Tina Belcher
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Quotes for
Tina Belcher (Character)
from "Bob's Burgers" (2011)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
"Bob's Burgers: Full Bars (#3.2)" (2012)
Tina: Last year I was a mummy. This year I'm a mommy mummy. I'm raising a child and going to a four-year college, all on my own.

Louise: Full bars? Full bars! FULL BARS? She just gave us Full-Sized Chocolate Bars! Does she know? Oh my god! Was it an accident?
Gene: I hope this doesn't put a strain on our economy.
Tina: Everything I know to be true just went out the window.

Louise: Must be a golf country club.
Tina: Looks like a miniature golf course.
Gene: The windmill must be enormous!

Louise: [about a girl's cell phone] This thing is like a remote control for teenage boys.
Gene: Make them touch butts!
Tina: Give them ridiculous French accents.

Tina: [watching boys go skinny-dipping] There's a lot of carrots in that stew.


"Bob's Burgers: Bad Tina (#2.8)" (2012)
Gene: [about Tina's erotic friends fiction] You should do one with the janitor and the principal. Their babies would be beautiful.
Tina: I did, and they're not.

Tina: Detention is no big deal, Mom. Don't have a crap attack.
[Dramatic music]
Linda: What did you just say?
Tina: A crap attack? Don't have one?
[Dramatic music]
Linda: Don't tell me not to have a crap attack! I'll have a crap attack anytime I want, now go to your room!
Tina: This is such a snoregasm.

Tammy: [about Tina's toy horse] I used to have one of these. I cut off its mane.
Tina: That sounds cool. I'll do that too.
[Whispers to horse]
Tina: No, I won't.

Tina: Please don't tell mom and dad.
Louise: Oh, we won't. But it'll cost ya.
Gene: Ten thousand dollars!
Louise: Or, you do all our chores for a month.
Gene: Ooh, even better!

Linda: We need to go over some ground rules for tonight Miss Mouthy: no boys, no partying, no summoning spirits or switching bodies, and no filling the house with soap bubbles. You hear me, Tina?
Tina: Yes, I wear glasses, not hearing aids, Mom.
Louise: Ho!
Linda: Well, I don't wear a hearing aid either, so I didn't hear that.
Louise: Haw!


"Bob's Burgers: Sacred Couch (#6.9)" (2016)
Louise Belcher: It smells like all the food we ate waged a war against all our butts.
Tina Belcher: [sniffs] I'm getting mostly dad.

Tina Belcher: I want something with adult content, but I'll settle for mature situations.

Tina Belcher: High chairs. That's the life.
Gene Belcher: Why would anyone want to sit in a low chair? Every chair should have safety restraints and bears on them.

Tina Belcher: Why'd you do it, Louise?
Gene Belcher: You played God, and our couch wasn't even religious.

Teddy: Good news! Someone took the couch!
Bob Belcher, Tina Belcher, Gene Belcher, Linda Belcher, Louise Belcher: Noo!
Teddy: You guys react weird to good news.
Gene Belcher: Yeees!


"Bob's Burgers: The Deepening (#3.6)" (2012)
Teddy: Look, there's me again! In the red and blue shorts.
[everyone stares at Teddy]
Teddy: What's everyone staring at?
Gene Belcher: Nothing.
Louise Belcher: Nothing.
Tina Belcher: Your body.

Tina Belcher: I know how the shark thinks. It's confused. It doesn't know why we want to kill it. It just wants to go home.
Bob Belcher: Tina, it's a mechanical shark. It's dumber than our toaster.
Tina Belcher: Our toaster is also confused. It doesn't know where bagels go.

Bob Belcher: It's eating its way into our basement!
Tina Belcher: Can we keep it?

Mr. Fischoeder: How about the Scare-rousel? A carrousel in which you ride real horse corpses.
Tina Belcher: You had me at horses, but then you lost me at corpses.

Tina Belcher: I'm torn. Dad raised me, but the shark gets me.
Louise Belcher: If the shark eats dad, does that make it our new boss?
Gene Belcher: Shark boss! Ungh-ungh-ungh-ungh!


