Louis Litt
Top Links
main detailsbiographyby votesphoto galleryquotes
by yearby typeby ratingsby votesby TV seriesby genreby keyword
Did You Know?
photo galleryquotes

Quotes for
Louis Litt (Character)
from "Suits" (2011)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
"Suits: Fork in the Road (#4.13)" (2015)
Harvey Specter: To Fairchild. God rest his soul.
Louis Litt: Screw his soul. You know how they say, 'Heaven just got another angel.' They ain't saying it now.

Daniel Hardman: Let me get this straight. Instead of promoting an existing partner, you want me to make both of you junior partners.
Louis Litt: Well, not make us. We've earned it.
Daniel Hardman: Earned partnership status? That's a pretty bold statement coming from two fifth-years.
Harvey Specter: Not just any fifth-years. We're the best fifth-years this firm has ever seen, and you know it.
Daniel Hardman: May I inquire whose idea this was?...
Louis Litt: It was both of ours.
Harvey Specter: I was Louis'.
Daniel Hardman: That's generous of you to give him credit.
Harvey Specter: It was generous of him to come to me with the idea.
Daniel Hardman: The truth is, I wasn't gonna make anyone partner. But I do like admire your gumption. So here's what I'm willing to do. I will advance one of you if you prove to me which one it should be.

Louis Litt: We're going to McKernon Motors, not your senior prom. Why can't we just take the car service?
Harvey Specter: Because we're going to an engine manufacturer. We need to show up with a bad-ass car.
Louis Litt: [Goes up to a sports car] How about this little bad boy right here?
Harvey Specter: That's no good.
Louis Litt: Why the hell not?
Harvey Specter: Because it's not just the two of us.
Louis Litt: What do you mean?
[Sees Mike]
Louis Litt: You son of a bitch. You said you and I are going up there. You lied to me.
Harvey Specter: Because if I didn't, you would have never agreed to come.
Louis Litt: There is no way I'm going.
Harvey Specter: Yes, you are. I don't care if I have to tie you to the roof. By the time we get to McKernon, you and Mike are gonna work your shit out.

Mike Ross: You worked it out with Donna and Rachel. You lied to Malone for Jessica. What's it gonna take to work it out with me?
Louis Litt: Well, I forgave those people, because they were victims infected with the disease known as Mike Ross. Now I'm stuck in a car with patient zero.
Mike Ross: Okay, Outbreak, patient zero is the first person actually infected with the disease, not the disease itself, and for your information, I'm stuck in the same car as you. At least you don't have to look at the back of your own stupid, fat, balding head.
Louis Litt: [Harvey laughs] What's so goddamn funny?
Harvey Specter: You two are finally talking.

Louis Litt: This is ridiculous. You drive like a savage animal.
Harvey Specter: Louis, be a man and suck it up.
Louis Litt: Suck it up? I'm sitting in the death seat.

Harvey Specter: I'll pull over, and you can sit in the back with Mike.
Louis Litt: Hey, I'm not sitting in the back with a fraud, and before you even think it, you're not putting him up here and sticking me back there.
Harvey Specter: Then what do you want, Louis? Because there is no way in hell I'm letting you behind the wheel of this car.
Louis Litt: It's crystal goddamn clear. You and I sit in the back, and he chauffeurs the both of us.
Mike Ross: Whoa, no. Even if Harvey would agree to that, which I doubt...
Louis Litt: Shut the hell up. You're not talking. You don't get to refuse.
Mike Ross: I'm not refusing, Louis. I don't know how to drive.
Louis Litt: Holy shit.

Mike Ross: I was just thinking about my grandmother. We took a train trip to D. C. once. We played I Spy.
Harvey Specter: That's a nice story, Mike, but we are not playing I Spy.
Louis Litt: I'll play. It'll remind me of dominating Esther on our trips to see our smelly Aunt Frida
Harvey Specter: All right, if it will get you and Mike talking, sure.
[clears throat at Louis]
Louis Litt: I spy a fraud who probably never even knew his grandmother.

Harvey Specter: Tell me right now you weren't the one that gave Fletcher Engines my game plan.
Louis Litt: Hardman told me he wasn't gonna make you partner anyway. And once he offered it to me, all I had to do was...
Harvey Specter: Sell me out.
Louis Litt: How is what I did any different than you going after McKernon Motors in the first place?
Harvey Specter: If you don't understand that on your own, you never will.

Louis Litt: You told me you would fight to get our names on the wall once you got on the other side. I can do the same for you.
Harvey Specter: Did you hear what I just said? I don't want you doing shit for me.
Louis Litt: Oh, so it would be okay if you were the one who got there first?
Harvey Specter: It would have been okay if you got there first fair and square, because then I would have believed you when you said you wanted to be a team.
Louis Litt: I do want to be a team, Harvey. That's why I helped you after.
Harvey Specter: No, you don't! You don't want to be a team. You just want to have it both ways, because you're a disloyal rat. You always have been, and you always will, no matter what it says on your door.
Louis Litt: Well, like you said, we've been pitted against each other since day one. You asked how many of the would make partner. Well, you know what? I don't give a shit about the other 49, because I'm the one who did. *I'm* the one who did.

Mike Ross: I'm sorry that I lied to you. I'm not a con man, Louis. Every single other thing I ever told you was true. Want to know something that I've never even admitted to myself? I never learned to drive for the same reason I never went to law school. Both my parents were killed in a car accident. And ever since then, I've never been able to...
Louis Litt: Get behind the wheel.
Mike Ross: And then Harvey gave me a license, and I took it.
Louis Litt: You were 11 years old. I mean, you must have felt so alone.
Mike Ross: I thought you said you didn't believe I was an orphan.
Louis Litt: I looked it up. I had to once I found out that you never went to law school.
Mike Ross: You mean once you found out that I'm a fraud.
Louis Litt: You're not a fraud, Mike. You just never went to law school.

"Suits: Moot Point (#3.13)" (2014)
Dana Scott: I'm a friend who is not going to give you my case 14 seconds after you give me a scarf.
Louis Litt: No, no, no, it's not a scarf. It's one of the world's finest pashminas.
Dana Scott: I don't care if it's the world's only pashmina. You're not getting this case.

Louis Litt: I want to know where I fall in the pecking order with regard to Dana Scott.
Jessica Pearson: There is no pecking order. I don't look at things that way.
Louis Litt: Great. That means I'm behind her because she's banging Harvey.
Jessica Pearson: I'm going to pretend I didn't just hear that.

Jessica Pearson: Louis, did it ever occur to you that these situations may sometimes be a result of your own doing?
Louis Litt: What on God's green earth are you talking about?
Jessica Pearson: You have an opportunity to bond with our newest senior partner or make a permanent enemy of her. And I'm saying, in the past, you've generally chosen the enemy route.
Louis Litt: Can you give me a specific?
Jessica Pearson: Off the top of my head?
Louis Litt: Mm-hmm.
Jessica Pearson: Pemberton, Yates, Cohen, Duffner, Ramirez-...
Louis Litt: That's five isolated incidents.
Jessica Pearson: Robinson, Jenkins, Gardner...
Louis Litt: Okay, okay, fine.

