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Quotes for
Rabbi (Character)
from The Infidel (2010)

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The Infidel (2010)
Lenny Goldberg: Listen, Rabbi. My friend has drunk my chicken soup. He's danced like a Cossack in my living room, he told a funny story at a Bar Mitzvah and got a good laugh. I'm a Jew, and my friend is Jewish enough for me.
Rabbi: [to Mahmud] Come back when you've found a better teacher.
Mahmud Nasir: And where do I find one of those, eh? Craig's list? Look, Rabbi, I haven't even told my wife and family about this!
Rabbi: Well perhaps that's where you should start! Now if you don't mind, I've got a dying man's soul to take care of!

[Mahumd notices someone leave his real father's room, unaware that it is a Rabbi]
Mahmud Nasir: Dad?
[Tries to hug him]
Rabbi: Ugh! I don't think so. Firstly, you appear to be Muslim.
Mahmud Nasir: Yes, I'm sorry.
Rabbi: And secondly, I'm perhaps five years younger than you.
Mahmud Nasir: Yes, you're right. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Is Izzy Shimshillewitz in there?
Rabbi: Yes.
Mahmud Nasir: Can I go in, please?
Rabbi: Uh, I'm afraid not.
Mahmud Nasir: No, you don't understand. I'm his son, I think.
Rabbi: Do you have some sort of syndrome?
Mahmud Nasir: No, no, my real parents were Jews. I was adopted. I've just found out my birth name is Shimshillewitz.
Rabbi: Really? And you're definitely Isaac's son, are you?
Mahmud Nasir: Yes, yes... well, I must be.
Rabbi: Look, I'm sorry, but as Mr. Shimshillewitz is Rabbi, I have to think of his welfare first. He's a very sick man, now.
Mahmud Nasir: Then you have to let me in.
Rabbi: Look at you! A Muslim son? He's an observant Jew. It'd kill him stone dead.
Mahmud Nasir: What must I do?
Rabbi: What do you know about Jews?
Mahmud Nasir: They've got big noses? They like money... oh, they do. Uh, sportsmen?
Rabbi: OK, so the answer is nothing. Look, what you have to do, and quickly, is think about what it means to be a Jew, OK? And then we'll think about letting you in. Oh, and by the way, when you thought I was your Dad, sort of a shrivelled old man... was it because of the hairless thing? Because that is genetic. OK?
[Mahmud nods]