Zoey Pierson
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Biography for
Zoey Pierson (Character)
from "How I Met Your Mother" (2005)

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Zoey Pierson is George Van Smoot's ex wife, and Ted's ex Girlfriend/Former Enemy.

-Relationship with Ted:

-Ted's Enemy:

Zoey and Ted started off as enemies. Ted was working on a new Goliath National Bank Building and they were going to tear down the Arcadian to put up the new GNB building. Zoey wanted The Arcadian to stay and Ted didn't. they had different opinions on this, which is why they didn't get along. Zoey tried to manipulate Ted in different ways, she organized a Picket Line to go against Ted, and enrolled in Ted's architecture class, told the students about what was going on, just to convince his students to preserve The Arcadian. (Canning Randy) Barney had a poster of Ted placed on the front of The Arcadian, which turned Zoey against Ted. (Architech of Destruction) Shortly after, at the autumn spectacular at the NYC Museum of National History, Ted ran into Zoey again, and her husband, George Van Smoot, also known as The Captain. Unlike Zoey, the Captain likes Ted and invited him on his boat. While at the spectacular, Zoey managed to manipulate Ted into saying that he dislikes GNB and their plans to scrap the Arcadian on tape. But The Captain finds out everything and offers Ted to find the tape and erase it, knowing how Zoey's temper tantrums can get in the way of people who are trying to do their jobs. Ted refuses, unaware that Zoey can overhear their conversation from the other side of the hall. She finds Ted and explains that she erased the tape (although it is later revealed in Landmarks that this was a lie), but will still be keeping him in her crosshairs starting on Monday. The two ended up dancing. (Natural History) Ted was very annoyed with Zoey but they eventually became friends.

-Ted's Friend:

After Ted and Zoey reconciled their differences, Zoey still continued the picket line, but when she would see Ted, she would stop the picket line and be nice to Ted, so at this point they were frenemies. After they were frenemies for a bit, they became full on friends. The night before Thanksgiving, the gang, minus Ted sees her at McLaren's pub, and recognized her as Ted's enemy, but Zoey spent time with them that night and they grew to like her. Zoey invited everybody to spend Thanksgiving with her, and she was nice to everybody, but Ted and Zoey still argued and insulted each other but they were joking. Eventually, she kicked them all out of her apartment once Ted compared her to Cinderella's evil step-mother. However, when Ted realized that she is an actual step-mother, and that her step-daughter hates her, Ted came back and apologized about his earlier remark. The two finally became friends, and they all shared Thanksgiving together. (Blitzgiving) Due to their recent friendship and similar interests, they started spending a lot more time together. They spent time alone at an art gallery, and her husband, The Captain, called and asked where she was, she said she was out with friends instead of with Ted. When Ted asked her about this, she said that The Captain tends to get jealous when Zoey is away. Ted tried to make things better, by, deciding to spend time with The Captain on his boat with Zoey, but Zoey got sick and cancelled at the last minute. Zoey later admitted to ted that she faked being sick, so that Ted and The Captain could become better friends. Ted mentioned his concern that the two of them spending time together wouldn't cross any lines, and that if either of them developed feelings for the other, they should stop hanging out. Zoey agreed, and they both denied that they have feelings for one another. However, it's hinted that this will not always be the case, as the Mermaid Clock begins to count down (the hypothetical countdown to the moment when you realize you want to sleep with someone). (The Mermaid Theory.)

-Ted's Girlfriend:

