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Quotes for
Doc Heller (Character)
from Mystery Men (1999)

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Mystery Men (1999)
Dr. Heller: That's a high-temperature fabric adhesive liquid projector, based on simple dry-cleaning technology. You aim that at a guy, and I'll tell you something: his clothes get so tight he can't even breathe.

Dr. Heller: If you're gonna bust into that mansion, you're gonna need more than a station wagon.
Mr. Furious: At the auto yard, there's this old Herkimer Battle Jitney. Sally's always telling me to junk it!
Dr. Heller: Wait! You have a Herkimer Battle Jitney? That's the finest nonlethal military vehicle ever made!

[the team are working on the Herkimer Battle Jitney to prepare it for battle]
Dr. Heller: It's a process which results in an accelerated flow of electrons that creates such a powerful magnetic force.
Invisible Boy: So this is, basically, like a huge electromagnet.
Dr. Heller: Well, actually, it's an electro-nuclear-magnet. It's the next inevitable phase.

The Shoveller: Watch it, Spleen, you're going to kill someone with that thing!
Dr. Heller: Oh, no, no, no. All these weapons are completely non-lethal.
The Bowler: Wow. How wonderfully eccentric while simultaneously being a complete waste of our time. Good day, sir. I say good day.

The Shoveller: And what do you call this?
Dr. Heller: Careful, careful, that's a Blame Thrower!
The Shoveller: A Blame Thrower? Oops.
[He accidentally activates it]
The Shoveller: Oh, I'm sorry!
[Suddenly the team breaks out into screaming cross-talk as they blame each other for trivia. 'I'm sorry if I smell all the time,' etc. Heller comes to their help and powers the Thrower down]
The Spleen: I'm sorry.
The Bowler: I'm sorry.
[Spleen leans over for a hug, but Bowler waves him away with an admonitory finger]
The Bowler: No, no. No. No no no. No.
The Shoveller: Doctor, you *are* a genius.
Dr. Heller: That's what the card says.

[first lines]
Dr. Heller: [offering an old lady candy at the Senior dance] Would you like something sweet?
Old Lady: [impressed] Oh!

Dr. Heller: It's a psychofrakulator. It creates a cloud of radically-fluctuating free-deviant chaotrons which penetrate the synaptic relays. It's concatenated with a synchronous transport switch that creates a virtual tributary. It's focused onto a biobolic reflector and what happens is that hallucinations become reality and the brain is literally fried from within.

Dr. Heller: [On the couch watching TV News of the action] Did that frakulator work or what? What's the deal there?