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: Hey Charlie, check this out. Here's something nobody has ever seen before. Gabe is brushing his hair. Gabe Duncan
: Do you have to videotape everything we do? This isn't a reality show! Teddy Duncan
: Oh, I know it's not reality because he took a shower without being asked!
: You know what I think? I think you like someone. Gabe Duncan
: So what if I do? It's no big deal. Teddy Duncan
: What, are you kidding? Your first crush is a huge deal. Gabe Duncan
: Look, she's a girl, I'm a guy. These things happen every day. Teddy Duncan
: Not to you. Gabe Duncan
] I know! Can you believe it?
: Gabe, you wearing aftershave? Gabe Duncan
: A little. Bob Duncan
: Why would you do that? You're not shaving yet. Gabe Duncan
: So long as we're being logical, why do you still have a comb?
: Mom, can you help me with something? Amy Duncan
: Sure, honey. What can I do for you? Gabe Duncan
: Well, I have this friend and he needs to know how to talk to girls. Amy Duncan
: Does this friend have a name? Gabe Duncan
: No-ooooorman. Amy Duncan
: Noooooorman? That's an odd name. Gabe Duncan
: Well, I think he's from Nooooooorway.
: I remember my first crush. Gabe Duncan
: Was it dad? Amy Duncan
] Sure, why not?
: So, just ask her stuff and listen to the answer? That sounds easy! Amy Duncan
: Sure! Relationships are a piece of cake. That's why married people are always so happy.
: Did dad ever get nervous talking to you? Amy Duncan
: When your dad and I started dating, we didn't do a lot of talking. Mostly we just... Gabe Duncan
: Just what? Amy Duncan
] Played checkers. Lots and lots of checkers.
: [Feeling nervous
] Tell me about yourself. Kit
: What? Gabe Duncan
: I mean, only if you want to. Kit
: OK. What do you want to know? Gabe Duncan
: Erm, tell me about your family. Kit
: My family. Well, actually, there's not much to tell. I'm an only child. Gabe Duncan
: Me too. Kit
: Cool! Gabe Duncan
: What else? Kit
: Well, my parents are divorced... Gabe Duncan
] Mine, too. Kit
: Who do you live with? Gabe Duncan
: Who do *you* live with? Kit
: My mom. Gabe Duncan
: Me too! Kit
: Wow! We really have a lot in common. Gabe Duncan
: You know, I had a feeling we might. You want half a peanut butter sandwich? Kit
: No, thanks. I'm allergic to peanuts. Gabe Duncan
: [Throws his sandwich away
] Me too.
: Oh, you look like a nice little boy. Would you like some candy? Gabe Duncan
: Only if you eat one first. Virginia Dabney
: You're as cute as the dickies! Teddy Duncan
: OK, this is dang freaky!
: I have a probl... what are you doing? Teddy Duncan
: [Carrying Kaboodle on a harness
] Readjusting Kaboodle's aura. Duh!
: What's wrong? Gabe Duncan
: The girl I like is here with her mom. Teddy Duncan
: What's wrong with that? Gabe Duncan
: Well, I told her mom and dad were divorced and that I'm an only child. What am I gonna do? Teddy Duncan
: OK, the first thing you're gonna do is calm down. Your negative energy is upsetting the cat.
: Well, Charlie, the good news is Kaboodle's fine. Turns out all he needed was a trip to the litterbox. But, erm... the bad news is Gabe's romance with Kit is over. Gabe Duncan
: Well, the good news is I don't have to shower any more.
: What did I just walk into? PJ Duncan
: Mom says we have to buy Teddy a birthday present. Gabe Duncan
: What about a dog? I bet she'd like a dog. Amy Duncan
: I'm serious. You have to get her something. Gabe Duncan
: What about a dog? I bet she'd like a dog. Amy Duncan
] Gabe, is there a dog in my house? Gabe Duncan
: [Dog barks from the living room
: So, what's Teddy's shoe size? PJ Duncan
: I don't know. Gabe Duncan
: You don't know her shoe size? PJ Duncan
: I don't know her middle name!
: [Holds a pair of girl boots
] Here. Try these on. Gabe Duncan
: No! I'm not putting on girl boots. PJ Duncan
: Oh, come on! It'll look good with that girl shirt you're wearing! Gabe Duncan
: [Referring to his T-shirt picture
] It's not a pony! It's a stallion!
: [Teasing Gabe, who's walking in girl boots at a shoe store
] Wow! Those do wonders for your legs! Gabe Duncan
: OK! That's enough!
: [Trying to pull girl boots off Gabe's feet
] Why are your feet so fat? Gabe Duncan
: They're not fat! They're husky!
