Nostalgia Chick
Quicklinks
Top Links
main detailsbiographyby votesphoto galleryquotes
Filmographies
by yearby typeby ratingsby votesby TV seriesby genreby keyword
Biographical
biography
Did You Know?
photo galleryquotes

Quotes for
Nostalgia Chick (Character)
from "The Nostalgia Chick" (2008)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
Kickassia (2010) (V)
Nostalgia Critic: [over the phone] Can you hear me?
Angry Joe: Yes.
Nostalgia Chick: Yes.
Phelous: Yes.
Cinema Snob: No. I mean yes.

Nostalgia Critic: Can I get some cream in my tea?
Nostalgia Chick: Cream just makes your penis smaller. Now drink your tea.

Nostalgia Critic: And so, it is the ruling of this court that you be found guilty for the crimes against our government. All in favor, say 'aye'. Aye. All opposed?
The Spoony One, Linkara, Angry Joe, Nostalgia Chick, Phelous, MarzGurl, Bennett the Sage, 8-Bit Mickey, Benzaie: Nay!
Nostalgia Critic: [sing-songy] Too bad I'm in charge! Guilty!

Nostalgia Chick: Wait, how come it took you three days to come back? Why couldn't you just do it right away?
Santa Christ: I'm sorry, have you ever been dead before?
Nostalgia Chick: No.
Santa Christ: Have you ever risen from the grave?
Nostalgia Chick: Guess not.

Nostalgia Chick: [Nostalgia Critic is beaten senseless] Well done, everyone, well done. Now, since I am next in line for the presidency, it's only fitting that I should wear the crown.
[takes Critic's hat]
Nostalgia Chick: You will refer to me as Madame President from now on.
Bennett the Sage: Wait a minute, so this whole cutesy, naive thing was just an act?
Nostalgia Chick: Yep.
JewWario: You're not really that nice?
Nostalgia Chick: Nope.
Benzaie: You're not really that stupid?
Nostalgia Chick: Uh-uh.

Nostalgia Chick: I am the new ruler of Kickassia, and there's gonna be some new rules around here.
[laughs maniacally]
Cinema Snob: [takes hat from her] Excuse me, but it was my insight that overthrew this government. So I think it should be I taking over as acting president.
[laughs maniacally]
Linkara: [takes hat from him] Bad news, I'm afraid. Since I'm the one who orchestrated this operation, it's obviously I who should be president.
[laughs maniacally]

Nostalgia Critic, The Spoony One, Linkara, Angry Joe, Nostalgia Chick, Phelous, MarzGurl, Bennett the Sage, Benzaie, JewWario: I believe in Santa Christ.

Rollo T: But Marz Gurl is a woman too.
Nostalgia Chick: [chuckles] Sure she is, and I'm the tooth fairy.

Nostalgia Critic: My friends, this is indeed a great day. We have given birth to a new nation!
Everyone: Yay!
Nostalgia Critic: And there will be government. Rules. And a new democracy to live by!
Linkara: Why a democracy?
Nostalgia Critic: Because I say so. And I will be your president!
Everyone: Yay!
Nostalgia Critic: Nostalgia Chick will be vice president!
Everyone: Yay!
Nostalgia Critic: And the rest we'll figure out at another time!
Film Brain: Another time!
Nostalgia Critic: And as my first order as your president. I shall build a table. A round table so that everyone can look at each other in the eye.
Nostalgia Chick: Hmm. That's a good idea. It's like everyone's equal.
Nostalgia Critic: Yes! And I shall be elevated above you in a rocket chair! A magnificent rocket chair so I can look down on all of you and see just how equal we all are!
Everyone: [unenthusiastically] Yay.
Nostalgia Critic: Make yourselves comfortable, everybody, for we have given birth to the greatest nation ever known! We have given birth TO KICKASSIA!


"The Nostalgia Chick: Pocahontas (#1.1)" (2008)
Nostalgia Chick: Holy shit, Disney! You've inserted your giant magical cock into my ear and FUCKED MY MIND!

Nostalgia Chick: John Smith, or as his crewmates call him 'Captain Amazing', is a man so potent he has to get on to the boat while riding a giant phallic symbol.

Nostalgia Chick: Clearly, these strangers stage elaborate musical numbers and do what white people do best: Blow. Shit. Up.

Nostalgia Chick: And what's more American than sanitizing your own history to the point where it's no longer recognizable? PUPPIES!

Nostalgia Chick: Why is genocided not a verb?

Nostalgia Chick: ...and by that I mean I'd like to poke-your-hontas, heh.

Nostalgia Chick: Pocahontas, who seems to be an expert at posing dramatically, doesn't seem to have any real ethnicity of which to speak. She doesn't look particularly Native American. Mostly, she just looks like a kind of a-ethnic mush of unparalleled hotness.