Louis Litt: If you value this friendship at all, you would stay out of it, because I'm going to the mattresses against Dana Scott.
Harvey Specter: Mattresses? Have you been watching The Godfather?
Louis Litt: Yeah, I've been trying to come up with some common ground to expand our friendship, sue me.

Louis Litt: Yeah, you want to play it this way, fine. But if you think you can outsmart me, you're gonna get Litt up.
Katrina Bennett: Litt the hell up.
Dana Scott: Litt up? Litt. Oh. Oh, my God, that is so cute. I'm gonna go make fun of it on my Facebook page right now. Thank you.

Dana Scott: You really are a dick.
Louis Litt: I'm Moby goddamn dick, and you just swam in my waters.

"Suits: Bad Faith (#3.9)" (2013)
Jessica Pearson: Louis was just suggesting that he run the negotiations.
Harvey Specter: Louis also suggested the firm adopt a badger as a mascot.
Louis Litt: The badger is a noble and fearsome creature, but that's not the point. I can beat them.
Harvey Specter: And the Washington Generals think they can beat the Globetrotters, but they're not even in the same league
Louis Litt: My father played for the Washington Generals.
Harvey Specter: See?

Louis Litt: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You and Harvey are letting me in on one of your missions? This is Litt-tastic.

Louis Litt: Your order is to not let my inner gladiator get past my outer negotiator.
Katrina Bennett: That's not gonna be easy, Louis. You're like the Hulk - once you get enraged, there's no going back.

Louis Litt: Nigel went after Mikado.
Harvey Specter: What the hell is Mikado?
Louis Litt: Not "what," "who". She's a cat.
Harvey Specter: He went after your cat?
Louis Litt: He went after his cat.
Harvey Specter: He tortured his cat?
Louis Litt: He deprived her of my letters.
Harvey Specter: Louis, you lost your shit during a negotiation because someone didn't read your letters to their cat?

Harvey Specter: I've told you this before, but it's always been when I needed something from you. And I don't need anything from you right now, because you just gave it to me. So maybe you can hear it when I say it - I respect you. You're an excellent attorney, a valuable member of this firm.
Louis Litt: And a friend?
Harvey Specter: Don't push it.

Louis Litt: You just got Litt up.

"Suits: Conflict of Interest (#3.4)" (2013)
Louis Litt: I thought you can't stand Mike Ross. All of a sudden you're willing to work with him?
Katrina Bennett: It's my job.
Louis Litt: If I ask you to murder someone on a rainy winter's eve, how would you respond?
Katrina Bennett: You want a gun or a knife?
Louis Litt: If you were less attractive, I'd love you.
Katrina Bennett: I know.

Jonathan: Hessington doesn't have holdings in those areas.
Louis Litt: They do now. And if you don't leave 'em alone, you're gonna be tied up with my friend from the FTC until kingdom goddamn come. Got that, spank?
Jonathan: Then it's a good thing Mr. Gianopolous arranged an exception for us over dinner with his friend, the commissioner of the FTC.
Louis Litt: That's not le-...
Jonathan: Legal? Yes, it is. As long as we disclose it. Which we always do. You think you're the first lawyer to try to outsmart us? We're not lawyers. We're investment bankers. We call you for the paperwork. We didn't go to Harvard. We went to Wharton, and we saw you coming a mile away. Spank.

Louis Litt: You seem upset that she led you to believe that she was trying to befriend you when it turned out she was gonna betray you.
Harvey Specter: Louis.
Louis Litt: You got a problem with that?
Mike Ross: No. No problem.
Katrina Bennett: Not as long as your daddy's here.
Harvey Specter: Do I have to have another talk with you?
Louis Litt: He had a talk with you?
Katrina Bennett: Yes. But I didn't feel the need to run to you to protect me.
Mike Ross: Second choice never does.
Harvey Specter: I can't believe it's up to me to be the adult in the room. Maybe it's time we get down to business.

Mike Ross: Ava makes a statement, Cameron's gonna be all over it.
Katrina Bennett: Cameron Dennis isn't the problem right now. The problem is Ava Hessington isn't a credible CEO.
Harvey Specter: The problem is she's on trial for murder.
Louis Litt: And public perception says that she's as guilty as Jean Valjean with a loaf of bread in his pants.

Louis Litt: What just happened to him?
Katrina Bennett: He got Litt up
Louis Litt: Damn straight.

"Suits: Two in the Knees (#4.3)" (2014)
Louis Litt: It's just so weird to see him in my old office, you know? It's like when you drive by the house you grew up in, and there's another family in there, and all you want to do is break in and make yourself soup. You know that feeling?
Donna Paulsen: Well, it depends on the soup.
Louis Litt: [Scoffs] Mushroom barley.
Donna Paulsen: Then no.

Jeff Malone: I just pulled Adam Grieves as opposing counsel. And long story short, he hates me, and I could really use Jessica's help to run some interference, but I'm the new guy, it's only my second case, and I don't know what to do.
Louis Litt: Well, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna get you front-row tickets to Jessica Pearson's help.

Louis Litt: Jeff Malone is in love with me.
Donna Paulsen: What?
Louis Litt: I was just in a meeting with him, and he started off by patting my shoulder.
Donna Paulsen: He's a jock, Louis. That's just how they are.
Louis Litt: No, he was then rubbing my shoulders. Then he touched my arm. He's all over me.
Donna Paulsen: Wow. What was that meeting about?
Louis Litt: It doesn't matter. Donna, his arguments are loaded with double meaning. Who invokes the penal code in an S. E. C. case?
Donna Paulsen: He said "penal"?
Louis Litt: Three times.

Louis Litt: Athletes coming out is all the rage now. And guess what his favorite sport is: Basket... Ball.
Donna Paulsen: Oh, my God. Shut the front door.
Louis Litt: No, shut the back door.
Donna Paulsen: Okay, Louis, now that we've firmly established his gayness, why would he think you're gay? I mean, you're straight as an arrow.
Louis Litt: ...I may have said that I eat cock for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
Donna Paulsen: WHAT?
Louis Litt: It was a different kind of cock, Donna.

Louis Litt: What are you doing?
Donna Paulsen: Oh, you know, it's just a little something for your file.
Louis Litt: I have a file?
Donna Paulsen: That information is classified.
Louis Litt: Wait, why?
Donna Paulsen: It's in your file.

"Suits: Gone (#4.9)" (2014)
Katrina Bennett: The last time I saw you, you were worried about going to prison. What did you decide to do?
Louis Litt: I went to Harvey and Jessica, and I told them everything. What? Jessica said that I made a mistake, and they're working on a way out.
Katrina Bennett: Louis, have you seen any mafia movie ever made?
Louis Litt: I'm not really a fan of the genre. I find it to be a little offensive to Italians...
Katrina Bennett: Shut up, and listen. She's telling you to your face she'll let you live, but behind your back, she's making plans to whack you.