"Bob's Burgers: It Snakes a Village (#3.18)" (2013)
Tina: How do you know a python ate it? Did it leave a note?

Louise: Gene, stop it. You're spooking Tina.
Tina: I'm not spooked. What's the next thing after spooked? I'm that.

Tina: Gene, you saved us. I owe you my life.
Gene: No thanks. I've seen it and I'm not impressed.

Tina: [after Helen's dog Mitzi runs away again] I guess she doesn't like wearing clothes.
Gene: With that body, I wouldn't either.

Gene: I've never peed in an olympic-sized swimming pool. I'm not sure I can go for the gold.
Tina: Don't worry. With all your practicing, you'll be all right.


"Bob's Burgers: Lobsterfest (#1.12)" (2011)
Linda: You kids stay down in the basement.
Tina: I already designated a corner for our bathroom. Right there, where I went.
Gene: And I designated that corner there. We have two bathrooms.

Tina: I don't know. Eating lobster? It goes against everything we were taught to believe.
Louise: It's not against everything, but it's start.

Tina: I think he's having an allergic reaction. We should do something.
Louise: Let's sit on him and see if he pops.

Tina: I'm compiling a list of people I can mate with to repopulate the Earth.
Gene: Here, let me see that. Gay, gay, mythical creature, gay mythical creature, in your dreams...


"Bob's Burgers: Two for Tina (#3.17)" (2013)
Linda: Get all those things out of your head.
Tina: Okay.
Louise: [whispers] Leather belts.
Gene: [whispers] Sausage.
Louise: [whispers] Sausage leather belts.
Gene: [whispers] That's a great idea.

Louise: Tina, Jimmy Jr. just hired us to trick you into going to the dance with him.
Tina: He did? That's the sleaziest, sneakiest, most romantic thing anyone's ever done to me.
Louise: That's great. Can we use it for our website?
Gene: And can you make us a website?

Tina: Jimmy Jr. had a chance to ride the Tina truck, but now it's headed straight for Joshville. Toot-toot.

Tina: We can make this work. We can work out a dating wheel, just like a chore wheel. Let's put the try in triangle.


"Bob's Burgers: Turkey in a Can (#4.5)" (2013)
Tina Belcher: Mum, I need your opinion on something
Linda Belcher: Oooh I love it, Brave Heart meets Coco Chanel
Tina Belcher: I need to decide which colour I'm wearing when I sit at the adults table on Thursday

Tina Belcher: There's something in the toilet and I sat on it and it was cold and now I don't know if I will ever be able to go to the bathroom again!

Tina Belcher: A turkey in every toilet, only in America, huh guys?

Tina Belcher: Why does Dad think I'm a turkey?
Gene Belcher: Your cocky strut!


"Bob's Burgers: Dr. Yap (#2.6)" (2012)
Tina: Dr. Yap is dreamy. When he's looking at my molars, it's like he's looking into my soul.

Dr. Yap: Welcome to the Yap Trap.
Tina: You caught me.

Tina: Dr. Yap, once I was into you, but after seeing you torture my father, I think we should just be friends with dental benefits.

Tina: I'm giving Dr. Yap a subscription to Highlights. He really loves that magazine.
Gene: I'm gonna give him some laughing gas from my private tank.
Louise: I'm gonna give him my business from all this jawbreaking.


"Bob's Burgers: The Belchies (#2.1)" (2012)
Tina: Dear Diary: Tonight I'm sneaking off to the abandoned taffy factory to look for treasure. Also, if boys had uteruses, they'd be called duderuses.

Tina: Brr, it sure is cold in here. I wish some strong, chivalrous man would lend me his jacket, or his pants.
[Gene throws his pants on Tina's head]
Tina: Ow.
Gene: Wash 'em before you return 'em.

Bob: I don't hear Louise! Where's Louise?
Gene: She ditched us, and then she ditched us some more!
Tina: The second time hurt the most.


