Annie Edison
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Quotes for
Annie Edison (Character)
from "Community" (2009)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
"Community: Romantic Expressionism (#1.15)" (2010)
Britta: What about Troy?
Annie Edison: The other day after Spanish I thought he was trying to hold my hand, but... he'd just mistaken me for Abed.

Annie Edison: Hey, guys! Thanks for getting involved in my love life, that was super cool and mature of you! Oh, and since you're both clearly idiots, I should probably let you know that I'm being sarcastic!
[storms out]
Troy: Hey, guys! Thanks for taking ugly Annie out of the palm of my hand and turning her into another hottie that will never get with me!
[storms out]
Leonard: Hey, guys! Thanks for eating all the macaroni!
Jeff Winger: Shut up, Leonard! No one even knows what you're talking about!
[Leonard leaves]
Jeff Winger: ...I did eat all the macaroni. It's messed up that he knows.

Britta: Fine! I cared. I'm a girly girl. I like boys, and I don't like it when they're mean to me, and I don't like it when they stop kissing me and start kissing my friends, I'm not that cool, I'm not JUNO, homeslice.
Jeff Winger: This is what this was about for you? You were jealous?
Britta: Oh, please. You can't tell me you weren't jealous that Vaughn had his hippie hands all over your debate-slash-make-out partner.
Annie Edison: What are you insinuating? I took that kiss for the team!
Jeff Winger: What?... yeah. That kiss wasn't for pleasure, it was strategic and joyless.
Annie Edison: What?... yeah.
Troy: You did get weirdly specific describing Annie's body.
Jeff Winger: More specific than the stuff you told me about Britta?
Britta, Annie Edison: What?
Shirley Bennett: Does anyone get specific about me?
Pierce Hawthorne: Check your e-mail.
Shirley Bennett: I mark you as spam.
Pierce Hawthorne: Who the hell is Pam?

Abed: When you guys first came in, we were as wholesome as the family in the Brady Bunch. Now we're as dysfunctional and incestuous as the cast of the Brady Bunch.
Shirley Bennett: I agree with Abed. This is getting creepy.
Annie Edison: No more creepy than when Jeff wears tight jeans and you say, "I'd like to slap those buns on the grill!"
Shirley Bennett: First of all, I don't talk like that, and second of all where I'm from it's perfectly normal for women to talk about their male friends' backsides. You don't see me saying anything about Abed and Troy's weird little relationship.
Abed, Troy: [to each other] They're just jealous.

Annie Edison: Vaughn wants to show me a cloud that looks like a pumpkin!

Annie Edison: Why are we even talking about this?
Jeff Winger: 'Cause you started having sex with Britta's ex-boyfriend.
Annie Edison: We haven't even kissed yet!
Pierce Hawthorne: That doesn't mean you're not having sex.

Britta: We see ourselves as your Greendale parents.
Annie Edison: You're not my mom, Britta. She would never wear boots that go that high. And what about treating me as a friend and an adult?
Britta: Oh, you wanna be treated as an adult and a friend. Then try not stealing your friend's ex-boyfriend. Find your own man.
Shirley Bennett: Ooh!
Annie Edison: But you don't like Vaughn.
Britta: No, I don't. I also don't like seeing him with anyone else. Tada!
Annie Edison: But you said it was okay.
Britta: Fine! I cared. I'm a girly-girl. I like boys and I don't like it when they're mean to me and I don't like it when they stop kissing me and start kissing my friends. I'm not that cool, okay, I'm not Juno, homeslice.

Troy: Tell him. Tell him you've been in love with me since high school.
Vaughn: Wait a minute. Is that true Mountain Flower?
Annie Edison: I never want to lie to you, so I will tell you that I did have a crush on him but it's over, I swear.
Vaughn: You swear? Just like Britta swore that she didn't give Jeff my poem and then I found him laughing at it with Pierce and that Sherri Shepherd lady? It's happening again. Your study group is evil. And you don't deserve ice cream.
[throws extra cone away]
Annie Edison: [gasp]


"Community: Conspiracy Theories and Interior Design (#2.9)" (2010)
Annie Edison: Jeff, you made up a professor, and he just appeared out of thin air. You're not the least bit curious how that happened?
Jeff Winger: My latest theory? Maybe I'm a god. I've denied the signs for too long.

Annie Edison: Do you understand what a conspiracy is? When you conspire with everyone you come across, you're not really conspiring with anyone. You're just doing random crap.

Annie Edison: This is so typical. You're just gonna blow off what happened?
Jeff Winger: Yes, especially when not blowing it off might cost me my free credit. Now, do me a favor. Be very un-Annie and blow it off too.
[Annie walks backwards in front of Jeff]
Annie Edison: Oh sure. Oh, I'll just blow it off. I'll just blow everything off. Heck, I guess I'll just blow off walking.
[She stops and Jeff bumps into her]
Jeff Winger: Okay.
Annie Edison: And now I'll just blow off standing.
[Falls to the floor. Jeff keeps walking]
Annie Edison: I'm just blowing everything off. I'll blow off talking language.
Jeff Winger: Okay.
Annie Edison: Blee blee blah blah bluh bluh bluh blah.

Annie Edison: Exactly: there's a conspiracy here. A dark, vast conspiracy that may just go all the way to the top.
Jeff Winger: This is Greendale, Annie. If there's a conspiracy, it goes all the way to *slightly* below the middle.

Jeff Winger: How about this one?
[He tries opening a door]
Annie Edison: No, that's Professor Hike's class. History of... something.
Jeff Winger: You can't pronounce it?
Annie Edison: No, it literally says "History of Something".
Jeff Winger: Let me see that.
[reading from the page]
Jeff Winger: "Principles of Intermediate"? "Studyology"? "Class 101"? Look: this one just says "Learning" with an exclamation point!


"Community: Cooperative Calligraphy (#2.8)" (2010)
Britta Perry: [while reading Abed's notebook] Oh my God, are you charting our menstral cycles?
Annie Edison: What? Gross!
Shirley Bennett: Abed, this is so personal... and so accurate.

Jeff Winger: All right. It's not on the floor, so whoever accidentally took it...
Annie Edison: Not accidentally! Accidents don't just happen over and over and over again, okay? This isn't budget daycare.
Jeff Winger: Okay. Whoever insidiously and with great malice aforethought abducted Annie's pen, confess, repent and relinquish so we can leave.

