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: I lost my virginity in the 5th grade. Ray Hueston
: What was his name? Sal Vitale
: Father Francis.
: I want to thank both of you for supporting me in this whole thing. I know it's delusional behavior, but important to me. Ray Hueston
: I like being delusional. Jonathan Ames
: Yeah, me too. We're delusional together.
: [after Leah kisses him in bed
] I'm sorry I can't tonight. That guy eviscerated me. My penis is totally recessed. Leah
: What? Ray Hueston
: When I was a little kid I used to like to push my penis in, to make it look like it disappeared. Today that happened all by itself.
[Curls into a fetal position
: You didn't sodomize her, did you? Jonathan Ames
: No! Ray Hueston
: That's too bad.
: [talking about George
] I just don't understand why he's having an affair with his ex-wife, it's like a waste of a divorce.
: Jonathan, I consider myself a very open-minded friend. Half the people I know are disturbed. But you cannot just go around and say that you're a detective. You can't mess with other people's lives like that. You can barely lead your own life.