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: Okay, when do we get to meet her or when does Josh get to meet her and I get to stand there and judge her silently? Aidan
: Okay, I don't know if we're at that point yet. Josh
: Ah, so what point are you at? You're at a point. Aidan
: We hang out, we enjoy each others company and then we go back to our lives. It's easy, it's casual, and above all else, it's normal, and that is exactly what I need right now. Sally Malik
: When you say "enjoying each others company," is that code for "tapping that ass," yes, to be clear? Aidan
: You are a classy lady.
: Hey, what was with the bang-off I had to listen to last night? I'm the ghost, people. I'm the one who's suppose to make creepy noises in the middle of the night.
: Nurse ghost? How cute. Your shift's over, sweetie. Zoe Gonzales
: I'm not dead yet. Now go. No unauthorized ghosts in the nursery. Sally Malik
: You're not dead and you're talking to me? You can see me? How can you see me? Zoe Gonzales
: Second sight, 6th sense. It's a gift. It's a curse. It's crazy stuff.
: Danny's pretty open. He voted for Hillary.
] Life is a series of choices. As it turns out, death is the same. Not for the ones who are ready. They embrace their fate, move on. For the rest of us, we linger. After our survivors pray and throw dirt on our coffins, we're still waiting. Because for some of us, there's a bigger question. What am I now? Where do I go from here? We find ourselves in an eternal nowhere, between human and thing. Monsters. Some of these monsters choose to simply accept what they've become. Some don't. Which leaves us with the most important choice. Do you accept what you are or do you refuse? And which is the true curse?
: [watching Aiden sitting on the front steps
] I never really thought about it before... how hard he must work every single second of his life not to be one of them. I guess I just take it for granted he's as good as he is. Sally
: Do you think he should have saved her? Josh Levison
: I think he did.
: Oh, ladies and gentleman, the Bobsey twins! I am God, I am everywhere, I drive all night just to get back home. Aidan
: Are you trying to scare us with Bon Jovi? Sally
: You can hear me? Aidan
: Yeah. Josh
: You went searching for drug change in the wrong couch cushions lady, I'm calling the cops. Aidan
: Josh? Josh
: What? Aidan
: She's a ghost. Josh
: Shut up. You're a ghost?
: So how can you see me, anyway? Aidan
: Well, think of us as sort of different countries on the same continent. Josh
: Oh, my god. That's beautiful, really. We're Africa.
: [to Josh
] At least I don't masturbate to Nova!
: This is painful! Somebody talk before start I watching loud TV!
: And you keep such a clean home, Josh. I'm impressed. You're a credit to your kind. Julia
: What's his kind? Jewish? Aidan
: Dude-ish! Right? 'Cause he's a dude and he's- He's a clean dude and dudes are messy. It's just a fact. Sally Malik
: This conversation is not better.
: [doesn't believe Nora's story that Sally is really a ghost
] Wait. You're a patient here too. Nora
, Sally Malik
: What? Janet Hines
: A schizophrenic or a compulsive liar. You heard me babbling to the doctors and made up your own in your head. Nora
: No. Sally, I need a little help here. Sally Malik
: What do you want me to do? Janet Hines
: Please stop talking like that! Nora
: I don't know. Something "ghosty." Sally Malik
: Something "ghosty"? Do I look like Patrick Swayze to you?
: Look, I'm gonna have to go out eventually, right? I'll just wear a burqa or something. Josh
: A burqa. Sally Malik
: Speaking of which, can I borrow another outfit? Not that you have burqa clothes. Nora
: Yes. Come on. I'll show you something from my slutty punk phase. Sally Malik
: That's what I'm talking about. Josh
: I've never seen anything from the slutty punk phase.
: Are you okay? Sally Malik
: Clearly not okay. He looks like a serial killer from the 70's.
: Oh, I can see your face and you're no longer terrifying! Aidan
: You didn't like the Ulysses S. Grant look? My bad. Josh
: No, man. I liked it. You looked like a young Moses. It was nice.
