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: Keith, if you don't want to talk about our relationship, that's kind of an answer in itself.
: So. Milo, huh? Jessica Green
: I may be joining the Milo-high club, yes.
: I can't imagine just turning off a whole part of who I am, just like that.
] Wendy McKay
: I guess, although I did see you just turn off a giant chunk of your I.Q. when you were talking to Milo.
: Keith, guess what? The theater called and Reggie Meadows is out tonight. I am going on in her place! Keith Richards
: But the boy Andy kissed had alergies. Wendy McKay
: What? Keith Richards
: It's slang. It means 'that's wonderful, honey'. Wendy McKay
: Yeah, Reggie just slipped on some wet mints and twisted her ankle. Keith Richards
: Again, 'the boy Andy kissed had alergies'. Wendy McKay
: I know, isn't it?
: Whatever that smell is, I hope they get it outta here. Unless it is you or me and then I hope they give it a raise.
: We figured out where that odor was coming from. Apparently Charlie Rhymer died in his office friday night. Wendy McKay
: Oh my God! How did he die? Andy Richter
: [Andy enters, thinking the odor came from a meat sandwich he left over the weekend
] Guys, it's all my fault. I'll get some disinfective and clean it up. Wendy McKay
: 'It'? How can you say that? Andy Richter
: Well, it's just a pile of meat that sat in a hot office all weekend! Jeez.
: I can't believe it. I've got powdered turd in my hair for no good reason. Jessica Green
: Your hair? I have so much dung down my pants I could grow daisies out of my ass!
: It's Eric Estrada! Andy Richter
: It's Ponch from CHiPs! You're, you're like my favorite Latino guy! Erik Estrada
: Here you go, son, I couldn't 'bear' to see you sick. Andy Richter
: Oh! cool! Ponch got me a bear! Erik Estrada
: Now you're gonna get throught this, Slugger. Hey:
[pretending to speak into a motorcycle receiver
] Erik Estrada
: Seven, Mary, Four, I'm gonna pull over this cancer and give it a sitation!
] Andy Richter
: That's great! Jessica Green
: Excuse me, Mr. Estrada, I'm sorry, but this is not the gentleman you're here to see. Andy, give back the bear.
: Hey you guys, you like dancing and hanging round with rockstars, right? Keith Richards
: Sure. Wendy McKay
: Yeah. Byron Togler
: Wow. Andy Richter
: Excelent. What are you doing tomorrow night between eight and eleven? Keith Richards
: Nothing. Wendy McKay
, Byron Togler
: I'm free. Andy Richter
: You wanna help me move my grandma into her new assistant living facility? Afterwards we can go dancing and look for Rockstars. If there's time. There probably won't be.
: You know all those old bottles we got from Andy's grandmother? Keith Richards
: Who could forget old bottles? Wendy McKay
: Well, last night I had a horrible headache, and I decided to drink from one of 'em. Keith Richards
: Good thinking, honey.
: Okay, here's my prisoners poem. I don't think it's very good, but maybe I'm too close to it.
] Jessica Green
: One, two, three, four, lets rob a convenience store. Five, six, seven, eight. Nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen. It goes on like that for a while. Wendy McKay
: Good thing he has jail to fall back on.
: Oh my God, he's choking! Keith Richards
: After I specifically told him not to.
: All of these resumes are impressive. Andy Richter
: You know, eh, Ted has five years experience and he's been black his whole live, which has not been easy in such a racist society. Wendy McKay
: My candidate's a woman from Saudi Arabia. She watched as her mother was stoned to death for driving a car. A bumper car. Byron Togler
: You know, I know that we're trying to do a good thing, but I think that it's terrible putting people in racial catagories like this. Andy Richter
: Let me guess, your guy is white? Byron Togler
: No. My blind guy is white. Keith Richards
: I found a one armed, gay, native American little person. Wendy McKay
: Are you kidding me? Keith Richards
: Unfortunately he wasn't a technical writer. He just wanted to meet another one armed, gay, native American little person. Anybody knows anybody?
: Hey, honey. Wendy McKay
: [unusually deep voice
] Good morning, Keith. Keith Richards
: Are you okay? Wendy McKay
: Oh, I'm fine. I'm participating in a drug study for Pickering's pharmaceutical division. They're paying me three grand to use this antihistamine for six weeks which apparently turns people into Demi Moore. Keith Richards
: You're testing drugs? Well I gotta tell you sweety, I don't think that's such a good idea. I mean is it safe? Are there any other side effects? Wendy McKay
: My breasts are larger and I have an increased libido. Keith Richards
: Well, if you really need the money...
: Where's your lipstick? Jessica Green
: In my purse. Wendy McKay
: Where's your purse? Jessica Green
: I don't know. All around my lipstick.
: Jessica has dragged me out four nights in a row. She just won't stop! She's like the Terminator, except she's not from the future and she likes to dance.
: [listening to Jessica's neighbor the therapist through an airvent
] Man! This woman has issues with men! Wendy McKay
: I have issues with men. This chick's the bald eagle of nutballs.
: [Jessica is being accused of sexual harassment by Todd
] That's wasn't harrasment, that was just a friendly little slap on the ass. Wendy McKay
: Jessica, 'harrassment has the word 'ass' right in the middle of it. It's like the guys who make it up were trying to give you a big clue.
: Come on, Keith. Isn't there anything you're not confident about? Keith Richards
: My poetry's derivative? Wendy McKay
: No, it's not. Everyone agrees it's a bold new voice.
: [as medieval damsel
] Agator, if thou love me, why don't thou want to move in with me? Keith Richards
: [as medieval knight
] Look, thou art great. I love thee. It hath nothing to doth with that.
: Byron hired a prostitute to clean his wound. Keith Richards
: Clean his wound? That is the worst euphemism for sex I have ever heard.
: I can't go out with Nick anymore. I tried, I really tried, I closed my eyes, I listened to him sing, I even tried to imagine that he was a Furby. Because I love Furbys! But he's not a Furby. Wendy McKay
: No, he's not. Although, once, due to a huge misunderstanding, he was forced to spend the night in the San Diego Zoo.
: See ya at lunch, monkey. Keith Richards
: [Keith is having trouble coming up with a nickname for Wendy
] I can't wait... dummy. Wendy McKay
: What? Did you just call me dummy? Keith Richards
: Well, I didn't mean dumb like in, eh,stupid, I meant it like a cute little ventriloquists, eh, dummy. Wendy McKay
: Why would you call me a ventriloquist dummy? Keith Richards
: Alright, the truth is, I was feeling dumb because I couldn't think of anything and that's what was on my mind. Wendy McKay
: Yeah, well, keep working on it, Slick.
] Keith Richards
: Slick? She's so good at this!
: Come on, Jake-me-to-the-river, I think there are some popsicles left in the freezer.
[Wendy and Jake leave
] Andy Richter
: No there aren't. It's just that same empty box that somebody is too lazy to throw out. Byron Togler
: I did not eat the last one! Andy Richter
: And yet you know that someone did!