Louis Litt: Dear Harvey and Jessica, there comes a time when a man must look at himself in the mirror, to judge himself instead of waiting to be judged by others. And for me, that time is now. You both know I came to Pearson Specter right out of law school, but what you may not know is this is the only place I've ever worked. It's the only place I've ever wanted to work. It is my life It is my home And the people that work here are my family. You're like my parents. And the partners, they're like my brothers, and associates under my care are like my children. And I'm ashamed to admit it, but I put all of you in jeopardy for my own personal gain. I told myself it was for the greater good, but the truth is I just wanted to feel on the same level as both of you, I I can deny that no longer. I can excuse my actions no longer. Although we've had our differences over the years, there are no two people I respect more. Your names are on the wall for a reason, and mine is not for a reason. And I refuse to put either one of you through the pain of having to fire me. So effective immediately, I, Louis Litt, am resigning from Pearson Specter. Please take care of my home.

Louis Litt: Harvey, I can explain.
Harvey Specter: Explain what, that you put the firm in jeopardy all because you had to be the hero?
Louis Litt: I didn't do it to be the hero. I didn't even know I was gonna do it at all.
Harvey Specter: What?
Louis Litt: The deal was closed, and you were so happy we won. Then I went back that night, Forstman said if I didn't funnel the money overseas, the deal was off, so I did it.
Harvey Specter: There's more.
Jessica Pearson: How do you know there's more?
Harvey Specter: Because with Forstman there's always more.
Louis Litt: He made me take a million dollars out of the deal so I couldn't turn on him later.
Jessica Pearson: Jesus Christ.
Louis Litt: I had no choice!
Harvey Specter: Bullshit, you had no choice! You could've said no at any goddamn point along the way, but you didn't, because all you cared about was yourself.
Louis Litt: Okay, if I care about myself so much, how come I'm in here telling you that I'm gonna confess?
Harvey Specter: You want to confess? Be my guest!
Jessica Pearson: Harvey, that's enough. Louis. the problem with that is that we're innocent. Cahill's plan is to throw mud against the wall and see what sticks. You tell him about what you did, and all of a sudden, everything sticks.

Donna Paulsen: Louis, I understand why you did what you did.
Louis Litt: You do?
Donna Paulsen: Yes. You went down a path with the best intentions, and then it just got worse and worse until it was too late.
Louis Litt: Feel like shit.
Donna Paulsen: And you should.
Louis Litt: What? But you just said...
Donna Paulsen: I understand? I do. But I don't think you understand that every other time you screwed up, it was a mistake, and this time, it was a choice!

Louis Litt: I read the Eric Woodall deposition, and I thought I could help.
Jessica Pearson: Help what?
Louis Litt: You're here to shut down Sean Cahill, and he's not gonna give up without a fight.
Jessica Pearson: Louis, I don't have time for this. So take your arguments and get the hell out of here.
Louis Litt: Please, Jessica, I want to help.
Jessica Pearson: I don't need your help. We're about to put this thing to bed.
Louis Litt: And I feel responsible.
Jessica Pearson: You *are* responsible. You are the entire reason we are in jeopardy, and you want to sit your stupid face in front of Cahill? You may as well wear a sign that says "depose me next". And if he does that, you will tumble like a House of Cards, because you are ruled by your emotions, and that is the reason why we are in this situation in the first place.

"Suits: Shadow of a Doubt (#3.5)" (2013)
Louis Litt: Hey, Simon, come on in. I have a question for you. Come on, you need to see this. Look at this. This is so funny.
[Holds a report up to his face]
Louis Litt: Is that some sort of joke? Nominal in the first paragraph, pagination on the left-hand side, Times New Roman's stupid little feet walking all across the page. And what's that word?
Simon Bandaru: "Shall"?
Louis Litt: Mmm. At this firm, we instruct, we advise, we order, we must, but we do not 'shall.'
Simon Bandaru: That's not really a-...
Louis Litt: Why must we "must"?
Simon Bandaru: Because we thrust, we don't parry.

Rachel Zane: [about Donna and Stephen] So are you two going to keep...
Donna Paulsen: Yes, it is some of the best damn...
[Someone walks by]
Donna Paulsen: *Yoga* I've had in a long time.
Rachel Zane: Well, sooner or later, Harvey's gonna find out, because it is all over your face.
Donna Paulsen: Oh, please, you're a woman. Men are oblivious.
Louis Litt: [Walking by] There's something different about you. What is it?
Rachel Zane: Yes, please tell the man what it is.
Donna Paulsen: Nothing, Louis. I'm just - been doing some yoga.
Louis Litt: No, that's not it. You're practically glowing. Tell me your secret.
Donna Paulsen: I don't think that it's your cup of tea.
Louis Litt: For that glow, I'd tea.

Simon Bandaru: Mr. Nesbitt has clearly instructed-...
Louis Litt: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. This was Nigel's doing?
Simon Bandaru: Per his most recent memo.
Louis Litt: He's communicating with you through memos? You've been left adrift on lady law's fickle ocean with no rudder, no captain?
Simon Bandaru: He hasn't been in the office since he took over the program, if that's what you're asking.
Louis Litt: No, I think I was perfectly clear in what I was asking, Simon.
Simon Bandaru: Am I supposed to respond to that?
Louis Litt: Yeah, by going back to your desk right now and doing it correctly.
Simon Bandaru: But...
Louis Litt: Simon, a memo from Nigel is not gonna stick its boot in your ass. A memo from me will.

Louis Litt: Associates, they're like grains of sand. They need pressure and heat to shape them into Chihuly glass. Memos from a distant land don't shape shit into shit.
Nigel Nesbitt: Nonsense. I attended boarding school from the tender age of four, during which time I received weekly memos from my father.
Louis Litt: Yeah, and look how you turned out.
Nigel Nesbitt: Graduating summa cum laude from both Cambridge and Harvard is quite the failure. Your parents' choice to "homeschool," much better.
Louis Litt: Okay, that was only till I was ten, and my mother's science fair was legendary.
Nigel Nesbitt: You must be so proud of your uncontested blue ribbons.
Louis Litt: Okay, you know what, I'm not gonna let you shatter the glass that I spent years blowing. And I'm certainly not gonna let the likes of you tell me who I can and cannot blow.

Donna Paulsen: Late night?
Louis Litt: No sleep at all.
Donna Paulsen: The ulcer?
Louis Litt: No, Nigel's cat.
Donna Paulsen: You slept at Nigel's?

"Suits: Discovery (#2.4)" (2012)
Louis Litt: No sex of any kind. Weakens legs, clouds your judgment. Got it?
Mike Ross: I'm not sure I do.
Louis Litt: Good.
Mike Ross: Okay.
Louis Litt: No sex.
Mike Ross: Okay.
Louis Litt: No sex!
Mike Ross: Got it!

Louis Litt: Where you going?
Mike Ross: I, uh- just have to go back to the bathroom.
Louis Litt: You just went.
Mike Ross: Are you keeping track?
Louis Litt: I may start.

