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Quotes for
Earlie Cuyler (Character)
from "Squidbillies" (2005)

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"Squidbillies: Take This Job and Love It (#1.2)" (2005)
Earlie Cuyler: What time is it?
Lil: 'Bout 2:30.
Earlie Cuyler: What the? Damn, I'm two days and six hours late for work.

Earlie Cuyler: Where do I see myself in five beers?
Sheriff: Years.
Earlie Cuyler: Uhh, I don't know. Jail?

Earlie Cuyler: I do appreciate the generous offer, but knife here is the tool of the idiot. I listen to my gut and my gut tells me this ain't a fit, but my heart says this could work, and gut's a damn moron. So they get to carryin' on and then my brain chimes in saying I got to try my hand at the fast sex paced world of adult literature.
Sheriff: Hey Early, this here's a four-figure opportunity. You sure you don't want to sleep on it?
Earlie Cuyler: You wanna sleep forever? I said Adult Literature!

Dan Halen: I think what most impresses me, Earlie, is the effort and detail which you've clearly shown in urinating on my laptop.
Earlie Cuyler: I don't care to consort with those of the robot race.
Dan Halen: ...and why would you? I think that about covers it. Earlie, welcome to Dan Halen Sheetrock, International.

Dan Halen: So, under experience, you've listed here on your hat-shaped resume that you can skin a buck, run a trout line and that all your rowdy friends...
Earlie Cuyler: ...are comin' over tonight, y'sir.
Dan Halen: Earlie, you're the most inpressive squid I've interviewed for this position. Let's talk briefly about your work ethic.
Earlie Cuyler: Well, I don't think ethnics do no work. I mean, that's they problem, really. If you ain't like me, go hang from a damn tree.
Dan Halen: Overt racial prejudice... impressive, Earlie.
Earlie Cuyler: I thank you, kindly.


"Squidbillies: Frivolacious Squidigation? (#5.6)" (2010)
Granny: A fool and his money...
Earlie Cuyler: Together again!


"Squidbillies: Office Politics Trouble (#1.6)" (2005)
Dan Halen: But it needs a name. Something sexy, inviting, and sophisticated.
Earlie Cuyler: Glug.
Dan Halen: Yes! Erupt into a beve-RAGE this summer with "Glug"! That's the slogan. We'll add the word "Dawg" for the blacks; they like that word, like they're friends with the product!


"Squidbillies: Butt Trouble (#2.2)" (2006)
Earlie Cuyler: I turn my back for one damn three-day bender and you transaxulate yourself into a damn woman?