The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
: Last year I was a mummy. This year I'm a mommy mummy. I'm raising a child and going to a four-year college, all on my own.
: Full bars? Full bars! FULL BARS? She just gave us Full-Sized Chocolate Bars! Does she know? Oh my god! Was it an accident? Gene
: I hope this doesn't put a strain on our economy. Tina
: Everything I know to be true just went out the window.
: Must be a golf country club. Tina
: Looks like a miniature golf course. Gene
: The windmill must be enormous!
: [about a girl's cell phone
] This thing is like a remote control for teenage boys. Gene
: Make them touch butts! Tina
: Give them ridiculous French accents.
: [watching boys go skinny-dipping
] There's a lot of carrots in that stew.
: [about Tina's erotic friends fiction
] You should do one with the janitor and the principal. Their babies would be beautiful. Tina
: I did, and they're not.
: Detention is no big deal, Mom. Don't have a crap attack.
: What did you just say? Tina
: A crap attack? Don't have one?
: Don't tell me not to have a crap attack! I'll have a crap attack anytime I want, now go to your room! Tina
: This is such a snoregasm.
: [about Tina's toy horse
] I used to have one of these. I cut off its mane. Tina
: That sounds cool. I'll do that too.
[Whispers to horse
: No, I won't.
: Please don't tell mom and dad. Louise
: Oh, we won't. But it'll cost ya. Gene
: Ten thousand dollars! Louise
: Or, you do all our chores for a month. Gene
: Ooh, even better!
: We need to go over some ground rules for tonight Miss Mouthy: no boys, no partying, no summoning spirits or switching bodies, and no filling the house with soap bubbles. You hear me, Tina? Tina
: Yes, I wear glasses, not hearing aids, Mom. Louise
: Ho! Linda
: Well, I don't wear a hearing aid either, so I didn't hear that. Louise
: It smells like all the food we ate waged a war against all our butts. Tina Belcher
] I'm getting mostly dad.
: I want something with adult content, but I'll settle for mature situations.
: High chairs. That's the life. Gene Belcher
: Why would anyone want to sit in a low chair? Every chair should have safety restraints and bears on them.
: Why'd you do it, Louise? Gene Belcher
: You played God, and our couch wasn't even religious.
: Good news! Someone took the couch! Bob Belcher
, Tina Belcher
, Gene Belcher
, Linda Belcher
, Louise Belcher
: Noo! Teddy
: You guys react weird to good news. Gene Belcher
: Look, there's me again! In the red and blue shorts.
[everyone stares at Teddy
: What's everyone staring at? Gene Belcher
: Nothing. Louise Belcher
: Nothing. Tina Belcher
: Your body.
: I know how the shark thinks. It's confused. It doesn't know why we want to kill it. It just wants to go home. Bob Belcher
: Tina, it's a mechanical shark. It's dumber than our toaster. Tina Belcher
: Our toaster is also confused. It doesn't know where bagels go.
: It's eating its way into our basement! Tina Belcher
: Can we keep it?
: How about the Scare-rousel? A carrousel in which you ride real horse corpses. Tina Belcher
: You had me at horses, but then you lost me at corpses.
: I'm torn. Dad raised me, but the shark gets me. Louise Belcher
: If the shark eats dad, does that make it our new boss? Gene Belcher
: Shark boss! Ungh-ungh-ungh-ungh!
: How do you know a python ate it? Did it leave a note?
: Gene, stop it. You're spooking Tina. Tina
: I'm not spooked. What's the next thing after spooked? I'm that.
: Gene, you saved us. I owe you my life. Gene
: No thanks. I've seen it and I'm not impressed.
: [after Helen's dog Mitzi runs away again
] I guess she doesn't like wearing clothes. Gene
: With that body, I wouldn't either.
: I've never peed in an olympic-sized swimming pool. I'm not sure I can go for the gold. Tina
: Don't worry. With all your practicing, you'll be all right.
: You kids stay down in the basement. Tina
: I already designated a corner for our bathroom. Right there, where I went. Gene
: And I designated that corner there. We have two bathrooms.
: I don't know. Eating lobster? It goes against everything we were taught to believe. Louise
: It's not against everything, but it's start.
: I think he's having an allergic reaction. We should do something. Louise
: Let's sit on him and see if he pops.
: I'm compiling a list of people I can mate with to repopulate the Earth. Gene
: Here, let me see that. Gay, gay, mythical creature, gay mythical creature, in your dreams...
: Get all those things out of your head. Tina
: Okay. Louise
] Leather belts. Gene
] Sausage. Louise
] Sausage leather belts. Gene
] That's a great idea.