Mike Ross: Louis, can I be honest with you?
Louis Litt: Yeah, I can keep it real.
Mike Ross: As far as poisoning the well goes, Harvey didn't really have anything to do with it. That's pretty much all been you.
Louis Litt: What are you talking about?
Mike Ross: Among other things, you tried to sabotage my relationship with Jenny.
Louis Litt: After you laughed at that video of me.
Mike Ross: You stuck me in housing court.
Louis Litt: 'Cause you stole a client from me.
Mike Ross: You tried to blackmail me with a fake drug test.
Louis Litt: Yeah, but it didn't work. You defeated me.
Mike Ross: So?
Louis Litt: So it's water under the bridge.
Mike Ross: No, no no, not water under the bridge. Louis, you can't do that to people and expect them to forget about it and move on.
Louis Litt: They should.
Mike Ross: Would you?

Louis Litt: My spider parts are tingling.
Mike Ross: Please don't ever say things like that.

Louis Litt: This is my associate, Mike Ross. He was busy, uh, drafting some pertinent documents. Motion to dismiss, motion to compel, motion to strike, motion to change venue, and we have another half dozen in the pipeline.
Mike Ross: No, they're here.
Louis Litt: Oh.
Durham Foods Attorney: What is this? This was supposed to be a settlement conference.
Louis Litt: Oh, we're not here to settle. We're proceeding to trial.
Durham Foods Attorney: You want to take this case to trial?
Louis Litt: Um, unless I can't hear the sound of my own voice, I believe that's what I just frickin' said.
Durham Foods Attorney: We're the little guy. Your parent company's a behemoth. A jury's gonna hate you.
Louis Litt: Well, thanks to your disgusting smears in the media, that might be true, which is why we're also filing a countersuit for libel, slander, and anything else that might be appropriate in this case.
Mike Ross: Tortious interference?
Durham Foods Attorney: This is - you got- this is not good faith, Mr. Litt.
Louis Litt: Sir, you have besmirched the good name of Liquid Water, and if you think that we're here for a settlement conference, well, let me just correct that one for you right now. We are not settling. We will not be settling. In fact, the only thing that's settling here is the sediment at the bottom of your putrid water. Get me? Now be sure to take that Grand Central shuttle like I told you, okay? I think you're gonna love it.

"Suits: Respect (#4.12)" (2015)
Jessica Pearson: What do you want, Louis?
Louis Litt: I want something for continuing to cover your as
Jessica Pearson: You got something. You got your name on the wall.
Louis Litt: Now I want the respect that comes with it.

Harvey Specter: Louis, I just offered to consider giving you one of my clients, so I suggest you let Gerard go.
Louis Litt: No, I'm not letting anything go, because it doesn't make any sense. Not only can't he stand you. He doesn't respect you because he's got things...
Harvey Specter: What did you just say to me?
Louis Litt: I said he doesn't respect you.
Harvey Specter: Well, you know what? He definitely doesn't respect you, because when he told me he needed a lawyer, I tried to send him your way, and his exact words were, "I don't want Louis. I want you".
Louis Litt: Fine. Then I'll just take another one of your clients.
Harvey Specter: You're not taking a thing.
Louis Litt: You just said that I could...
Harvey Specter: Look, I don't give a shit what I just said, okay? My clients are my clients. And you don't get out of my office in the next three seconds, something's gonna happen between you and me, and I guarantee it won't end with you keeping all of your teeth.

Louis Litt: Harvey said he wouldn't let me have any of his clients.
Donna Paulsen: No. He said he would. But then instead of taking him up on it, you went ahead and shit on his feelings.
Louis Litt: Please. Harvey doesn't have feelings.

Donna Paulsen: You of all people should know that a person can overreact when they're hurt.
Louis Litt: If you're referring to me, I do not overreact when...
Donna Paulsen: Okay, whatever you say, Fatty-Baldy.
Louis Litt: Okay, get the hell out of my office and - Fine, you have a small, legitimate point.

"Suits: We're Done (#4.7)" (2014)
Louis Litt: I broke the law.
Katrina Bennett: Please keep your voice down.
Louis Litt: Why? Let any man judge me. So says the good book.
Katrina Bennett: No, it doesn't.
Louis Litt: You know what? I think I know what the goddamn good book says
Katrina Bennett: Listen to me. You did what you had to do.
Louis Litt: Oh, really? Well, that's not what you said when you found out. You said, "Louis, that's illegal".

Katrina Bennett: Louis, you have been a hero again and again. And if the one time they actually treat you like one you crossed a little line to get there, that doesn't make you horrible. It makes you Harvey.
Louis Litt: You know what? You're absolutely right. And as of this second, I'm going to start acting like the hero that I am.

Louis Litt: Jessica offered me anything I want as a reward for my heroism, and we're gonna figure out what that is.
Katrina Bennett: What's to figure out? Named partner.
Louis Litt: No, not that. Anything but that.
Katrina Bennett: What do you mean, "anything but that?" There isn't anything but that.
Louis Litt: Oh, you think I didn't ask for it? The words were out of my mouth faster than Esther when she was 13.
Katrina Bennett: Louis, I don't care about your slutty sister. You deserve named partner.
Louis Litt: And I don't care that you don't care because it's not gonna happen. Now, we were given a chance to take the high road, and that's exactly what we're gonna do.
Katrina Bennett: If I were ever going to be attracted to you, now would be the time. Instead I'll prepare a list of demands befitting a hero.
Louis Litt: Good. And don't ever talk about being attracted to me again. It weirds me out.

Louis Litt: Mike, listen to me. I know I'm mad at you about Sheila, but I don't care about that right now. You cannot take a job with that man.
Mike Ross: I don't have any other options, Louis. And I'm in this position because you paid that man greenmail to walk away from my deal in the first place.
Louis Litt: Believe me, I wish I hadn't.
Mike Ross: What the hell is that supposed to mean?
Louis Litt: Mike...
Mike Ross: You know what? Doesn't matter. None of it matters.
Louis Litt: This is about Rachel, isn't it? She told me she hurt you. Believe me, I understand, but you cannot do this because of that.
Mike Ross: This is a job, Louis, all right? I'm not robbing a bank.
Louis Litt: It's not a job! It's a decision, and I'm not gonna let you make it.
Mike Ross: Yeah? What are you gonna do about it?
Louis Litt: Anything I have to.

"Suits: Enough Is Enough (#4.11)" (2015)
Mike Ross: What do you want?
Louis Litt: I already got what I wanted from you. Name partner.
Mike Ross: You must want something else. Otherwise, you wouldn't be here.
Louis Litt: See, that's what I love about you, Mike. Almost always a step ahead. What I want from you is to know that you're dead at my law firm.
Mike Ross: You can't fire me.
Louis Litt: Why would I fire you when I can break you? You see, I'm going to bury you under a mountain of shit so big you're going to be begging me to take it off. And all you have to do is say two simple words - the same two words that you let me say to Harvey and Jessica. "I resign".