Annie Edison: Jeff, you're in charge. I demand you deal with this.
Jeff Winger: There's nothing to deal with.
Abed Nadir: I'll say.
Jeff Winger: Okay, all right, all right, everyone breathe. You know what this is?
Abed Nadir: Yep.
Jeff Winger: Shut up. This is a normal day with a bunch of friends who are done studying and a pen maybe rolled away.
Annie Edison: Rolled away?
Jeff Winger: Or fell down someone's shoe.
Annie Edison: Let's check shoes.
Jeff Winger: Annie! Fine, fine. Someone in this room is hiding your pen. Wanna know why? They feel terrible. They made a mistake. They waited too long to come forward and now they feel bad.
Britta Perry: They should.
Jeff Winger: Okay, okay. So, pen thief, we understand what happened, and we forgive you.
Annie Edison: If you confess and apologize.
Jeff Winger: Right, but here's the trick: Because this person now has no reason not to come forward, if by some chance, I get to the count of three and nobody comes forward, guess what. We have to accept that no one has the pen, don't we?
[everyone makes a half-hearted agreeing sound]
Jeff Winger: Don't we?
[everyone makes the same sound again]
Jeff Winger: Good. So here we go. One. Two.
[Pierce raises his hand, and everyone points at him in an accusative way. Annie gasps]
Jeff Winger: Pierce, do you have something to tell us?
Pierce Hawthorne: Yes. Is it me, or has it become really obvious that Jeff took the pen?
[different people agree with this at the same time]
Jeff Winger: [angrily] You wanna make a bet, you jerks? Lockdown! Abed, seal the doors. Nobody leaves until this pen shows up.
Abed Nadir: I don't like this.
Jeff Winger: Yeah, tell it to the pen you might have.
[Jeff puts his phone to his ear]
Jeff Winger: Gwynnifer? Hi. Yeah, it's me. I can't make it. Well, tell your disappointment to suck it. I'm doing a bottle episode.
[hangs up and throws his phone away]

Abed Nadir: You're last up, Shirley. Dump your comedically huge bag and end this.
Shirley Bennett: Uh. No, thank you.
Annie Edison: Well, well, well, Harvey Keitel.
Troy Barnes: Well, what do you know, Henry David Thoreau?
Britta Perry: My oh my, Mike Ty... son. Just empty the bag.
Shirley Bennett: No, I don't have Annie's pen. I'm simply a Christian woman who doesn't open her bag.
[a minute later, she tries to leave. Pierce blocks her]
Pierce Hawthorne: Nice try, Stephen Fry.
Britta Perry: [frustrated] Stephen Fry!

Britta Perry: Let's rustle through your tampons and wallet so we can apologize to you.
Shirley Bennett: I'm sure everybody here knows I don't steal.
Annie Edison: Have you checked your bag, Shirley? If you took it by mistake, I forgive you.
Britta Perry: If I took it, it's larceny. If you find it under mother hen, it's a mistake.
Shirley Bennett: Mother hen? We're about the same age.
Britta Perry: Sure, unless time is linear.
Shirley Bennett: I'll make your ass linear!
Britta Perry: That doesn't make any sense.
Shirley Bennett: I'll make your ass sense.


"Community: Comparative Religion (#1.12)" (2009)
Shirley: Uh, quick question. Are you all coming to my Christmas party right after the final, or are you stopping home to change into your Christmas outfits?
Annie: [Breaking the silence] I guess I could wear one of my Hanukkah sweaters.
Shirley: Uh, Annie.
[Uncomfortable]
Shirley: I didn't know you weren't, uh, Christian.
Annie: Yep. One might even say I'm Jewish.
Shirley: [Faking tolerance] Oh, tha-that's good for you. Tha-that's wonderful. I respect all religions of the world.
Abed: I'm Muslim.
Troy: Jehovah's Witness.
Britta: Atheist.
Shirley: [With raised eyebrows] The Lord is testing me.

Annie: WWBJD?
Pierce Hawthorne: If that stands for "What Would Billy Joel Do?" I'll tell you right now: he'd write another crappy song.
[extends fist to Troy]
Troy: ...yeah, in your face, Billy Joel!
[mouths to Annie]
Troy: Who is that?
Annie: [mouths] I don't know.

Shirley: I did my best to create a special Christmas for my *one* intact family... and this is the thanks I get.
Annie: Shirley, you are a guilt machine.
Pierce Hawthorne: And Annie knows a thing or two about guilt. Am I right, Jew?
Annie: Say the whole word!
Pierce Hawthorne: ...Jewie?

Señor Chang: All of you are moving on. Except for Jeff. Turns out you will be seeing me next semester... in Spanish 102... because he passed. And I'm the only Spanish teacher?
Annie: Yay!
[pause]
Annie: I mean, for Jeff passing. You being our Spanish teacher? Eh.

Annie: [to a Baby Jesus figurine] We know you were one of us.


"Community: Regional Holiday Music (#3.10)" (2011)
Annie Edison: I'll be at the movies with my bubbe.
Troy Barnes: You're not taking both of them?
Annie Edison: Well, one's dead.
Troy Barnes: What?

Annie Edison: I feel like we let Mr. Rad down.
Jeff Winger: No, he let himself down by coming in this morning wearing a sweater vest.

Troy Barnes: We expected this from the others, but you, Pierce? Your generation invented music.
Pierce Hawthorne: Well, I wouldn't say invented. Perfected, maybe.
Annie Edison: Pierce! He's just trying to pander to your demographic's well-documented historical vanity.

Annie Edison: They found a way to make the Greendale Human Being creepier: hanging icicles on him.
Shirley Bennett: I like it. I think it's festive.
Jeff Winger: My favorite Christmas tradition is decorating the Hellraiser.

Annie Edison: Where's our table?
Pierce Hawthorne: And who's that guy?
[we see a man sitting behind a piano]
Pierce Hawthorne: You all see him too, right?


"Community: Modern Warfare (#1.23)" (2010)
Abed Nadir: [Hears singing in the distance] Glee club.
Britta Perry: How do you know it's the Glee Club?
Abed Nadir: Listen.
Annie Edison: [Hears them sing a rendition of "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" by Pat Benatar] Oh, brother!
[Gets up]
Annie Edison: That is *so* uninspired!
[Gets shot]
Jeff Winger: I'm not so sure...

Annie Edison: Let's get back to Britta and Jeff.
Jeff Winger: There is no Britta and Jeff!
Pierce Hawthorne: He said, fully erect.

Shirley Bennett: They remind me of Sam and Diane. I hated Sam and Diane.
Annie Edison: Who are Sam and Diane?
Shirley Bennett: All right, we get it. You're young.

Annie Edison: Freeze Mamma-jamma!


"Community: Investigative Journalism (#1.13)" (2010)
Annie Edison: You expect me to watch you do that without telling on you?
Jeff Winger: That's a hard-hitting question, Annie. Are you a reporter?
Annie Edison: No, they've got me editing the crossword because I'm a girl. And because I love crosswords!
Jeff Winger: Well, now you love the streets. You're my ace news hound.
Annie Edison: Ace? You can do that?
Jeff Winger: We can do anything we want. It's Greendale. Now go find me that story.
[Annie leaves]
Abed: This character reboot is really gelling for you, Jeff. That was all classic Hawkeye. Sending soldiers out for liquor. Slyly sidestepping the problematic scrutiny of Annie "Hotlips" Edison. I should build you a still for making Hawkeye martinis.
Jeff Winger: Of all your pop culture fixations, this is one I can work with, Abed.
Abed: Call me Radar?
Jeff Winger: When you've earned it.