: Tina, Jimmy Jr. just hired us to trick you into going to the dance with him. Tina
: He did? That's the sleaziest, sneakiest, most romantic thing anyone's ever done to me. Louise
: That's great. Can we use it for our website? Gene
: And can you make us a website?
: Jimmy Jr. had a chance to ride the Tina truck, but now it's headed straight for Joshville. Toot-toot.
: We can make this work. We can work out a dating wheel, just like a chore wheel. Let's put the try in triangle.
: Mum, I need your opinion on something Linda Belcher
: Oooh I love it, Brave Heart meets Coco Chanel Tina Belcher
: I need to decide which colour I'm wearing when I sit at the adults table on Thursday
: There's something in the toilet and I sat on it and it was cold and now I don't know if I will ever be able to go to the bathroom again!
: A turkey in every toilet, only in America, huh guys?
: Why does Dad think I'm a turkey? Gene Belcher
: Your cocky strut!
: Dr. Yap is dreamy. When he's looking at my molars, it's like he's looking into my soul.
: Welcome to the Yap Trap. Tina
: You caught me.
: Dr. Yap, once I was into you, but after seeing you torture my father, I think we should just be friends with dental benefits.
: I'm giving Dr. Yap a subscription to Highlights. He really loves that magazine. Gene
: I'm gonna give him some laughing gas from my private tank. Louise
: I'm gonna give him my business from all this jawbreaking.
: Dear Diary: Tonight I'm sneaking off to the abandoned taffy factory to look for treasure. Also, if boys had uteruses, they'd be called duderuses.
: Brr, it sure is cold in here. I wish some strong, chivalrous man would lend me his jacket, or his pants.
[Gene throws his pants on Tina's head
: Ow. Gene
: Wash 'em before you return 'em.
: I don't hear Louise! Where's Louise? Gene
: She ditched us, and then she ditched us some more! Tina
: The second time hurt the most.
: You won't regret it, dad. When I kiss Jimmy Jr. under the disco ball, it'll be like we're all kissing Jimmy Jr under the disco ball. Gene
: I go first! Louise
: Really? Gene
: If I have to kiss him, I don't want to go after you guys. Linda
: I can go last. I don't mind. Bob
: We are not kissing Jimmy Jr! Gene
: [slams fists on table
] Yes, we are!
: Dad, you're the best pimp a girl could ever have. Bob
: Oh, Tina. I've been waiting all my life to hear those words.
: I just kissed my first boy. Mort
: Me too. Marbles
: Oh, boo-hoo.
: [as Gene pees on the kitchen sink
] Ugh, Gene! That's my spot! Gene
: That's funny, it smells like my spot.
: Asparagus. Tina
: I've been using the toilet like an idiot.
: What happened to your mask? Louise
: Did you throw it in a volcano? Gene
: Nah, I gave it back to Peter Pescadero. I promised I'd pop-and-lock him into a better life, and I didn't deliver. Louise
: Another child left behind.
: Last one is is Tina!
[She and Gene jump into the pool
: Hey!... Oh.
: We're out of PE for the rest of the year, my friend. Gene
: Yeah! Who needs it?
[Gene tries to opens the door but can't
: Here, let me try.
[Tina opens the door easily
: Huh. I should exercise.
: Now we'll have to take summer school. Bob
: Summer school? Louise
: Yeah. What's next? Summer church? Summer dentist? Gene
: Summer visit to grandma? Tina
: Summer camp? Wait, I'd go there.
: Marco! Gene
: Remember that fart I took last night? Louise
: You'll have to be more specific. Gene
: Perhaps this will refresh your memory.
[Plays fart sound on keyboard
: Oh, yeah. Gene
: [Plays Yankee Doodle on keyboard
] I taught my fart to be patriotic. It's Stinky Doodle Dandy!
: I wonder who Gene's crush is? Louise
: Oh, puberty, puberty, puberty! That's all I hear from you two! Tina
: But we're his sisters. What if we disapprove of her? Louise
: Oh, judging people. Well, when you put it that way...
: Take a chill pill, Courtney.
[other girls gasp
: It's okay. I will take a chill pill, but it's because I have a congenital heart condition. Tina
: I had shingles. Louise
: I have a thing on my leg. Courtney
: Those aren't congenital.
: Class started. Let's get our congenitals to class.
: So you want to be real artists. It's okay. I can sell that angle. But you two have to go all the way. One of you has to lose an ear! Tina
: I need both ears to hold up my glasses. Louise
: What about you? What's your excuse? Gene
: Don't have one. Have at it!