Soon after Marshall's father passed away, Ted began to realize his feelings for Zoey. He told her that they couldn't be friends anymore, because that may complicate Zoey's relationship with The Captain. She asked why they couldn't be friends, and Ted said it was because Lily hated Zoey. Honey called Marshall to get in touch with Barney, and was tricked into revealing Zoey's secret: Zoey and George were getting a divorce, and that Zoey was in love with Ted. Marshall calls Ted and Zoey telling them how they feel about each other, and they got together. (Oh Honey) Ted always remained cautious around Zoey, because she was married, but when he learned about the divorce, and their mutual feelings, Ted thought it was safe to make a move. He told people the story about how she had fought with The Captain and then came to Ted after leaving him. However, he learned from The Captain (who didn't yet know it was Ted who Zoey was now seeing) that she had in fact left him for another man. After confronting Zoey, he learned this was true. Despite his attempts to be respectful and keep his distance, he was still the "bad guy." (Garbage Island) While they were dating, Ted was finding the relationship increasingly strained, because they constantly argued about everything. Despite their attempts to avoid talking about The Arcadian, Ted expressed his anger and frustration that Zoey would not support his dream to build a new skyscraper in New York City despite the fact he has acknowledged her reasons for wanting to save the Arcadian. When Ted realized that he cannot have both Zoey and his dream of building a skyscraper, he chose his dream over Zoey, who broke up with him for refusing to save the Arcadian. (Landmarks) Several months later, they ran into each other. She told Ted that she is still um-employed, and she had to get a couple of roommates who sell drugs. Zoey proposed the idea that they get back together, and they arranged a meeting to discuss this, but at the minute, Barney and Robin convinced Ted not to get back together with her, so he wouldn't make the mistake of dating her again. (Challenge Accepted) They did not get back together, and she only appeared once more, in a flash-forward, during the Season 9 episode "Gary Blauman."

-Zoey's Family:

-Spouse: George Van Smoot (divorced) -Mother: Unnamed mother -Sisters: 2 Unnamed sisters -Daughter: Hanna Van Smoot (former step-daughter) -Cousin: Honey

-Occupation:

N/A

-Personality:

When she is first on the show, she gives a first impression which makes her seem annoying, because is rude and manipulative and she lies. She is very annoying at first, until her and Ted become friends, and then becomes kind, nice and funny. Eventually though, her and Ted start arguing again, but she is not annoying as before.

-Episode Appearances: 1. Architect of Destruction (Season 6 Episode 5.) 2. Canning Randy (Season 6 Episode 7.) 3. Natural History (Season 6 Episode 8.) 4. Blitzgiving (Season 6 Episode 10.) 5. The Mermaid Theory (Season 6 Episode 11.) 6. Oh Honey (Season 6 Episode 15.) 7. Desperation Day (Season 6 Episode 16.) 8. Garbage Island (Season 6 Episode 17.) 9. The Exploding Meatball Sub (Season 6 Episode 20.) 10. The Perfect Cocktail (Season 6 Episode 22.) 11. Landmarks (Season 6 Episode 23.) 12. Challenge Accepted (Season 6 Episode 24.) 13. Gary Blauman (Season 9 Episode 21.)

-Notes and Trivia:

-She speaks a little bit of portuguese. -In Blitzgiving, it is revealed that Zoey lives in the Ansonia on West 73rd street. -Zoey seems to always to carry a recorder to either remind herself of certain things or to record a conversation so she can use it against people. -During a flash-forward to the year 2021 in Garbage Island, Ted encounters Wendy the Waitress while stuck in an airport in Hong Kong. In this conversation, Wendy inquires if Ted is still in a relationship with Zoey to which he replies, "No! Wow, that did not end well. But it's all for the best, because now I'm married to this amazing girl and we have two kids". -Zoey hits both of Robin's list being the best and worst choice to marry Ted -Zoey often wears many different hats, a fact referenced by Robin in The Magician's Code - Part Two. -According to a survey amongst How I Met Your Mother viewers, Zoey is Ted's most disliked girlfriend.

-Character Quotes:

How I Met Your Mother: Natural History (#6.8)" (2010) Ted Mosby: If I wanted to make it personal, I'd call you a bored little trophy wife who likes to play activist when the shops on Fifth Ave are closed. Zoey Pierson: You're going down. Ted Mosby: Down where? To the yacht club? I'd love to, but wait I'm half Jewish, is that going to be a problem?

Zoey Pierson: Ted, this is my husband. Ted Mosby: So Captain, how did you get that name? The Captain: I gave it to myself. A real man chooses his real name. Ted Mosby: Well, pleased to meet you, Captain. I'm Galactic President Superstar MacAwesomeville.

