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: Oh my lucky stars! A Negro!
: Where are you parked? Adam
: I came on a bus. Eve
: Why does that not surprise me. Adam
: I dunno. Why doesn't that sunrise you? Eve
: Well, I guess because I'm a little psychic. I have this thing. Adam
: Oh, that's nice. Eve
: Yeah, let me guess something. This is your first visit to La-La-Land. You're staying somewhere in Hollywood because like an idiot you thought that would be an exciting place to stay. Am I right so far? Adam
: So far? Eve
: Yes, I'm right? Adam
: Right. Eve
: I knew it. So anyhow, you get on a bus and before you know it you're stuck in the San Fernando Valley without a clue, which brings us to here. Correct again? Adam
: Again. Eve
: Where are you staying? The Holiday Inn. Adam
: Oh. Yes! Yes! The Holiday Inn. That's exactly right. Eve
: See, I'm psychic. I mean not completely but pretty much. Pretty good, huh? Adam
: No, that was amazing! Eve
: Yeah I know. Thanks.
: Manners are a way of showing other people we care about them.
: Say, mom? Helen
: Yes, dear? Adam
: I was wondering, you know, while I was up there and all, I was thinking, well you know, I was wondering if maybe I could meet a girl? I've been thinking about that a little. Just these last fifteen years or so. Helen
: Oh Adam, it would be wonderful if you could meet a girl. One who's not a mutant and hopefully comes from Pasadena. Nothing against Valley girls but in my day anyhow girls from Pasadena, I don't know, just always seemed a little bit nicer.
: Son. Adam. Adam
: Yes, Father? Calvin
: Don't forget: stay out of the adult bookstore. Adam
: Adult bookstore. Why? Calvin
: Poison gas. Invisible.
: Rule number one in North America: no strangers in the car. Adam
: Well if it will make you feel any better, I don't have a gun. Eve
: Oh, well that changes everything.
: So for four thousand dollars, all I have to do is drive you to your hotel? Adam
: Uh-huh! Eve
: That's it? Adam
: Yes. Eve
: And I don't have to take a physical in your spaceship?
: Here ya go, one champagne cocktail. Adam
: Oh, thank you. Eve
: I thought only hookers drank those things? Adam
: Well, I know Mom sure likes 'em.
: I think I'm being chased by a psychiatrist. Soda Jerk
: It happens.
: [During his first visit back home
] Mom, I think I'm being chased by a Psychiatrist. Helen
: Oh no! Calvin
: That happens.
[Adam has bought rollerblades
: Eve, can I skate around your block? Troy
] How about it, Eve - can he *skate* around your block? Eve
: No. Troy
: Just a few laps. Adam
: It won't take long. Eve
: [to Adam, about Troy
] He's gay, by the way. Adam
: [thinking she means that Troy is happy
] Well, good for you!
: Uh, Eve, this is Adam. Look, I just wanted to thank you for everything you did for me. And I wanted to tell you that I... that uh... that I wish so many good things for you. I wish so hard that all of your dreams come true, and... and that's all I... and that's all.
: What have you been doing? Adam
: Watching television... in color.
: Have you ever had sex before? Adam
: No. Eve
: How is that possible?
: I'm sick of working for that dickhead. Adam
: What? Eve
: You know, a walking penis capable of intelligent speech. A dickhead!
: I love sushi. Adam
: I love Lucy. Troy
: Who doesn't? She's hilarious.
: What kind of wife are you looking for? Adam
: Oh um, well... one who's not a mutant. Eve
] No dogs, huh. OK. Cool. Adam
: And if it's possible, I'd like to marry someone from Pasadena. Eve
] Um, when do you need her by? Adam
: Two weeks? Eve
: Well, I can probably get you laid in two weeks, but to locate a non-mutant wife from Pasadena takes some time. Adam
: That's what I was afraid of.
: What do mean you can get me laid? Eve
: Uh, can we talk about that a little later? Adam
: Of course. Eve
: The sky! Child
: I see it mommy! Adam
: I've never seen anything like it!
[looks at little girl
: or like you!
[Adam, Eve and Troy are at the club, looking for a girlfriend for Adam. Adam spots a lovely young woman
: How about her? Eve
: No way. Adam
: No way? Why not? I, I think she's very attractive. Eve
: Adam! She's got 'bitch' written all over her. You do know what 'bitch' means, don't you? Adam
] Well, well, yes, I do. I do have a dictionary. But I can't understand for the life of me why you would say that about her. Or why Cliff would say that about *you*!
[Troy stifles a laugh; Eve glares at him and then at Adam
[Adam is rehearsing Troy's advice as he approaches a young woman whom Troy thinks looks "sweet."
: Surprising, yet funny.
[Adam recalls his father's silly joke
: Well, I know a duck who bought some lip balm. Adam
: [nods to himself
[he approaches Miss Sweet
[she looks him up and down, appraising, but replies disdainfully
] Miss 'Sweet', at Club 40
: Yes? Adam
: I was wondering if you could help me? I, um...
[she looks at him with definite disdain
: ...seem to have lost my Congressional Medal of Honor around here... somewhere. Miss 'Sweet', at Club 40
: [bursts into laughter
] Now, that's a great one!
[the doors have unlocked, and Helen and Adam are thrilled; Calvin slightly less so
: Do we just go on up? Calvin
: No, son. Now is the time we must be at our most cautious. We wait for night. Helen
: Oh, shit!
[Helen, realizing Adam has heard her, immediately covers her mouth
: Helen Thomas Webber! Maybe we have been down here a little too long. Pardon her French, son. Adam
: "Shit" is French? Calvin
] Well, it's archaic French. It's a sixteenth century colloquialism, meaning, roughly, good. Helen
: Your father's right. Adam
: Well. "Shit"!
Adam, Age 11
: What's baseball? Calvin
: It's a game, son. I can explain it pretty easily. See, there's a pitcher... Adam, Age 11
: Oh, like a painting. Calvin
: No, a pitch-er. Adam, Age 11
: Like one of mom's? Calvin
: No. There's a man who throws the ball to a man who has a bat. Adam, Age 11
: Oh! The nocturnal flying mammal?