: I came to stop you from drinking Rebecca. Yeah, don't pretend you were staring at her carotid artery like you were just staring at mine. Aidan, I know how hard you've worked to stay on bagged blood. Rebecca was too much temptation. If I hadn't shown up, she would've been a crumpled Capri Sun, and you'd be calling Bishop for a cleanup.
: Hydrogen peroxide, is that for like cuts and scrapes? 'Cause any cuts and scrapes I endure as a wolf just disappear after I change back. Sally Malik
: No, it's for the morning. For your breath. Your wolf definitely eats poop. Josh Levison
: That's insane! That's in... My wolf doesn't eat poop, okay? I wouldn't do that. Okay? He wouldn't do it. Aidan Waite
: I'm- I'm glad that you brought that up. Sally Malik
: Marcus... How much longer do you think it's gonna be till Bishop finds out that you're balls-deep with the Amish? Marcus
: Who are you? Sally Malik
: I'm the Ghost of Christmas-suck-it!
: Hey. You okay? Aidan Waite
: Oh, yeah! I am great! Just great. Yeah. I was gonna go out and get us a keg. Josh Levison
: Ah! Perfect. Aidan Waite
: No, no, no. Listen, I gotta go find Kat. She said she was gonna call the cops and the body count is mounting. Sally Malik
: One of those bodies is a purebred werewolf corpse... if we're splitting hairs, uh, you know... Josh Levison
: Hey, you know what. Screw the keg. Pick us up some crack.
: The one that got away. Sally Malik
: How is this happening? Donna Gilchrist
: Your presence is very strong in this house. I can feel it, now that we're connected. You feel the connection, don't you? Sally Malik
: The fire. Donna Gilchrist
: I haven't met the likes of you and your friends for in a long, long time. I respect your chutzpah, I really do.
[Sally swings through Donna's spirit with a fire poker
] Donna Gilchrist
: Honey, stop. So, obviously, we can't stay here. Sally Malik
: I'm not leaving. Donna Gilchrist
: You know how this works, better than most. You don't belong in this plane. Sally Malik
: I'm not going back to limbo. Donna Gilchrist
: No, you're not. You know what happens when a death spot is destroyed? Sally Malik
: You say we're linked? I'll take you with me. I'll leave you there. I'll shred you. You don't know what I can do. Donna Gilchrist
: Oh, no. I do. Why do you think I like you so much?
[pushes Sally down the stairway and drags her into Hell
: I died last night, and ever since then, you've just been running around this house like a freak show, casually dropping things like vampire and werewolves and, apparently, popping in and out of dimensions! Like, what the hell? Sally Malik
: Yeah, it's been a day. Robbie Malik
: Do you ever stop and think that this might be a little much for me to deal with? I mean it took Mom 10 years to convince me that hamburgers came from cows.
: Bye, Donna! You were one badass bitch.
: I had no idea you were so beautiful. Sally Malik
: You can see me? Oh my, God, Nora! I've been wanting to talk to you for so long. How can you see me? You're not dead, are you? Nora
: I'm a wolf.
: That's why his name is Boner. It requires heavy maintenance. Sally Malik
: He's a ghost. He can't... Stevie Atkins
: Yeah, it's like a phantom limb. He can mind-whack it.
: Why is the bathroom mirror calling me a whore? Sally Malik
: I have no idea. Aidan
: Okay, so there's this extremely lame Poltergeist homage going on in the kitchen right now. So, Sally? Sally Malik
: What? Josh
: Okay, with the lights, can we just... I'm gonna have a seizure. I'm literally... Sally Malik
: Guys, this isn't me. I swear. Why does everyone just assume it's my fault? How do we know it's a ghost? I think we've all collectively pissed off enough people to wage a short but consequential war. Aidan
: Oh, come on! Don't look at me. My people can't enter without an invitation. Josh
: Also, neither of us have recently played Maria von Trapp to a group of ghostly teenage wasteland.
: Poor thing. You died in neon. Danny
: Nice to see you too.