Nostalgia Chick: Nothing says sinister like little pink bows on your pigtails!


"The Nostalgia Chick: Baby Whatever: Nostalgic Baby Dolls (#5.10)" (2012)
Nostalgia Chick: [on Magic Stroller Baby] For the discerning future mother who is ready to graduate from magic cartel for infants to magic cartel for toddlers. Buy it, because the baby kicks.

Nostalgia Chick: Yeah, next thing you know, they're gonna make Baby Tie-In.
[cut to McDonald Happy Meal Girl ad]
Nostalgia Chick: Oh, for fuck sake.

Nostalgia Chick: [rolls a Baby Tumble Surprise down the stairs, pretending it's real] That's a terrible surprise.

Nostalgia Chick: Happy Meal Girl. Sounds like they're gonna... eat the girl.

Nostalgia Chick: She feels just like a real baby stuffed with plastic pellets.

Nostalgia Chick: [as narrator] When Baby Death Wish sees an electrical socket, watch out! She'll want to stick something in it.
Babysitter #1: Hey, I thought you were watching the baby.
Babysitter #2: I thought *you* were watching the baby.
Babysitter #1: [there's an off-screen electrocution] Baby Death Wish!
Babysitter #2: Not again!

Nostalgia Chick: [as narrator] With Baby Daddy Surprise, it's always a surprise.


"The Nostalgia Chick: Thumbelina (#2.2)" (2009)
Nostalgia Chick: I have this weird sense of déjà-Disney.

Nostalgia Chick: Get on the fucking bird.

Nostalgia Chick: It's not the size of the boat, it's the motion of the ocean.


"The Nostalgia Critic: Moulin Rouge (#4.52)" (2011)
Brentalfloss, Nostalgia Chick: [singing] Guilty pleasures! Everybody has a few! Guilty pleasures! You and me and even you! Guilty pleasures! Surely even you have some! Guilty pleasures! Love them even though they're dumb!
Nostalgia Critic: I think I get it!
[singing]
Nostalgia Critic: Like how I enjoy Rocky IV. Though the writing's very poor. Ninja Turtles, Commando, X-Men 3.
Brentalfloss, Nostalgia Chick: Oh, Jesus no!
Nostalgia Critic: [singing] Cool Runnings and Batman 2. Judge Dredd.
Brentalfloss: I like that too.
Nostalgia Critic: [singing] Even Jason Goes To Hell. Paranoia.
Cinema Snob: What the hell?

Nostalgia Chick: So despite the fact that she falls in love faster than a Disney princess, Satine still acts like she's interested in the Duke, despite the fact that they try to avoid him at every chance they get.
Nostalgia Critic: Now, why is this a big deal? She's prostituted herself for years and now she suddenly can't sleep with this guy because she has the hots for Trainspotting here?
Brentalfloss: Don't you see? She's in love now!
Nostalgia Critic: Yeah, but it happened in like a millisecond! That only happens in animated features and fairy tales!
[Nostalgia Chick clears her throat and holds up a VHS of The Little Mermaid]
Nostalgia Critic: Shut up. I like that one.
Brentalfloss: [points at the cover] Ha ha! A penis!

Christian: I've come to pay my bill. You made me believe you loved me! Why shouldn't I pay you?
[Nostalgia Chick is seething]
Brentalfloss: Nostalgia Chick, you okay?
Nostalgia Chick: Fine. I'm fine.
Christian: Why can't I pay you like everyone else does?
Satine: No, Christian, there's no point.
Brentalfloss: Seriously, you don't look so good.
Nostalgia Chick: I'm fine damn it! Fine!
Christian: This woman is yours now. I've paid my whore! And you are nothing to me.
Nostalgia Critic: Admit it, Chick. There's something you really hate about this scene, isn't there? It isn't just silly and stupid like the other scenes. There's something you really despise!
Brentalfloss: No, there isn't.
Nostalgia Critic: What is it about this movie that drives you absolutely insaaane?
Nostalgia Chick: Christian is a complete twat!
Nostalgia Critic, Brentalfloss: Christian's a twat?
Nostalgia Chick: Yeah! Truly in love? That's such bullshit! Oh, all you need is love. Love, love, love, love... Who treated anyone they truly loved this way? Why would you slutshame her in front of an entire audience of people? Who calls that love? That's not love, that's bitterness!
Nostalgia Critic: Well, because she lied to him, and he thought she was playing him the whole time.
Brentalfloss: Yeah, I'd think you'd be more pissed at her than him.
Nostalgia Chick: Oh sure, her actions are abjectly stupid and she's the victim of bad, stupid writing. But him? He's just despicable! He's evil! For as many times as he sings about looove, he treats her in the most insulting, dirty, mean-spirited way that you can treat a human being. And the dwarf's over here like "Oh, she wouldn't do that!" and yet him, the one that's in love with her can't figure this out? "Oh yeah, love! I forgot about that! That's right! I'm sorr... you know what, I'm not even sorry, but we're still in love. So let's sing about it! In front of everyone and everything's okay! Oh wait, you're dead. Awww." How would you feel if your loved one had some stupid misunderstanding that sprung from bad writing and then threw out all of their negative, horrible bile in one fell swoop... In front of everybody!