: Is dad going to jail? Tina
: I'll wave at you every day. Louise
: Word of advice: don't tell them what you're in for. Gene
: I hope our new dad is blond.
: I've been honest with these two ever since Gene got too fat. Gene
: I remember the ice-cream sandwich that did it too. I regret nothing! Louise
: And Tina, you have bad breath. Tina
: Not if you're a fish.
: I see a sandwich truck. Gene
: Where? Louise
: At four o'clock. Gene
: Four o'clock? I'm hungry now! Tina
: Are they regular or ice-cream? Louise
: Both. Gene
: Whoa! Louise
: All right, keep it in your pants.
: I don't want to die a virgin? Randy
: Me neither! Tina
: Hey, that gives me an idea. Bob
: No! No!
: It's that documentarian who hates dad and puts wigs on cows. Tina
: Werner Herzog?
: There's someone behind the milk. Maybe it's the dairy fairy. Louise Belcher
: Or maybe it's a stalker following our every move with his dead eyes. Tina Belcher
: I need to find a boy with a turtle bite on his finger. Gene Belcher
: Doesn't every woman?
: Remember that weird lump we found at the beach? Gene Belcher
: My name's Gene! Tina Belcher
: No, I mean the one that smelled funny. Louise Belcher
: His name is Gene!
: Did you sleep at all last night, Louise? Louise Belcher
: Sleep? Soon I'll have people to do my sleeping for me!
: This is all wrong, I'm going to jail! Or hell! Or hell-jail!
[Fantasy sequence: Tina is in hell-jail waiting in line at the cafeteria
: What's for lunch today? Jail-Hell Lunch Lady
: Your lies! Tina
: NOOOOOO! That's what we had yesterday!
: You're right. I'm a firestarter and a jinx. I'm going to destroy this whole family. Gene
: You're the reason I'm fat!
: Tina, you'll be babysitting tonight, right? Tina Belcher
: Yeah, about that. I have been talking to some girls at school, and they tell me that you can get paid to babysit. Bob Belcher
: Oh, boy, she's onto us. Alright, let the negotiations begin. How much? Tina Belcher
: One thousand dollars plus parking. Bob Belcher
: How about three dollars an hour? Tina Belcher
: Okay, deal. Gene Belcher
: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Three dollars every hour? Louise Belcher
: We get a cut of that, right? Tina Belcher
: Sure. Bob Belcher
: Fine, but be in bed at ten or no one gets a dime. Tina Belcher
: Of course. We can go to bed in our sleep.
: Hey, there's Jonas. Hi, Jonas. Jonas
: Hey, there... you. Tina Belcher
: Oh, good. I thought you wouldn't remember me.
: I had no idea there was so much butt touching in baseball. Louise
: That's how they communicate, Tina. It's like Braille, but with butts. Gene
: Read my butt!
: Mr. Fischoeder owns the team? Bob
: And the park and all of Wonder Wharf. Louise
: I'm gonna marry that man. Bob
: No, you're not. Louise
: I wanna be rich!
: Lin, you want to drive an hour away and get another tree? What about our Christmas Eve Dinner? I have a ham in the oven Tina Belcher
: You have to fart? Bob Belcher
: No Tina, a real ham is currently in our oven
: Step on it Dad, we have a date with a fat old man Tina Belcher
: We are chubby chasers Bob Belcher
: Tina, thats, don't say that, it's not nice to say
: They're bringing back the tambourine. Tina
: It's a pandero. It's a Brazilian instrument. Gene
: That's a tambourine. I'm getting mine. These guys don't know how to shake it.
: I can't go because I have to take care of the restaurant. You don't abandon the restaurant for some fancy dancing Tina
: If I were a hamburger you'd come and watch! Linda
: See what you've done, Bob? Come on, kids. Let's go to Tina's karate concert.
: [Holding a spoon full of mold
] Gene, if you eat this, I'll give you...
[Gene eats it
: Whoa! Gene
: Mmmm. Gorgonzola.
: Babysitting doesn't come from here.
[Points at Tina's head
: It comes from here.
[Points at Tina's heart
: My boob? Louise
] Yes, your boob. What is your boob telling you? Tina
: I don't know. Louise
: [Throws voice
] Explore the morgue. Tina
: Explore the morgue? Louise
: The kids are running the restaurant, and this time it's personal! Gene
: I'm gonna personally run it into the ground! Tina
: Wait, why is it personal? Louise
: Shut it!
: I think gambling is illegal. Louise
: Not if no one sees you doing it. Tina
: No, I think it's still illegal. Louise
: Not if no one finds out. Tina
: No, it's still... Louise
: We're doing it!