: [His feet are stuck in women's boots
] What are we gonna do? PJ Duncan
: There's only one thing to do. Gabe Duncan
: Who are you calling? PJ Duncan
: No, I'm taking a picture of you in girl boots!
: [Walking home with girl boots stuck on his feet
] Mom, we've got a problem! Amy Duncan
: Oh, you sure do! Those boots do not go with those shorts!
: [Reading comments about Charlie's video
] Here's another one. "You're a pathetic, no-talent loser" with about 19 exclamation points. It was from Gabe D. Gabe Duncan
: [pauses and gives a look
] PJ Duncan
: [Still unaware it was Gabe
] Who are these people? Gabe Duncan
: There's no way to know.
: Gabe, honey, come here. I want to show you something very exciting from mommy's past. Gabe Duncan
: Teddy told me if I ever heard those words, I should just keep walking.
: You can't go over there tomorrow night. The Channel 8 news crew is coming over. They're gonna interview the whole family. Teddy Duncan
: Yeah, I think I'll pass Amy Duncan
: What? You don't wanna be on TV with me? Bob Duncan
, PJ Duncan
, Gabe Duncan
: US! Amy Duncan
: [about her fake tan
] Hey, mom. You got something on your face. Amy Duncan
: Oh, where? Gabe Duncan
: Charlie asked for a milkshake, so like a good big brother, I decided to make one. Then she forgot to put the top on the blender. Amy Duncan
: So, you put your baby sister in charge of an electrical appliance? Gabe Duncan
: And she let me down.
: [At the grocery store
] Soda and mints? What are these for? Gabe Duncan
: I'm gonna make a soda geyser. You drop them into the bottle and it makes this huge explosion! Teddy Duncan
: Wow! That sounds so cool. Put them back.
: Gabe, we gotta get out of here. Gabe Duncan
: Really? You're giving me permission to be bad? Teddy Duncan
: Yes. Gabe Duncan
: How bad? Teddy Duncan
: Do whatever it takes. Gabe Duncan
: I've been waiting to hear those words my whole life!
: Grandpa, how'd you get an antique like this? Grandpa
: I bought it new.
: Grandpa's lost his mind. Bob Duncan
: Well, it's one more thing he and Grandma have in common.
: We never should've fired your dad. Gabe Duncan
: It was your idea. Jake
: Dude, I was topped up on ice cream!
: [after Gabe asks him to be their basketball coach
] Let me guess. Coach Fun didn't work out, so now you're crawling back to dad. Well, you know what? Maybe I've moved on. Gabe Duncan
: Fine. I'll go ask Nick's dad. Bob Duncan
: No, no, no! I'll do it! I'll do it! I'll do it!
: We have an attic? PJ Duncan
: Yeah, it's upstairs. Gabe Duncan
: Yeah, yeah, that'd be the place for it...
: I finally get my own room, and now we have to move out. Bob Duncan
: It's just for a couple of nights. We're gonna get the house checked out, make sure everything's safe... Teddy Duncan
: Take care of the termite problem... Bob Duncan
: Thought that was implied... And then we're gonna move back in and everything's gonna be back to normal. Amy Duncan
: What do you mean, normal? PJ dropped out of college. PJ Duncan
: Teddy went to Boston! Teddy Duncan
: Dad brought termites into the house! Bob Duncan
: Well, Gabe...
] Bob Duncan
: What did you do? Gabe Duncan
: Nothing. As usual, I'm the good one.
: [about Heather
] If you ever wanna talk about her, I'm here for you. Gabe Duncan
: No, we are never having that conversation. Amy Duncan
: Gabe, I'm a girl, I know what girls like. Honey, I just want you to have the right information. Gabe Duncan
: Mom, if I need information about girls, I'll get it where all 12-year-olds get it: From a 13-year-old.
[Teddy got something for Gabe in Chicago. As she goes to get it, Rocky and Cece pop out of her suitcase
] Gabe Duncan
] You got me girls?
[end credits scene, where Gabe and Charlie took a carriage ride with Bob as their pulling "horse"
] PJ Duncan
: Wow. You guys were gone a long time. Gabe Duncan
: Really? Seemed like 30 seconds. PJ Duncan
: Oh, did you see anything interesting? Gabe Duncan
: Nah. Just a bunch of credits.
: [handing Gabe a gift
] Merry Christmas, Gabe! Gabe Duncan
: [enthusiastically, without opening it
] Hey, headphones! Thanks, guys! Grandma Linda Duncan
: How do you know what's in it? You haven't opened it yet. Gabe Duncan
: Oh, right.
[opens the gift
] Gabe Duncan
: [equally enthusiastically
] Hey, headphones! Thanks, guys!