Donna Paulsen: I know you're angry and you're feeling betrayed, but I am not gonna let you throw our friendship away.
Louis Litt: I can't throw away something that never existed in the first place.
Donna Paulsen: Louis...
Louis Litt: Donna, we're not friends. We were never friends, because it was all based on a lie.
Donna Paulsen: So you think my giving you this and every other nice thing that I ever did for you was just to keep you from finding out about Mike?
Louis Litt: No, I don't. But I do think if you had the chance to take back all those nice things you did in exchange for me never finding out about your little secret, you'd do it in a heartbeat. You want a chance to tell me the truth? Go ahead. Tell me the truth right now.
[Donna is silent]
Louis Litt: And that answers my question.
Donna Paulsen: You know what, Louis? It was a bullshit question designed to do nothing but make me feel like shit. Mission accomplished.
Louis Litt: And now I'm gonna tell you what I told Mike. You're dead to me.
Donna Paulsen: Okay. You want to hate me? Hate me. You want to hate Mike? Hate Mike. But everybody at this firm can't be dead to you, because sooner or later, you're going to need someone.
Louis Litt: Thank you, Donna, but that someone isn't going to be you.

Louis Litt: [On the phone] What do you mean, you don't have diamond-encrusted business cards? Fine, what about the embossed ivory? Okay, great, well, how much would 10,000 of those run me? Money's no object. What, are you crazy? I'm not paying that much. Unless it comes with a reach-around. Which, by the way, I'm still not paying that much.
[Hangs up]
Louis Litt: Elite Printing, my ass.

Louis Litt: I'm not signing it.
Jessica Pearson: Louis, here's the thing. I told you not to tell anybody about this, and then you went and you shouted it to Robert Zane, and then you made me tell the partners.
Harvey Specter: And the capper is, there are about a hundred people waiting to greet you after the unveiling you arranged, which won't happen if you don't sign that.
Louis Litt: I could still go to the police.
Jessica Pearson: Yeah, you could, but you won't. 'Cause you used that little secret to get where you are right now. It was the only bullet in your chamber, and I am taking your gun away.

"Suits: Heartburn (#3.14)" (2014)
Sheila Sazs: You crossed out Jaime and Cersei Lannister.
Louis Litt: I thought they were too controversial a couple.

Louis Litt: I'm going to sue you. I'm going to sue you for sucking!

Louis Litt: Norma, it's Louis. Louis Litt, your boss. Don't play your games with me now, woman. I'm due for closing arguments and I need you to stall. No, you do not pull the fire alarm as a tactic, okay? I need you to just buy me ten minutes without committing a crime.

"Suits: Not Just a Pretty Face (#4.16)" (2015)
Louis Litt: Norma's dead.
Donna Paulsen: What?
Louis Litt: She died this morning taking care of her sister.
Donna Paulsen: Oh, Louis, I'm so sorry.
Louis Litt: You don't need to fake it, Donna.
Donna Paulsen: I'm not faking it. She was a sweet woman.
Louis Litt: She was a frickin' battle-ax is what she was. There wasn't a day that went by that I didn't want to rip out one of her varicose veins and strangle her with it.

Louis Litt: Look at this. It's her entire estate laid out on paper. She couldn't manage my calendar, but this crap fest she plans within an inch of her life.
Donna Paulsen: And you want me to make sure these things are bequeathed properly?
Louis Litt: You can stuff them in a giant piñata for all I care. I have to go find the perfect urn to throw her ashes off the top of the building.
Donna Paulsen: She requested that?
Louis Litt: No, she wanted them to be in here with me, but like hell I'm gonna do that.

Mortician: [Louis is urn shopping] Have you made a decision, sir?
Louis Litt: No, I haven't made a decision, you shyster dealer of death.
Donna Paulsen: Okay, I think maybe we're gonna need another minute.
Louis Litt: No, we don't. I don't need another minute to see that this looks like a pot from Home Depot, this looks like a lamp from Motel 6, and this looks like a goddamn howitzer shell. You are lucky that I don't take this mockery of a final resting place and shove it up your ass.

"Suits: Buried Secrets (#3.11)" (2014)
Louis Litt: Okay, I was in the Harvard file room with Sheila. Don't ask details. And I noticed Mike Ross' file was not there.
Donna Paulsen: You specifically looked for his file
Louis Litt: Yes, and I looked for Harvey's too, and his was there. And by the way, he looked like a major douche.

Louis Litt: Thank you, Donna, for putting your anger on hold long enough to help me salvage the single most important non-feline relationship of my life.

Louis Litt: [talking into his dictaphone] Monday, 2:20 p. m. This conundrum is burning a hole in my brain. Think. Logically. I mean, Sheila is professional and meticulous and wonderfully anal, and if she says that nothing gets misplaced in her inner sanctum, then I believe her, which leaves the national security option. Is Mike Ross CIA?
[Thinks, then scoffs]
Louis Litt: Please. There's a better chance that Esther's in the KGB. I mean, I can ask Sheila, if I'm no longer fond of my testicles, which - wait a second, missing testicles, missing file. It can't be missing if it doesn't exist. Holy shit. What if Mike Ross never went to Harvard at all? What if he just went to some crappy third-tier law school, like Fordham or Arizona State?
[Puts on a frat-boy voice]
Louis Litt: "Yeah, hey, bro. Yeah, no, I'll see you at the party. I'm not gonna study for the bar. Damn straight, that's right, bros before hos. Oh, yeah, you know-"
[Switches back to normal]
Louis Litt: All right, that's enough. He's been peeing directly into our pristine pool of eliteness. He's been- Oh, shoot, it's blinking out. Norma, really quickly, I need you to get a pack of rechargeable triple A - -. Shit, it's out. So I guess I'm just talking to myself.

"Suits: No Way Out (#3.16)" (2014)
Louis Litt: It's not like Harvey to miss a meeting.
Jessica Pearson: Thank you, Louis. I'll look into it.
Louis Litt: You see, that's just it. I think something might be wrong with him.
Jessica Pearson: You mean like he's a spy?
Louis Litt: No, Jessica, listen. Ever since my heart attack, I've been worrying about other people's health. And I'd ask Donna, but I don't wanna burden her with the knowledge of his mortality.
Jessica Pearson: You don't think Donna knows Harvey can die?
Louis Litt: Look, Jessica, I know Harvey appears to be lean and relatively fit, but coronary disease can strike even the most handsome.
Jessica Pearson: Louis, listen to me. Harvey isn't sick. He didn't have a heart attack. And if he missed that meeting, I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation.
Louis Litt: I'm sure you're right. I'm gonna go check my blood pressure.

Louis Litt: Jesus Christ, you know, you drive like my Nana - he drives like my Nana, and she's 102.
Harvey Specter: Relax, Louis. Ray's on it. Nobody's getting us there faster.

Louis Litt: This is just ridiculous. If Harold isn't broken by now, I'll shit my pants.
Harvey Specter: If Harold's broken, then when we get there, Mike's gonna be on his way to prison.
Louis Litt: Someone needs to get in there and hold his hand.
Harvey Specter: Not someone. You.
Louis Litt: Are you serious? I'm the last person in the world that Harold Gunderson wants to see right now.
Harvey Specter: Louis, when we were associates, who did you fear most?
Louis Litt: That's easy. My mother.
Harvey Specter: I meant in the firm.

