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Quotes for
Bill Maxwell (Character)
from "Robot Chicken" (2005)

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"The Greatest American Hero: The Greatest American Heroine (#3.14)" (1986)
Bill Maxwell: It was gonna be a very extensive search, because old Ralph couldn't pick his trusted friend, Maxwell, who was obviously best suited for the job and to receive El Suito. No, no, he had to pick somebody new.

Bill Maxwell: Ralph, you did it to me, didn't you?
[looks at Pam]
Bill Maxwell: He did it, didn't he?
Bill Maxwell: You picked a skirt!
Pam Davidson Hinkley: He picked a woman.

Bill Maxwell: I didn't know that you had any. Kids.
Holly Hathaway: Oh, eh, Sarah, she's not really mine. I'm her foster parent.
Bill Maxwell: Oh...
Holly Hathaway: It's hard to believe that somebody would just throw a child like her out, isn't it?
Bill Maxwell: Yeah, it's got me stumped.

Bill Maxwell: [whips out his badge] Ok, welcome to trouble with Maxwell. Failure to answer the question gets you an all expenses paid vacation at the fed pen of your choice. Courtesy of that super power to the South.
Bartender: F.B.I.?
Bill Maxwell: F.B.I.!
Holly Hathaway: F.B.I.

Bill Maxwell: Ralph, you really did it to me didn't you? He did it, didn't he? You picked a skirt!
Pam Davidson: He picked a *woman*.

Ralph Hinkley: Bill, I passed it on. The suit.
Bill Maxwell: You passed on the suit? To somebody... else? Without even asking, without running it by me, without checkin- How could you do that to me kid?
Ralph Hinkley: It's right Bill. I know it is. Now the green guys said, that when I found the right person I would know it and I know it Bill! She's the right person Bill, isn't she the right person?
Bill Maxwell: Yeah, well she may be the right person for *him*, but what about- She?
Ralph Hinkley: What did I tell you?
Pam Davidson Hinkley: Hang tough, hun.
Bill Maxwell: Ralph! You did it to me, didn't you? He did it, didn't he? You picked a skirt!
Pam Davidson Hinkley: He *picked* a woman.
Bill Maxwell: No! That's bad enough you wouldn't fight for your own pal Maxwell, to get the suit. That's- that's hard enough to swallow. Now you got me paired up with Nancy Drew!
Ralph Hinkley: Holly Hathaway.
Bill Maxwell: Who?
Ralph Hinkley: Holly...
Bill Maxwell: Who cares?
Ralph Hinkley: Bill, give her a chance. I already told her all about you.
Pam Davidson Hinkley: But he lied, so you're safe.

Sarah Hathaway: You must be Mr. Maxwell. My name is Sarah, I live here. Can I get you something to drink?
Bill Maxwell: Well, uh... stiff scotch wouldn't be bad.
Sarah Hathaway: We don't encourage alcohol in our home, Mr. Maxwell. If you need scotch to help you through a situation, then you may have the beginnings of a serious social problem.
Bill Maxwell: How old are you?
Sarah Hathaway: Almost seven. How about you?
Bill Maxwell: None of your business.
Sarah Hathaway: You look about fifty. You ever have a facelift?
Bill Maxwell: No, I never have. How about you?
Sarah Hathaway: I'm too young.
Bill Maxwell: Oh.
Sarah Hathaway: You touch up your hair yourself or have it done?
Bill Maxwell: I bet you got some chores to do somewhere or something, don't you?
Sarah Hathaway: Are you trying to get rid of me?
Sarah Hathaway: Yeah.
Sarah Hathaway: You're sort of an uptight kind of guy, aren't you Mr. Maxwell?
Bill Maxwell: I'm not applying for a job here, kiddo. I can do without the interview, OK?
Sarah Hathaway: I'm just trying to get to know you. You wanna hear the questions I ask the guys Holly dates?

"The Greatest American Hero: The Greatest American Hero (#1.1)" (1981)
Bill Maxwell: [meeting Tony for the first time] If you're looking for trouble, you've just come across the West Coast distributor.

Bill Maxwell: If I'm not supposed to run this show, then why did our friends from the twilight zone put me aboard?
Pam Davidson: Comic relief?