"Bob's Burgers: Sheesh! Cab, Bob? (#1.6)" (2011)
Tina: You won't regret it, dad. When I kiss Jimmy Jr. under the disco ball, it'll be like we're all kissing Jimmy Jr under the disco ball.
Gene: I go first!
Louise: Really?
Gene: If I have to kiss him, I don't want to go after you guys.
Linda: I can go last. I don't mind.
Bob: We are not kissing Jimmy Jr!
Gene: [slams fists on table] Yes, we are!

Tina: Dad, you're the best pimp a girl could ever have.
Bob: Oh, Tina. I've been waiting all my life to hear those words.

Tina: I just kissed my first boy.
Mort: Me too.
Marbles: Oh, boo-hoo.


"Bob's Burgers: Beefsquatch (#2.9)" (2012)
Louise: [as Gene pees on the kitchen sink] Ugh, Gene! That's my spot!
Gene: That's funny, it smells like my spot.
[Snifs]
Gene: Asparagus.
Tina: I've been using the toilet like an idiot.

Tina: What happened to your mask?
Louise: Did you throw it in a volcano?
Gene: Nah, I gave it back to Peter Pescadero. I promised I'd pop-and-lock him into a better life, and I didn't deliver.
Louise: Another child left behind.

Louise: Last one is is Tina!
[She and Gene jump into the pool]
Tina: Hey!... Oh.


"Bob's Burgers: Synchronized Swimming (#2.3)" (2012)
Louise: We're out of PE for the rest of the year, my friend.
Gene: Yeah! Who needs it?
[Gene tries to opens the door but can't]
Tina: Here, let me try.
[Tina opens the door easily]
Gene: Huh. I should exercise.

Louise: Now we'll have to take summer school.
Bob: Summer school?
Louise: Yeah. What's next? Summer church? Summer dentist?
Gene: Summer visit to grandma?
Tina: Summer camp? Wait, I'd go there.

Tina: Marco!
Gene: Wahlberg!


"Bob's Burgers: The Unbearable Like-Likeness of Gene (#3.8)" (2012)
Gene: Remember that fart I took last night?
Louise: You'll have to be more specific.
Gene: Perhaps this will refresh your memory.
[Plays fart sound on keyboard]
Tina: Oh, yeah.
Gene: [Plays Yankee Doodle on keyboard] I taught my fart to be patriotic. It's Stinky Doodle Dandy!

Tina: I wonder who Gene's crush is?
Louise: Oh, puberty, puberty, puberty! That's all I hear from you two!
Tina: But we're his sisters. What if we disapprove of her?
Louise: Oh, judging people. Well, when you put it that way...

Louise: Take a chill pill, Courtney.
[other girls gasp]
Courtney: It's okay. I will take a chill pill, but it's because I have a congenital heart condition.
Tina: I had shingles.
Louise: I have a thing on my leg.
Courtney: Those aren't congenital.
[Bell rings]
Gene: Class started. Let's get our congenitals to class.


"Bob's Burgers: Art Crawl (#1.8)" (2011)
Louise: So you want to be real artists. It's okay. I can sell that angle. But you two have to go all the way. One of you has to lose an ear!
Tina: I need both ears to hold up my glasses.
Louise: What about you? What's your excuse?
Gene: Don't have one. Have at it!

Gene: Is dad going to jail?
Tina: I'll wave at you every day.
Louise: Word of advice: don't tell them what you're in for.
Gene: I hope our new dad is blond.

Louise: I've been honest with these two ever since Gene got too fat.
Gene: I remember the ice-cream sandwich that did it too. I regret nothing!
Louise: And Tina, you have bad breath.
Tina: Not if you're a fish.


"Bob's Burgers: Food Truckin' (#2.5)" (2012)
Louise: I see a sandwich truck.
Gene: Where?
Louise: At four o'clock.
Gene: Four o'clock? I'm hungry now!
Tina: Are they regular or ice-cream?
Louise: Both.
Gene, Tina: Whoa!
Louise: All right, keep it in your pants.