Pierce Hawthorne: [Wearing a "World's Greatest Grandpa" t-shirt] Guess what happened to me.
Annie Edison: Oh, Pierce, you became a grandfather?
Pierce Hawthorne: No, I became even cooler. These ironic t-shirts are all the rage.

Britta Perry: Guys! Guys, let's take a vote.
Abed: Secret vote. Everybody cover your eyes.
Annie Edison: We won't know the results.
Abed: Well, say your vote out loud.
Shirley Bennett: We'll know each other's voices.
Pierce Hawthorne: Troy's got a point.

Britta Perry: Vacations are wasted on the young. You guys gotta get out there and see the world at some point, or you're gonna miss your entire lives.
Annie Edison: Where did you go, Britta?
Britta Perry: Amsterdam, I think. I'll know more when I find my camera.


"Community: Football, Feminism and You (#1.6)" (2009)
Annie Edison: Troy, I've been waiting for an hour!
Troy: It's all right, I'm worth it. Hip, hop, body don't stop, Riverside got the broom, don't need a mop. Put your team in a box, put a ribbon on top, we're not John Kerry 'cause we don't flip flop. Say ohhh...
Annie Edison: Troy. Why are you doing our politically conservative high school's shamefully outdated fight rap?

Annie Edison: [Holding a sign that says 'Deploy Troy!'] They deploy things in football, right? I went for rhyme over clarity.

Jeff Winger: I just think we were both wrong.
Annie Edison: Really? Because I'm an 18-year-old girl, and you made me cry in public.
Jeff Winger: Okay, maybe I was a little more wrong.

Annie Edison: Aha! I've been following you... How much did Dean pay to make Troy play football?
Jeff Winger: I'm not having a conversation with someone who emerges from a bush.
Annie Edison: Because I'm right?
Jeff Winger: No, because I'm not in a commercial for breakfast cereal.


"Community: Physical Education (#1.17)" (2010)
Annie Edison: Señor Chang, can you tell us who had this Spanish book last year?
Señor Chang: [Looks over book, puts it to his forehead and mumbles as he strokes a fake beard] Jenny Adams.
Pierce Hawthorne: Oh, please. If all Chinese were psychic, they'd have invented birth control years ago.
Señor Chang: Her name's on the front of the book, morons.

Señor Chang: [to Annie] Them I understand, but how did you not think of that?
Annie Edison: I may have been distracted by Britta's pronunciation of the word "bagel."
Señor Chang: How do you say "bagel"?
Britta Perry: I don't.
Señor Chang: Come on.
Britta Perry: Bag-el.
Señor Chang: Ugh. You're the worst.

Annie Edison: We have a name. It's Jenny Adams.
Pierce Hawthorne: See it's a fat girl's name. Might as well be called Gravy Jones.


"Community: Urban Matrimony and the Sandwich Arts (#3.11)" (2012)
Britta Perry: When are we going to outgrow this outmoded concept of marriage?
Annie Edison: What, you're anti-weddings now?
Jeff Winger: No, she's just pro-anti.

Britta Perry: It may surprise you to hear this, but I come from a long line of wives and mothers.
Annie Edison: Many people do.

Annie Edison: "Webster's Dictionary defines"? That's the Jim Belushi of speech openings. It accomplishes nothing, but everyone keeps using it and nobody knows why.


"Community: Interpretive Dance (#1.14)" (2010)
Britta Perry: Troy and I have something we'd like to tell you.
[takes Troy's hand]
Annie Edison: [gasps]
Britta Perry: Oh, no, no.

Annie Edison: ..."Our library's back door conundrum."
Abed Nadir: Sounds like a porno with Kate Winslet.

Annie Edison: Before we start, I'd like to have a preliminary pow wow, or prelimiwow, about what I'm calling our library's backdoor conundrum.
Abed Nadir: Sounds like a porno with Kate Winslet.
Annie Edison: Abed, Ew.


"Community: Debate 109 (#1.9)" (2009)
Jeff Winger: Ugh!
Annie Edison: What's wrong?
Jeff Winger: I have this weird pain right above my eyebrow.
Annie Edison: It's called a stress headache. I got my first one when I was four.
Jeff Winger: I hate it!
Annie Edison: Well get used to it! You're knee-deep in it now, brother. This is debate!

Jeremy Simmons: [after he propels himself from his wheelchair and Jeff catches him] He hates me, yet he caught me. Man is good.
[Annie kisses Jeff, who then drops Simmons]
Annie Edison: He was horny, so he dropped him. Man is evil.

Annie Edison: Maybe Simmons is right. You really are all sizzle and no steak. You probably couldn't beat him if you tried.
Jeff Winger: What do you mean I can't beat him? You and I are going to study harder than we've ever studied before and beat City College tomorrow.
Annie Edison: Really?
Jeff Winger: No. Who am I? iCarly?


"Community: Cooperative Polygraphy (#5.4)" (2014)
Annie Edison: [about Troy leaving] Somebody say something! Abed?
Abed Nadir: Cool. Cool cool cool.
Mara: That's a lie.

Jeff Winger: I know what Pierce is referring to. I have a box of "forgotten items" in my apartment. I happen to be a single male, visitors leave things.
Mr. Stone: Is one of your trophies a pair of Ms. Perry's panties?
Britta Perry: [gasps] You told me a hawk stole them! You exploited me, and made me believe in a slightly more magical world!
Abed Nadir: If you want to collect women's underwear, can't you just buy them?
Jeff Winger: They have to be won in battle.
Annie Edison: Ugh! Gross!
Shirley Bennett: [simultaneously] Jeffrey!
Troy Barnes: Awesome.

Annie Edison: I know you know it's wrong to do that without telling us, shame on you!
Abed Nadir: Okay, I'm ashamed.
Abed Nadir, Mara: Lie!


"Community: Politics of Human Sexuality (#1.11)" (2009)
Annie Edison: He's gay now.
Britta Perry: I think he was gay then.

Annie Edison: [looking at the model penis] I had it wrong. Is that considered large?
Britta Perry: [at the same time as Shirley] Yes.
Shirley Bennett: [at the same time as Britta] No.

Gail the School Counselor: I want to focus on the girl who won't say "penis". This is a judgement free zone, so express yourself.
Annie Edison: You know what? I don't want to express myself. I don't want to sit in a room full of people and say... the P-word. I like being repressed. I am totally comfortable being uncomfortable with my sexuality. And maybe, just maybe, if everyone were a little bit more like me, we wouldn't have to have an STD fair!
Britta Perry: You go girl!
Shirley Bennett: That's my pumpkin.
Annie Edison: And by the way, now that I've gotten a good look at one, I don't see what all the fuss is about. Giant thumb in a turtle neck! Woopdie-doo!


