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: At the risk of not sounding very cool, I'd like to dedicate this match to my two little people at home and say... BIG DADDIO DID IT!
Jesse 'The Body' Ventura
: You hit somebody with a chair, anything like that, I'm not counting it. Mankind
: Let me ask you this. Don't you think that Geraldine Ferraro was vastly underestimated as a candidate? Jesse 'The Body' Ventura
: She might have been, but she's a bleedin' heart liberal, you know. Come on!
: My guests at this time, as you know, just getting the duke in that tremendous tag team matchup, Maxx Payne and Cactus Jack. Gentlemen, I can call you gentlemen can I not Jack? Cactus Jack
: Sure. Gene Okerlund
: Can I talk about the Nasty Boys with you? Cactus Jack
: I'd like to talk about something else first. The Flintstones, Gene. I love the Flintstones. But you answer me this:
] Cactus Jack
: How many times does Fred have to buy the ribs before he realizes the car's gonna tip over?
] Gene Okerlund
] I know that story! Give me a break! Cactus Jack
: Well let's check back into reality. The fact is that Fred Flintstone's a cartoon character and Cactus Jack is just a mortal man. But not when it comes to the Nasty Boys! I'm not mortal anymore! I'm Cactus Jack! and this is Maxx Payne. Which means January 27, Clash of the Champions, on live national TV! We're going to take those gold belts from around your disgusting, fat, putrid waists and put 'em on our fat putrid waists! Gene, trust me, it'll be a do time, a dabba do time, we'll have a gay old time! BANG BANG! Maxx Payne
: Sounds to me, Jack, like you just carved us out a place in history. Well let me tell you something, Nasty Boys, look at Jack and look at Maxx, because we are pitiful. Oh yeah we're despicable, we're as low as you'd ever want to go, and I'll tell you something Nasty Boys, you're looking at the team of the 90s, because, you know what, anybody could identify with us, man. Because we're madmen, and there's an insanity that runs among the two of I that's inexplicable. So Nasty Boys, when you look at Cactus Jack and Maxx Payne you better remember one thing man, how Nasty do you want to be, Cactus Jack and Maxx Payne will get as nasty as you want to be. Gene Okerlund
: All right gentlemen. Coming up in a week and a half on TBS, the 27th of January, these two men will meet the Nasty Boys on the Clash of the Champions. Cactus Jack
] We'll have a gay old time! BANG BANG!
[the theme from "The Flintstones" starts playing as the show goes into a commercial break
: [referring to a Rock interview
] Sugar Coated testes, is that a new breakfast cereal?
: What I propose, Cactus Jack, is that one more time, you and me. At No Way Out, one more time. But this is it! Your last shot at me, your last shot at the WWF title. And Cactus, you can have any type of match you want. Just... there will be no two-by-fours wrapped in razor sharp barbed wire. There will be no sharp, metallic objects. There will be no thumbtacks. There will not be any of your sadistic toys. We will have a match, plain and simple. Cactus Jack
: Let me get this straight: you want me in a match, but it cannot involve two-by-fours wrapped in barbed wire. You want me in a match, but it cannot involve thumbtacks. You want me in a match, but it cannot involve sharp, metallic objects. Triple H
: Congratulations, your brain does still work. Cactus Jack
: Well, let me ask you this: you throw all those toys out of the picture, and I can have any other match I damn well desire? Triple H
: Yes. Cactus Jack
: Doesn't sound like a whole lot of fun, Triple H, but I'll tell you what: no barbed wire, no thumbtacks, no metallic objects... you leave me with only one choice.
] Cactus Jack
: Hell in the Cell!
[the audience pops
: Michael Cole, Shut your role and know your mouth!
: Triple H, how much more do you want from me? First you take away my job, then you bring this idiot out there...
[pointing at "Mankind" in the ring with Hunter
: ...and you take away my dignity. Then, Monday night, you take me and you ruin my face. And I'll be honest, you are the best in the business right now. Because you are, without a doubt, The Game. So it saddens me to say that after the beating you gave me on Monday night, one thing Mankind is not is ready to face you in a street fight at the Royal Rumble in Madison Square Garden. But I think the WWF fans deserve a substitute in that match. What I'm going to do, Triple H, is I'm gonna name him right now. As a matter of fact...
[Mankind pulls off his leather mask
: ...I think you know the guy.
[Makind tears off his collared shirt to reveal a Cactus Jack "Wanted Dead or Alive" shirt, and the crowd cheers
] Cactus Jack
: And I think you know him pretty damn well! His name... is Cactus Jack! And his first official act as part of the WWF is to kick your teeth all over the city of Chicago.
: Owww, have mercy! Hunter and especially your finer Chyna, I know what you must be thinking. 'Dude, what are you doing back here, when you should be out there kicking some heavy duty booty all over the garden?' Hunter my man, I do believe it's time we had a little rap, oh-ho. Because you see, falls count anywhere ain't exactly my bag baby. The pinfalls in the hot dog stands, the pinfalls in the street, the chairs, the tables, it's not exactly a Love thing. But I know somebody, baby, who's bag it indeed is. He's my man, he's my main man, you might even say, well daddy, he's a Kind man. A kooky type of cat, let's bring him out right now.
[Mankind's music plays as Mankind walks into the picture
] Dude Love
: Mankind, my main mandible- up high big man, down low, owww you're too slow. Mankind, good to have you at the Love Shack. Mankind
: Hey Dude. Thanks for having me here. Dude Love
: The pleasure's all mine. Mankind
: You really are eye candy for the chicks, Dude. Dude Love
: That much I know, Daddy, but first you got to tell me about this wacky match: Falls count anywhere. Mankind
: Dude, as much as I've dreamed about destroying Hunter Hearst Helmsley. Dude Love
: I know you have. Mankind
: As many horrible things as I'd like to do to him. Dude Love
: I know you can. Mankind
: I know someone who dreams about it even more. Dude Love
: Oh no, are you thinking what I think you're thinking? Mankind
: I think I am thinking what you think I think you're thinking Dude Love
: Can you bring him out, Manny? Where is he? Mankind
: CACTUS JACK... IS BACK! Dude Love
: Somebody spank me, I thought he was dead. Mankind
: He's alive. Cactus Jack
: Hunter, it may be the darkest day of your life, but this is Madison Square Garden, and Mrs. Foley's baby boy is finally home! BANG BANG! Mankind
: Have a nice day! Dude Love
: Owww have mercy!