Zoey Pierson: My life isn't perfect. [Zoey begins to cry] Zoey Pierson: I got married at 22 to a man who calls himself "The Captain". I hate boats, Ted. I do, I hate them. I can't be on them, I can't be near them, I can't even think about them without getting seasick. You want to know why I want to save that building? Because when I look up at the Arcadian, I see something big, and solid, and right now everything else in my life just feels like I'm on a boat. I know it's crazy to care that much about a building... Ted Mosby: It's not crazy at all, I'm the same way. Look, Zoey, the Arcadian should be a landmark, it should. The lion-head stonework is iconic. I hate that we have to tear it down, I hate working for GNB. They're a bunch of wieners and gonads. Zoey Pierson: Ted, that was... really easy. [Pulls out a voice recorder] Zoey Pierson: This should be useful. Ted Mosby: You tricked me!

"How I Met Your Mother: Blitzgiving (#6.10)" (2010) Zoey Pierson: Barney was here? I was walking around half naked. Barney Stinson: Aw Man! Wait which half?

Marshall Eriksen: The Blitz isn't something that can be bought or sold. Zoey Pierson: Yeah, it's not like Ted's integrity. Ted Mosby: Oh, what was that? I was distracted by the four-karat diamond your 53-year-old husband bought you. Steve Henry: Facial! Ted Mosby: Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a turturkeykey to baste. Zoey Pierson: I'm coming with you. Ted Mosby: No! I baste alone. Zoey Pierson: Oh, I'm sure you're a master baster, Ted. Steve Henry: Word play. Loving it! Zoey Pierson: But relax. I've got a ton of sides to heat up since my plans fell through. Ted Mosby: Who canceled? Your coven? Steve Henry: Coven, group of witches! Boom! Zoey Pierson: Yeah, they were worn out from putting that spell on your hair! Steve Henry: Oh! Serve returned! Ted Mosby: Are you happy? You're ruining Thanksgiving! Zoey Pierson: Well, you're not exactly who I thought I'd be spending Thanksgiving with, either! Steve Henry: God, I'm so happy to be here. My face hurts from smiling!

"How I Met Your Mother: Challenge Accepted (#6.24)" (2011) Zoey Pierson: Hey, you wanna get coffee some time? Robin Scherbatsky: You know that "coffee" is a code for I want to get back together, right ? Ted Mosby: At first I wasn't sure, but then she said something that got me thinking. Zoey Pierson: I wanna get back together.

"How I Met Your Mother: Garbage Island (#6.17)" (2011) The Captain: [At his study, The Captain talks to Ted about Zoey leaving him for another man] Once upon a time, Zoey and I were happy, blissful as Arcadian shepherds. I was Poseidon, she my Amphitrite. I dare say, not even Scylla and Charybdis could not have torn us asunder. We had great big boners for each other! But then, enter the scoundrel. [imagines scene of Zoey watching horror movie with half-naked thick moustached version of Ted] Zoey Pierson: Oh man, this movie is scary. Ted Mosby: [Scoundrel Ted] I know, right? The Captain: [Back in reality] I don't know who he is, but I pictured him with a mustache. Ted Mosby: Limit the search to guys with mustaches. Smart. The Captain: Anyway, soon the inevitable happened. She told me she was in love with someone else. Obviously, it made me angry. Ted Mosby: And the, that was the last time you saw her... The Captain: ...but I gathered my composure and told her I'd do anything to keep her. I begged her not to leave. We made love that night... Ted Mosby: [spits out drink] It's damned good brandy.

"How I Met Your Mother: The Exploding Meatball Sub (#6.20)" (2011) Ted Mosby: Why would you do that? Zoey Pierson: I thought you'd like it? Ted Mosby: Who likes that? Zoey Pierson: I like it!

"How I Met Your Mother: Desperation Day (#6.16)" (2011) Ted Mosby: They're actually called British Morning Socks. Zoey Pierson: Don't get in your own way!

"How I Met Your Mother: Architect of Destruction (#6.5)" (2010) Ted Mosby: This wouldn't work. Zoey, the Arcadian was really great building once, but it's falling apart and full of snakes. Zoey Pierson: Snakes? Ted Mosby: I don't recall snakes, thanks.

Portrayed By:

Jennifer Morrison


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