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Quotes for
Wendy McKay (Character)
from "Andy Richter Controls the Universe" (2002)

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"Andy Richter Controls the Universe: The Show Might Go On (#2.6)" (2002)
Wendy McKay: Keith, if you don't want to talk about our relationship, that's kind of an answer in itself.

Wendy McKay: So. Milo, huh?
Jessica Green: I may be joining the Milo-high club, yes.

Jessica Green: I can't imagine just turning off a whole part of who I am, just like that.
[snaps fingers]
Wendy McKay: I guess, although I did see you just turn off a giant chunk of your I.Q. when you were talking to Milo.

Wendy McKay: Keith, guess what? The theater called and Reggie Meadows is out tonight. I am going on in her place!
Keith Richards: But the boy Andy kissed had alergies.
Wendy McKay: What?
Keith Richards: It's slang. It means 'that's wonderful, honey'.
Wendy McKay: Yeah, Reggie just slipped on some wet mints and twisted her ankle.
Keith Richards: Again, 'the boy Andy kissed had alergies'.
Wendy McKay: I know, isn't it?


"Andy Richter Controls the Universe: Grief Counselor (#1.2)" (2002)
Wendy McKay: Whatever that smell is, I hope they get it outta here. Unless it is you or me and then I hope they give it a raise.
[laughs]

Jessica Green: We figured out where that odor was coming from. Apparently Charlie Rhymer died in his office friday night.
Wendy McKay: Oh my God! How did he die?
Andy Richter: [Andy enters, thinking the odor came from a meat sandwich he left over the weekend] Guys, it's all my fault. I'll get some disinfective and clean it up.
Wendy McKay: 'It'? How can you say that?
Andy Richter: Well, it's just a pile of meat that sat in a hot office all weekend! Jeez.
[leaves]


"Andy Richter Controls the Universe: Gimme a C (#1.5)" (2002)
Wendy McKay: I can't believe it. I've got powdered turd in my hair for no good reason.
Jessica Green: Your hair? I have so much dung down my pants I could grow daisies out of my ass!

Wendy McKay: It's Eric Estrada!
Andy Richter: It's Ponch from CHiPs! You're, you're like my favorite Latino guy!
Erik Estrada: Here you go, son, I couldn't 'bear' to see you sick.
Andy Richter: Oh! cool! Ponch got me a bear!
Erik Estrada: Now you're gonna get throught this, Slugger. Hey:
[pretending to speak into a motorcycle receiver]
Erik Estrada: Seven, Mary, Four, I'm gonna pull over this cancer and give it a sitation!
[laughs]
Andy Richter: That's great!
Jessica Green: Excuse me, Mr. Estrada, I'm sorry, but this is not the gentleman you're here to see. Andy, give back the bear.


"Andy Richter Controls the Universe: Saturday Early Evening Fever (#2.13)" (2003)
Andy Richter: Hey you guys, you like dancing and hanging round with rockstars, right?
Keith Richards: Sure.
Wendy McKay: Yeah.
Byron Togler: Wow.
Andy Richter: Excelent. What are you doing tomorrow night between eight and eleven?
Keith Richards: Nothing.
Wendy McKay, Byron Togler: I'm free.
Andy Richter: You wanna help me move my grandma into her new assistant living facility? Afterwards we can go dancing and look for Rockstars. If there's time. There probably won't be.

Wendy McKay: You know all those old bottles we got from Andy's grandmother?
Keith Richards: Who could forget old bottles?
Wendy McKay: Well, last night I had a horrible headache, and I decided to drink from one of 'em.
Keith Richards: Good thinking, honey.


"Andy Richter Controls the Universe: Charity Begins in Cellblock D (#2.12)" (2003)
Jessica Green: Okay, here's my prisoners poem. I don't think it's very good, but maybe I'm too close to it.
[reading]
Jessica Green: One, two, three, four, lets rob a convenience store. Five, six, seven, eight. Nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen. It goes on like that for a while.
Wendy McKay: Good thing he has jail to fall back on.

Wendy McKay: Oh my God, he's choking!
Keith Richards: After I specifically told him not to.