"Suits: Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner (#4.2)" (2014)
Louis Litt: I'm writing in my diary.
Katrina Bennett: Isn't that what your dictaphone is for?
Louis Litt: No, my dictaphone is for my singular triumphs, like when Harvey told me I was the man, and my diary is for my most agonizing defeats, such as when Jessica just told me I'll never make name partner.
Katrina Bennett: Louis, she didn't say that.
Louis Litt: Well, she might as well have. She just gave Malone the corner office.

Louis Litt: Holy shit. What did I just do?
Katrina Bennett: I'll tell you what you're gonna do. You're gonna stop writing in that pussy diary, and you're gonna show Jessica you're the one who should be sitting in that corner office.
Louis Litt: Ready the dictaphone. We're gonna need it.

Jeff Malone: Who do you actually think is better at determining whether a guy is guilty of insider trading, Louis? A career prosecutor for the S.E.C. or a monkey in some Italian suit?
Louis Litt: [Scoffs] A monkey?
Jeff Malone: Monkey.
Louis Litt: Well, you're nothing but a crowing cock. And the last cock that walked into my office learned what all the other cocks learned: that I eat cock for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Jeff Malone: Louis, you're gonna let me in that deposition tomorrow whether you like it or not.
Louis Litt: Why, because you're gonna run to Jessica?
Jeff Malone: No, simply because I'm gonna tell everyone here in the office that you said you eat cock for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

"Suits: Derailed (#4.14)" (2015)
Louis Litt: Do you know the receptionist at the front desk?
Rachel Zane: Yes, her name is Elise.
Louis Litt: Good, you can use her name when you fire her.
Rachel Zane: I don't have the authority to fire people, but I did just talk to her.
Louis Litt: You did?
Rachel Zane: Mm-hmm.
Louis Litt: To set her straight. That's good.
Rachel Zane: No, not good. She came to see me. She said that you've been harassing her.
Louis Litt: What happened?
Rachel Zane: She said that you called and hung up on her over 50 times.
Louis Litt: What? How did she even know it was me?
Rachel Zane: Because you called from your office.

Rachel Zane: Louis, is this really the kind of name partner you want to be?
Louis Litt: No, I want to be the kind of name partner that has his name said on the goddamn phone.
Rachel Zane: Okay, well, in order to fire her without getting sued for harassment, you'd have to fire the entire support staff, and you and I both know that that's never going to happen.
[Louis has a look]
Jessica Pearson: We are not firing all of our support staff.
Louis Litt: Well, it's easy for you to say, being that your name is first.
Jessica Pearson: What are you talking...
Louis Litt: Jessica, I am talking about respect. R-e-s-p-e-c-t, find out what it means to me.

Jessica Pearson: I know I'm gonna regret asking this. Louis, tell me specifically what it is you're talking about.
Louis Litt: They are answering the phones, "Pearson Specter", not "Pearson Specter Litt".
Jessica Pearson: Louis...
Louis Litt: You don't believe me? Check it yourself.
Jessica Pearson: I'm not harassing our support staff.
Louis Litt: It's not harassment, God damn it!

"Suits: The Arrangement (#3.1)" (2013)
Donna Paulsen: Louis, what happened?
Louis Litt: Oh. I'll tell you what happened. This stupid merger. It's bad enough my vote is worth a third of what it was last week. Now our uni-balls, gone.
Donna Paulsen: Our... What?
Louis Litt: Pens, Donna. The new quartermaster, Barbara L. Tottingham, will not buy us any more uni-balls. There's not one single uni-ball in this entire firm.
Donna Paulsen: Please stop saying uni-ball.
Louis Litt: No, I will not. Stuck with these stupid plastic things that keep breaking.
Donna Paulsen: So buy your own pen.
Louis Litt: [Astounded] Bu okay. There are two things in this firm that I hold very sacred - my uni-balls and my raspberry Bran bars. And if I have to go and buy 'em myself, well, then, this Barbara L. Tottingham has a message for me, loud and clear, and that's "Louis Litt, go screw yourself".

Louis Litt: You know, when we were in the bullpen, Harvey was like Superman. And then, one day, Hardman decided to just knock him down a peg. Gave him this bullshit assignment, undoable workload, unwinnable case. And I took it as a chance to break down his walls and offer my help. And I just thought, this just might be the chance that we could become...
Mike Ross: Friends.
Louis Litt: Yeah. And he looked at me - "how dare I?"
Mike Ross: I get it. He's alone. He always has been. He always will be.
Louis Litt: Always *was*. Harvey is not Superman anymore. He's Batman. And Batman needs Robin.

Louis Litt: You're Barbara L. Tottingham.
Nigel Nesbitt: I hardly made it difficult to figure out.
Louis Litt: Barbara L. Tottingham. B. L. T. Which is a sandwich.
Nigel Nesbitt: And what does one put on a B. L. T. ?
Louis Litt: Mayonnaise, invented by the French.
Nigel Nesbitt: Which points directly to another French sandwich.
Louis Litt: Of course, the monte cristo, as in the Count of Monte Cristo. How did I not see that? It was staring me right in the face.
Nigel Nesbitt: Indeed it was. The count returned from the dead, as I am now returned from the banishment to which you sentenced me... as quartermaster.
Louis Litt: I would ask you how you did it, but I know you wouldn't tell me, because I wouldn't tell you.
Nigel Nesbitt: What I will tell you is that during my time in the wilderness...
Louis Litt: It was three days.
Nigel Nesbitt: And nights! I endeavored to discover what perquisites you value most in this firm - your beloved Bran bars. You're never going to have them.
Louis Litt: I can buy them myself.
Nigel Nesbitt: Even if you were willing to buy them yourself - which we both know you aren't - you'll never eat them on Pearson Darby grounds.

"Suits: This Is Rome (#4.10)" (2014)
Louis Litt: This is Rome... and we are gladiators!

Louis Litt: They were not pleased that you kept them in the dark.
Harvey Specter: You are a son of a bitch
Louis Litt: Who's the clown now?
Harvey Specter: You're a son of a bitch
Louis Litt: I'm only taking one client that you're gonna have to drop anyway. The least you could do is be a gentleman about it
Harvey Specter: A gentleman? I got you two jobs!
Louis Litt: Two jobs in Siberia!

Jessica Pearson: What do you want me to say?
Louis Litt: I want you to tell me you're a liar! And a hypocrite! I want you to say you're sorry.
Jessica Pearson: I am a liar. And I am a hypocrite. But I will not say I'm sorry, because I did what I did to protect this firm.
Louis Litt: Well, looks like the captain's about to go down with her ship
Jessica Pearson: Bullshit. You want something.
Louis Litt: Oh, I told you.
Jessica Pearson: I want to see you in In handcuffs? If that were true, the police would be here instead of you. No, you wanted to see me squirm before asking me for what you really want. I'm not gonna give you the satisfaction, so you might as well spit it out.
Louis Litt: You asked me what I wanted once before, and I told you, and then you told me that I couldn't have it. But now I can. Pearson... Specter... Litt.

