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: My father always told me, "You can do anything you want in life, so long as you go to law school."
: What if he asks about his mother? Buddy Evans
: Why would he do that? Maggie
: Sooner or later he's going to notice he doesn't have a mother. Buddy Evans
: I'll stall him. Maggie
: All his life? Buddy Evans
: No, all mine.
: I want this baby. Maggie
: Why this baby? Why do you want THIS baby? Buddy Evans
: Because I love it. Maggie
: You can't love anything! Buddy Evans
: I love you... five minutes ago when I smiled, it was the first time I had since you left. Larry
: Aww, isn't this wonderful? I feel like God.
: [Thinking up baby names
: [looking at Ms. Werner's teeth
] What are those? Ms. Werner
: What are what? Buddy Evans
: Those things on your teeth. Ms. Werner
] They're braces. Buddy Evans
: [imitates lisp
] I know they're braces. But do you have to wear them? Ms. Werner
: No, they're the latest in costume jewelry. Of course I have to wear them. Buddy Evans
: I see. Well, it's just that I don't want my son to look like Jaws 2. Ms. Werner
: Well, he could end up with your forehead. Buddy Evans
: What's wrong with my forehead? Ms. Werner
: Look at those lines. Buddy Evans
: What lines? Ms. Werner
: Looks like it's suffering from erosion. Buddy Evans
: As long as we're talking about looks, your nose isn't exactly classic. Ms. Werner
: Has anyone ever suggested that you plant corn in your eyebrows? Buddy Evans
: My eyebrows are fine. Ms. Werner
: Sure, if you're into wildlife. Buddy Evans
: That's very amusing. Ms. Werner
: Thank you. Buddy Evans
: As long as we're talking about hair, about that "mat" on your head. Ms. Werner
: What about it? Buddy Evans
: Well, do you shampoo it or do you have it crop-dusted?
] Ms. Werner
: [stepping out of Buddy's office angrily
] That is the rudest man I have ever met. Laurie
: Please, forgive him. This is very important to him. Ms. Werner
: [voice breaking
] I can understand about my braces, but there is nothing wrong with my nose. Laurie
: It's a terrific nose.