Tina: I don't want to die a virgin?
Randy: Me neither!
Tina: Hey, that gives me an idea.
Bob: No! No!

Gene: It's that documentarian who hates dad and puts wigs on cows.
Tina: Werner Herzog?


"Bob's Burgers: Lindapendent Woman (#3.14)" (2013)
Tina Belcher: There's someone behind the milk. Maybe it's the dairy fairy.
Louise Belcher: Or maybe it's a stalker following our every move with his dead eyes.
Tina Belcher: Hi.

Tina Belcher: I need to find a boy with a turtle bite on his finger.
Gene Belcher: Doesn't every woman?


"Bob's Burgers: Ambergris (#4.18)" (2014)
Tina Belcher: Remember that weird lump we found at the beach?
Gene Belcher: My name's Gene!
Tina Belcher: No, I mean the one that smelled funny.
Louise Belcher: His name is Gene!

Tina Belcher: Did you sleep at all last night, Louise?
Louise Belcher: Sleep? Soon I'll have people to do my sleeping for me!


"Bob's Burgers: Tina-rannosaurus Wrecks (#3.7)" (2012)
Tina: This is all wrong, I'm going to jail! Or hell! Or hell-jail!
[Fantasy sequence: Tina is in hell-jail waiting in line at the cafeteria]
Tina: What's for lunch today?
Jail-Hell Lunch Lady: Your lies!
Tina: NOOOOOO! That's what we had yesterday!

Tina: You're right. I'm a firestarter and a jinx. I'm going to destroy this whole family.
Gene: You're the reason I'm fat!


"Bob's Burgers: Adventures in Chinchilla-sitting (#5.15)" (2015)
Linda Belcher: Tina, you'll be babysitting tonight, right?
Tina Belcher: Yeah, about that. I have been talking to some girls at school, and they tell me that you can get paid to babysit.
Bob Belcher: Oh, boy, she's onto us. Alright, let the negotiations begin. How much?
Tina Belcher: One thousand dollars plus parking.
Bob Belcher: How about three dollars an hour?
Tina Belcher: Okay, deal.
Gene Belcher: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Three dollars every hour?
Louise Belcher: We get a cut of that, right?
Tina Belcher: Sure.
Bob Belcher: Fine, but be in bed at ten or no one gets a dime.
Tina Belcher: Of course. We can go to bed in our sleep.

Tina Belcher: Hey, there's Jonas. Hi, Jonas.
Jonas: Hey, there... you.
Tina Belcher: Oh, good. I thought you wouldn't remember me.


"Bob's Burgers: Torpedo (#1.13)" (2011)
Tina: I had no idea there was so much butt touching in baseball.
Louise: That's how they communicate, Tina. It's like Braille, but with butts.
Gene: Read my butt!

Tina: Mr. Fischoeder owns the team?
Bob: And the park and all of Wonder Wharf.
Louise: I'm gonna marry that man.
Bob: No, you're not.
Louise: I wanna be rich!


"Bob's Burgers: Christmas in the Car (#4.8)" (2013)
Bob Belcher: Lin, you want to drive an hour away and get another tree? What about our Christmas Eve Dinner? I have a ham in the oven
Tina Belcher: You have to fart?
Bob Belcher: No Tina, a real ham is currently in our oven

Louise Belcher: Step on it Dad, we have a date with a fat old man
Tina Belcher: We are chubby chasers
Bob Belcher: Tina, thats, don't say that, it's not nice to say


"Bob's Burgers: Sexy Dance Fighting (#1.4)" (2011)
Gene: They're bringing back the tambourine.
Tina: It's a pandero. It's a Brazilian instrument.
Gene: That's a tambourine. I'm getting mine. These guys don't know how to shake it.

Bob: I can't go because I have to take care of the restaurant. You don't abandon the restaurant for some fancy dancing
Tina: If I were a hamburger you'd come and watch!
Linda: See what you've done, Bob? Come on, kids. Let's go to Tina's karate concert.


