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Quotes for
Paul Buchanan (Character)
from "Monk" (2002)

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"Monk: Mr. Monk Is at Your Service (#5.12)" (2007)
Paul Buchanan: [meets Monk for the job interview] All right, so you're here from the agency. Where's your resume?
Adrian Monk: I lost it.
Paul Buchanan: You lost your resume. Well that doesn't bode well, does it. What's your name?
Adrian Monk: Adrian...
Paul Buchanan: Adrian?
Adrian Monk: [looks at the spine of a copy of the book "Moby Dick" by Herman Melville] Melville. Adrian Melville.

Paul Buchanan: Tell me, Melville. Who have you worked with? Anybody I know.
Adrian Monk: Hmmm, I don't think so. Leland Stottlemeyer of the San Francisco... Stottlemeyers, Randy Disher, Dr. Charles Kroger...
Paul Buchanan: Never heard of them.
Adrian Monk: ...and Natalie Teeger.
Paul Buchanan: Natalie? She grew up right down the street. I went to school with her when she was still Natalie Davenport. She had a big crush on me and wouldn't leave me alone.
Adrian Monk: Is that right?
[referring to the fact that earlier, Natalie told him that Paul Buchanan beat up her boyfriend in high school]
Paul Buchanan: How does she look? Does she still have that tattoo?
Adrian Monk: [surprised] She has a tattoo?
Paul Buchanan: Well you wouldn't have seen it, not where she put it.
[He takes a drink]
Paul Buchanan: Look, I'm having a big luncheon on Sunday. A bunch of the old fossils from the family foundation. Do you think Natalie would show up? It would make the afternoon a whole lot better.
Adrian Monk: I don't think... maybe.
Paul Buchanan: Well, Adrian Melville, I go with my gut, and my gut likes what it sees. If Natalie Teeger recommends you, that's good enough for me. Congratulations, you're my new butler.

[Paul Buchanan finishes looking at the completed luncheon table that Monk has carefully organized and straightened out]
Paul Buchanan: Well I don't have to remind you about how important these stupid luncheons are! The old bats are gunning for me. They want me to screw up, they *expect* me to screw up! And I intend to dissapoint them. Mr. Melville.
Adrian Monk: [standing in front of a covered canvas] Thank you. Mr. Pepperidge?
[Mr. Pepperidge pulls the tarp off the canvas, revealing a map of the house]
Adrian Monk: I've divided the house into four zones.
Susie the Maid: Mr. Stilson normally has us start in the kitchen.
Adrian Monk: [retracts his pointer] Mr. Stilson is no longer with us. So from now on we're going to be cleaning the house my way. The Monk way.
Susie the Maid: Who's Monk?
Adrian Monk: [quickly improvising so as to avoid blowing his cover] You see... I grew up in a monastery and the monks were very demanding. We were cleaning constantly, 18 hours a day. Mostly dusting. It was very dusty. Crypts, catacombs, it was holy dust. But still... you know... dust. And that is the Monk way.
Paul Buchanan: Well you heard the man. We'll be doing it the Monk way.

911 Dispatcher: [on the 9-1-1 call] 9-1-1. What is your emergency?
Paul Buchanan: [impersonating his father] My wife! She's dead!
911 Dispatcher: Where are you?
Paul Buchanan: On Sweeney Road. Right near Spider Lake. I'm feeling her pulse! She's definitely dead! She's not breathing, her neck is broken. I don't think I can
[fakes coughing, simulating a heart attack]
Paul Buchanan: Oh God! I can't breath!
911 Dispatcher: Are you all right?
Paul Buchanan: My heart!
[the line goes dead]

Edward Stilson: It won't happen again.
Paul Buchanan: You got that right.
[pulls out a gun and shoots Stilson on the spot]
Paul Buchanan: [Then, to the dead body... ] Thank you, Stilson. That will be all.
[He then burns one of Stilson's letters]