"Community: Pillows and Blankets (#3.14)" (2012)
Jeff Winger: Come on, guys, let's wrap this up.
Abed Nadir: I don't wanna.
Troy Barnes: Me neither.
Jeff Winger: Why not?
Abed Nadir: This is gonna be the last thing we ever do together.
Troy Barnes: We can't stop.
Jeff Winger: Look, doesn't that kinda solve your problem, the realization that you like each other so much you'd hit each other with pillows forever?
Abed Nadir: Knowing that doesn't feel like enough anymore.
Troy Barnes: Yeah. We're grown ups now. We have grown up problems.
Jeff Winger: That's very clear. Unless you use those magical friendship hats that I got for you.
Troy Barnes: We're not stupid, Jeffrey. We know you made those sarcastically.
Jeff Winger: Yes, yes. And I will roll my eyes at both of you when I put them on your heads, because that's the way I am. But that's not the way you have to be.
Abed Nadir: We might be interested.
Jeff Winger: Okay, then. Here's your magical friendship hats, and...
Troy Barnes: Jeff.
Jeff Winger: What?
Abed Nadir: You left the magical friendship hats at the dean's office.
Jeff Winger: Right. Of course. I'll go get them.
Annie Edison: [on tape] So Jeff went out and he stayed out long enough to make them believe he had gone to the office. It was a nice touch.
Jeff Winger: [back in the scene, with the imaginary hats] Here you go. Lucky no one grabbed them, huh?
[Troy and Abed use their secret handshake, and all is well]
Narrator: [voice over] Britta Perry is there to immortalize the moment on film accidentally, while trying to get a moment of the light hitting a stack of nearby waffles.

[Annie and Jeff narrate text messages to each other]
Annie Edison: Jeff, heard from one of Troy's troops about a speech you gave at blanket fort. This war could be over. Proud of you for taking a stance. Text message, Annie Edison.
Jeff Winger: Thank you, Annie. I'm proud of you too. Also wish the nightmare would end, but using what I'm given to help where I can. Jeff Winger.
Annie Edison: Jeff, just heard from one of Abed's soldiers you gave an identical speech to troops of Pillowtown. WTF? Sad face, special icon of a downward thumb.
Jeff Winger: Annie. Okay, you caught me. I prefer war to homework. How do you do that little thumb icon. I can't find it on my phone. Winger.
Annie Edison: Jeff, you're disgusting. Troy and Abed's friendship is at stake! You can buy special icons in packages at the app store. Sushi, birthday cake, stop sign, snowman, umbrella. Annie Edison.

Narrator: Chang has recruited a team of pre-teen security interns while moonlighting at a local bar mitzvah. They were later nicknamed the Changlourious Basterds. Like Inglourious Basterds but with "Chang" instead of "in". I don't get it either.
Annie Edison: One of the soldiers said they were making trophies out of mattress tags. This was as ugly as things could get... while still being a pillow fight.


"Community: Introduction to Statistics (#1.7)" (2009)
Annie: [Pitying herself] I was so unpopular in high school, the crossing guards used to lure me into traffic!

Annie: Dia de los Muertos, or Day of the Dead, is sometimes referred to as Mexican Halloween.
Senor Chang: Which is actually quite offensive to people familiar with Mexican Halloween as a sexual position.

Jeff Winger: Are you trying to get formidable with me?
Annie: It worked on Pierce!
Jeff Winger: Infomercials work on Pierce.


"Community: Epidemiology (#2.6)" (2010)
Annie Edison: Guys? Shirley's costume is once again unintentionally ambiguous. I don't know who she's supposed to be, but she's definitely not Miss Piggy. Repeat: not Miss Piggy. You're on your own.

[Rich, dressed as a banana, examines Star-Burns after Pierce bites him]
Rich: His symptoms are progressing even faster than everyone else's.
Annie Edison: How much of that taco meat stuff did you eat, Star-Burns?
Star-Burns: I didn't eat any. My name's Alex.
Annie Edison: Whoa, it must have transferred through Pierce's bite.
Rich: I think you're right. Hey, you make quite the little nurse.
Annie Edison: Thank you, Rich. You are quite the banana.
Star-Burns: Why don't you guys just get a room?
[Turns into a zombie]

Rich: Hey, Jeff. It's me, Rich from pottery class. Doc Potterywood, remember?
Annie Edison: Rich, not now! Guys, there's some kind of infection at the party that's making people act weird and bite others. We need to coordinate an orderly evacuation without causing unnecessary panic.
[we hear a woman scream and see her being bitten by infected Leonard]
Troy Barnes: Holy crap! Leonard's a zombie!


"Community: Anthropology 101 (#2.1)" (2010)
Annie Edison: Everything they do is some sick competition.
Britta Perry: Oh, like you hate competition. How long did it take you to kiss Jeff after I told him I loved him? Oh, that's right. First Vaughn, now Jeff. I better not smile at that wall outlet or you'll fry your tongue off!

Troy Barnes: Abed, Jeff made out with Annie
Abed Nadir: What? When, where?
Britta Perry: [angry] Yeah, where?
Pierce Hawthorne: That's inappropriate. I'm assuming on the mouth.
Annie Edison: It was after the Transfer Dance
Britta Perry: Oh, so I tell you that I love you, and you go outside and stick your tongue into a teenager!

Jeff Winger: Sorry I'm late. I was in my car, loving Britta.
[Jeff and Britta kiss and then look deeply into each other's eyes]
Jeff Winger: I guess I just love you too much
[Annie rocks nervously, a sick look on her face]
Britta Perry: Not half as much as me
Abed Nadir: Jeff do you think you'll marry Britta?
Jeff Winger: I'd like to see someone stop me.
Britta Perry: I just peed a little.
Abed Nadir: [Abed presents them with a ring] Then here, propose.
Britta Perry: [Jeff and Britta both look at the ring and then begin struggling over it] I've got it. I've got it.
[Britta gets the ring and puts it on Jeff's finger]
Britta Perry: Jeff Winger, will you marry me?
Jeff Winger: Yeah, yeah, of course. No problem, no problem.
[Shirley screams in delight and Annie screams in horror]
Abed Nadir: Great, I'll be right back
[Abed rushes out of the room]
Shirley Bennett: [Annie screams again as Jeff and Britta kiss] Thank the Lord you're getting married, I was so worried about your souls ever since you had premarital sex on the table.
Troy Barnes: [Everyone leaps back from the table in disgust] Awesome!
Jeff Winger: You told Shirley?
Shirley Bennett: Well there's no need for secrecy now. It was during the paintball game
Troy Barnes: Was there anything you didn't win that day?
Annie Edison: [Annie runs over and punches Jeff in the face] You slept with her and then kissed me?
Britta Perry: What?
Irish Singer: [Abed enters with an entourage of people carrying a wedding arbor and singing] But she's in so deep/ You know she's such a fool for him/ She's got a ring around her finger ah-ah-ah/ And Abed hired and Irish singer/ Britta's marrying/ Britta's marrying/ Britta's marrying Jeffrey Winger!


"Community: Pascal's Triangle Revisited (#1.25)" (2010)
Annie Edison: It's like Prom. There's a contest and if you win you get to wear a sash and a crown and I am so jealous Britta I wanna murder you. Aren't you excited?

Annie Edison: I can't believe I made it through my first year of college. I finally get to click send on so many I-told-you-so e-mails.
Jeff Winger: Yeah, it's pretty great. Not much could ruin today.
Dean Pelton: [jumps out of the bushes] HI!
Jeff Winger: Oh no, shoot. I forgot saying that summons him.