"Bob's Burgers: Weekend at Mort's (#1.11)" (2011)
Louise: [Holding a spoon full of mold] Gene, if you eat this, I'll give you...
[Gene eats it]
Tina: Whoa!
Gene: Mmmm. Gorgonzola.

Louise: Babysitting doesn't come from here.
[Points at Tina's head]
Louise: It comes from here.
[Points at Tina's heart]
Tina: My boob?
Louise: [sigh] Yes, your boob. What is your boob telling you?
Tina: I don't know.
Louise: [Throws voice] Explore the morgue.
Tina: Explore the morgue?
Louise: Yes!


"Bob's Burgers: The Kids Run the Restaurant (#3.20)" (2013)
Louise: The kids are running the restaurant, and this time it's personal!
Gene: I'm gonna personally run it into the ground!
Tina: Wait, why is it personal?
Louise: Shut it!

Tina: I think gambling is illegal.
Louise: Not if no one sees you doing it.
Tina: No, I think it's still illegal.
Louise: Not if no one finds out.
Tina: No, it's still...
Louise: We're doing it!


"Bob's Burgers: Bob Fires the Kids (#3.3)" (2012)
Bob: Kids, your mother and I have an important announcement.
[Linda vocalizes fanfare]
Gene: You're having another baby?
Louise: At your age? Sick!
Tina: I thought I saw a baby bump.
Linda: What? No, I was just retaining gas.

Mr. Fischoeder: Hello, there, Belcher child. Does your father know you're doing this?
Tina: No. He thinks we're out having summertime fun.
Mr. Fischoeder: Good. Good.
Mr. Fischoeder, Tina: Let's keep it that way.


"Bob's Burgers: Bob Day Afternoon (#2.2)" (2012)
Sergeant Bosco: Yeah, I'm sorry about the pizzas. What d'you want instead? Chinese?
Bob: Burgers?
Sergeant Bosco: Mexican?
Bob: This is a burger place.
Louise: What about hot pockets?
Bob: Burgers are right here.
Tina: Or low fat frozen yogurt.
Bob: We're in a restaurant, my restaurant.
Gene: Ooh, how about some sort of Malaysian cuisine?
Bob: Burgers.
Sergeant Bosco: How about, uh... burgers.


"Bob's Burgers: Mazel-Tina (#4.13)" (2014)
Tina Belcher: I need fresh faces, and fresh butts.


"Bob's Burgers: The Land Ship (#6.2)" (2015)
Tina Belcher: Wait, I got it, I can paint over it! I just need a bunch of white paint... now... in the middle of the night... when paint stores aren't usually open...
[trails off]
Gene Belcher: Wait a minute! You say paint: I say 'taint... no problem with that because I know there's some in the basement!
Gene Belcher: TA-DAA! Paint... and Spackle!
[yanks up a tarp]
Tina Belcher: [Gasps] How did you know about this Gene?
Gene Belcher: Let's just say I thought this tarp was a tent and I thought that spackle was marshmallow fluff; and I was right... in a way...


"Bob's Burgers: The Equestranauts (#4.17)" (2014)
Tina Belcher: [Realizes she gave Bob some of her fan fiction by mistake] Oh no! What is this doing here? It's noncanonical!
Louise Belcher: What?
Gene Belcher: I think she's trying to say nautical.
Tina Belcher: Noncanonical! Noncanonical!
Louise Belcher: She's going crazy.
Gene Belcher: We have to put her down!


"Bob's Burgers: My Big Fat Greek Bob (#4.4)" (2013)
Gene Belcher: They can live with US!
Tina Belcher: Dibs on Turd!


"Bob's Burgers: O.T.: The Outside Toilet (#3.15)" (2013)
Gene Belcher: A coffee shop! They might have outlets in there!
Tina Belcher: And people writing screenplays.


"Bob's Burgers: Spaghetti Western and Meatballs (#1.9)" (2011)
Bob: Mr. Frond. He's a tall glass of... annoying.
Tina: Well, you're gonna have to drink that glass, mister.