"Suits: Yesterday's Gone (#3.12)" (2014)
Louis Litt: I don't want to call Gerard up and ask him 'cause I don't want the world laughing at my firm. But if he doesn't walk up to you on Friday and say, "Mike Ross, my beloved student "who I remember, because he's the only one I ever gave an A-plus to," well, then, I'm gonna know you're lying. And if you still don't come clean, I'm gonna launch a formal investigation, whether it makes my firm look bad or not.
Mike Ross: This is crazy. There is nothing to investigate.
Louis Litt: Well, I'd rather risk looking crazy to root out an impostor than to risk letting that impostor poison everything that I stand for.

Louis Litt: You're here late.
Mike Ross: The life of an associate, right?
Louis Litt: Ah, yeah, I remember. I used to live in this room, work piled all around me, surviving on coffee, delivery, and no sleep. And the whole time, wondering, "man, is it ever gonna get any easier?"
Mike Ross: Does it?
Louis Litt: No.
Mike Ross: But you still love it.
Louis Litt: And so do you.

"Suits: Pilot (#1.1)" (2011)
Louis Litt: It's nine thirty and now he's showing up two hours after we open for business, and I see that you're also trying to look like a pimp.
Harvey Specter: My bad Louis, I was out late last night and when I woke up this is the suit your wife picked out for me.
Louis Litt: And that would be funny, if i'd actually been married.
Harvey Specter: You're not married?

Jessica Pearson: Recruiting. Harvey, your interviews are set up for tomorrow.
Harvey Specter: What? Why don't we just hire the Harvard summer associate douche?
Jessica Pearson: I think if you listen to the phrasing of that question, you'll come up with an answer.
Harvey Specter: We need people who think on their feet, not another clone with a rod up his ass.
Louis Litt: Harvey, the fact that we only hire from Harvard gives us a cache that's a little more valuable than hiring a kid from Rutgers.
Jessica Pearson: [to Harvey] *You* went to Harvard Law.
Harvey Specter: I'm an exception.

"Suits: Litt the Hell Up (#4.6)" (2014)
Donna Paulsen: Am I to assume I'm getting my own personal Litt-up mug?
Louis Litt: Absolutely not. Those are mere mugs. This, My Lady, is a chalice.

Harvey Specter: Louis, how the hell did you get him to go for it?
Louis Litt: We found common ground.
Harvey Specter: One more thing. Charles Forstman got the Litt the hell up.

"Suits: Asterisk (#2.9)" (2012)
Louis Litt: Season pass, Lincoln Center, front row. Every show.
Donna Paulsen: Really?
Louis Litt: Yeah!
Donna Paulsen: Do I have to go with you?
Louis Litt: Hell no!
Donna Paulsen: Thank you, Louis.
Louis Litt: You are welcome. God, could this day get any better?

Louis Litt: I'm presenting my partnership buy-in check to you in your current capacity of managing partner.
Jessica Pearson: Current?
Louis Litt: Oh is that your cryptic way of asking about my vote? You kept me waiting five years. You can wait another 24 hours.

"Suits: She's Mine (#3.7)" (2013)
Louis Litt: Norma, I've told you a million goddamn times. She's gonna taste the extra skim. And who do you think she's gonna take it out on? Me. Oh, and find out what the holdup is on my trademark claim on "Litt Up".

Louis Litt: Rachel, Louis. Code Red. Did anybody see you leave my office?
Rachel Zane: Norma gave me a look.
Louis Litt: She's on our side.
Rachel Zane: I don't even know if *I'm* on your side.

"Suits: One-Two-Three Go... (#4.1)" (2014)
Katrina Bennett: I found out the name of the man Woodall's sending after us: Jeff Malone.
Louis Litt: Jeff Malone is a beast.
Katrina Bennett: Well, the only way to beat a beast is with a bigger beast.
Louis Litt: I need to get in there before everyone else and let Harvey and Jessica know that I had the foresight to look for it, the cunning to find it, and the balls to stop it.
Katrina Bennett: Then you take on Malone. Next stop: Name partner. Pearson Specter Litt.
Katrina Bennett: Okay, you know what? Just let's not count our chickens before they hatch. But just for shits and giggles, say it one more time. Leave out Specter.

Katrina Bennett: Guess who stopped by yesterday for an impromptu meeting with Jessica and Harvey.
Louis Litt: Please tell me it was Dick Cheney.
Katrina Bennett: Why would you want it to be Dick Cheney?
Louis Litt: Why wouldn't I want it to be Iron Dick? Holy shit, I think I know who you were talking about.
Katrina Bennett: I think you do too.
Louis Litt: Is it a certain S.E.C. beast whose name happens to rhyme with schmeff schmalone?
Katrina Bennett: Schmess it is, and schmess it does.
Louis Litt: Well, schmuck me.

"Suits: All In (#2.6)" (2012)
Louis Litt: I need a list of everything that's wrong with the rehearsal space. For example, the creaky floorboards, they're affecting certain dancers' attitudes.
Harold Gunderson: Oh, they shouldn't let that get them down.
Rachel Zane: "Attitude" is a pose.
Harold Gunderson: Oh, yeah, like striking an attitude. Whatever, I do that all the time.
Louis Litt: Okay. I also need a list of the ballet company principals.
Harold Gunderson: Okay, um, integrity, fidelity, patriotism...
Rachel Zane: Not that kind of principle.
Louis Litt: [to Harold] Okay, we're done.
Harold Gunderson: How am I supposed to know?
Louis Litt: Rachel, you've just been drafted.
Harold Gunderson: Oh, but she's not even a...
Louis Litt: Not what? She's not what, Harold? Ms. Zane not only knows more about ballet than you do, she also knows more about law.

Harold Gunderson: [Talking to Rachael] What is it about ballet? I just- I don't get it, you know? There's no words, there's no story, there's no action. It's just all
Harold Gunderson: and
Harold Gunderson: and like
[jumps in the air waving, his arms as Louis approaches behind him]
Harold Gunderson: I don't...
[Rachel clears throat]
Harold Gunderson: Please tell me that Louis isn't behind me.
Louis Litt: Louis isn't behind you. Hi.
Harold Gunderson: [Nervous] Hi.
Louis Litt: Penelope Cruz, Zoe Saldana, Audrey Hepburn, what do they all have in common?
Harold Gunderson: They're all hot?
Louis Litt: No, dumbass. They all owe their success to ballet because it gives them discipline and grace, it embodies our emotions, it's breathtaking in its beauty, and most importantly, it expresses what cannot be put into words. You want to get ahead here, Harold? Take ballet, because right now, the only thing that's breathtaking about you can easily be put into words: nothing. Now relevé your ass back to work.

"Suits: The Other Time (#3.6)" (2013)
Donna Paulsen: You look happy.
Louis Litt: Do I?
Donna Paulsen: Why?
Louis Litt: Um, I don't know, Donna, it's hard to explain. All right, I'll tell you. Mikado finally slept in my bed last night, and when I woke up this morning, it felt like the whole world was hugging me. I lost 9 ounces. My teeth whiteners are working. I found five new hairs on the top of my head. And to top it all off, I just found out that Esther broke her foot in three places.
Donna Paulsen: Your sister?
Louis Litt: Yeah, crutches for seven months. Serves her right. Dad's favorite.