Jeff Winger: More importantly, our very own Britta Perry, it turns out, has been nominated for transfer queen.
Shirley Bennett: Oh, that's nice!
Britta Perry: What the hell is a transfer queen?
Annie Edison: Like prom queen. You wear a sash, and there's a vote. If you win they put a crown on your head. And I am so jealous that I wanna murder you. Aren't you excited?
Britta Perry: No. How did I get nominated?
Shirley Bennett: Don't let it upset you, Britta. It's the last day of the semester. Nothing can ruin that.
Dean Pelton: [popping up in the room] HI!
Jeff Winger: Amazing. He's like an evil genie.


"Community: The Science of Illusion (#1.20)" (2010)
Annie Edison: The name's Annie Edison, but people call me Psycho 'cause I had a nervous breakdown in high school. My partner's a Christian housewife. How can we help you?

Annie Edison: Well, well, well. Look who we found.
Jeff Winger: Yes, how foolish of me to hide in my regularly scheduled study group.


"Community: Intro to Felt Surrogacy (#4.9)" (2013)
[the group members are sharing their secrets]
Jeff Winger: I found the perfect girl for me, and then I met her kid.
[the characters break out in song]
Jeff Winger: I said it didn't bother me, but truthfully it did. I promised him I'd make it to a baseball game he had. But I bailed and never called again, and now I'm just exactly like my dad.
Britta Perry: I am an activist, that's always been my choice. Truth is I've never voted, except when I watch The Voice.
Annie Edison: I was struggling in history, I'm normally the best. I let Cornwallis rub my feet to give me all the answers to a test.
Troy Barnes: I caused the Greendale Fire of '03. Fifty-five acres went up in a blaze, all because I burned an ant hill.
Jeff Winger, Britta Perry, Annie Edison, Troy Barnes, Abed Nadir, Shirley Bennett: This secret inside me was trapped beyond a doubt. And now my most terrible secret's out.
Balloon Guide: [in a normal voice] There you are. Come on, guys.
Pierce Hawthorne: [singing] I've never slept with the great Eartha Kitt. We dry-humped inside of her tour bus.
Jeff Winger, Britta Perry, Annie Edison, Troy Barnes, Abed Nadir, Shirley Bennett, Pierce Hawthorne: This secret inside me was trapped beyond a doubt.
Jeff Winger: And now my most terrible secret's out.

Shirley Bennett: Thank you, Jeff. And I don't think you're anything like your father.
Jeff Winger: I don't know how you take care of one kid, let alone three.
Shirley Bennett: Aw, that's nice.
Annie Edison: So nobody thinks I'm a slutty cheater?
The Group: No.
Troy Barnes: Or me as a criminal?
The Group: No.
Britta Perry: Nobody respects me any less as a political activist, right?
Annie Edison: [after a slight pause] Well...
[everyone in the group fall silent, not knowing what to say]
Jeff Winger: [after a longer pause] The level to which we respect you as a political activist has definitely not changed.
Annie Edison: That's how I would say it.
Troy Barnes: Exactly.


"Community: The Psychology of Letting Go (#2.3)" (2010)
Britta Perry: [mocking Annie] I don't know anything. I need boys. Saving the planet makes my back hurt.
Annie Edison: [mocking Britta] Oh, I obviously don't need boys for anything. That's why I wear stripper boots during the day and eat only celery and mustard for lunch.
Britta Perry: [mocking Annie] I never stop smiling.
Annie Edison: [mocking Britta] I never start.
Britta Perry: [mocking Annie] My sweaters keep shrinking.
Annie Edison: [mocking Britta] I get up an hour early to ever so slightly curl my hair.
Shirley Bennett: Yeah, you're both so different. Skinny bitches.

Jeff Winger: Guys, guys, guys. Did we learn nothing from last Christmas? I don't see much difference between Pierce's religion and anybody else's.
Annie Edison: Well, then you're not listening, because his has lasers!
Jeff Winger: Look, you guys make fun of me for not caring about religion. But at least I'm dedicated enough to not caring to let you have your own beliefs. Can't Pierce have his? Can't you be cool like me?
[picks up his phone]
Jeff Winger: Hello?
Troy Barnes: He ends so many of his speeches that way.


"Community: History 101 (#4.1)" (2013)
Annie Edison: Whatevs, we'll take it next semes. Ter. Semester.

Annie Edison: Showing up early, helping others, sending girls away? Could this be a whole new Jeff Winger?
Jeff Winger: Don't ruin it by approving it.


"Community: Accounting for Lawyers (#2.2)" (2010)
Annie Edison: Fourth floor, room 470. First, he said it was 69. I wanna rub Purell on my brain.

Abed Nadir: I think this is it. Print it.
[a janitor catches them]
Janitor: Excuse me! Who are you guys? This is not your office.
Troy Barnes: I can explain.
[Beat]
Troy Barnes: Let me explain.
[Annie runs up behind the janitor and knocks him out with a chloroformed rag]
Troy Barnes: Oh my God.
Annie Edison: I didn't know what to do.
Troy Barnes: Oh my God.
Abed Nadir: I usually have one foot out of reality. Even I'm freaking out right now.
Troy Barnes: You chloroformed the janitor?
Annie Edison: Stop yelling! You're the ones who got caught!
Troy Barnes: You're the one who's yelling!
Annie Edison: We're in trouble! We have to do something!
Troy Barnes: I don't know what to do! My whole brain is crying!


"Community: Intro to Political Science (#2.17)" (2011)
Troy Barnes: Hey, guys! The final debate!
Jeff Winger: Yeah, about that. I'm out.
Annie Edison: Me too. I decided that someone who would do that to a friend doesn't deserve to be president.
Troy Barnes: Uh, yeah. I know that. You're missing the final debate! It's the biggest political showdown of all time!
[We see the final debate]
Magnitude: Pop pop!
[Leonard blows a raspberry]
Magnitude: Pop pop!
[Leonard blows a raspberry]
Magnitude: Pop pop!
[Leonard blows a raspberry]
Magnitude: Pop pop!

Jeff Winger: You should have stayed in the running. You were the only real candidate.
Annie Edison: Nah. I was just another jerk trying to win a contest. You were right the whole time. I just couldn't admit it until I saw you running away crying.
Jeff Winger: [sarcastically] Yaaay.
Annie Edison: I care what you think about me. You know?
Jeff Winger: Yeah, well, I care what you think about me. That's why this happened.
Annie Edison: Okay, well... Resolved, then.
Jeff Winger: Resolved.
[they hug]


"Community: Contemporary American Poultry (#1.21)" (2010)
[Troy named his monkey Annie's Boobs]
Annie Edison: And please rename that monkey, and this time not through a contest on Twitter.
Troy Barnes: It's his Twitter account. He can do what he wants.