Bill Maxwell: [to Pam] You cannot step off a roller coaster, honey, just because it's going too fast.
Ralph Hinkley: He's right. We're in this, we have to do something.
Bill Maxwell: Whoa. Correct me if I'm wrong, but is this not our very first point of agreement, on anything?
Ralph Hinkley: I believe it is, Bill.
Bill Maxwell: Well, a ray of sunshine. Shall we dance?

Pam Davidson: Are you saying this insanity has something to do with getting Taft in the Oval Office?
Bill Maxwell: Well, we're just running it past the scanner, sweetheart, trying to find a little radio activity.

Bill Maxwell: Well, what I got here, what you don't got, Mr. Hinkley, is a dead partner. If you will recall, somebody shot him full o' holes, which is a definite no-no in my book. That's the same one I mentioned a moment ago, the one I go by.

"The Greatest American Hero: The Good Samaritan (#2.19)" (1982)
Ralph Hanley: Bill, now let's think a minute. Why did the extra-terrestrial beings give us, give me the suit? I mean, I don't know anything about international espionage or high-tech crime!
[Voice breaks on the last word]
Bill Maxwell: You're gonna have to put some more honey in your tea Ralph. You're about to lose it all together.

Bill Maxwell: Suppose, that I can prove to you that this Torchy Tanner is the guy that I say he is, and that he was there to rip-off the building, and that you used the suit to make a hero out of a real slime ball. Now would you give up on this, huh? Would you? Would you? Would you?
Ralph Hanley: [sighs] I don't know.
Bill Maxwell: C'mon! You'd do it for Bill. Old Uncle Bill. Old Uncle Wild Bill. Who loves you baby. Huh? Huh? Huh?
Pam Davidson: You're overdoing it, Uncle Bill.

"The Greatest American Hero: It's All Downhill from Here (#2.16)" (1982)
Bill Maxwell: [With emphasis] Ralph, this is Robert Alan Kline.
Ralph Hanley: Bill, I don't care if the guy knows James Bond! He can at least be polite!
Bill Maxwell: He *is* James Bond, Ralph. Can you get that? Now put a lid on it, before I wind up working in a parking lot.

Ralph Hanley: I get so angry Bill, these guys treat us like we're a couple of amateurs and we're the only two people up here that can crack this thing!
Bill Maxwell: Yeah! CIA stands for creeps in action. If they just open up with the info, we could crack this thing like an Easter egg.

"The Greatest American Hero: It's Only Rock and Roll (#3.11)" (1983)
Ralph Hinkley: Pam... Pam will be out in a minute.
Bill Maxwell: Well, uh... don't tell her to hurry, uh. We don't want get there early you know to uh... stadium full of a hard thousand uh... screamin', stompin' kids.
Ralph Hinkley: Bill, c'mon! That's just Dak's way of saying thank you. Besides, do you know how many people would give their eye, tooth to sit front row center at an Elvira concert?
Bill Maxwell: Do you have any idea the statistics of kids that go deaf at these things? We're all going to wind up uh... watching TV shows with closed captions here!
Ralph Hinkley: Bill. You're wearing guns to a concert? C'mon!
Bill Maxwell: You can't be too careful at a place like that.

"The Greatest American Hero: Captain Bellybuster and the Speed Factory (#2.20)" (1982)
Ralph Hinkley: Bill, are you alright?
Bill Maxwell: [Panting] Just a little... cardiac seizure, no problem. How can a guy... that looks like he's smuggling basketballs run so fast?
Mickey Michaelson: Who are you?
Ralph Hinkley: He's a friend.

"The Greatest American Hero: There's Just No Accounting... (#2.18)" (1982)
Bill Maxwell: [after Ralph breaks Bill's car door] Ralph! What are my going to tell Carlisle?
Ralph Hanley: Does he even ask anymore?
Bill Maxwell: Yes! He does ask! Every day, about the cars.

"The Greatest American Hero: Vanity, Says the Preacher (#3.13)" (1983)
Pam Davidson Hinkley: [Viewing old footage of Bill when he was younger] Oh my God, Bill. That's really you! You did it.
Bill Maxwell: Do you have to sound so surprised?
Ralph Hinkley: You weren't half bad looking, Bill. What happened?
Bill Maxwell: Keep the jokes coming, kiddo. I love 'em, but that's me and I did it.