"The Nostalgia Critic: Kickassia Part 6: All the Really Bad Shit Happens (#3.26)" (2010)
Nostalgia Chick: Wait, how come it took you three days to come back? Why couldn't you just do it right away?
Santa Christ: I'm sorry, have you ever been dead before?
Nostalgia Chick: No.
Santa Christ: Have you ever risen from the grave?
Nostalgia Chick: Guess not.

Nostalgia Chick: [Nostalgia Critic is beaten senseless] Well done, everyone, well done. Now, since I am next in line for the presidency, it's only fitting that I should wear the crown.
[takes Critic's hat]
Nostalgia Chick: You will refer to me as Madame President from now on.
Bennett the Sage: Wait a minute, so this whole cutesy, naive thing was just an act?
Nostalgia Chick: Yep.
JewWario: You're not really that nice?
Nostalgia Chick: Nope.
Benzaie: You're not really that stupid?
Nostalgia Chick: Uh-uh.

Nostalgia Chick: I am the new ruler of Kickassia, and there's gonna be some new rules around here.
[laughs maniacally]
Cinema Snob: [takes hat from her] Excuse me, but it was my insight that overthrew this government. So I think it should be I taking over as acting president.
[laughs maniacally]
Linkara: [takes hat from him] Bad news, I'm afraid. Since I'm the one who orchestrated this operation, it's obviously I who should be president.
[laughs maniacally]


"The Nostalgia Chick: Hocus Pocus (#1.5)" (2008)
Nostalgia Chick: The villains are three weird but assumedly child-friendly witches. And by that, I mean this movie was made for children... I think.

Nostalgia Chick: Fucking virgins! Why do we need them around anyway?


"The Nostalgia Chick: She-Ra- Princess of Power (#1.4)" (2008)
Nostalgia Chick: Fuck it, we're off to the pride parade!

Nostalgia Chick: Oh Christ, now she heals the sick. Movie, would you please end before she walks on water?


"The Nostalgia Critic: FernGully: The Last Rainforest (#2.5)" (2009)
Nostalgia Chick: [Explaining the Big Lipped Alligator Moment] Perhaps you don't remember the big lipped alligator scene from "All Dogs Go To Heaven." This is named after the random musical number sung by a big lipped alligator towards the end of the film: a scene that comes right the fuck out of nowhere, has little to no bearing whatsoever on the plot, is way over-the-top in terms of ridiculousness, even within the context of the movie; and after it's happened, no one ever speaks of it again.
Nostalgia Critic: Oh, like the dancing fire gang from "Labyrinth," the pink elephants from "Dumbo," the creepy-ass tunnel scene from "Willy Wonka."
Nostalgia Chick: That's right.
Nostalgia Critic: And now this festering pile of pointlessness.


"The Nostalgia Chick: TLC and the '90s (#4.18)" (2011)
Nostalgia Chick: And I'm totally allowed to talk about this candidly! Like, I have a black friend.
BFF Nella: I'm adopted.
[beat]
BFF Nella: For shizzle!


"Atop the Fourth Wall: AT4W & Spoony: Experiment Warrior #2 and #3" (2010)
Linkara: Because as you know, Mr. Anderson, it is purpose that created us.
Dr. Insano: Purpose that connects us.
Nostalgia Chick: Purpose that pulls us.
Benzaie: That guides us.
Bargo: That drives us.
LordKat: That defines.
Bennett the Sage: It is purpose that binds us.
Linkara: We're here because of you, Mr. Anderson, we're here to take from you-
[looks around]
Linkara: Wait, where the hell did you all come from?


"The Nostalgia Chick: Freddy Got Fingered w/ Oancitizen (#5.13)" (2012)
Nostalgia Chick: Tell us how this is a Dadaist masterpiece.
Oancitizen: This can not be Dada! It's too normal to be Dada! It's too shit to be anything else!


"The Nostalgia Critic: Ferngully 2 (#4.2)" (2011)
Nostalgia Critic: And seeing as how The Nostalgia Chick helped me last time, I figure it's only fitting to make the offer again. So what do you say, Nostalgia Chick? Ready to go into the rain forest one more time?
Nostalgia Chick: Nope.
Nostalgia Critic: Okay.