Pierce Hawthorne: Ay-bed, your social skills aren't exactly "streets ahead." Know what I mean?
Abed Nadir: [thinks] I don't.
Jeff Winger: You're not alone in this case. Pierce, stop trying to coin the phrase "streets ahead."
Pierce Hawthorne: Trying?
[laughs]
Pierce Hawthorne: Coined and minted! Been there, coined that! "Streets ahead" is verbal... wildfire!
Annie Edison: Does it just mean "cool," or is it supposed to be like, "miles ahead"?
Pierce Hawthorne: [scoffs] If you have to ask, you're streets behind.


"Community: Basic Genealogy (#1.18)" (2010)
Annie Edison: How much effort do I rate?
Jeff Winger: For you, I'd break a light sweat.
Annie Edison: Good. I need a favor. Help Pierce with his step daughter?
Jeff Winger: You're becoming dangerous, Annie. It's those doe eyes.

Annie Edison: Are you just doing this because Slater hurt you?
Jeff Winger: What? No. I'm not hurt. And Amber threw herself at me.
Annie Edison: Well, you still have to tell Pierce that she's taking advantage of him, don't you?
Jeff Winger: Well, when you think about it, nobody's getting hurt. Pierce is getting a daughter, Amber's getting allowance, I'm getting... well, we already talked about it. But don't forget, this is Pierce. He's a racist, homophobic old goof, and he does bad stuff all the time.
Annie Edison: Well, sounds like you got it all figured out, so why are you talking to me about it?
Jeff Winger: Because you're... you know.
Annie Edison: A decent person?
Jeff Winger: Maybe.
Annie Edison: And you knew that talking to me about it would make you feel like a bad friend, and you wanted to feel like a bad friend because you wanna be a good friend?
Jeff Winger: You really suck, you know that?


"Community: Social Psychology (#1.4)" (2009)
Troy: Do they do things to your butt?
Annie Edison: No.
Troy: Do you get paid more if they do things to your butt?

Dr. Ian Duncan: You! You did this! You've ruined the Duncan principle!
Annie Edison: You told me to bring two subjects.
Dr. Ian Duncan: Subjects, not Rain Man over there! Little Annie Fannie Panties in a bunch!
Annie Edison: Oh, really? Why don't you try going to the dentist once in a while?
Dr. Ian Duncan: Let me answer that question with another question!
Dr. Ian Duncan: [blows raspberry]


"Community: Intro to Knots (#4.10)" (2013)
Annie Edison: Look at us! Our group's first grown-up Christmas party. Thanks for hosting. I hope you don't mind I brought a few things just to make the place look a little short-term corportate housing.
Jeff Winger: Oh, well, mi casa es su art project.

Jeff Winger: What is this?
Annie Edison: Oh, I know we said no gifts, but I couldn't resist.
Jeff Winger: You realise you've just put your friends in a very awkward position. A gift creates obligation.
Annie Edison: I don't see it that way.
Jeff Winger: Well, I do, and I think the others will too.
Shirley Bennett: [knocks on the door and comes in] Merry Christmas! I know we said no gifts, but I couldn't resist.
Jeff Winger: Oh, who couldn't have seen that coming?
Shirley Bennett: Oh, Annie, I love what you did with the place.
Annie Edison: It's a work in progress.
Troy Barnes: [he and Britta come in] Good tidings, fellow Christmas celebrators. And to all a good wassailing.
Britta Perry: I know we said no gifts, but we couldn't resist.
Jeff Winger: There is a real problem with resistance in this group.


"Community: Abed's Uncontrollable Christmas (#2.11)" (2010)
Pierce Hawthorne: Hey! Look what you did to the kid. What's your article gonna be called - "Worst Shrink Ever"?
Professor Ian Duncan: Hey, this is not my fault. This is what Christmas does to people. We put too much meaning into it, and it lets us down.
Jeff Winger: We beg to differ.
Professor Ian Duncan: What are you doing back here?
Troy Barnes: Saving Christmas.
Annie Edison: Everybody, point your magic Christmas weapons at him.
Professor Ian Duncan: Oh, brother. This is ridiculous. You are enabling a delusion.
Jeff Winger: The delusion you're trying to cure is called Christmas, Duncan.
Annie Edison: It's the crazy notion that the longest, coldest, darkest nights can be the warmest and brightest.
Britta Perry: Yeah, and when we all agree to support each other in that insanity, something even crazier happens.
Annie Edison: It becomes true.
Troy Barnes: Works every year. Like clockwork.

Professor Ian Duncan: Try telling that to your catatonic friend.
Shirley Bennett: I got a better idea. Why don't we sing it?
Britta Perry: Wait, what?
Jeff Winger: Yeah, let's not go overboard.
Shirley Bennett: Will you two commit to something for a change?
Jeff Winger: Let's sing it!
Britta Perry: Yeah, let's sing.
Troy Barnes: Can we sing while we blow Duncan away?
Jeff Winger: Absolutely.
[everyone fire their magic weapons at Duncan]
Shirley Bennett: You start, Britta.
[the characters break out in song]
Britta Perry: Christmas time is a time to sing. That's what Christmas is for.
Annie Edison: Christmas can even be a hannukkah thing. That's what Christmas is for.
Shirley Bennett: And for a huge percentage of this God-fearing planet it's about the birth of Jesus Christ.
Jeff Winger: But for the rest of us it's still a good time to remember that it's good to be nice.
Pierce Hawthorne: Music and cookies and liquor and trees. That's what Christmas is for.
Troy Barnes: Video games for two straight weeks. That's what Christmas is for.
Annie Edison: Hanging out with the people you love.
Jeff Winger, Annie Edison: And saying I love you.
Britta Perry: That's what Christmas is...
Shirley Bennett, Britta Perry, Jeff Winger, Troy Barnes, Annie Edison, Pierce Hawthorne: That's what Christmas is... That's what Christmas is for!


"Community: Beginner Pottery (#1.19)" (2010)
Annie Edison: I don't know. You're last blow-off class taught me to live in the moment which I will always regret and never do again.

Annie Edison: Rich just taught me how to make a flared lip and check for breast lumps!


"Community: Advanced Dungeons & Dragons (#2.14)" (2011)
Annie Edison: Okay, come on, can we just do this? Hi, hello, I am Hector The Well Endowed. You've got a bunch of pegasi, let's make a deal.
Abed Nadir: What kind of deal?
Annie Edison: All right. I take her by the hand and lead her to the stable. I light a candle and rip off a piece of my tunic which I fashion into a blindfold.
Abed Nadir: Oh, Hector, but I don't know if I...
Annie Edison: Shhh, shhh. I place it gently over the elf maiden's eyes...
[music swells and the dialogue fades as an extended montage of Annie and Abed describing their character's lovemaking takes place]
Abed Nadir: [exhales with satisfaction] Okay, you both fall back exhausted but still entwined.
Annie Edison: [cheerfully] Great, I stroke her hair lovingly and spoon her for the appropriate amount of time before leaving.

Annie Edison: [reading character sheet] I am... ew, Hector the Well-Endowed? Abed.
Abed Nadir: I didn't know you'd just grab one at random. I made that with Troy in mind.
[he and Troy share their personal handshake]


"Community: Spanish 101 (#1.2)" (2009)
Annie: But, maybe when Jeff gets here we could talk to him as a group about his tardiness...
Pierce Hawthorne: Oh come on, don't use that word around Abed.

