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: Hey Charlie, check this out. Here's something nobody has ever seen before. Gabe is brushing his hair. Gabe Duncan
: Do you have to videotape everything we do? This isn't a reality show! Teddy Duncan
: Oh, I know it's not reality because he took a shower without being asked!
: You know what I think? I think you like someone. Gabe Duncan
: So what if I do? It's no big deal. Teddy Duncan
: What, are you kidding? Your first crush is a huge deal. Gabe Duncan
: Look, she's a girl, I'm a guy. These things happen every day. Teddy Duncan
: Not to you. Gabe Duncan
] I know! Can you believe it?
Mrs. Estelle Dabney
: I'm going out of town for a couple of days and I was wondering if you'd be kind enough to look after my cat, Kaboodle. Teddy Duncan
: Oh... I don't know. I'm awfully busy. Mrs. Estelle Dabney
: I'll pay you $20 a day. Teddy Duncan
: Oh, my schedule just opened up.
Mrs. Estelle Dabney
: I can trust you, right? Teddy Duncan
: Of course. Mrs. Estelle Dabney
: You do seem to be the least disturbed of all the Duncan kids. Teddy Duncan
: What an almost sweet thing to say.
Mrs. Estelle Dabney
: You need to know that Kaboodle is the most important thing in the world to me. Teddy Duncan
: How's Mr Dabney doing? Mrs. Estelle Dabney
: Like I said, love that Kaboodle.
Mrs. Estelle Dabney
: Virginia brings her cat Stanley over. What a ridiculous name for a cat. Teddy Duncan
: Kaboodle! Mrs. Estelle Dabney
Mrs. Estelle Dabney
: But so my little Kaboodie won't make a scene, you need to distract him. Teddy Duncan
: [In baby voice to Kaboodle
] Should I pretend to be a mouse? Mrs. Estelle Dabney
: Yes. Teddy Duncan
: I was joking. Mrs. Estelle Dabney
: I wasn't.
: [Sees Teddy imitating a mouse to Kaboodle
] Teddy, honey, did you lose something? Teddy Duncan
: Only my dignity.
: Mrs. Dabney, why are you back here? Virginia Dabney
: Oh, I'm not Estelle. I'm her sister, Virginia. Teddy Duncan
: Wow! You really look like Mrs. Dabney. Virginia Dabney
: Except for my laugh lines. Estelle doesn't have any of those!
: Oh, you look like a nice little boy. Would you like some candy? Gabe Duncan
: Only if you eat one first. Virginia Dabney
: You're as cute as the dickies! Teddy Duncan
: OK, this is dang freaky!
: [about Kaboodle
] Do you think he's sick? Virginia Dabney
: You'd better hope not. I'd hate to be in your shoes if something happened to my sister's baby. Teddy Duncan
: What, y... it's not my fault. She'd understand that, right? Virginia Dabney
] Oh, yeah. She's very understanding.
: Come on, Kaboodle. Perk up. Virginia Dabney
: This does not look good. Teddy Duncan
: Oh, I know what'll cheer you up! Mr. Mouse, right?
] Virginia Dabney
: This does not look good either.
: You know, I didn't know veterinarians made house calls. Dr. Tish Tushy
: Oh, they don't. I'm a therapist. Teddy Duncan
: Uh, a therapist for cats? Dr. Tish Tushy
: And birds. But never at the same time. You only make that mistake once.
: So... w-what's wrong with Kaboodle? Dr. Tish Tushy
: Well, his aura is off, his chakras are out of line... how's his poop? Teddy Duncan
: Fine. How's... yours? Dr. Tish Tushy
: Well, that's a little personal! But since you asked, super good and getting better!
: Maybe we should get back to the cat, Dr. Tushy. Dr. Tish Tushy
: It's Tuh-shy. Teddy Duncan
: Tushy. Dr. Tish Tushy
: Uh-uh. Tuh-shy. Teddy Duncan
: Tushy? Dr. Tish Tushy
: Tuh-shy. Tuh-shy. Tuh-shy. Teddy Duncan
: Do you have a first name? Dr. Tish Tushy
Dr. Tish Tushy
: [Dr. Tushy tells Teddy to heal Kaboodle by touching him and sending him loving thoughts
] Do you have a thought? Teddy Duncan
: Ooh, I'm having a few of them!
: I have a probl... what are you doing? Teddy Duncan
: [Carrying Kaboodle on a harness
] Readjusting Kaboodle's aura. Duh!
