Mandy Baxter
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Quotes for
Mandy Baxter (Character)
from "Last Man Standing" (2011)

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"Last Man Standing: Mike Advises Mandy (#4.6)" (2014)
Mandy Baxter: Raise my prices? How would you do that?
[Mike turns the laptop towards her]
Mike Baxter: Make the numbers bigger.

Mandy Baxter: [to Kristin and Eve] You're not my target customers, you're Target customers.

Mandy Baxter: Dad said it would take a while for my rich customers to find me.
Eve Baxter: Probably busy on their yachts and stuff.

Ed Alzate: I could sell rice to an eskimo
Mandy Baxter: Don't you mean sell ice to an eskimo?
Ed Alzate: Why would they need ice? It's all around.


"Last Man Standing: Sinkhole (#4.4)" (2014)
Eve Baxter: Stick around. You'll learn something about the world.
Mandy Baxter: I know all about the world. I was already in it while you were still busy ruining Mom's body.
Eve Baxter: Um, who's the Secretary of State?
Mandy Baxter: Uh, that's a trick question. Which state? See, you guys all watch the news and get all angry and stressed out. Pop quiz. Of everybody in this family, who's the happiest and the least stressed?
[noticing Eve looking at the dog]
Mandy Baxter: And you can't say, "The dog." Um huh, it's me. This face will never see a worry wrinkle, which would make me smile, but I'm not going to because duh... smile lines.
Eve Baxter: So your plan is to be clueless?
Mandy Baxter: Ignorance is bliss. Thomas Grey in his "Ode on a Distant Prospect of Eton College".
Eve Baxter: You get those "Quote of the Day" emails, dontcha?
Mandy Baxter: If you know the *right* things, you don't have to know everything. Oh, for instance, that whole like secretary thingy... they actually don't call them "secretary". They really prefer "flight attendant".

Eve Baxter: Joe Biden wishes *his* bunker was as nice as ours. That's the vice president, Mandy.
Mandy Baxter: I know who Joe Biden is, okay? He's Barack Obama's Gayle.

[last lines]
Eve Baxter: [reading the newspaper] Why can't the people in the Middle East keep it together?
Mandy Baxter: [reading a celeb gossip magazine] Why can't Taylor Swift hold onto a boyfriend?
Eve Baxter: Why can't North Korea join the rest of the world community?
Mandy Baxter: Why can't Courteney Cox join the Friends cast reunion?
Eve Baxter: Why can't Putin keep his shirt on?
Mandy Baxter: Why can't Channing Tatum keep *his* shirt on?
[Eve glances over at Mandy's magazine]
Mandy Baxter: Ah, ah, ah, ah,
[covering the pages with her hands]
Mandy Baxter: who know what's really important?
Eve Baxter: You do.
[reaches for the magazine]
Eve Baxter: Give me that.

Mandy Baxter: Didn't we already see this episode?
Eve Baxter: It's the news, different every night
Mandy Baxter: Sad people, sad place, looks like a rerun to me


"Last Man Standing: Big Shots (#4.7)" (2014)
Mandy Baxter: [to Kyle] I don't care if you win or lose as long as Eve loses, please make that happen.

Eve Baxter: Little girl? You're lucky this rifle has chained down or you'd be limping out of here carrying a concealed weapon.
Kyle Anderson: I don't understand.
Mandy Baxter: She's gonna put it up your butt.

Mike Baxter: Acne's not contagious.
Mandy Baxter: I don't know that, kids at school stayed away from them, treated them like leopards.
Vanessa Baxter: I think you mean leper.
Mandy Baxter: The D's silent, I didn't know that.

Eve Baxter: Mandy just called me mean.
Mandy Baxter: Eve called Kyle a loser.
Mike Baxter: I think you're both really onto something.


"Last Man Standing: Pledging (#3.3)" (2013)
Eve Baxter: [commenting on Mandy's unusual attire] Oh my god, what... what is this?
Mandy Baxter: I went to a hoe-down.
Eve Baxter: Well, they're down a ho, now that you left.

Kyle Anderson: Maybe I can just hang here in class with you?
Mandy Baxter: Okay, I guess. Are you sure you won't be bored?
Kyle Anderson: Are you kidding me? I love astronomy. Have you got into Capricorns yet?
Mandy Baxter: Oh, this is *Intro* to Astronomy. I'm pretty sure they get to horoscopes *next* semester.
Kyle Anderson: It's a good thing Capricorns are able to deal with crushing disappointment.


"Last Man Standing: School Merger (#4.5)" (2014)
Mandy Baxter: Thanks for voting, come again but not today because that would be illegal, come again next time we elect things

Mandy Baxter: I can't answer that question
Eve Baxter: Millionth time you've said that in a classroom, surprised the roof didn't fall down


"Last Man Standing: Back to School (#3.1)" (2013)
Mandy Baxter: Hey, you guys, check this out. Cogito ergo sum. I think therefor I am.
Mike Baxter: René Descartes.
Mandy Baxter: She was awesome. We learned about her in Philosophy, today. She was French so I don't really know why she was speaking Italian.
Mike Baxter: Uh, money well spent.
Vanessa Baxter: I think René Descartes was a monsieur.
Vanessa Baxter: Oh. Wow. Philosopher that gives massages. Cool, that's a real renaissance woman.

[last lines]
Mike Baxter: Listen up. Before we get started, I just want to say, whether you've been in America for hundreds of years like your families
[gestures toward Robertsons]
Mike Baxter: or an American for just two days,
[pats Blanca on the shoulder]
Mike Baxter: I feel blessed to be sharing this country will all of you. Want to do the honors?
[gestures to Brody]
Brody: Sure. Let's pray. Lord our God is one God. We pray that we love you with all our heart, soul, mind and strength, and we pray that we love our neighbor as ourself. There is no greater commandment than this. Amen.
Mike Baxter, Vanessa Baxter, Mandy Baxter, Eve Baxter, Kristin Baxter, Kyle Anderson, Boyd Baxter, Uncle Ray, Blanca: Amen.
Mike Baxter: All right.


"Last Man Standing: Rediscover America (#4.3)" (2014)
Mandy Baxter: Wait a sec. Eve's in the paper, Dad's in a magazine. Sorry, did this whole family get a publicist and not tell me?
Eve Baxter: You don't need a publicist. Aren't you mentioned in a lot of limericks?
Mandy Baxter: Joke's on you. I don't know what a limerick is.


"Last Man Standing: The Gratitude List (#5.9)" (2015)
Mandy Baxter: Well, Kyle is basically family. I mean, he thinks of dad as a father. Which makes me and Kyle... okay, went down a blind alley there.


"Last Man Standing: All About Eve (#3.12)" (2014)
Mike Baxter: [noticing Mandy coming down the stairs in a bright red clingy dress and high-heels] Wow! Whoa!
Vanessa Baxter: Hey, hey. Where are you goin' dressed like that?
Mandy Baxter: Oh, I have a paper due and I didn't quite write it.
Mike Baxter: So why... why are you dressed like *that*?
Mandy Baxter: I need the professor to give me an extension or, if he *really* likes the dress, an A.


"Last Man Standing: Thanksgiving (#3.9)" (2013)
Bud Baxter: Hey, hang on, I haven't said hello to your beautiful bride...
Vanessa Baxter: Hi.
Bud Baxter: [hugs Vanessa] and to my *smart* granddaughter
[hugs Eve]
Bud Baxter: and to my...
Mandy Baxter: Even smarter, more beautiful granddaughter?
Bud Baxter: Sure.
[hugs Mandy]