: She's moving out, Sally. Sally Malik
: Well, don't let her, Josh! Josh Levison
: Listen, I would have done anything to make this work. I'm late. I'm gotta go meet up with Andrew and Caroline. Sally Malik
: Okay, don't go start a new pack. Just start fresh with Nora. Josh Levison
: Sally, listen, I know you spent years in, like, Back to the Future, bizarro version of us, but in this world, right now... my wife is terrified of me. That's my reality. Sally Malik
: Well, it was real to me.
: You're not the alpha. You think you're alpha? You're not. You are a beta. You are a nice, solid beta. And that's okay! Because everyone loves a beta! Nora loves her some beta... Josh Levison
: Nora, who moved out... who slept with a knife under her bed because she was afraid of me.
: [to Aidan
] This is who we came back to save? You were better off dead.
: Sally... Where did you go? Sally Malik
: Oh my... I went to the past a couple years ago, and then the future. Josh Levison
: Wow. Like, next year the future or, like, 2085 the future? Sally Malik
: No, it felt really close.
] When you know you're gonna die a violent death, when that's the only way you can die, it's all about the waiting for that final storm if the waiting doesn't kill you first.
: I want you gone. I thought I made that clear. Reaper
: It's not that simple. Sally Malik
: But this is all in my head. Reaper
: And I can't leave. I'm a part of you. So now, we wait. Sally Malik
: For what? Reaper
: For you to slip. And when you fall... the only one left to catch you will be me.
: [to Aidan and Josh
] You two are totally about to go on two separate killing sprees for women. That is so hot.
: I'll get it.
[Prances off to answer the door
: God! How did she get to be so cute? Josh Levison
: Black magic.
: You're gonna have to explain this one to me again. Sally Malik
: Aidan, seriously, I don't know how I can logically explain to you that I dove through a funneling pool of blood, I popped up through a witch's death spot, and I was birthed into a Shopmart. You are, like, 1,001 years old and guzzle blood.
: It's weird. Josh Levison
: You're a ghost taking to a werewolf making an egg salad sandwich. I no longer compute what's weird.
: How did it feel shredding me? Sally Malik
: Like a rush! Thrilling, like a rollercoaster ripping you apart. Reaper
: And that's what it feels like to reap, like cutting out some putrefying wound from the world, saving other ghosts. Sally Malik
: So, what? It's good what I felt? It's a good thing that I tried to kill you and I liked it? Reaper
: Being a Reaper is not like being a murderer, Sally. A reaper is a force of nature, a hurricane, a forest fire. Just think how crowded and stinking the Earth would be if nobody died. Afterlife's the same way. Sally Malik
: But it's gotta take its toll. Reaper
: Everyday, I knew exactly what to do, why I was doing it, and I knew it was necessary. I kept the balance and I never felt so powerful or fulfilled, even when I was alive. Have you? Sally Malik
: I-I didn't even get a chance to try. Who feels powerful and fulfilled at 23? Reaper
: Well, here's your chance. I can take you or you can take over. Sally Malik
: This whole I've been dead... I've been desperate for a purpose. I've tried possessing, haunting... a boyfriend. Maybe I can do this... be a Reaper. Reaper
: Let's get your training wheels on.
: Listen, just please do not disperse the underwear bitches when I am in my room, okay? That's where they reset. They died there. Nora Sergeant
: Aidan killed them in the house? So that makes 3 dead girls. Basically, our home is drenched in blood. Sally Malik
: Four. Well, if you count the original header I took down the stairs. Josh Levison
: Thank you for reminding us we're living in a funhouse of horrors.
: You gotta help me. What's with the tire iron? Sally Malik
: It's for times like these. Sorry but this isn't The Ghost Whisper.
[as she disperses the ghost
: Did you double-down on antiperspirant. You sweat a lot when you're nervous. Josh
: I went through half a Speed Stick. Sally Malik
: How's your breath?
[Josh exhales in her face
] Sally Malik
: I don't have a sense of smell anymore.
[Josh exhales at Aidan
: I got to be honest, it smells like dog to me. But I'm sure, it's minty fresh.