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: What brings you to these parts, stranger? Sugar Wolf
: [slaps the bartender
] I ain't no stranger to these parts.
] Sugar Wolf
: There is a new sheriff in town.
: Get to steppin'.
: [after autographing an Indian's tomahawk
] Don't eBay that.
: Well, I'll be a porcupine's dickhole.
: [as Sugar is about to drink water from the well
] I wouldn't do that if I was you. Sugar Wolf
: What's it to you, hombre? Dirty Sanchez
: Look, man.
[Sanchez tosses the cup of water on the ground, where it starts hissing and steaming from deluding acid
] Sugar Wolf
: Oh, shit! Dirty Sanchez
: It's better to drink in the saloon. Years ago, acid from the goldmine polluted our water. I mean, it's as polluted as a fat chick's ass after running a marathon with no underwear, man.
: Okay, Bucky, that's it, friend. You're hired, partner. Welcome aboard. You're gonna be on guard from dusk 'til dawn right here in the jailhouse. Bucky
: Oh, that's some great news, sheriff. Now I just have one question, all right, does that include not getting shot?
[Sugar pimpslaps him
: Oh, crap! Sugar Wolf
: Why, of course not, Bucky. Don't be stupid. No deputy nighttime watchman of mine is ever gonna get shot. Bucky
: Oh, I'm not bein' stupid, I'm just wondering how do I know I'm not gonna get shot? Sugar Wolf
: Well, Bucky, I'll make you one simple promise: if you get shot and die, I'll double your paycheck. Bucky
: Oh, man, that is great, sheriff! You got yourself a deal!
[both stand and shake hands
: There's something running afoul here in Mud Bug... and I intend to get to the bottom of it... it smells like the bottom of Bigfoot's asshole...
: I got some carpet to munch. Dirty Sanchez
: Hey, can I ask you a question? Does the carpet match the drapes?
: It must be Friday 'cause you gettin' straight-up PAID!
: [after finding Bucky riddled with bullet wounds
] Bucky! What happened? Sugar Wolf
: He got shot. They killed him. Dirty Sanchez
: Oh, crap.
: Okay, now that looks good. Oh, I like the way that looks a LOT. Sugar Wolf
: I can't wait to spread this across your buns... Dirty Sanchez
: Yeah, it's gonna be great, man. I can't wait to taste it. Sugar Wolf
: It's gonna be delicious, right across your lips... Dirty Sanchez
: Yeah. Oh, God, melt in your mouth, you know? Sugar Wolf
: Dripping down your chin across your glistening chest... Dirty Sanchez
: Yeah, naturally. I mean, that's what it does, you know? That's what happens when you make good, delicious butter. You know?
: Well, I guess that about sums that shit up. My father was nothin' but a big money rustla.