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Quotes for
Tammy Two (Character)
from "Parks and Recreation" (2009)

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"Parks and Recreation: Ron and Tammy (#2.8)" (2009)
Leslie Knope: I want it to be a perfect park with a state-of-the-art swing set and basketball courts, and off to the side a lovely sitting area for kids with asthma to watch other kids play.
Tammy Swanson: Wow. If I'd had a park like that when I was growing up, I probably wouldn't have gone through such a prolonged mall-slut phase.

Tammy Swanson: It's really good to see you, Ron.
Ron Swanson: You've aged horribly.
Tammy Swanson: You... son of a bitch.
Ron Swanson: That didn't take long.
Tammy Swanson: [shouting] Oh my God! What is your problem? Nothing's changed, has it? Who set the bed on fire?
Manager: [the diner manager walks over] Excuse me, folks.
Ron Swanson: I DID, OKAY? IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR?
[to manager]
Ron Swanson: We're fine, we're fine.
[Ron and Tammy sit at different booths apart from each other]


"Parks and Recreation: The Trial of Leslie Knope (#4.9)" (2011)
Chris Traeger: Ms. Swanson, do you, as you claimed, have evidence linking Leslie Knope and Ben Wyatt to law-breaking?
Tammy Two: Absolutely.
[Leslie shakes her head]
Tammy Two: I have several photographs that will definitively prove...
Chris Traeger: May I remind you that you are under oath and that if you lie, I will fire you and have you prosecuted?
Tammy Two: Nothing. They will definitively prove nothing. You cut me off! Heh heh. I don't have any "evidence"! Oh, Chris, so silly. Okay, bye guys.
[stands up to leave]
Tammy Two: Leslie, have fun with this trial. Yayy!
[Ethel gives Leslie a thumbs-up]


"Parks and Recreation: Ron & Tammys (#4.2)" (2011)
Leslie Knope: Basically, we're being attacked by Godzilla, and to beat Godzilla, we need Mothra. No offense.
Tammy Two: None taken. I'm very flattered. Who's this? Who's this tall drink of water?
Andy Dwyer: Andy.
Tammy Two: Hey, Andy. How's it hanging?
Leslie Knope: Listen, we need to break Ron from her spell! Can't you just move your butt around or wear a dress made out of meat?
Tammy Two: Well I could do all of these things, and have, but that bitch is crazy. When Ron left her and we got together, she threw acid on my foot.
April Ludgate: Ew!
Andy Dwyer: Can we take a peek at it?
Tammy Two: Listen, Tammy One was my Sunday School teacher, too. She can pinpoint your weaknesses and destroy you with just one word. And a jar of acid.


"Parks and Recreation: Ron & Jammy (#7.2)" (2015)
Ron Swanson: [Sniffs] She's near
Tammy 2: Hey, Ron
Ron Swanson: Tammy


"Parks and Recreation: Ron & Tammy: Part Two (#3.4)" (2011)
Ron Swanson: [Leslie and Ben are visiting Ron and Tammy in jail] Leslie! Congratulate us!
Tammy Swanson: [Shows Leslie her ring] Ron's got one just like it on his penis.