"The Nostalgia Chick: Spice World (#1.7)" (2008)
Nostalgia Chick: This movie's so girly that next thing you know they'll be having a pillow fight.
[Spice Girls have a pillow fight]
Nostalgia Chick: Guys, I wasn't being serious!


"The Nostalgia Chick: The Christmas Shoes (#4.32)" (2011)
Nostalgia Chick: The problem with contemporary Christian art is that it's afraid of uncomfortable aspects of the religion. The violent end times that Johnny Cash sings about-or, perhaps more relevant, how to reconcile bad things happening to good people with a loving God.


"The Nostalgia Critic: TGWTG Team Brawl, 1st Anniversary Video (#2.20)" (2009)
Nostalgia Chick: Come on, Critic, let's get cynical and kick some ass.


"The Nostalgia Critic: You're a Rotten Dirty Bastard: Christmas Special (#3.57)" (2010)
Nostalgia Critic: Merry Christmas, you porn-reviewing fucktard!
Cinema Snob: Blow me!
Nostalgia Critic: Merry Christmas, you self-righteous activist for anything, you!
Nostalgia Chick: I so wish you'd die.
Nostalgia Critic: Merry Christmas, you pasty comic book-reading ass-magnet, you!
[Linkara lowers his comic and flips off the Critic]
Nostalgia Critic: Merry Christmas, you over-excitable Puerto Rican jumping bean!
Angry Joe: Oh, I am so working on a hand grenade with your name on it.
Cinema Snob: Merry Christmas, you pompous reject of everything likable, you!
The Spoony One: [cheerfully] Thanks a lot! I'll see you in hell!


"The Nostalgia Critic: Rejected Spooning with Spoony Ideas" (2012)
Nostalgia Chick: I had no idea that was mathematically possible.
Paw: I'm gonna be walking funny for months.
Todd in the Shadows: I liked it.
JesuOtaku: [Cheerful] Kyle taught me how to sing.


"The Nostalgia Chick: Showgirls Begins (#3.5)" (2010)
Nostalgia Chick: Everybody got AIDS and shit!


"The Nostalgia Critic: Suburban Knights: Part III (#4.27)" (2011)
Nostalgia Chick: [Critic is sitting in a chair with his legs spread, revealing his "gear"] There are certain things... that should be covered... up.
Nostalgia Critic: [oblivious] I know. That's why I've got the hat.
Nostalgia Chick: There are... There are certain things that need to remain closed.
Nostalgia Critic: I know, and I for one respect Chick-fil-A for not serving people on Sunday. I wonder if we can get it so they don't serve Christians.


Suburban Knights (2011) (V)
Nostalgia Chick: [Critic is sitting in a chair with his legs spread, revealing his "gear"] There are certain things... that should be covered... up.
Nostalgia Critic: [oblivious] I know. That's why I've got the hat.
Nostalgia Chick: There are... There are certain things that need to remain closed.
Nostalgia Critic: I know, and I for one respect Chick-fil-A for not serving people on Sunday. I wonder if we can get it so they don't serve Christians.


To Boldly Flee (2012) (V)
The Nostalgia Chick: Todd... I really don't think this is going to work out.
Todd in the Shadows: I know.
The Nostalgia Chick: You know, you're really a nice guy.
Todd in the Shadows: I know.
The Nostalgia Chick: And it's not you, it's me.
Todd in the Shadows: I know!


"Atop the Fourth Wall: Sonic Live (#3.38)" (2010)
Linkara: [all singing] Welcome to Atop the Fourth Wall.
Nostalgia Critic: Where bad comics burn.
Nostalgia Chick: Linkara's gonna teach you all.
Cold Guy: A lesson you won't learn.
The Spoony One: Brodsky, you're not the smartest.
C.R.: Liefeld, you're not an artist.
Iron Liz: Anyone who's had a bad comic published.
Mike J: It could be your turn.
90s Kid: Linkara!
JesuOtaku: He is a man. Punch!


"Atop the Fourth Wall: Daredevil #306 (#2.16)" (2009)
Nostalgia Chick: Alright, so you've found my secret identity.
[Ties her hair]
Nostalgia Chick: That's right. I'm the Nostalgia Chick!
Linkara: But... but how did you... what the... but... with the bowtie and the... what... how are you...? WHAT? Cry woe, destruction and decay, the worst is death. And death will have his day. I should have known, it was you who was the secret manipulator behind it all: beeeaaaar!


"The Nostalgia Chick: The Fifth Element (#4.1)" (2011)
Nostalgia Chick: Uh oh, looks like someone has a case of the not-gays.


"The Nostalgia Chick: Cutthroat Island (#5.27)" (2012)
Nostalgia Chick: [after revealing what has become of the Nostalgia Critic] Nostalgia monopoly, bitches!