Professor Ian Duncan
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Quotes for
Professor Ian Duncan (Character)
from "Community" (2009)

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"Community: Abed's Uncontrollable Christmas (#2.11)" (2010)
Professor Ian Duncan: Abed, how many fingers am I holding up, and more importantly, are they still made of clay?
Abed Nadir: Three, and I told you, it's not clay. We're silicone bodies with ball-and-socket armatures.
Professor Ian Duncan: Very interesting, and publishable.

Troy Barnes: Who taught you therapy, Michael Jackson's dad?
Professor Ian Duncan: I am a professional, and you are interfering with a very fragile book deal... I mean, human being.

Pierce Hawthorne: Hey! Look what you did to the kid. What's your article gonna be called - "Worst Shrink Ever"?
Professor Ian Duncan: Hey, this is not my fault. This is what Christmas does to people. We put too much meaning into it, and it lets us down.
Jeff Winger: We beg to differ.
Professor Ian Duncan: What are you doing back here?
Troy Barnes: Saving Christmas.
Annie Edison: Everybody, point your magic Christmas weapons at him.
Professor Ian Duncan: Oh, brother. This is ridiculous. You are enabling a delusion.
Jeff Winger: The delusion you're trying to cure is called Christmas, Duncan.
Annie Edison: It's the crazy notion that the longest, coldest, darkest nights can be the warmest and brightest.
Britta Perry: Yeah, and when we all agree to support each other in that insanity, something even crazier happens.
Annie Edison: It becomes true.
Troy Barnes: Works every year. Like clockwork.

Professor Ian Duncan: Try telling that to your catatonic friend.
Shirley Bennett: I got a better idea. Why don't we sing it?
Britta Perry: Wait, what?
Jeff Winger: Yeah, let's not go overboard.
Shirley Bennett: Will you two commit to something for a change?
Jeff Winger: Let's sing it!
Britta Perry: Yeah, let's sing.
Troy Barnes: Can we sing while we blow Duncan away?
Jeff Winger: Absolutely.
[everyone fire their magic weapons at Duncan]
Shirley Bennett: You start, Britta.
[the characters break out in song]
Britta Perry: Christmas time is a time to sing. That's what Christmas is for.
Annie Edison: Christmas can even be a hannukkah thing. That's what Christmas is for.
Shirley Bennett: And for a huge percentage of this God-fearing planet it's about the birth of Jesus Christ.
Jeff Winger: But for the rest of us it's still a good time to remember that it's good to be nice.
Pierce Hawthorne: Music and cookies and liquor and trees. That's what Christmas is for.
Troy Barnes: Video games for two straight weeks. That's what Christmas is for.
Annie Edison: Hanging out with the people you love.
Jeff Winger, Annie Edison: And saying I love you.
Britta Perry: That's what Christmas is...
Shirley Bennett, Britta Perry, Jeff Winger, Troy Barnes, Annie Edison, Pierce Hawthorne: That's what Christmas is... That's what Christmas is for!

"Community: Pilot (#1.1)" (2009)
Jeff Winger: I discovered at a very early age that if I talk long enough, I can make anything right or wrong. So either I'm God or truth is relative. In either case, booyah!
Duncan: Interesting, it's just that the average person has a much harder time saying 'booyah' to moral relativism.

Duncan: I'm a Professor. You can't talk to me that way!
Jeff Winger: A 6 year old girl could talk to you that way!
Duncan: Yes, because that would be adorable.
Jeff Winger: No, because you're a 5 year old girl and theres a pecking order!

Jeff Winger: I'm in a bit of a jam. The Bar Association just suspended my license. Turns out my law degree was not legitimate.
Duncan: I thought you had a Bachelor's from Columbia.
Jeff Winger: Now I have to get one from America. And it can't be an e-mail attachment.

Duncan: Have you ever heard of the saying "Cheaters never prosper"?
Jeff Winger: Duncan, if I wanted to learn something, I wouldn't have gone to community college.

"Community: Social Psychology (#1.4)" (2009)
Dr. Ian Duncan: He's ruined the study. He's warped the Duncan Principle! Damn you, you outlying piece of datum!

Dr. Ian Duncan: The Duncan principle is simple. The longer the ego waits, the more ground is taken by the id, resulting in a predictable emotional eruption... better known to ma and pa as a good old-fashioned tantrum!

Dr. Ian Duncan: You! You did this! You've ruined the Duncan principle!
Annie Edison: You told me to bring two subjects.
Dr. Ian Duncan: Subjects, not Rain Man over there! Little Annie Fannie Panties in a bunch!
Annie Edison: Oh, really? Why don't you try going to the dentist once in a while?
Dr. Ian Duncan: Let me answer that question with another question!
Dr. Ian Duncan: [blows raspberry]

"Community: Applied Anthropology and Culinary Arts (#2.22)" (2011)
Troy Barnes: Professor Duncan, you are such a great teacher when you're drinking.
Professor Duncan: Thank you, Daryl.
Abed Nadir: It's Troy.
Troy Barnes: Hey, if the man wants to give "Daryl" an A, let him do it.

Professor Duncan: Throw paper balls at her head til she sits down.

"Community: Advanced Criminal Law (#1.5)" (2009)
Jeff Winger: Cheers.
Abed: M.A.S.H.
Dr. Ian Duncan: Fawlty Towers, game over.

"Community: The Psychology of Letting Go (#2.3)" (2010)
Professor Ian Duncan: I'm actually not drunk and I can prove it. I blew bellow the legal limit just this morning.

"Community: Messianic Myths and Ancient Peoples (#2.5)" (2010)
Professor Ian Duncan: Open your books, because Abed has broken the Internet.

"Community: Pascal's Triangle Revisited (#1.25)" (2010)
Professor Michelle Slater: [Talking to an obviously drunk Duncan] Who has your car keys?
Professor Ian Duncan: They're in the taco meat.