust]
Danny McBride: [screaming; a crazed Danny holds up James' ripped-off nose] HOW FUCKING CRAZY IS THIS?
[Danny shrieks as the cannibals gang up and fatally eat James up to his death]
Danny McBride: Seth! JAY!
[Three cannibals give chase to Set and Jay, presumably to finish the job and keep them completely fed]
Jay Baruchel: Oh, shit, they're running after us!
Seth Rogen: Oh, shit. Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Run!
Danny McBride: BRING THEM TO ME!

[the guys are debating whether or not to let a stranger into the house]
James Franco: [whispering] I know it sounds really weird, but... I don't think we should let him in.
Jay Baruchel: Why not?
Headless Man: Yeah, why not? I can hear you, by the way.
James Franco: I'm sorry, we just don't know you, man. You could be, like, a looter or a, a rapist or a tittyfucker, like...
[Seth grabs his chest protectively]
James Franco: ... I'm sorry. Look, guys, we just boarded up this whole house to keep everyone out, and the first guy who comes to the door, we're gonna let him in? I mean, how do we know we can trust this guy?
Headless Man: I want to live! Things have gone crazy out here!
Danny McBride: "Agagaga-fuckin'-crazy-out-here!" This guy fuckin' sucks.
James Franco: What if he's the rapist?
Jonah Hill: Man, even if he is a rapist, he can't rape all of us.
Headless Man: [panicking] Yeah, no, I'm not a rapist!
Seth Rogen: You gonna tittyfuck us?
Headless Man: [almost in tears] If you want me to tittyfuck you, I will, so good, oh, you'll love it!
Jay Baruchel: Seth, back me up, please, we can't just leave him out there to die, are you crazy?
James Franco: [to Seth] What do you wanna do? I'll do whatever you wanna do.
Seth Rogen: Uh, let's vote on it!
Headless Man: Yeah, I fuckin' vote you let me in!
Danny McBride: Here's my vote: fuck all of you, I'm letting him in. This is boring.
[the guys all shout and rush to stop him; something growls outside]
Headless Man: There's something out here!
[the thing outside suddenly chops the man's head off, and the severed head bounces into the room, coming to a stop at Danny's feet]
Danny McBride: [in shock] This is real! This is fucking real!
[he kicks the head at James, who kicks it away from him immediately. The guys all start screaming and kicking the head around the room to get away from it]
Jonah Hill: You guys! This man was alive a few seconds ago, we can't play soccer with his head!
James Franco: Pick it up, Jonah.
[Jonah picks up the head and immediately drops it again as blood gushes out of it]
Danny McBride: What the fuck is going on?
Jonah Hill: He blinked at me! He blinked at me!
James Franco: Put it over there!
[quivering in fear, Craig throws a blanket over the head]

James Franco: Dude look helicopters, helicopter, the good guys are here. We're fine, we're gonna be fine
[Helicopter crashes and propeller flies through window and sticks into wall next to Craig]
Craig Robinson: [Screaming and jumping] Goddamn, Goddamn
James Franco: You okay?
Craig Robinson: No I'm not okay.
[Shows finger with small scratch and blood]
Craig Robinson: Fuck yo house Franco
James Franco: My house didn't do that


"30 Rock: Klaus and Greta (#4.9)" (2010)
James Franco: My performance will be too provocative for America.