"Bob's Burgers: Bed & Breakfast (#1.7)" (2011)
Tina: Do horses get songs stuck in their heads?


"Bob's Burgers: Slumber Party (#4.9)" (2014)
Tina Belcher: Gene, is this your first time as a human shield?
Gene Belcher: Yeah
Tina Belcher: It's my third time. You're doing great.


"Bob's Burgers: The Kids Rob a Train (#4.15)" (2014)
Tina Belcher: You chose chocolate. It's what bandana would have wanted.


"Bob's Burgers: Bob and Deliver (#4.7)" (2013)
Tina Belcher: How am I doing on dish washing Mr Belcher?
Bob Belcher: Good Tina, of course kids are licking the plates clean so it's kinda easy right?
Tina Belcher: No


"Bob's Burgers: The Runway Club (#5.16)" (2015)
Tammy: Hey, Tina. How about a little side bet? Winner gets to wear their sparkle jelly bracelet, loser has to throw theirs in the trash.
Tina Belcher: You have a deal.
Tammy: We have a deal like Ally McBeal.
Tina Belcher: We have a deal like Steven Spiel... berg.


"Bob's Burgers: Boyz 4 Now (#3.21)" (2013)
Tina: I'm no hero. I just put my bra on one boob at a time.


"Bob's Burgers: Mutiny on the Windbreaker (#3.4)" (2012)
Tina Belcher: How was the puppet show.
Gene Belcher: It was good. I felt like I needed to pee the whole time. But I didn't.


"Bob's Burgers: Hawk & Chick (#5.20)" (2015)
Tina Belcher: We gotta make this samaright.


"Bob's Burgers: Topsy (#3.16)" (2013)
Louise: Now I have to look up stuff in the library, like I didn't want to! Argh!
Gene: Yeah, argh!
Tina: Argh!... Wait, I like the library.


"Bob's Burgers: Mother Daughter Laser Razor (#3.10)" (2013)
Tina Belcher: Dad, I need you to drop everything and shave my legs.
Gene Belcher: I'll get started on the first part.
[Drops the dishes he was carrying]
Bob Belcher: Gene!
Gene Belcher: I'm only trying to help!


"Bob's Burgers: Burgerboss (#2.4)" (2012)
Mother: Um, how do you know Kevin?
Louise Belcher: Church.
Tina Belcher: Soccer.
Gene Belcher: Desert Storm.


"Bob's Burgers: Dawn of the Peck (#5.4)" (2014)
Tina Belcher: The Final Peckoning!


"Bob's Burgers: Crawl Space (#1.2)" (2011)
Mr. Frond: Three siblings in detention in two days. Is something happening at home?
Tina: Dad is stuck inside the wall.
Mr. Frond: Is that how he died?
Tina: Dad isn't dead.
Louise: Thanks a lot, Mr. Frond. We were keeping it a secret from her. We were going to tell her on Father's Day. Now we have nothing to do for Father's Day!


"Bob's Burgers: Human Flesh (#1.1)" (2011)
Bob Belcher: Tina you're on the grill.
Tina Belcher: My crotch is itchy.
[Gene and Louise groan in disgust]
Bob Belcher: Okay, are you telling me as my daughter, or as my grill cook?
Tina Belcher: Um, as...
Bob Belcher: Because my grill cook would never tell me that.
Tina Belcher: Oh.
Bob Belcher: Also, my daughter should probably not say anything like that to me. Tell her, tell your mom.


"Bob's Burgers: The Quirkducers (#7.6)" (2016)
Louise Belcher: How you doing girl?
Tina Belcher: Um, not great. I feel like my soul has diarrhea.


"Bob's Burgers: Moody Foodie (#2.7)" (2012)
Mr. Fischoeder: Bob won't go out of business because of a bad review. You're like a tumor with long teeth and hair.
Bob: I'm a tumor with teeth?
Tina: Sounds cute.