Annie: I volunteer at a seniors center, and I have seen the face of dementia, and last night I saw it again.


"Community: Communication Studies (#1.16)" (2010)
Abed Nadir: [Got a basket of muffins] Another actress who wants to be in one of my movies.
Annie Edison: Does that really work?
Abed Nadir: Yes. Meryl Streep got her two Oscars from her baking. I was trying to be sarcastic, but it didn't come out.
[Exaggerated inflection]
Abed Nadir: This sounds *much* more like sarcasm. Inflection is *so* interesting.

Annie Edison: Women's sizes run smaller. I'm sure you're a 12 everywhere that is counts.


"Community: Basic Lupine Urology (#3.17)" (2012)
Annie Edison: A passing grade? Like a C? Why don't I just get pregnant on a bus station?

Jeff Winger: If it's any consolation, she got me here on a very misleading text message.
Annie Edison: Technically, you are about to be screwed in the biology room.


"Community: VCR Maintenance and Educational Publishing (#5.9)" (2014)
[first lines]
Annie Edison: It's settled. The urinals in the women's restroom will be turned into planters. Onto chores. We need some able bodies to clear out a space in the east hall storage room.
Jeff Winger: I'll do it.
Britta Perry: Really?
Jeff Winger: Yeah, Annie always goes from the easiest chores to the hardest.
Shirley Bennett: That's true, isn't it? I'll do it too.
Professor Hickey: Me too.
Annie Edison: Okay, that concludes this meeting.
Shirley Bennett: Oh!
Jeff Winger: Aw, man!
Annie Edison: Nobody picks up on my patterns. What am I gonna say next? Graham cracker! You didn't know.
Jeff Winger: Hey, it's the 'aww' couple!
[Abed and Rachel come in]
Annie Edison, Britta Perry, Shirley Bennett: Aww.

Abed Nadir: Rachel and I have been dating for the *equivalent* of a year.
Annie Edison: Oh, really? 'Cause I feel like I've been hearing about that for two years. You can't just microwave a relationship like it's a bean burrito!
Abed Nadir: Annie...
Annie Edison: [interrupting] I ain't livin' with your month-long girlfriend, brah.
Abed Nadir: Well, I ain't livin' with your wack-ass, don't-know-whether-to-keep-cutting-carrots-or-ask-if-he-can-take-a-poop brother!


"Community: English as a Second Language (#1.24)" (2010)
Annie Edison: Go ahead! Hate me! It's better than what was going to happen. We were gonna drift apart and you all were too cool to do anything about it.
Britta Perry: Maybe not too cool. Just, you know, not psycho enough.

Annie Edison: Spanish has value beyond credit.
Jeff Winger: Not really. I know the family downstairs hates me. I don't need to understand why.


"Community: Aerodynamics of Gender (#2.7)" (2010)
Annie Edison: This was not an accident. Accidents don't happen over, and over, and over again. This isn't budget daycare.


"Community: Wedding Videography (#6.12)" (2015)
Abed Nadir: [Annie makes a snarky face at the camera] Please don't Jim the camera like that.
Annie Edison: *Jim* the camera?


"Community: Geography of Global Conflict (#3.2)" (2011)
Annie Edison: Don't look at me... If embarrassment were bountiful zinc deposits, I'd be Zambia.
Jeff Winger: There's nothing to be Zambia about, Annie.


"Community: Biology 101 (#3.1)" (2011)
Annie Edison: We're really doing this without Pierce? It's so sad.
Jeff Winger: Yeah, we have parted ways with our closest, oldest, craziest, most racist, oldest, elderly crazy friend. And he's not coming back.
Pierce Hawthorne: I'm back.


"Community: Herstory of Dance (#4.8)" (2013)
Annie Edison: So, Abed, I was thinking about what you said abou showing growth, and I was thinking maybe one way to do that is to meet new people and...
Abed Nadir: Where's this going?
Annie Edison: Can I set you up with a date for the Sadie Hawkins Day dance?
Abed Nadir: Blind date. I've always thought of myself as more of an acquired taste, but okay.
Shirley Bennett: Oh, if you're open to meeting someone, there's a number of eligible young ladies in my church.
Annie Edison: Shirley, I'm already finding a date for Abed. I asked first.
Shirley Bennett: There's no reason we can't both help Abed find someone. Why don't we each pick a girl and let Abed decide, instead of making it a competition?
Abed Nadir: That's exactly a competition.


"Community: Early 21st Century Romanticism (#2.15)" (2011)
Shirley Bennett: We've got to do something about Pierce and those painkillers.
Jeff Winger: He's recovering from broken legs
Troy Barnes: I'll say. He can moonwaaaalk!
Jeff Winger: I'm sure he's almost through his prescription. Besides he's a baby boomer, they invented drugs.
Britta Perry: Yeah, they also invented tv, have you seen him control one of those?
Annie Edison: [pointing at the others] Intervention? Intervention? Intervention?
Jeff Winger: Count me out.
Shirley Bennett: We can't count you out, he listens to you.
Jeff Winger: Well he also listens to the Barenaked Ladies, go get their dumb asses to help you.
Troy Barnes: [everyone gasps in horror] Okay Jeff, you are clearly in a bad space today, but Pierce is our friend, and the Barenaked Ladies are triple platinum, are you?
Jeff Winger: Why does everyone leap to defend that band so aggressively and how much stuff do we have to go through this year before my friendship stops being questioned?
Annie Edison: Well maybe friendship is about going through a lot of stuff Jeff, and maybe BNL has two Billboard Awards to your zero!
Jeff Winger: Oh, okay, they're BNL now? We need a shorthand for the Barenaked Ladies. That's how fundamental they are
Abed Nadir: Fundamental.
Jeff Winger: You know what Pierce probably needs more than anything? Some space. Maybe I do too.
Britta Perry: [yelling angrily] You know what? Maybe we all need some space, to pull the knife out of the back of the most celebrated Canadian alt-rock band of the mid 90s, you selfish, jaded, ass!


"Community: Conventions of Space and Time (#4.3)" (2013)
Annie Edison: We come all this way, and you just leave me alone without so much as sending a text message? I'm sick of it, Jeff... Nigel... Winger!
[tries to throw two more drinks in Jeff's face, but realises they are empty]
Annie Edison: Can I get two more of these, please?
Jeff Winger: Enough! This day has turned crazy. I'm gonna go upstairs, towel off, and pray to God that I wake up in the middle of a final in a class I didn't know I was enrolled in.
[storms off, leaving Annie to huff]


"Community: Basic Story (#5.12)" (2014)
Annie Edison: We need to make people aware that Greendale exists and needs help.
Professor Hickey: Why?
Annie Edison: Because once the Internet knows about something, it changes.
Jeff Winger: Right. Just ask Chris Brown or China.


