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: I'm not sure I understand why you have to try all this stuff too. Erik
: Don't you know anything about scientific method? Dexter
: A little. Erik
: Well you have to have a control group, so you can see if the results are uniform.
] I'm sorry. Erik
: I'm sorry too. I shoulda tried harder. Linda
: Tried what? Erik
: To find the cure. Linda
: Come here sweetie. You did, you did. Everything that was sent in Dexter's life was sad, alone, you made it go away. Dexter was happy to have you as a friend.
: One time there was this kid, and he went swimming after eating, and he got a stomach cramp and he started to drown, but the sturgeon general grabbed him by his shirt and put him on the shore.
[Looking at a Playboy magazine
: This doesn't look like my mom. Erik
: These aren't moms. These are women. This is what they're supposed to look like.
: This is stupid. Erik
: Yeah? Well, about twenty years ago there was this guy. He noticed some mold growing on his bread and he started feeding it to people. Everybody said he was stupid. You know what it turned out to be? Aspirin!
: Hey! What would you do if I come over there and whopped your ass? Dexter
: How long would that take? Erik
: 'Bout 10 seconds. Dexter
: I'd wait till you're finished and then I'd continue working on my mud fort. Erik
: You mean you'd just let me beat you up? Dexter
: I'd try to stop you but I probably wouldn't be able to, I'm not very big. Erik
: Well in that case it'd only take 5 seconds. Dexter
: So is that what you're gonna do? Erik
: Maybe later. Dexter
: Hello? You still there?
: Suppose you kept going another 18 billion light years, what if there's nothing out there? Suppose you kept going another trillion times further, so far out you see nothing. The light from the universe would be fainter than the faintest star. Infinitely cold. Infinitely dark. Sometimes if I wake up and it's dark, I get really scared, like I'm out there and I'm never coming back. Erik
: Here, hold onto this when you sleep. And if you wake up and you're scared, you'll say, "Wait a minute. I'm holding Eric's shoe. Why the hell would I be holding some smelly basketball shoe a trillion light years from the universe? I must be here on earth, safe in my sleeping bag, and Eric must be close by."
: Hey, Erika. How's your new boyfriend next door? Erik
: He's not next door, he's behind me. I ain't never even seen him. Tyler
: "I ain't never even seen him." Who are your neighbors then? Gomer Pyle and his brother Guber? Erik
: Eat shit. Tyler
: What was that? Hey come back here, Faggot! Hey I said come back here!
Garbage Truck Driver
: Hey get out of the road! Go on! Erik
: What about your little brother when he fell off the monkey bars at school and got real hurt, they had to take him to the hospital. He could've caught something then. Tyler
: But he didn't. Erik
: But he could've. Then everybody would be calling him faggot and queer, and he'd get sick and die. And they'd write 'Homo' on his headstone. And when your mother went to bring him flowers, she'd see Little Eddie Horner Homo. But you know what the worst part about it would be? Probably before he died a bunch of assholes like you who ain't sick, thought it might be fun just to beat the shit out of him!
: So they think I'm a faggot. And now all of a sudden I'm yelling the same stuff at them. Well they know I'm not a faggot, 'cause a faggot wouldn't yell "faggot" back. That's why you should've yelled "faggot" too. Dexter
: I wouldn't feel right saying that. Erik
: Why the hell not?
: This one is the worst yet! Erik
: My grandma says, the worse it tastes, the better it works. Dexter
: Your K-Mart clerk grandma? Erik
: Hey thanks for moving in here. Now all the kids at school call me "faggot" and walk on the other side of the hall. Dexter
: I gotta live somewhere.
[Reading a Playboy magazine
: It says she was born in 1975. Erik
: She doesn't look that old.
: Where do bugs go to the bathroom? Erik
: It's not on leaves. Not even bugs are stupid enough to shit on their own food. Dexter
: [They make a tea from some found leaves
] Tastes like crap. Erik
: No shit, don't you know where bugs go to the bathroom?
: So, I hear your road to the Nobel Prize hit a few potholes? Erik
: More like the Grand Canyon.
: [while reading the newspaper
] Some women saw that little AIDS boy at Peterson's yesterday. Erik
: It's in the newspaper? Gail
: No. Jan told me. I seen him in his yard but I didn't know he left the house.
: Dexter, is Erik staying for dinner? Dexter
: Waka. Erik
: That means 'yes', white woman.
: Dexter was laughing his ass off. Dr. Jenson
: Oh, that's what happened to it. I thought he was just on a diet.
: So long, faggots! You got brains the size of boogers, you homo queer bastards!
: [Erik and Dexter were placed on an island, roasting hot dogs
] This sucks.
[His hot dog falls into the fire
: Dammit! This isn't fair! Pony
: What? Erik
: I said THIS SUCKS! Pony
: Ooh! "This sucks". "Gross, Man".
: It's 9:00! When I gave you the money, you said we were going STRAIGHT to New Orleans! Angle
: So you'll get there a couple days later, it's not gonna kill you. Erik
: Shut up, ANGLE! Pony
: Hey, YOU shut up, you little shit! Want me to swim over there and pound your ass?
: We really took this moron Pony to the cleaners. The money we gave him won't pay for half his gas. Dexter
: This boat is FROM New Orleans. He's on his way home. Erik
: Now what makes you think that?
[Walks to the back and peers down at the sign, "Floating Bayou, New Orleans, Louisiana"
: [They are opening candy bars in the store
] Are we allowed to do this? Erik
: Of course. How else you supposed to know what you're gonna get.
: Hey, how much you pay for that faggot? You guys took a wrong turn. This is a 'No Homo' zone. Erik
: I ain't a homo. And neither is he. He got it from a blood transfusion. Tyler
: Well then what's that awful smell? Erik
: Well see, we was walking across the grass when we accidentally stepped in your mother.
: Have to eat my lunch now. Erik
: Why don't you just eat whenever you're hungry? Dexter
: 'Cause if I only ate when I was hungry, I wouldn't be here.
: There's something I have to tell you. My mom likes to call me 'Sweetie'. Erik
: Ha ha ha. "Sweetie"? Dexter
: You gotta promise not to laugh. Linda
: [At dinner
] You want some more carrots, sweetie? Erik
: [as Linda goes to the kitchen; while laughing
] You didn't finish all your meat loaf, love muffin. Dexter
: Would you shut up?
: [fake crying
] Doctor, my friend... I think he is dead, and I don't know what to do...
: Why can't I go see Dad? Gail
: [thinks for a moment
] Well, call him. If he says "yes," I'll put you on the next plane. You know, you and his little friend Cindy could go to the movies and get in for half price. Erik
: She's 23, Mom. Gail
: Oh, amazing. Old enough to drink. Erik
: Yeah, but she doesn't.
: Do you have a girlfriend? Erik
: Yeah I had a girlfriend but I had to dump her, spend, spend, spend!