: What's wrong? Gabe Duncan
: The girl I like is here with her mom. Teddy Duncan
: What's wrong with that? Gabe Duncan
: Well, I told her mom and dad were divorced and that I'm an only child. What am I gonna do? Teddy Duncan
: OK, the first thing you're gonna do is calm down. Your negative energy is upsetting the cat.
: Hi, I'm Teddy the housekeeper, see? Dana
: Hi, I'm Dana. This is Kit. Kit
: Why are you wearing a cat? Teddy Duncan
: Er... because in my country, we have a saying: "The house looks its best when a cat's... on your chest". Dana
: W-what country is that? Teddy Duncan
: Well, Charlie, the good news is Kaboodle's fine. Turns out all he needed was a trip to the litterbox. But, erm... the bad news is Gabe's romance with Kit is over. Gabe Duncan
: Well, the good news is I don't have to shower any more.
: Dad, you promised you'd take me driving today. Bob Duncan
: To be fair, I promise a lot of things I don't deliver on.
: Mom, dad says I can't get my license. Amy Duncan
: What? Why not? Bob Duncan
: Because she's not ready. Teddy Duncan
: Well, my driving instructor thinks I am. He says I'm doing great. Bob Duncan
: The man works for the public schools! He's got nothing to live for!
: Mom, can you say something? Amy Duncan
: Teddy, honey, I'm sorry, but your father has a very small area of authority... and unfortunately for you, teaching you kids to drive is part of it. Bob Duncan
: So what else is in that area? Amy Duncan
: Barbecuing. That's it.
: I have a friend who's turning 16 and I have to buy her a birthday present. Teddy Duncan
: Mmm... well, I know your friend wouldn't want a sock puppet. PJ Duncan
: OK. Well, what would she want? Teddy Duncan
: Well, um, she'd probably like boots. Like, like that cool store at the mall? But not the black ones with the purple trim. She already has those.
: Oh, hi Mrs Dabney. Mrs. Dabney
: I see you people have a dog now. Teddy Duncan
: [Thinking it's an insult
] Oh, I'm doing fine, thanks. How are you? Mrs. Dabney
: Let me explain something to you. Your dog makes my cat nervous. And whne my cat gets nervous, I get nervous. And when I get nervous, Mr Dabney gets nervous. Teddy Duncan
: Then what happens? Mrs. Dabney
: Mr Dabney goes to stay with his mother... so this dog thing is not entirely bad. All right! We're done here!
: Oh, uh, Mrs Dabney. Before you go, um, I need some more practice hours before I take my driver's test, so if you ever need a chauffeur, I'm your girl. Mrs. Dabney
: [Whips out her keys
] Let's go. Teddy Duncan
] Right now? Mrs. Dabney
: I've got a bunch of errands to run. And if you drive, I can play Word Jumble on my cell phone. Actually, I do that anyway, but this way it's legal.
: Light's not getting any greener. Teddy Duncan
: No, I, I know. But the car in front of me hasn't moved yet. Mrs. Dabney
: Here's a quick driving lesson.
] Mrs. Dabney
: Wake up, grandpa! Teddy Duncan
: [to the other driver
] Sorry! That was her, not me!
[to Mrs. Dabney, after being flipped the bird
] Teddy Duncan
: Oh, look! Grandpa's telling us we're number one! Mrs. Dabney
: No, he's not! He's... Teddy Duncan
: I know what he's doing!
: We should probably stop for gas. Mrs. Dabney
: In this car, you can drive 100 miles on empty. I'll tell you when we need gas.
[about an hour later, the car breaks down in the mountains
] Mrs. Dabney
: *Now* we need gas!
: Does any of this look familiar? Mrs. Dabney
: Looks like the same road we drove down ten minutes ago. Teddy Duncan
: What, so I'm just going in circles and you didn't want to say anything? Mrs. Dabney
: I thought my annoyed silence was speaking volumes.
: [Filming video for Charlie
] Big news is I got my drivers' licence, which means I now have total freedom to go wherever I want. Amy Duncan
: Teddy, I need you to pick up some things at the store. Bob Duncan
: And while you're out, the car needs gas. PJ Duncan
: And pick up Gabe, just 'cause I don't want to.
: [Grounding Gabe
] No TV, no computer, no video games for the rest of the day. Teddy Duncan
: I think that's fair. Amy Duncan
: And you're watching him. Teddy Duncan
: That's so unfair!
: And what did I tell you about lying? Teddy Duncan
: It only works on dad.
: [At the grocery store
] Soda and mints? What are these for? Gabe Duncan
: I'm gonna make a soda geyser. You drop them into the bottle and it makes this huge explosion! Teddy Duncan
: Wow! That sounds so cool. Put them back.
