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: Aw c'mon bro, being a black guy is way harder than being a gay dude. Last night, I tried to hail a cab in a twelve hundred dollar suit. Dude drove right past me and picked up a white guy in a "Who Farted" t-shirt. Max Blum
: Oh boohoo. You can't get a cab. I can't get married, or into Heaven. Penny Hartz
: You don't want to do either of those things.
: I'm gonna go out tonight, and I'm gonna get absolutely blackout drunk. Max Blum
: Yes! Let's do it! Dave Rose
: Maybe I'll meet somebody! Y'know, I could bring her back here! Somehow convince her to have sex with me on this soiled futon while you sleep nearby! Max Blum
: Sure! I mean, chicks love a chubby guy sleeping on the floor, it reminds them of prom! Dave Rose
: Couple months go by. Surprise! Herpes. Surprise number two: she's preggos and loves cocaine. Max Blum
: Okay. You're going to a dark place, let's turn it around! Dave Rose
: Nah, we try to make it work for a while, but it's only a matter of time before she runs off with a roadie from Pantera. Before you know it, I'm a single dad living in this... torture porn warehouse with my cross eyed baby, Mitchell. Max Blum
: If we're gonna raise this baby together, I'm not in love with the name Mitchell. Dave Rose
: 'kay. We can work on that.
: Half black's God's Photoshop. Worst-case scenario you're looking at the chick from Avatar. Jane Kerkovich-Williams
: She's blue.
: He's a hipster, Penny. All those things you like, he likes them ironically.
: Wow. Penny Hartz
: Rollerblades? Max Blum
: Even I think rollerblades are gay. And I had sex with a dude last night.
: So when gay guys hook up do they call each other dude? Like dude your lips are so soft or your mustache is tickling my navel dog! Max Blum
: You're an idiot, but ya we do that.
: No, we're not even... and when it comes, my revenge will be served like the tennis serve of a seventh grade girl: slow, out of bounds and I will pull balls out of my skirt.