"Community: Competitive Wine Tasting (#2.20)" (2011)
Shirley Bennett: Oh, they've got a class on how to write jokes.
Annie Edison: Oh, don't take that. I dropped it after the lesson on set-ups. The professor is so old...
[long, awkward silence]


"Community: Basic Crisis Room Decorum (#6.3)" (2015)
Francesca 'Frankie' Dart: [Going through file cabinet] I found the smell. Someone filed a taco.
Annie Edison: [Reading folder name] Things that would otherwise get filed straight to my thighs.


"Community: Cooperative Escapism in Familial Relations (#4.5)" (2013)
Annie Edison: Ugh, I'll be with my family, fielding the same old questions: "How's community college?" "What's your major?" "Are those real?"
Britta Perry: [gasps]
Annie Edison: My aunt's boyfriend.
Troy Barnes: [sarcastically] "Oh, my family's a normal religion, so I have to talk to them for five minutes before I get a casserole that's all marshmallow." That's you.


"Community: A Fistful of Paintballs (#2.23)" (2011)
Abed Nadir: Jeff wants to see you.
Annie Edison: Yeah? And I want pants. A lot of people want a lot of things.


"Community: Digital Estate Planning (#3.20)" (2012)
Blacksmith: I buy and sell weapons and armor.
[opens a menu]
Annie Edison: Cool. We need weapons.
[looks through the expensive weapons]
Annie Edison: Oh. What's free? Can we have a torch?
[she picks up a torch from the wall]
Blacksmith: Thief! Thief!
Shirley Bennett: Annie, put it back.
Annie Edison: Sorry.
[she tries to put the torch back on the wall and sets the blacksmith on fire]
Annie Edison: Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!
Shirley Bennett: Oh my God.
Annie Edison: It was an accident!
Shirley Bennett: He's dying!
Annie Edison: Hold on hold on hold on!
[she takes out an ax and hacks the blacksmith to death]
Shirley Bennett: Now, what are you doing?
Annie Edison: Well, he was suffering!
Shirley Bennett: Yeah, from ax wounds!


"Community: Foosball and Nocturnal Vigilantism (#3.9)" (2011)
Annie Edison: So what are you guys doing this weekend?
Pierce Hawthorne: The question is, who am I doing this weekend?
Jeff Winger: He's asking because he forgot. It's nobody.


"Community: Environmental Science (#1.10)" (2009)
Annie Edison: [to Jeff] You devious clump of overpriced fabric and hair product.


"Community: Remedial Chaos Theory (#3.4)" (2011)
Annie Edison: That pizza guy was so creepy.
Jeff Winger: So you're saying he was a pizza guy?


"Community: Pilot (#1.1)" (2009)
Pierce Hawthorne: Now Jeff, if you have all the answers, why the hell did you start this study group?
Jeff Winger: I don't have a study group, Pearce, I made it up.
Annie Edison: What about the look left speech?
Jeff Winger: Made it up! That's what I do, I make things up.


"Community: Advanced Criminal Law (#1.5)" (2009)
Annie Edison: You listen up, Pierce! I'm going to tell you what my mother told me when I wanted to quit cheerleading. 'You're not very pretty, you have no boobs, and you can't do a basket toss to save your life! But you made a commitment.' So pick up your pom-poms, Pierce, stuff your bra, and get ready for the team bus to forget you at a Taco Bell, because life is tough. But we soldier on, and that's just the way it goes.


"Community: For a Few Paintballs More (#2.24)" (2011)
[Two City College storm troopers come upon a poster on a door]
Storm Trooper #1: [reading mockingly] Welcome to Greendale. You're already accepted.
Storm Trooper #2: Losers!
[the storm troopers are shot through the poster]
Storm Trooper #2: What the hell?
[the door opens to reveal Annie, Abed, and Shirley]
Annie Edison: Welcome to Greendale.
Abed Nadir: You're already dead.


"Community: Introduction to Film (#1.3)" (2009)
Shirley: Isn't Abed's dad like a hardcore Muslim? They're not as forgiving as Christians. He'll cut your head off with a salami sword.
Annie Edison: Shirley! That is the most racist thing I've ever heard.
Jeff Winger: Pierce will top that in one minute.


"Community: Advanced Introduction to Finality (#4.13)" (2013)
Dean Pelton: So, what's next for Jeffrey Winger?
Jeff Winger: I'm thinking I might look into some small local firms. I'm gonna use my big mouth to help the little guy.
Shirley Bennett, Annie Edison: Aww.
Jeff Winger: Plus, if I stay in town, I can pop by any time I want. You know, just to settle group arguments about who misses me the most.
[both Britta and Abed point to themselves]
Jeff Winger: What do you think?
[everyone raise their glasses]
Abed Nadir: To Jeff.
Shirley Bennett: To Jeffrey.


"Community: Basic Human Anatomy (#4.11)" (2013)
Shirley Bennett: Speaking of tomorrow, Troy and Britta, have you decided what you're gonna do for your one-year anniversary?
Britta Perry, Troy Barnes: Of...?
Annie Edison: Your first date?
Britta Perry: Oh! Kidding.
Troy Barnes: Yeah! That was a test and you failed.
Pierce Hawthorne: You guys are dating? Man. Somebody's sure is working her way around the table.


"Community: Paradigms of Human Memory (#2.21)" (2011)
Annie Edison: I'm talking about the 'Annie of it all'!


"Community: The First Chang Dynasty (#3.21)" (2012)
Troy Barnes: Shirley, never change. Or do, if you want, I'm not your boss.
Shirley Bennett: Oh, honey.
[they hug]
Pierce Hawthorne: Never wear a rubber.
Jeff Winger: [shakes hands with Troy] Never listen to Pierce.
Troy Barnes: [Annie hugs him] When you finally finish that jigsaw puzzle, will you tell me what kind of boat is at the end of that dock?
[Annie nods]
Britta Perry: This is a lock of my hair.
Troy Barnes: [in a moved voice] Creepy.
[when Abed comes up to him, Troy whispers something in his ear. Abed nods, and they do their secret handshake]
Murray: All right, let's go.
[Troy exchange a last look with the group before exits after Murray]
Annie Edison: Abed? What did he say to you?
Abed Nadir: He said: "I know you hate it when people do this in movies. Sorry I got emotional."


"Community: Repilot (#5.1)" (2014)
Annie Edison: Chang was faking his Changnesia?
Troy Barnes: They seriously rehired a teacher they fired for trying to burn down the school?
Shirley Bennett: After being rehired as a security guard after being fired for impersonating a teacher?
Abed Nadir: That's insane, and I'm Abed.


"Community: App Development and Condiments (#5.8)" (2014)
Shirley Bennett: Hello, Jeffrey. I see you decided to join Meowmeowbeenz.
Jeff Winger: Oh, it's a great tool for living. You look great.
Shirley Bennett: You look great!
Jeff Winger: You know what you're doing.
Shirley Bennett: You know what you're doing. I'm watching you, okay? Mmm.
Annie Edison: Mmm.
[Shirley's gang walk away]
Jeff Winger: Yeah, you'll be watching my hinder, mama, choking on it's billowing plume of highly rated dust.