: Kids, your mother and I have an important announcement.
[Linda vocalizes fanfare
: You're having another baby? Louise
: At your age? Sick! Tina
: I thought I saw a baby bump. Linda
: What? No, I was just retaining gas.
: Hello, there, Belcher child. Does your father know you're doing this? Tina
: No. He thinks we're out having summertime fun. Mr. Fischoeder
: Good. Good. Mr. Fischoeder
: Let's keep it that way.
: Yeah, I'm sorry about the pizzas. What d'you want instead? Chinese? Bob
: Burgers? Sergeant Bosco
: Mexican? Bob
: This is a burger place. Louise
: What about hot pockets? Bob
: Burgers are right here. Tina
: Or low fat frozen yogurt. Bob
: We're in a restaurant, my restaurant. Gene
: Ooh, how about some sort of Malaysian cuisine? Bob
: Burgers. Sergeant Bosco
: How about, uh... burgers.
: I need fresh faces, and fresh butts.
: Wait, I got it, I can paint over it! I just need a bunch of white paint... now... in the middle of the night... when paint stores aren't usually open...
] Gene Belcher
: Wait a minute! You say paint: I say 'taint... no problem with that because I know there's some in the basement! Gene Belcher
: TA-DAA! Paint... and Spackle!
[yanks up a tarp
] Tina Belcher
] How did you know about this Gene? Gene Belcher
: Let's just say I thought this tarp was a tent and I thought that spackle was marshmallow fluff; and I was right... in a way...
: [Realizes she gave Bob some of her fan fiction by mistake
] Oh no! What is this doing here? It's noncanonical! Louise Belcher
: What? Gene Belcher
: I think she's trying to say nautical. Tina Belcher
: Noncanonical! Noncanonical! Louise Belcher
: She's going crazy. Gene Belcher
: We have to put her down!
: They can live with US! Tina Belcher
: Dibs on Turd!
: A coffee shop! They might have outlets in there! Tina Belcher
: And people writing screenplays.
: Mr. Frond. He's a tall glass of... annoying. Tina
: Well, you're gonna have to drink that glass, mister.
: Do horses get songs stuck in their heads?
: Gene, is this your first time as a human shield? Gene Belcher
: Yeah Tina Belcher
: It's my third time. You're doing great.
: You chose chocolate. It's what bandana would have wanted.
: How am I doing on dish washing Mr Belcher? Bob Belcher
: Good Tina, of course kids are licking the plates clean so it's kinda easy right? Tina Belcher
: Hey, Tina. How about a little side bet? Winner gets to wear their sparkle jelly bracelet, loser has to throw theirs in the trash. Tina Belcher
: You have a deal. Tammy
: We have a deal like Ally McBeal. Tina Belcher
: We have a deal like Steven Spiel... berg.
: I'm no hero. I just put my bra on one boob at a time.
: How was the puppet show. Gene Belcher
: It was good. I felt like I needed to pee the whole time. But I didn't.
: We gotta make this samaright.
: Now I have to look up stuff in the library, like I didn't want to! Argh! Gene
: Yeah, argh! Tina
: Argh!... Wait, I like the library.
: Dad, I need you to drop everything and shave my legs. Gene Belcher
: I'll get started on the first part.
[Drops the dishes he was carrying
] Bob Belcher
: Gene! Gene Belcher
: I'm only trying to help!
: Um, how do you know Kevin? Louise Belcher
: Church. Tina Belcher
: Soccer. Gene Belcher
: Desert Storm.
: The Final Peckoning!
: Three siblings in detention in two days. Is something happening at home? Tina
: Dad is stuck inside the wall. Mr. Frond
: Is that how he died? Tina
: Dad isn't dead. Louise
: Thanks a lot, Mr. Frond. We were keeping it a secret from her. We were going to tell her on Father's Day. Now we have nothing to do for Father's Day!
: Tina you're on the grill. Tina Belcher
: My crotch is itchy.
[Gene and Louise groan in disgust
] Bob Belcher
: Okay, are you telling me as my daughter, or as my grill cook? Tina Belcher
: Um, as... Bob Belcher
: Because my grill cook would never tell me that. Tina Belcher
: Oh. Bob Belcher
: Also, my daughter should probably not say anything like that to me. Tell her, tell your mom.
: How you doing girl? Tina Belcher
: Um, not great. I feel like my soul has diarrhea.
: Bob won't go out of business because of a bad review. You're like a tumor with long teeth and hair. Bob
: I'm a tumor with teeth? Tina
: Sounds cute.