Louis Litt: [after seeing Harvey's name on the wall] I need a day.

"Suits: Unfinished Business (#3.3)" (2013)
Louis Litt: Bran bars are forbidden to first years.
Mike Ross: Since when?
Louis Litt: Since two seconds ago. Order of the quartermaster, who is no longer speaking with you. Rachel. Can you please instruct the associate to your right to pass the nondairy creamer?
Mike Ross: Louis, as I have been trying to tell you in person, and in the note I left, and in your voice mail, I'm sorry.
Louis Litt: [Ignores him] Do you know what nondairy creamer is, Rachel?
Rachel Zane: Uh...
Louis Litt: It's a metaphor. The first sip, you think it's real, you know? After all, it wants you to believe that it's genuine and it's good, and it's gonna deliver on its promise. But then with time, you realize that it's just a concoction of chemicals that's designed to disguise the truth that it's actually full of shit.
Rachel Zane: Then why are you drinking it?
Louis Litt: ...I'm lactose intolerant.

Harvey Specter: Louis, have you given any thought to a rebound associate?
Louis Litt: Harvey, come on, you know I'm not that kind of guy.
Harvey Specter: Come on, you have him file a few interrogatories, maybe pick up your dry cleaning, and then you cut him loose.
Louis Litt: With no strings attached?
Harvey Specter: Better men than you have done it.
Louis Litt: No.
Harvey Specter: Yep.
Louis Litt: Who, Baird?
Harvey Specter: A week-long fling I ended six days too late.
Louis Litt: Yeah, but Harvey, I don't just want a superficial relationship, you know? I want a true mentee. Someone I can take to the gun club or mudding or to the origami festival.
Harvey Specter: Louis, you're gonna find the right one.
Harvey Specter: Origami festival? Oh, my God.

"Suits: Intent (#4.15)" (2015)
Louis Litt: Zipadeedoodah or Grab My Sack?
Donna Paulsen: What?
Louis Litt: Messenger service. Which one do we use?

Donna Paulsen: Norma's still out, isn't she?
Louis Litt: Her goddamn sister tripped and fell in the tub, and she went to help. It's like she doesn't even care about me at all.

"Suits: Sucker Punch (#2.7)" (2012)
Louis Litt: You've been assigned by the judge to help me in Pretty Boy's trial.
Harvey Specter: Oh, look at that. He thinks I'm pretty.
Mike Ross: Wait, what judge?
Louis Litt: His Honor Daniel Hardman. I'll see you in court, Sweet Tits.

Louis Litt: Please state your name.
Harvey Specter: Harvey Specter.
Louis Litt: Your full name.
Harvey Specter: Harvey Reginald Specter.
Mike Ross: [mouths] Reginald?
Harvey Specter: [nods]

"Suits: Stay (#3.10)" (2013)
Mike Ross: Okay, Louis, I'm sorry, but is it possible that this has nothing to do with work and what she's actually saying is that she wants to be exclusive with you?
Louis Litt: Oh, Mike, you're so silly. You know nothing about women. If she wanted to be exclusive with me, she'd just come right out and say... it... Holy s-t, it was staring me right in the face.

Sheila Sazs: Okay, you know what's a scam? This letter, which I am now ripping up.
Louis Litt: No! Sheila, please!
[Papers ripping]
Louis Litt: I labored over every word of that.
Sheila Sazs: The time for words is over. The time for deeds is now.
Louis Litt: Well, then, give me a deed, I'll do it. Give me a mountain, I'll climb it. Give me a Katy Perry song, I'll sing it.

"Suits: Compensation (#5.2)" (2015)
Louis Litt: I need to talk to you.
Jessica Pearson: Let me guess. You got into a pissing contest with Harvey, he told you he's been covering Donna's salary, you, out of pride, said that you were going to take it on, and now you're here to find out how much you're on the hook for.
Louis Litt: Nothing like that
Jessica Pearson: Oh, good. Then what is it?
Louis Litt: Everything you just said.

"Suits: Pound of Flesh (#4.5)" (2014)
Louis Litt: Donna Victoria Paulsen, you have never been more beautiful and talented and perfect than you are at this very moment. Your time is now. And you're gonna kill it.
Donna Paulsen: Thank you, Louis.
Louis Litt: No. Thank you.
Donna Paulsen: My middle name is Roberta.

"Suits: Know When to Fold 'Em (#3.15)" (2014)
Jessica Pearson: When you love a woman, can you stand the thought of her being with another man?
Louis Litt: No.
Jessica Pearson: Well, Louis, Van Dyke is trying to get into Pearson Specter's pants. What are you going to do about it?
Louis Litt: I'm gonna put on a goddamn chastity belt.

"Suits: Blood in the Water (#2.12)" (2013)
Mike Ross: Wow, yeah, that is a tattoo.
Harold Gunderson: It's cool, right?
Mike Ross: Yeah. A manatee. The slow, gentle cow of the sea
Harold Gunderson: Uh uh no, it's a shark actually.
Mike Ross: [Looks again] Totally. No, yes that is- that's a shark. That is a big wide fat shark.
Louis Litt: [enters] You're fired.
Harold Gunderson: Oh! You can't fire Mike!
Louis Litt: *You*. You moron. You can't even get your firing right.

"Suits: High Noon (#2.10)" (2012)
Louis Litt: If you were a narcissist with great hair, what would your password be?

"Suits: Exposure (#4.8)" (2014)
Katrina Bennett: Louis, why are you here so early?
Louis Litt: I am taking this Forstman document, and I am burying it in the bowels of these files. And then, I am putting these files deep in the bowels of our storage.
Katrina Bennett: Louis, please stop saying bowels.
Louis Litt: Katrina, I don't have time to give a shit about bowels, 'cause after this, we are starting fresh.

"Suits: Endgame (#3.8)" (2013)
Harold Gunderson: Louis, how did you get in here?
Louis Litt: I told them I was your uncle. Though how they could believe that we share the same DNA is beyond me.
Harold Gunderson: This is about your trial, isn't it?
Louis Litt: You're goddamn right it is! Why the hell would you do that to me?
Harold Gunderson: I had no choice. I was subpoenaed.
Louis Litt: It was a mock trial. You could have refused.
Harold Gunderson: What do you want from me, Louis?
Louis Litt: I want to yell at you!

"Suits: War (#2.16)" (2013)
Louis Litt: You once told me what to do when your back is against the wall.
Harvey Specter: Break the goddamn thing!

"Suits: Leveraged (#4.4)" (2014)
Louis Litt: You want me to get your T. R. O. removed.
Harvey Specter: How do you know that?
Louis Litt: Because you pissed off judge Ramos and now she can't stand you.
Harvey Specter: How do you know *that*?
Louis Litt: Oh, because I keep a list of your enemies. You want to see it?