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: I love books. Do you remember "Pat the Bunny"? You could feel the bunny.
: Hey, what's with you? Axl Heck
: What's with me? I don't want to see your stupid face right now. That's what's with me. Darrin
: That's not very nice to say that about someone's face. What did my face ever do to you? Axl Heck
: You told my sister you were going to take her to prom, and then, like, you just cancel on her last minute? Darrin
: What are you talking about? She has like a million dates. Axl Heck
: No, she doesn't, Darrin. She went to prom alone. And she wanted to go with you, so nice going. Darrin
: She doesn't even like me. Axl Heck
: Oh, my God. Are you an idiot? Do you not see how she gets those weird googly eyes whenever you come over, and grins like an idiot? It's completely disgusting and makes me want to vomit, but, for whatever reason, she still really likes you, and you really hurt you. And that's not cool. You do not hurt my sister.
: What are you doing here? Darrin
: I came to take you to prom. Sue Heck
: But I-I got your message. I thought you didn't care about prom. Darrin
: I don't. I only care about you.
: Wow, our whole entire friendship is at stake. This is serious business. I will watch this cartoon for you.
: Mrs. Heck, you're giving her the first clue. You'll be here with doughnuts in the morning. Frankie Heck
: Are you providing the doughnuts? Darrin
: Yeah. Frankie Heck
: Better make it two boxes.
: I wish I could ask you in, but that's the price you pay when you're keeping your relationship a secret. Darrin
: No, you're right. Once everyone finds out, it always seems to get messed up. It's like people are threatened by our joy. Sue Heck
: That's why it's critical that absolutely no one finds out about us.
[bursts into house
] Sue Heck
: I'm in love with Darrin and I need to shout it from the rooftop! Frankie Heck
: Wait - what? Sue Heck
: We didn't want anyone pulling us apart, so we've been keeping it a secret. It's been so hard! Frankie Heck
: How long has this been going on? Sue Heck
: Since prom last night. I just think about Darrin all the time. And when he's not around, I just miss him so much. How do you bear the burning ache when you're apart from Dad all day? Frankie Heck
: I'm not gonna say it's easy.
: Why? Why would you ask my sister to the prom? Darrin
: I don't know. She's nice. She has a sunny disposition. Axl Heck
: Dude, that's my sister you're talking about.
: Here's all I need to know about you, Darrin. You're 19 and a male. Darrin
: Actually, I'm 20. I skipped a grade. That's the one where you repeat a year, right? Mike Heck
: No, that's getting held back. Darrin
: Oh, yeah. That's the one I did.
: I have no idea who I'm dating. Sean Donahue
: What do you mean you don't know who you're dating? Axl Heck
: I don't know, okay? They were both acting like they were dating me. It was weird. Darrin
: Who'd you ask out? That would at least eliminate one. Axl Heck
: I thought I called Courtney, but maybe I called Debbie instead. I don't know anymore! Sean Donahue
: Come on, we can figure this out. Which one seems to like you more? Axl Heck
: I can't tell 'cause they're always together. I mean, I assume I'd go for the blonde, but Debbie's really been riding me lately, so maybe she's my girlfriend. Darrin
: Which one have you been making out with?
[Axl looks sheepish
] Sean Donahue
: Oh... my... God. Three weeks, you haven't even kissed one? Maybe you're dating Darrin. Darrin
: He could do worse. I'm kind, and I always show up on time. Axl Heck
: I haven't been making out yet 'cause I'm never alone with whoever it is I'm dating.
: I thought you said BossCo would be in the black by now. Darrin
: Is black the good one or bad one? Axl Heck
: Look, we really ate it trying to get that possum out of the garage. Between Darrin's stitches and the rabies shots, we got hosed. Darrin
: I can still see those pink eyes coming at me.
: When I got Angel the necklace, she really liked it, so I thought you would, too. I mean, my mom really likes hers. Sue Heck
: Oh my God! Your mom, too? You know, that's a lot of keys to your heart, Darrin. Why even bother locking it if everybody's got one?
: Dudes, it's, like, a totally lame assignment. I mean, we're only juniors. What kind of big, life-changing event could we have even had? Sean Donahue
: I know, it sucks. I'm probably just going to write about the time I got trapped under the ice at Patoka Lake. That counts, right? Axl Heck
: What? Darrin
: Yeah, I can't decide between the time I helped deliver my baby sister at the carpet store or the time I was pronounced dead for two minutes when I was six. What do you guys like better?