"Andy Richter Controls the Universe: We're All the Same, Only Different (#2.1)" (2002)
Jessica Green: All of these resumes are impressive.
Andy Richter: You know, eh, Ted has five years experience and he's been black his whole live, which has not been easy in such a racist society.
Wendy McKay: My candidate's a woman from Saudi Arabia. She watched as her mother was stoned to death for driving a car. A bumper car.
Byron Togler: You know, I know that we're trying to do a good thing, but I think that it's terrible putting people in racial catagories like this.
Andy Richter: Let me guess, your guy is white?
Byron Togler: No. My blind guy is white.
Keith Richards: I found a one armed, gay, native American little person.
Wendy McKay: Are you kidding me?
Keith Richards: Unfortunately he wasn't a technical writer. He just wanted to meet another one armed, gay, native American little person. Anybody knows anybody?

Keith Richards: Hey, honey.
Wendy McKay: [unusually deep voice] Good morning, Keith.
Keith Richards: Are you okay?
Wendy McKay: Oh, I'm fine. I'm participating in a drug study for Pickering's pharmaceutical division. They're paying me three grand to use this antihistamine for six weeks which apparently turns people into Demi Moore.
Keith Richards: You're testing drugs? Well I gotta tell you sweety, I don't think that's such a good idea. I mean is it safe? Are there any other side effects?
Wendy McKay: My breasts are larger and I have an increased libido.
Keith Richards: Well, if you really need the money...


"Andy Richter Controls the Universe: Little Andy in Charge (#1.3)" (2002)
Wendy McKay: Where's your lipstick?
Jessica Green: In my purse.
Wendy McKay: Where's your purse?
Jessica Green: I don't know. All around my lipstick.

Wendy McKay: Jessica has dragged me out four nights in a row. She just won't stop! She's like the Terminator, except she's not from the future and she likes to dance.


"Andy Richter Controls the Universe: Relationship Ripcord (#2.5)" (2002)
Jessica Green: [listening to Jessica's neighbor the therapist through an airvent] Man! This woman has issues with men!
Wendy McKay: I have issues with men. This chick's the bald eagle of nutballs.

Jessica Green: [Jessica is being accused of sexual harassment by Todd] That's wasn't harrasment, that was just a friendly little slap on the ass.
Wendy McKay: Jessica, 'harrassment has the word 'ass' right in the middle of it. It's like the guys who make it up were trying to give you a big clue.


"Andy Richter Controls the Universe: The Maid Man (#2.8)" (2003)
Wendy McKay: Come on, Keith. Isn't there anything you're not confident about?
Keith Richards: My poetry's derivative?
Wendy McKay: No, it's not. Everyone agrees it's a bold new voice.


"Andy Richter Controls the Universe: Final Fantasy (#2.11)" (2003)
Wendy McKay: [as medieval damsel] Agator, if thou love me, why don't thou want to move in with me?
Keith Richards: [as medieval knight] Look, thou art great. I love thee. It hath nothing to doth with that.


"Andy Richter Controls the Universe: Twins (#2.2)" (2002)
Wendy McKay: Byron hired a prostitute to clean his wound.
Keith Richards: Clean his wound? That is the worst euphemism for sex I have ever heard.


"Andy Richter Controls the Universe: Holy Sheep (#2.4)" (2002)
Jessica Green: I can't go out with Nick anymore. I tried, I really tried, I closed my eyes, I listened to him sing, I even tried to imagine that he was a Furby. Because I love Furbys! But he's not a Furby.
Wendy McKay: No, he's not. Although, once, due to a huge misunderstanding, he was forced to spend the night in the San Diego Zoo.


"Andy Richter Controls the Universe: France (#2.3)" (2002)
Wendy McKay: See ya at lunch, monkey.
Keith Richards: [Keith is having trouble coming up with a nickname for Wendy] I can't wait... dummy.
Wendy McKay: What? Did you just call me dummy?
Keith Richards: Well, I didn't mean dumb like in, eh,stupid, I meant it like a cute little ventriloquists, eh, dummy.
Wendy McKay: Why would you call me a ventriloquist dummy?
Keith Richards: Alright, the truth is, I was feeling dumb because I couldn't think of anything and that's what was on my mind.
Wendy McKay: Yeah, well, keep working on it, Slick.
[walks off]
Keith Richards: Slick? She's so good at this!


"Andy Richter Controls the Universe: Bully the Kid (#2.9)" (2003)
Wendy McKay: Come on, Jake-me-to-the-river, I think there are some popsicles left in the freezer.
[Wendy and Jake leave]
Andy Richter: No there aren't. It's just that same empty box that somebody is too lazy to throw out.
Byron Togler: I did not eat the last one!
Andy Richter: And yet you know that someone did!