: [to his employee after Charlie inadvertently 'steals' a pair of sunglasses
] Tell Alice to call the police. Teddy Duncan
: What? The police? You're arresting a baby? Hugo
: Or a very small person. We don't have all the facts yet.
: Where have I heard that before? Alice
: Heard what? Teddy Duncan
: In French class. Teddy Duncan
: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah! You're Alice Wheezeheimer. Alice
: It's Wartheimer. Teddy Duncan
: It is? Are you sure? Alice
: Is that what people call me behind my back? Wheezeheimer? Teddy Duncan
] No, not at all. Nobody calls you Wheezeheimer. Or Wheezy.
: [about Hugo
] The guy's treating you like a doormat. Alice
: And that's bad? Teddy Duncan
: Yes. OK, you have to stand up and say: 'You can't mess with me! I'm Alice Wheezeheimer!' Alice
: Wartheimer! Teddy Duncan
: That's the fire I'm looking for, Wheezy - I mean, Warty!
: Gabe, we gotta get out of here. Gabe Duncan
: Really? You're giving me permission to be bad? Teddy Duncan
: Yes. Gabe Duncan
: How bad? Teddy Duncan
: Do whatever it takes. Gabe Duncan
: I've been waiting to hear those words my whole life!
: Hey, you guys wanna see something funny? Teddy Duncan
: If this is where you lift your shirt up and make your belly button sing, no thank you.
: Ooh, what are you having? Teddy Duncan
: Toast points with salmon and dill. Bob Duncan
: Toast points? I say, what's the points?
: You can't go over there tomorrow night. The Channel 8 news crew is coming over. They're gonna interview the whole family. Teddy Duncan
: Yeah, I think I'll pass Amy Duncan
: What? You don't wanna be on TV with me? Bob Duncan
, PJ Duncan
, Gabe Duncan
: US! Amy Duncan
: Speaking of families, Teddy, when are we gonna get to meet yours? Teddy Duncan
: Um... well, they're kind of busy, so maybe next summer. Or the one after that.
: [after seeing the Duncan family embarrass themselves on TV
] But Teddy, you're nothing like those people. You're poised and sophisticated and... Teddy Duncan
: [Burps loudly
: [Teddy is making a home video meant for Charlie
] Now what I'm about to show you, is kind of disturbing. So brace yourself.
[Teddy opens the kitchen door to reveal her parents talking baby talk, despite Charlie's absence
: Mmmm. These sammitches will be yummy-wummy. Bob
: Yes they will, yes they will. Teddy
: Mom and Dad have been talking like that ever since you arrived, and if it's not over soon, I'm gonna go cwazy-wazy.
[Teddy sends her parents out on a date
: Alright, so you guys have fun, stay out as late as you want. But not too much fun. We have enough kids already.
: Mom, don't take this the wrong way, but why did you guys have to have another baby? Amy Duncan
: Well, because... three kids was just too easy. Three's for quitters!
: I have a study date. Casey Duncan
: Don't you mean 'studly' date?
[Mocks Teddy by making kissing faces
] Teddy Duncan
: Ugh! Save them for your pillow!
: Why are you so sad? Teddy Duncan
: Oh, um... Because we're saying goodbye, Charlie, and that's a very hard thing to do. Charlie Duncan
: Then say hello.
: I finally get my own room, and now we have to move out. Bob Duncan
: It's just for a couple of nights. We're gonna get the house checked out, make sure everything's safe... Teddy Duncan
: Take care of the termite problem... Bob Duncan
: Thought that was implied... And then we're gonna move back in and everything's gonna be back to normal. Amy Duncan
: What do you mean, normal? PJ dropped out of college. PJ Duncan
: Teddy went to Boston! Teddy Duncan
: Dad brought termites into the house! Bob Duncan
: Well, Gabe...
] Bob Duncan
: What did you do? Gabe Duncan
: Nothing. As usual, I'm the good one.
: Do they seem a little weird to you? Teddy Duncan
: Yeah. Almost as weird as you eating a napkin for dessert.
: Remember when I tried out for that cable show, So You Think You Can Yodel? Teddy Duncan
: Mm-hmm, and they decided you couldn't.
: Teddy, get with it. Kids don't read anymore. You're so old school. Teddy Duncan
: And if you don't read your book, you're gonna be old and still going to school!
: That's it! I'm bringing out the big guns. That's right... Mom! PJ Duncan
: We're not scared of you! PJ Duncan
: This is bad. Teddy Duncan
: Lock 'er up.