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: Dad, you promised you'd take me driving today. Bob Duncan
: To be fair, I promise a lot of things I don't deliver on.
: Boy, I tell you. Nothing good ever happens when I leave the bathroom.
: [On PJ's keyboard
] Bye bye. B-b-b-b-bye bye. Bob Duncan
: [On his way to teach Teddy how to drive
] What's that? PJ Duncan
: Just in case you don't make it back.
: Mom, dad says I can't get my license. Amy Duncan
: What? Why not? Bob Duncan
: Because she's not ready. Teddy Duncan
: Well, my driving instructor thinks I am. He says I'm doing great. Bob Duncan
: The man works for the public schools! He's got nothing to live for!
: Mom, can you say something? Amy Duncan
: Teddy, honey, I'm sorry, but your father has a very small area of authority... and unfortunately for you, teaching you kids to drive is part of it. Bob Duncan
: So what else is in that area? Amy Duncan
: Barbecuing. That's it.
: [to the dog, after arguing with Teddy
] Hey. You're on my side, right? Bob Duncan
: [pause, then realizes he's never seen this dog before
] Honey? Amy Duncan
: Yeah? Bob Duncan
: Why am I talking to a dog?
: Hey, you know something? He kinda reminds me of your uncle Stan. Amy Duncan
: What? Bob Duncan
: No, take a look. The wet nose? The bloodshot eyes? Amy Duncan
: Come on! He...
] Amy Duncan
: Oh, now I see it.
: [Filming video for Charlie
] Big news is I got my drivers' licence, which means I now have total freedom to go wherever I want. Amy Duncan
: Teddy, I need you to pick up some things at the store. Bob Duncan
: And while you're out, the car needs gas. PJ Duncan
: And pick up Gabe, just 'cause I don't want to.
: [Teddy is making a home video meant for Charlie
] Now what I'm about to show you, is kind of disturbing. So brace yourself.
[Teddy opens the kitchen door to reveal her parents talking baby talk, despite Charlie's absence
: Mmmm. These sammitches will be yummy-wummy. Bob
: Yes they will, yes they will. Teddy
: Mom and Dad have been talking like that ever since you arrived, and if it's not over soon, I'm gonna go cwazy-wazy.
: Honey, order whatever you want. I get a discount here. They're one of my best customers. Amy
: Not something you want to hear from an exterminator.
: Uh, kids, very important. PJ Duncan
: Well, what? Bob Duncan
: The... thing that your mom said.
: Grandpa's lost his mind. Bob Duncan
: Well, it's one more thing he and Grandma have in common.
: Listen up! All right! We're gonna pull this together, we're gonna play as a team and we're gonna give it our all! Jake
: And then we'll win? Bob Duncan
: Not a chance!
: [after Gabe asks him to be their basketball coach
] Let me guess. Coach Fun didn't work out, so now you're crawling back to dad. Well, you know what? Maybe I've moved on. Gabe Duncan
: Fine. I'll go ask Nick's dad. Bob Duncan
: No, no, no! I'll do it! I'll do it! I'll do it!
: Gabe, you wearing aftershave? Gabe Duncan
: A little. Bob Duncan
: Why would you do that? You're not shaving yet. Gabe Duncan
: So long as we're being logical, why do you still have a comb?
: Hey dad. Bob Duncan
: Hey. PJ Duncan
: Uh, you're taking care of Charlie tomorrow afternoon, right? Bob Duncan
: I believe I am. PJ Duncan
: You know, I was thinking maybe she can come to work with me. Bob Duncan
: Why? PJ Duncan
: Because I... feel like I didn't do enough when Teddy and Gabe were babies. Bob Duncan
: Enough? You didn't do anything! PJ Duncan
: I know. And it haunts me.
: Ooh, what are you having? Teddy Duncan
: Toast points with salmon and dill. Bob Duncan
: Toast points? I say, what's the points?
: You can't go over there tomorrow night. The Channel 8 news crew is coming over. They're gonna interview the whole family. Teddy Duncan
: Yeah, I think I'll pass Amy Duncan
: What? You don't wanna be on TV with me? Bob Duncan
, PJ Duncan
, Gabe Duncan
: US! Amy Duncan
: Please, don't hurt us! Francis
: Give us one good reason why we shouldn't! PJ Duncan
: Because it would hurt!
: I finally get my own room, and now we have to move out. Bob Duncan
: It's just for a couple of nights. We're gonna get the house checked out, make sure everything's safe... Teddy Duncan
: Take care of the termite problem... Bob Duncan
: Thought that was implied... And then we're gonna move back in and everything's gonna be back to normal. Amy Duncan
: What do you mean, normal? PJ dropped out of college. PJ Duncan
: Teddy went to Boston! Teddy Duncan
: Dad brought termites into the house! Bob Duncan
: Well, Gabe...
] Bob Duncan
: What did you do? Gabe Duncan
: Nothing. As usual, I'm the good one.
: That's it! I'm bringing out the big guns. That's right... Mom! PJ Duncan
: We're not scared of you! PJ Duncan
: This is bad. Teddy Duncan
: Lock 'er up.
: Look. Guys, I gave you a shot, but I can't use any of these songs. PJ Duncan
: Why not? Bob Duncan
: Well, because... they're not - what's the word - good!