Max Blum
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Quotes for
Max Blum (Character)
from "Happy Endings" (2011)

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"Happy Endings: Bo Fight (#1.10)" (2011)
Brad Williams: Aw c'mon bro, being a black guy is way harder than being a gay dude. Last night, I tried to hail a cab in a twelve hundred dollar suit. Dude drove right past me and picked up a white guy in a "Who Farted" t-shirt.
Max Blum: Oh boohoo. You can't get a cab. I can't get married, or into Heaven.
Penny Hartz: You don't want to do either of those things.

Dave Rose: I'm gonna go out tonight, and I'm gonna get absolutely blackout drunk.
Max Blum: Yes! Let's do it!
Dave Rose: Maybe I'll meet somebody! Y'know, I could bring her back here! Somehow convince her to have sex with me on this soiled futon while you sleep nearby!
Max Blum: Sure! I mean, chicks love a chubby guy sleeping on the floor, it reminds them of prom!
Dave Rose: Couple months go by. Surprise! Herpes. Surprise number two: she's preggos and loves cocaine.
Max Blum: Okay. You're going to a dark place, let's turn it around!
Dave Rose: Nah, we try to make it work for a while, but it's only a matter of time before she runs off with a roadie from Pantera. Before you know it, I'm a single dad living in this... torture porn warehouse with my cross eyed baby, Mitchell.
Max Blum: If we're gonna raise this baby together, I'm not in love with the name Mitchell.
Dave Rose: 'kay. We can work on that.

"Happy Endings: The Quicksand Girlfriend (#1.2)" (2011)
Max Blum: Half black's God's Photoshop. Worst-case scenario you're looking at the chick from Avatar.
Jane Kerkovich-Williams: She's blue.

"Happy Endings: Dave of the Dead (#1.7)" (2011)
Max Blum: He's a hipster, Penny. All those things you like, he likes them ironically.

"Happy Endings: Pilot (#1.1)" (2011)
Brad Williams: Wow.
Penny Hartz: Rollerblades?
Max Blum: Even I think rollerblades are gay. And I had sex with a dude last night.

"Happy Endings: You've Got Male (#1.9)" (2011)
Brad Williams: So when gay guys hook up do they call each other dude? Like dude your lips are so soft or your mustache is tickling my navel dog!
Max Blum: You're an idiot, but ya we do that.

"Happy Endings: The Marry Prankster (#3.12)" (2013)
Max Blum: No, we're not even... and when it comes, my revenge will be served like the tennis serve of a seventh grade girl: slow, out of bounds and I will pull balls out of my skirt.