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Quotes for
Diamanda Hagan (Character)
from "Hagan Reviews" (2011)

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"Hagan Reviews: The Truth About Demons (#2.11)" (2012)
Diamanda Hagan: He meets up with this woman who looks like Jessica from Jack Off Jill if she was homeless and living in a John Waters' film.

Diamanda Hagan: Hello, massive scissory goodness.

Diamanda Hagan: And Karl Urban can now throw up cockroaches.

Diamanda Hagan: I only wish this film ended before it began.

Diamanda Hagan: [shoots minion dead] Now go throw yourself in the incinerator.


"The Nostalgia Critic: Heavy Metal (#5.20)" (2012)
Diamanda Hagan: It's John Carter returning from Mars!
Nostalgia Critic: You saw that?
Diamanda Hagan: Someone had to.

Diamanda Hagan: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Nostalgia Critic: I think so. But how can I get Catherine Zeta-Jones in a Batman outfit?
Diamanda Hagan: I was thinking about Insano.
Nostalgia Critic: Oh, yeah, Insano.
[Beat]
Nostalgia Critic: How can he get Catherine Zeta-Jones in a Batman outfit?


"Brows Held High: Ken Park (#2.19)" (2012)
Oancitizen: The hate. Will it ever go away?
Diamanda Hagan: Of course not, hating things is the key to our existence. It's the lifeblood of our trade. We are reviewers, we review, therefore we hate. They hurt us, we hurt them back, it's entirely rational.

Diamanda Hagan: Oh, acquire some balls!
[hangs up phone]
Diamanda Hagan: Winston, cut off your balls and send'em to Oancitizen.


"Hagan Reviews: Emmanuelle 5 (#2.19)" (2012)
Oancitizen: Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a number of prostitutes dressed like Catholic school girls that I need to teach the intricacies of Proust.
Diamanda Hagan: ...I'm going to assume I imagined that.